


Wait for Me

by gabapple, mamodewberry



Series: Wait For Me [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Background SouRin/NagiRei, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Smut, High ☆ Speed!, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, In-Series, M/M, Medical Jargon, Not Safe for Melon, Olympics, Post-Series, Sexual Content, Terminal Illnesses, Tokyo (City), Trauma with a side of Angst, bro rin is best rin, many accounts of makoto being irresponsible please stop this child, pray for haru's budding assertiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-29 11:52:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 127,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5126576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabapple/pseuds/gabapple, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamodewberry/pseuds/mamodewberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He thought he had overcome it. He thought he had grown up from the childish fears of imaginary things lurking in the water. Well, in the pool - there was always something in the ocean - but there was nothing at the bottom of the contained space other than textured concrete and rippling shadows from the surface. Yet, somehow, he couldn’t stop how his chest weighed heavy even after he’d be done swimming for the day.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Aka the Heart Disease AU nobody asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Can't Sleep and it Feels like a Warning

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born around episode six of Eternal Summer and solidifies that @gabapple and I are horrible people (or wonderful people, depending on your perspective). This fic was written to satisfy our headcanons and personal kinks as writers. Debatable if you’ll die by fluffs or sads. 
> 
> Originally this was going to have a shifting POV between Makoto and Haru, (me as Makoto and Gab as Haru, doing takes on certain scenes, etc) but life got really crazy on Gab’s end as well and her professional manuscript. Some scenes did get written on Haru’s side and they will be included, but I apologize if it feels… gap-ey throughout? Gab was still heavily consulted on what did end up getting written, though. 
> 
> A majority of this was done for NaNoWriMo 2014 and has been added upon and is a 100k+ monster. Updates will be weekly to bi-weekly depending on editing/beta-ing speed. In earlier chapters you'll notice scenes that are word-for word (Up until chapter 10), that was intentional, and I believe they are from the Horrible Subs version. 
> 
> We do not own Free! or claim to - only ended up shipping it and being ruined by it. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are candy.

_He turned his back to the sea_  
And his face to the sun  
He learned to walk away  
And soon began to run 

_Come home, cried the shore_  
Return to me  
You’re now all alone  
And you belong to the sea 

_Across the lands he fled_  
Forsaking moon and tide  
Harnessed the power of fire  
To from the darkness hide 

_Come back, cried the moon_  
Return to me  
You’ll be safer here  
For you belong to the sea 

_Water gave him life_  
And had no reason to forgive  
For even though he was on land  
He needed water to live 

_Come back, cried the surf_  
Return to me  
You cannot live without  
Because you belong to the sea 

_He fished, he swam, he drank_  
At mercy from the storm and rain  
Always thirsting, never free  
Neverending threat of pain 

_Come back, cried the stars_  
Return to me  
We’ll nourish and protect you  
For you belong to the sea 

_Life grew short as the days grew long_  
And worn by land, unable to roam  
He finally answered the desperate call  
From moon and sea to come back home 

_Welcome back, cried the waves_  
You’ve returned to me  
You may rest, now  
Where you belong, finally free. 

* * *

He thought he had overcome it. He thought he had grown up from the childish fears of imaginary things lurking in the water. Well, in the pool - there was always something in the ocean - but there was nothing at the bottom of the contained space other than textured concrete and rippling shadows from the surface. Yet, somehow, he couldn’t stop how his chest weighed heavy even after he’d be done swimming for the day.

At the start of the year, he decided he wanted to enter the freestyle competition at prefectures, much to everyone’s astonishment. Doing so meant he had to train outside his normal form and comfort. From time to time he’d swim freestyle at practice to stretch himself, reaffirm he wasn’t scared, and somehow, every time, remnants of the fear showed themselves. That was the only explanation for the dull ache in his core.

His teammates would inquire if he was alright when he panted on the poolside and he’d simply say he was tired. Telling them that he was reverting would only worry them like they had been when he nearly drowned. Training for both forms was something he hadn’t done before, so his muscles were likely compensating, he reasoned. Thankfully, he didn’t feel the need to swim the breaststroke again as that took a lot of stamina even in elementary school before he decided to focus primarily on backstroke. Nagisa would always be a good candidate for it for his small stature and natural energy.

It was also possible that he didn’t do enough off-season conditioning and his body still hadn’t caught up to where it should be by the time Iwatobi’s pool was allowed to open.

Pinpointing his fatigue was much easier than the familiar, yet strange, pang within.

Makoto felt the same watchful eyes on him as he had throughout childhood, taking in what was unspoken. He knew Haru wouldn’t approach him about it, as was his way, but he wouldn’t be able to find something he himself wasn’t aware of? Unless Haru’s mind-reading capabilities went beyond what Makoto was conscious of... Considering he was good at a lot of things, it wouldn’t be surprising if he happened to have that power!

. . . 

An alarm brought Makoto out of his slumber to greet the day. Gradually he reached over to silence his phone. As he lay there, willing himself to get out of bed, he noticed how much he didn’t feel rested, almost as if he hadn’t slept at all. It’d been that way almost every morning this week.

He forced his body to rise and it was as if he were full of sand, shifting as he hinged into sitting position. Slowly he eased out of bed, shaking dizziness. That was new. When the world stopped spinning he went about his morning ritual. By the time he got downstairs for breakfast, the clock indicated he was almost ten minutes behind!

“Makoto sweetie… are you feeling okay?” his mother asked, uncovering his steadily cooling breakfast, her eyes searching.

“Just overslept – no worries,” he said, offering a smile. 

She studied him in her motherly gaze.

“I’m sure it’s me changing my swimming regimen,” he said before she could open her mouth again. “After prefectures I’m sure I’ll go back to normal. Ah! I have to go.” Graciously he accepted the meal and ate as fast as he could, hugged his mother while still chewing the last bite, and ran out the door.

Haru wouldn’t text him, at least he didn’t think he would. Being the one to text first wasn’t in his nature as he treated his phone as a nuisance more than anything. Still, he hoped being late didn’t upset him. Not that he would say he was.

As the stairs to Haru’s house on the incline came into view, his running turned into slow strides. _Almost there_. He took a deep breath and started to ascend the stretch of stairs. Halfway up he realized how winded he had become. Running was part of his daily routine, the distance from his to Haru’s house was minimal by comparison, so why was it…

He had stayed up later the night before. How late he wasn’t sure as one minute he was closing his eyes at text and the next he was in bed. There was no delay in preparing the third years for the coming entrance exams.

 _Thirty minutes sooner, tonight,_ he told himself as he willed his feet up the steps. Once at the top, he paused to draw in breaths he didn’t realize he’d lost and slapped on his trademark smile and then let himself in. “Haru! I’m sorry I’m late.”

As always, Haru waited in submersion. His head came above the water just as he rounded the door frame rather than halfway to the bathtub. He noticed he was late.

“I’m sorry,” Makoto apologized again, though this time it was likely Haru would hear it. Haru took his outstretched hand after he flipped his hair from side to side to be rid of excess water. “I overslept. I hope our teacher won’t be too mad.”

“It’s fine,” Haru said, stepping over the rim of the tub and released Makoto’s hand. He reached for his towel without looking and began patting himself dry.

If Haru wasn’t worried about it, he shouldn’t either.

* * *

Haru waited.

His gaze traveled from the bit of window he could see from his vantage in the tub to the clock on the wall, which reflected the patchy blue sky. Makoto was late. He closed his eyes, letting his body sink beneath the surface, warm water enveloping him in comfort and security. He didn't need to count the seconds that ticked by; he'd always had a sort of inherent knowledge of how long things were supposed to take. Though he could have gotten out of the tub, made his mackerel, gotten dressed, and headed out on his own, he didn't. Even when his lungs began to ache and burn, instincts nagging at him to breach the surface, he didn't. Not until he had to check the clock again, to make sure that Makoto still hadn't come.

Where was he?

He lifted his head just enough to cast a dark glance at the door, wet hair framing his face in clumps. Still no Makoto. With a sigh, he sank back under the water. Had something happened? Was this the day that he wouldn't be coming for him? He'd been wondering that a lot lately. But Makoto never asked for help. It was as if he didn't even want to acknowledge that something was wrong. But they all knew it, and it hurt that he didn't come to him. Of everyone, he thought for sure that Makoto knew he could.

Not that he didn't understand pride or the need to be independent. He did. Better than most. But even at his worst, Makoto was always there. Without even needing to discuss it, Makoto always eased the pain and frustration. But how could he do the same for him when Makoto wasn't there? He didn't know how to chase after someone. How to be an anchor. Haru knew that he didn't even know where to start whatever skillset was required to just know what someone needed without being told.

Was that why Makoto was dying?

The thought, sharp and intrusive, brought him back to the surface, gasping for breath. He wasn't dying. Don't be stupid. He managed to push the thoughts away with bitter resentment just in time to hear the door. Makoto had finally come for him. Relieved, Haru sunk beneath the water again, content to wait for him just a little longer. Everything was all right, and the water offered comfort once more.

* * *

“Makoto

His eyes opened at the low and gentle voice of his friend. How was Haru so close and why was the world turned on its side?

“Makoto, you need to eat your lunch."

The suggestion brought him to further awareness as his bento was loosely in his hands in his lap. “Ah! I’m sorry. I dozed off,” he apologized and lifted his head from Haru’s shoulder.

The four members of the swim team sat together on the roof for lunchtime as usual and, somehow, Makoto had slept through most of it.

“Haru-chan has the magic touch!” Nagisa laughed after Makoto flailed about in embarrassment. “I was shouting your name for at least five minutes. Then Haru-chan says your name once and you wake right up.”

“Sorry about that… Thank you, Haru.”

Haru shrugged and continued to eat his mackerel - his way of saying ‘You’re welcome.’

“Nagisa-kun is right, though,” chimed in Rei. “If you eat something you are sure to be more awake.”

His chopsticks weren’t in their clasp, yet he didn’t remember taking a bite. The whole day had gone by like an autopilot haze. “Yeah. I’ll finish eating, now.”

“Makoto-senpai has been out of it, lately,” Rei continued to observe. As he had several times since the year began with Makoto’s increasing faltering energy in the pool and out. “Nutrition well? Sleeping enough?”

“Definitely not last night, anyway,” he gave a weak smile after a yawn.

“I’ve got it!” Nagisa stood as if to announce something important. “Mako-chan has a girlfriend!”

“Eh?! I do not,” Makoto protested, feeling his face flush.

“Then why are you embarrassed?” he winked.

“That you would even make such a suggestion. You all would be the first to know if it were true.”

“Unless she’s a university gal and you meet her on Sundays where we wouldn’t accidentally bump into ya and the whole relationship is scandalous cause she’s dating you - a high schooler. Also, since she’s in Tokyo, you spend all hours of the night on the telephone. Yeah, yeah,” Nagisa nodded, proud of himself.

“Haruka-senpai isn’t reacting to your claim,” Rei noted, as Haru neatly stashed away his now empty bento, “he’d at least know about this.”

“That’s cause this is such a deep secret even Haru-chan does not know!”

“Oh! Makoto-senpai, do you really…?”

“Of course not! Nagisa, I don’t know where you come up with this stuff,” Makoto sighed in exasperation. “It’s my third year; I’ve had a lot on my mind is all.”

“Riiiiiight,” Nagisa teased.

There had been a lot on Makoto’s mind - school work and universities, as well what could be causing his physical ailments. He looked at Haru and, as usual, wasn’t participating in frivolous conversation. He stared out into the distance, likely at the swimming pool, lost in his own thoughts. By the way his brow subtly creased… he had been bothered by the topic. Was it by Nagisa’s accusation or was it from his own senses that something was wrong?

* * *

He waited.

And waited.

Mako was late again. Haru peered at the clock at the edge of the tub, its face distorted by the refraction of light in the water. He'd been late every day that week and some of the week previous. Just a couple of minutes, mostly, but today, like yesterday, the time was edging on half past when they were supposed to leave.

Normally, Haru appreciated the chance to spend a little more time wrapped in the warm and comforting embrace of the water, but it distracted him now. Something was wrong. He knew it. Everyone knew it. No one knew what, or why, but it lurked like a feeding shadow. It wasn't going away; it was slowly gnawing at them all.

He waited another four minutes before it became too much. Bracing against the edge, Haru pulled himself from the tub, stepped out onto the mat, and shook the water from his hair. So distracted by that nagging darkness, he got dressed with fumbling, frantic hands and left without breakfast. It would have to wait. Retracing the steps that they always took, that Makoto always came by, he eventually came to the long string of stretch of steps. And there, one third of the way up, sat Makoto, head in his hands.

It moved him.

Haru wanted to take the steps two or three at a time and run to him, but he forced each step with deliberate precision. One after another, eyes locked on the form of the one who had always climbed to him. Each step that brought him closer pulled ever more insistently at the wool over his eyes. Was Mako trembling? He realized, then, that he wasn't the only one.

He stepped down and sat on the steps next to him, not quite touching, but close enough that he could hear the shaky, wet breaths. Haru closed his eyes. He didn't want to see Makoto cry. What good would it do either of them? But it didn't shut out the sound, or the shaking of Makoto's shoulders as Haru leaned against him. Makoto couldn't do it. Whatever was happening had taken a toll on his ability to move mountains, and all Haru could offer was that.

* * *

The waves crashed on the shoreline, glistening in the setting sun’s rays. It was the stretch of their daily walk that Makoto knew was Haru’s favorite as he stood between he and the ocean, staring out at the sea with a peaceful look on his face. In turn it had become his favorite because of it.

Soon they would be approaching the pathway into the residential area and part ways for the evening. Tomorrow was the first day of the prefectures.

For weeks Makoto had trained for both the backstroke and freestyle individual events and still he hadn’t told Haru why. The guilt weighed on him and every time he tried to bring it up, the words wouldn’t come as if he wasn’t fully aware of the reasons himself like an impulsive decision. He felt it so deeply, so why?

Was he afraid of what Haru would think?

The strides he always slowed to keep in pace with Haru came to a stop. It wasn’t long before Haru noticed Makoto was no longer beside him, and turned.

Makoto raised his head, determined, from looking at his feet, pulse quickening. “Haru. I have a request.”

Attentive blue eyes met his, ready to listen as they always were.

“In the 200M freestyle tomorrow, I want you to race me for real.”

There was a moment’s pause as Haru blinked in mild confusion. “Why? Why did you suddenly decide to compete in freestyle? Do you want to battle me that badly?”

“When this summer’s tournament ends, we third-years will have to retire from the club. So, before that happens, I wanted to have a real race with you.”

“Why do you swim?” Haru asked without pause, his brow knitted for a moment.

A year ago when he nearly drowned in the ocean and Haru saved his life he asked him then as if to confirm he enjoyed swimming despite how hard it was to overcome the fear. Now it sounded like he wanted to test his resolve. A fond smile crossed Makoto’s lips, “Because I want to swim with you. And with all my friends.” The smile then vanished, “But… tomorrow, I will swim to beat you.”

When Rin had challenged Haru all through last year, he never once turned him down. He didn’t care for competition and accepted Rin’s desire so not to damage his pride nor the friendship they shared.

“If that’s what you want,” Haru finally answered, turning his eyes to the ocean, signalling he didn’t want to speak anymore about the subject.

Makoto couldn’t help but feel touched at the tone of Haru’s voice - he respected his request and would take it seriously. He smiled and took a step forward and they both continued their walk home.

. . .

The smell of chlorine, sunscreen and baked concrete greeted Makoto’s senses as he walked with the rest of his team through the gates of where prefectures would take place. He’d made sure to get plenty of rest the night before and for once, in the last two months, felt invigorated. May it be nerves and adrenaline he wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t going to complain. His discovered energy improved the team’s morale.

Team Iwatobi located their lockers and left with only their essentials and took their seats in the bleachers until it was time for the individual events.

Makoto clenched the handles and walked up the pool wall into a crouch and awaited the starting signal. The whistle blew and the backstroke competitors kicked off with arched backs into the water. He broke through the water and rose to the surface with agility, broad strokes propelling him forward. Through the wall of water he could hear the cheers of the stadium, and very faintly in the distance, the collective shouts of Haru, Rei, Nagisa, Gou and Ama-sensei. He kicked off at the turning point and rose to the surface again, the sky coming back into focus.

His fingers touched the wall at the finish and he quickly turned around and removed his goggles to see - he had placed first in the heat and the time was enough to qualify him for regionals. Panting, he smiled towards his teammates that waved their hands enthusiastically.

Makoto took Nagisa’s spot in the bleachers to rest as he bounded off for the breaststroke competition. He also placed first in his heat and qualified. Rei stepped up onto the starting block as the only competitor for butterfly and qualified on time alone.

Once returned, Haru rose to his feet.

It took restraint to not tell him good luck. Their eyes met for a moment as Haru walked ahead and Makoto followed after to the locker room.

“Haru… about what I asked,” Makoto said as they finished changing. He kept his voice firm and level.

“I know.” Haru shut his locker without another word.

By entrant number, Makoto was ahead of Haru. While they walked to the starting line, Makoto felt Haru’s eyes bore into him with… concern? Why? With how tiring practice had been, was he worried about that or was it the reasons he wanted to race him to begin with? Whatever the reason, Makoto tried to block it and focus on the race ahead.

Simultaneously they stepped onto the starting block and eased into position.

The whistle blew and they launched, slicing through the surface.

No matter how many times he dove in during practice, the anxieties of facing the water head on still tried to grab at him. As he hit the water he closed his eyes and opened once he emerged. He took the lead. How? Was Haru letting him… No, Haru would keep his word. Had his training really paid off? By the end of the second lap he was starting to tire.

Gradually his strokes became hard to maintain form and strength.

Haru came up in his peripheral vision in the lane beside him. He willed his body to push forward and that only worked for so long. The dark figure of Haru swam ahead. Further and further he fell behind.

It was getting harder to breathe and his heart beat furiously within his chest. Why was it so hard to keep up? Was he never meant to no matter how hard he tried? Did he really want to beat Haru at all?

Haru had long since reached the finish line. Makoto touched the wall and leaned in with his aching body, drawing large breaths and shielding his face of the quiet tears.

“Makoto…” Haru uttered, his voice on the verge of breaking.

Why he was worried came crashing on Makoto and it made all of the sense and he felt foolish for not realizing it - Haru was afraid of how he’d react if he had lost. When Rin lost to him all those years ago it had damaged them both and he didn’t want that to happen again.

Losing wasn’t the reason for the tears shed. Makoto reeled back his head with a smile and a cracked voice, “I lost!” Seeing Haru in the water next to him, up close in the heat of a race, was a magnificent sight and he was grateful he was finally able to witness it. He turned to him with a small laugh, “You really are the best in the water, Haru-chan!”

Haru’s features softened in relief.

Thank you for not holding back. Makoto hoisted himself out of the water and then extended his hand to Haru. With another reassuring smile, Makoto left Haru on the poolside for the 100M competition.

In the locker room he changed out of his swimsuit now that he was done for the day. He grabbed his water bottle and slowly drank.

The pounding that felt more like a sharp stab to his entire chest had not yet stopped.

 

“Mako-chan!” Nagisa called. “It’s almost Haru-chan and Rin-chan’s turn.”

“Sorry I took so long…” Makoto stood next to Nagisa and Rei and waited for the next race to start.

“Good job out there,” Nagisa said to be thoughtful.

“Thanks.”

Haru and Rin took position on the starting block and dove into the water. From above, Haru’s graceful movements under the water seemed to hardly disturb the water. Underneath was a cyclone of power leaving all in its wake. Makoto now knew what it was like to be up against it.

The pair were neck and neck to the end. Haru won by .02 seconds and crazy applause came from the stadium from the intense match.

“By the way, Mako-chan; what made you want to race Haru-chan in the first place?” Nagisa asked as the swimmers got out of the pool.

“I don’t really know,” Makoto answered, vaguely as his eyes came to Rin laughing with Haru. As he watched them he realized one other possibility, “Maybe I was jealous of Rin.” Of what Rin saw in the water and that friendly rivalry they shared. Whether Haru admitted it or not, Rin did ignite some fire in him and maybe Makoto wanted to see if he could as well. Or see if he was capable of being alongside them.

Was the unease and pain he’d carried since the start of the year been because he knew he couldn't? No, it wasn’t the loss itself, as somehow that doubt, that lingering ache was still there.

In the end he couldn’t and maybe that was fine. What Makoto had with Haru was different from Rin and he cherished it. All that mattered was that he got to swim the way and see the way Haru did and it was beautiful and he would hold it dear. . . . Day two of prefectures opened, and Makoto’s vigor from the previous day hadn’t shown itself. Thankfully, all he’d have to worry about was one event for the hundred meters he needed to swim in the relay. During warm-up he took to stretching and flexing to loosen the unusual tight and tingling feeling of his arms that crept off and on since that morning.

Their team number was called and Iwatobi walked to the starting block and lined up accordingly, Samezuka taking the lane next to them. The backstroke contestants took their positions on the pool’s pull bars.  
Makoto tucked in to himself and awaited the signal and then--

Like a mallet to his chest, his heart thumped, taking the breath out of him. He recovered after a moment and then the whistle blew.

His timing was thrown off! He gritted his teeth as he pushed off at his soles and put more force in his strokes once breaching the surface to catch up. At the turn he managed to gain some distance back. He touched the wall in frenzied seconds after Samezuka at the switch-off and Nagisa took off over him.

Would his mistake cost them the race? His teammates wouldn’t say a thing if he did. The first leg was a good indicator of the momentum and so far Nagisa wasn’t having much gain over the competition, either. Rei switched with Nagisa and was up against Yamazaki-kun and it was hard for him to keep up against the experienced swimmer.

_I’m sorry… I’m sorry…_

The tingling was coming back full force. His back muscles twitched and arms trembled.

Haru stepped onto the starting block and got into position and launched when Rei touched.

Makoto stepped towards Rei and Nagisa to get a better look at Haru swimming against Rin, using Rei as a support as he drew in sharp breaths, chest pain becoming more prominent.

_You can do it, Haru!_

The hand that reached the finish first was not Haru’s. Samezuka’s team cheered into their blow horns and Rin let out a victorious shout. While they had their celebration, Makoto walked to the edge of the pool and bent down to assist Haru out of the pool, nearly losing his footing.

Haru gave him a curious look, Makoto dismissed it with the shake of his head. The mistake was taking its toll - they lost because of him and they all looked down at their wet and bare feet in reflective silence. Their times would still take them to the finals, but any loss was disappointing after trying ones best.

“Makoto?”

“Mako-chan?”

“Makoto-senpai?”

“Makoto!”

Why were they calling him so desperately? Why were they becoming blurry?

Sky.

Darkness.


	2. Won't Let the Waves Wash Me Away is What I Always Pray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A diagnosis. Hope.

The ocean tide stilled in its rage. Seagulls ceased their chirping. The salt air transformed into chemical. He was looking at the sky, back sinking in the water, moving forward without a single stroke. Suddenly he was on his stomach and could see the murky bottom of the pool, colored banners and bright lights now ahead and above, the tranquility from before replaced by cheers and whistles.

As he neared the pool edge for the finish line, a buzzer– a shrill beep – sounded. It continued, the beeping spaced further and further apart. A quick beep, silence and two more quick beeps. A slower beep.

He was now in a dimly lit room, a curtain drawn to one side, a figure on the other. His feet rested on a harder surface than the rest, body too big for whatever he was laying on. There was pressure in his nose and on his chest. The beeping continued and he listened for what seemed like hours before he registered what it was – it was the sound of his own heart. He was in a hospital.

“Makoto. Makoto? Makoto?” a voice called, more desperate, though gently so, each time his name was uttered.

Her face came into focus after he blinked in her direction a few times. “Mom?” his voice croaked in his dry throat

She edged closer to the bed and grabbed for the arm that didn’t have an IV running through it. “Thank heavens you’re awake.”

He spotted his leg skins on a chair across the room with what he assumed was a change of clothes for later. “What… what happened?”

Mrs. Tachibana bit her lip. “Your teacher called me and said that you collapsed after your relay match this afternoon.”

Makoto looked towards the window to see it was night. “How long was I out?” The last thing he remembered was pulling Haru out of the pool.

“Several hours. Makoto…” she squeezed his hand, threading her fingers through his, “You… you had a minor heart attack.” She paused, letting her words sink in. “Something has to be wrong, Son.”

A heart attack? He was only seventeen, how was that even possible? “I’m okay,” he said, willing his face muscles to go into their familiar smiling position. “I’ll try to be more careful

His smile wasn’t fooling her. “Please take this more seriously, Sweetheart.”

He was fine, just stressed and over-worked like a lot of third years, exhausted himself with training for prefectures. It couldn’t be anything severe. Nothing wrong. “Where are Haru and the others?” he asked.

Mrs. Tachibana retracted her hand in resignation, though her eyes held that motherly right that said she’d return to the matter. “They are out in the waiting room

“Can I see them?”

“You really should rest more…”

He wanted them to know he was okay and awake. The fatigue was becoming so routine, what he felt then wasn’t too bad, considering. “Please? I don’t want to keep them waiting and worrying.”  
“I’ll ask the nurse - visiting hours may be over.”

“Can you find out?” he asked, the pleading in his voice failing to be concealed. If he was going to be there overnight, seeing their faces and talking to them would ease the rising dark swarm of doubt.

Mrs. Tachibana pressed the button for the nurse. The nurse left for a few moments and returned saying it was fine as long as the visitors were quiet. His mother returned with his friends and they all filed into the room and stood around his bed. Rei, Nagisa and Rin were still in their swimsuits and jerseys, hair air-dried and unkempt. All present had varying degrees of worry on their faces. Ama-sensei held her clasped hands to her chest with brows knitted, Rei wore a frown and his eyes watched him analytically, Gou looked like she had finished crying, Nagisa was trying to stop and Rin was on the verge between crying and yelling. The one face he wished to see the most was not present. It didn’t surprise him, nor did he blame Haru, but he disliked the disappointment that wanted to settle in his stomach.

They didn’t address Haru’s absence and he was grateful they had the ability to be sensitive about certain things. 

“Mako-chan! You’re aliiiiiiive!” Nagisa started to lean over the bed to embrace Makoto, but Rin pulled him back by the collar of his shirt.

“Of course I am,” Makoto laughed. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I’m sorry, Makoto-senpai.” Gou bowed several times. “I can adjust the practice regiment again. You never complain and you always look like you’re so working hard, I… it’s my fault!”

“No, no, no! It’s nothing you’ve done, Gou-chan,” Makoto started to say, but Rin jumped in, leaning towards Makoto.

“You’ve always put force into your strokes and today was no different. You expect me to believe that you have more in reserve and you’re only now pushing yourself? What’s really going on?”

“Brother, calm down, he’s healing!” Gou grabbed at his arm.

“Shh!” Ama-sensei chimed and waved her hands, “they’ll kick us out if you aren’t quieter.”

“The pressure got to me,” Makoto answered, not meeting his piercing red eyes, “I messed up at the start of the relay and I wasn’t able to catch up, so we lost.”

“Were you dehydrated? Did something cramp? Are you getting sick? Did you sleep the night before?”

“No, no, don’t think so, yes but still woke up tired. I didn’t sleep well. Then when I got behind in the relay I panicked. That’s all I can think of. I’ll be more careful from now on. Promise,” Makoto gave a trademark smile.

Rin straightened and clicked his tongue. “It’s not like you to be careless,” he said near under his breath, then pocketed his hands. “I’ll be out in the lobby.” He wasn’t convinced and he was in no mood to continue pressing, further.  
They all watched him leave and Rei was the one to break the silence.

“Rin-san is right - it’s not like you. Do you need a break from practice?”

“I second this motion!” Gou said. “Even if it’s sad for me to admit…”

“May be a good a idea,” Makoto agreed, “but with regionals, I can’t slack off too much.”

“We’ve got three weeks - take a week off and then come back ready to go,” Nagisa said, bringing in an air of optimism.

“All right, I’ll take a break, then."

“I think it’s time I get Gou-chan and the boys home. We’re happy to see you doing well, Tachibana-kun,” Ama-sensei said, rounding them up like chicks under wing.

“Yeah! I’ll be back to school on Monday.” His mother nodded to confirm. “Thank you all for coming to visit, I really appreciate it. Please say hi to Haru for me?”

“Sure thing!” Nagisa said with a wave.

His teammates filed out of the room and once the echoing of their steps had ebbed, his mother scooted a chair up to his bed and took his hand.

“This could be more than a matter of rest, Makoto."

It could be, but it didn’t make any sense. Why would he now be having issues?

* * *

Three. They say three times a charm. How is three such a magic number, anyway? It seemed like a damn curse, speaking from experience. Who were _they_?

Three times the water had tried to take him. How could the water betray him like this? The water was always his unchanging sanctuary, encompassing him in its warm embrace and protecting him from the fast-paced dry world… Why was it trying to take the one who understood him without a word? The patience and acceptance of a saint with a smile like a lighthouse that could shine through the bleakest storm? 

Makoto.

Ma-ko-to.

_Makoto_

He said his name over and over in his mind like a rehearsed prayer, but with no less feeling and pleading behind it. 

A tremor shot through Haruka's body like ice for the nth time in the last four hours. If Haruka weren’t surrounded by his teammates, his balled fists would be doing more than stay at his sides. He was in his jersey sweater and pants, hair was dry, yet those shots always made him feel like he was still wet and stranded on the poolside watching his best friend’s unconscious body. 

The ocean tried to take Makoto the first time. He was scared of it by then already, and somehow Makoto had willingly placed himself within grasp. _”I was thinking about going… someplace where you weren’t around. Would you be okay without me, Haru?”_

Shudder.

The second time was a year ago. The retreat they agreed on took place across the span of several islands off the coast. Rei had gone out into the waters for an untimely practice, only to be swept away by the stormy currants. Makoto, selfless Makoto, dove in without a second thought. Had Haruka and Nagisa not woken up when they did, he and Rei would be lost at sea and… a place he wasn’t. 

_”Would you be okay without me, Haru?”_

Today he collapsed after the relay due to, well, he wasn’t really sure. Something had been bothering Makoto since the start of the year; he was always tired despite oversleeping, his times were lacking, yet he seemed to physically be pushing himself and was often out of breath as they walked side-by-side. The day he found him on the steps trying to hide the tears, Haruka hadn’t asked questions. If he had would it have changed anything?

All three times Makoto had approached the water. Was it in a desperate attempt to overcome it? Was Makoto still afraid and this was the water’s way of saying “You ran long enough”?

_”Would you be okay without me, Haru?”_.

No. _I wouldn’t come looking for you if that were the case_ he'd told him that day and will continue to tell him if those awful words ever escaped his mouth again. He’d also tell him that he would always look for him. Even the places he was not around. 

“Tachibana-kun is awake,” a nurse said. Haruka hadn’t heard the door open. 

Immediately his teammates were on their feet. Haruka remained in his seat.

“Haru?” Rin called, eventually stepping back from the door to retrieve him. “Don’t you want to…” he trailed, no doubt sensing he very much wasn’t ready to face Makoto. 

_I’m not okay without you._ He wanted to run and take solace in the water as well as scorn it for doing this again.

* * *

Athlete’s Heart is what he diagnosed with when a doctor saw to him in the morning. It was normal, so it was explained, for athletes with heavy cardio activity to momentarily develop an enlarged heart and upon heavier exertion, experience fatigue and irregular heartbeats. The symptoms seemed sound to recent events, and wasn’t life-threatening with rest. 

Upon discharge, Makoto was prescribed medication for the pain and blood thinners and given instructions for monitoring his blood pressure and physical activity, as well as an appointment for follow-up and stress tests. A doctor’s note omitting participation in PE and club activities for the time being was also given to him. He had always been good with dieting and exercise as part of routine, but this came so uninvitedly he couldn’t help but feel irritated. It was for his own good, but there was something about having doctor’s orders and medication... he _really_ didn’t like it.

The more he thought about the situation, the more he realized it bothered him because he wanted to believe in the possibility that he’d be fine no matter what. He planned on taking a week off swimming regardless of what he was told. Taking a break could very well do the trick. Then his mother would stop fussing and looking at him as if her were to die anytime. Heart attacks happened for many people and many of them were able to survive just fine, even if it meant the possibility for another got higher.

With the medication and the planned time for taking it easy, he’d be back to normal.

. . .

Bottles of all shapes, sizes, colors and names lined the racks of the pharmacy. As he waited for his medication to finish being processed, he looked around the aisles. If he could identify the largest annoyance of his condition, it was the consistency of lacking energy.

As he stood from grabbing a bottle from the second lowest shelf, he felt a cold and wet thing press into his neck. He yelped and jumped in place, his heart skipping a beat, somehow managing not to knock the shelving over.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry!” said Rin.

“Y-you’re fine. Really,” Makoto said, rubbing the vapor from his neck.

“Yeah, let’s startle the guy who just got out of the hospital from a heart attack - winning idea.”

“Not enough to wind me back there. It was kind of funny.”

Rin opened the can of Pocari Sweat with one finger and brought it to his lips with the same hand and took a sip, studying him. “You got discharged quick. Good?”

“Like you heard, it was minor.”

“Right... So, what are you looking for?”

“Not quite sure. I figured while I was here I could find a supplement that could give me a nice energy boost. Something natural so I won’t have that crash. Better for my heart, too.”

“I’d say iron, but I bet the docs don’t want to give you that.”

Makoto paused in his browsing of the shelves. “You sure are knowledgeable, Rin.”

“Yeah, well…” he trailed off, and rounded the adjacent shelf, head disappearing for a moment. He came back with a white, red and pink bottle with various symbols of energy on the label.

Makoto held his hand out expectantly, but Rin didn’t give it over.

From his height, Rin had to look up into Makoto’s eyes as best he could, “You may have the others fooled with this facade you put on, but not me. And definitely not Haru.”

Haru had sensed something was wrong at the start. Their bond over the years made it incredibly difficult to keep anything from him. Silently, Haru had insisted on meeting him at the bottom of the steps to his house rather than waiting for Makoto to help him out of the bath after consecutive instances of being late.

“Would I like to know?” continued Rin, “Hell yes I would, but if anyone needs to know, it’s Haru. Don’t keep him in the dark - he was… really shaken in the waiting room.”

He could picture him all too well and guilt formed in his core once more - he hated having anyone worry about him. “The doctor said it’s athlete’s heart. I just need to take it easy.”

“I guess that does go away,” Rin, said thoughtfully with a hum. “Sometimes.”

He bit his lip. The doctor had said that, too. “I’m taking a week off of swimming. We’ll see where that goes,” Makoto with a smile.

“Good.” Rin finally relinquished the supplement bottle. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me. Let someone worry about you for a change.”

With a wave, he left Makoto without hearing his thanks, a thousand yen coin found its way between his hand and the bottle.

. . .

Word got around fast of Makoto’s hospitalization and his return to school left him overwhelmed with gratitude of his classmate’s concern, but also embarrassed at the attention it brought. He was typically good at remembering names, but the barrage of condolences, he was disorientated. The students crowding around him invaded the space bubble Haru liked to keep in tact and Makoto wasn’t entirely successful in moving the masses away.

True to his word, Makoto didn’t swim for a week. He stretched and walked laps around the pool as the rest of the team went about their routines, though they’d glance up from their swim up at him.  
Gou kept an eye on him and almost didn’t trust that he wouldn’t get in, as he still ended up changing into his swimsuit. Even if she couldn’t _physically_ stop him, it wasn’t worth the lecture he’d receive. Haru had come up with the plan to improve their switch off times for the relay and Makoto hated how he couldn’t participate. At least he was at the start of the roster instead of in the middle so the order wouldn’t momentarily be changed. Only being able to watch made him wish he could make calculations in his head like Rei so he could pretend he was contributing.

Since being discharged, the walk home from practice left Haru looking at him with the eyes that only Makoto knew to be worry and unease. He wanted to believe with rest and tapering the symptoms would lessen. The supplements Rin got him were helping with his energy and not swimming everyday was making it easier to get out of bed in the morning and kept him going throughout the day. When he was met with the troubled water, he’d return it with a content tilt of his head and a smile.

_I’m fine, Haru. Don’t worry._

. . .

As he cut through the water, enveloping in its chlorine embrace, he felt rejuvenated. He had to imagine this was how Haru felt after a long winter of not being able to swim in the pool - being denied for so long, the water is accepting.

A week was being dramatic, he had to admit - he was sure Haru couldn’t resist for that long, weather permitting. Thinking about Haru always made the water more friendly.

The sky was always clearer with water lapping and sluicing around his body.

Practice laps served a good warm up and he was only a little more worn than usual. Gou, now appeased, allowed him to join the others in the switch off rounds

With a push of his feet and arch of his back, he entered the water with no less accuracy. At the turn he pivoted and kicked to the other side to touch the wall for Nagisa to dive in.

“Makoto-senpai!” Gou screeched.

“W-what?” Makoto asked, getting out quickly and jogging to her side, leaning over her clipboard, minding the water dripping from his hair.

“That was a great time; it’s up there with your best!”

He looked over her shoulder at the sheets she had been recording everyone’s times on a table

“Maybe you have needed a break, after all? How are you feeling?”

He took a moment to assess. “Winded, but that’s to be expected.” His heart was working harder, but it wasn’t as painful as it had been.

The others finished the set and all got out of the pool.

“Can we do a few more rounds?” Makoto pleaded, happy that his body was willing to cooperate after the scare at prefectures.

Rei and Nagisa’s apprehensive glances diminished once Gou gave in. Haru’s expression didn’t change.

Taking their positions, they repeated their relay exercise. Minutes and meters passed by and it wasn’t until the eighth circuit that Makoto’s time slipped.

Makoto grasped onto the pool edge and readied to hoist himself out when his arms buckled under his weight and he nearly fell completely back in. He managed to stop, and held himself at his elbows.

In the distance there was a splash, probably Rei, and the water quickly stilled. Footsteps on concrete drew closer.

Inhaling and exhaling. His pulse throbbed in his ears. Heart pounded hard and sharp. How was everything fine until just this moment?

All eyes were on him - watching, waiting. He was trembling and he knew they all could see. He hated how he couldn’t hide.

“Mako-chan?” Nagisa crouched and patted his head. "We're done today."

"I... got overzealous. Taking a week off, I guess my body didn't like it. I will take it slower tomorrow." He kept his head low, not meeting any of their gazes. Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just tired - recovering from the heart attack, still. This will go away.

"If you say so," Nagisa sighed.

Another splash indicated someone diving into the pool. Makoto didn't need to look up to know it was Haru.


	3. My Thoughts Alone Try to Complicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh this chapter is kind of boring as it's basically a re-write of episode 8. Chapter 4 will be posted either later tonight or tomorrow as compensation :>

The next day at practice he limited his warmup laps as well as how many circuits. By the end of practice he wasn’t shaking like previous and he considered it progress - slow and steady. It made all the sense for that to be the method and he felt foolish for how rash he had been.

However, the gusto he had at the start of yesterday was diminished and it left his incredible times to nothing short of average.

Gou observed her tables with a hand to her chin in contemplation. Makoto got out of the pool to meet her.

“Is something wrong?” Other than me being slower?

She gave him an apologetic smile. “It’s just, these are your times from prefectural tournament. Coach Sasabe hasn’t been by lately, so I haven’t gotten to go over them with him.”

“Oh, I see. It’s always dark by the time we finish practice… I’ll check in on him on my way home tonight."

“You wouldn’t mind? Thank you."

After parting ways with Haru, Makoto walked to the Iwatobi swim club, greeted the receptionist and pulled open the plastic flap of the entrance of the pool away. Many children were swimming in the pool with volunteers rounding the poolside to supervise.

A familiar shaven blond head ran passed him with inflatables on his arms to a group of small children.

“Coach Sasabe!”

The elder man turned his head, “Hey, if it isn’t Makoto!”

“The swimming club sure is busy,” Makoto avoided a collision of a small boy to his legs.

He sighed and placed an inflatable on the same boy’s extended arm. “And I’m definitely happy about that, but I’m so short-handed, every day is hectic. Sorry I haven’t been able to come see you guys at practice.”

“No worries.” Makoto reached into his pocket for the folded paper Gou had given him. “Coach, these are our times from the prefectural tournament…”

A girl called to Coach Sasabe from the water.

“H-hold on!” he said, picking up the unused and earlier discarded inflatables in an armful and ran passed Makoto again.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Makoto offered, no longer being able to stand by and watch his former coach overwork himself so.

“R-really?” a few inflatables fell from his arms in his elation.

“Of course! If you think I can do it."

“Let’s see… I have a group tomorrow that doesn’t have a coach. Come in tomorrow and I’ll introduce you. By then I’ll have a curriculum for you. Oh, but, you’re entitled to switch it up if you feel the need.”

“Whatever you need me for,” he gave a smile all the while thinking about what he had just volunteered for. Having siblings helped him have practice in how to handle children, he felt he had a good grasp on communication and temperance, but teaching? How many would there be?

“I posted the position and I’m hoping to have interviewed and hired a part-timer hired by nationals. Two weeks or so, right?”

“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. Teaching kids to swim could be a good refresher in swimming theory for me.”

“See you tomorrow, then!” Coach Sasabe threw the inflatables in their bin and ran rushed back to his class that was in wait. 

. . . 

Many times throughout the next day he considered telling the team that he would be helping out at the swim club, but then he considered they would likely be worried about his health and encourage him not to. He didn’t want to be secretive, just not give reason for his teammates to worry, nor shake his resolve. Helping kids learn how to swim did sound like a lot of fun, and he hated to leave his coach in a bind.

Two boys and three girls blinked up at the tall young man once he came out to the poolside from changing into his coaching wetsuit.

“Introduce yourself, Makoto!” Coach Sasabe prompted with a nudge.

“Huh? Oh, uh… Hello there. I’m Tachibana Makoto, and I’ll be helping to coach you starting today,” he said, catching each child’s eye in his gaze. With a bow, he said “It’s nice to meet you!”

Gathering closer together, the five children in unison returned his greeting.

The innocence and eagerness of their voices caused a warmth to swell in Makoto. These smiling faces would be depending on him him for the next two weeks and he had all intentions to give them his best. As a chuckle accompanied a smile towards them, he knew he was where he needed to be. 

. . . 

“Mako-chan, you started helping out at Goro-chan’s yesterday?” Nagisa asked the next day as they were changing into their swimsuits in the club room.

There wasn’t anything to be guilty of for doing something he wanted to do, he kept telling himself. “Yup. That’s right,” he answered.

“Haru-chan, did you know?” Nagisa stood on tip-toes to see over Makoto’s arms over to Haru.

His breath caught at Haru’s name and he turned his eyes to hear his response.

“I hadn’t heard,” Haru said, cooly.

Makoto softened a little. “I was going to tell you when I saw you today.”

“But with regionals coming up, are you sure you can do it?” Rei voiced the question he knew would come.

“He’s right!” came Nagisa, a more persistent worry in his voice. “Will you still be able to train and…” he trailed and didn’t mention the other part Makoto didn’t like thinking about.

“I’ll only help there when we don’t have practice. It won’t have any impact on my training, so I’ll be fine.”

“What made you want to?” Nagisa asked on behalf of everyone.

Makoto told them how his visit went their old coach went. “He’s done so much for us, I thought it would be nice to help him for a change.”

Nagisa and Rei offered their services to help him coach the children, but Makoto shook his head and gently declined, encouraging them to focus on their own training and studying. Rei took notice of Haru’s all too quiet self and asked if he was concerned.

“I just swim. Makoto should do as he pleases,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Haru…” Makoto uttered, grateful and touched that he didn’t question.

At Haru’s acceptance, Rei and Nagisa didn’t make it an issue any further. At least verbally. 

. . . 

“Coach Tachibana, what are we doing today?” the tallest boy asked.

Makoto lowered to one knee to be at eye level with all of them. “Why don’t we start by practicing our butterfly kick?”

“Okay!” The boys and girls walked to the poolside and awaited instructions.

On the poolside he sat and dipped his legs into the water and demonstrated the kick. Even with their short legs they were able to mimic it. After they practiced to an acceptable degree, they moved on to testing how long they could hold their breaths underwater. A kickboard was then put under them and they utilized their butterfly kick with it to propel themselves across the lanes. One by one the children then took turns holding onto one of Makoto’s hands to be held up as they kicked.

Praised of their hard work, the children exited the pool and changed into their clothes at the end of their class.

“Bye-bye Coach Tachibana!” they called on their way out the door to find their parents.

“See you later,” he waved, already missing the time they had together.

A boy with silky pink hair stood against the wall by the exit with a sad expression. Makoto remembered that through all the exercises he had seemed uncomfortable. He refused to swim without a kickboard. “Hayato-kun?” Large purple eyes followed his form as he lowered onto one knee. “What’s the matter?” Makoto asked gently. “Didn’t you have fun today?”

Hayato turned and looked at the floor. “I… hate swimming.”

The trembling in his small voice and declaration surprised Makoto, and awakened his empathies.

“Hayato!” called an older voice.

Makoto watched after Hayato and recognized the one he called brother and knew the young boy had looked familiar. “Kisumi?”

The older-Hayato’s face lit up, “Wait, are you… Makoto?!”

“Yeah! It’s been so long.”

“Sure has. I don’t think I’ve seen you since middle school,” he smiled the same narrowed-eyed smile of mischief as he had back then. 

. . . 

“Kisumi?” Haru asked. Rei and Nagisa had already gone ahead home, leaving Haru and Makoto to themselves to the showers to clean up after practice.

“Yeah, your old classmate from middle school, Shingo Kisumi.” Their first year of middle school was the first time Haru and Makoto weren’t in the same class together and Kisumi had befriended Haru. Makoto joined the basketball club for a time and got to know him through sport.

“Oh,” Haru answered after what Makoto believed was recollection. But his eyes told him he wasn’t all too pleased at the memories

“His younger brother is in the class I’m teaching, so I saw him for the first time in ages.”

“Whatever.” Haru shut off the shower and grabbed his towel and rubbed at his hair and started to walk the other direction.

“Weren’t you two close?” Makoto asked, following after.

“Nope.”

“Really?” He remembered Kisumi talking about Haru a lot at practice. “Well, if you have some time on Sunday, you should come by, Haru.”

Haru stopped and looked up at Makoto from behind his towel with eyes that Makoto wasn’t certain what all they held behind them. “Only if I have time,” he said flatly and continued walking back into the club room to change. 

. . . 

Haru’s arrival at the swim club was unexpected by what he said, but Makoto knew deep down he was curious and no less appreciative.

“Haru, you came!” Makoto greeted in his long strides to meet him at the entrance.

“You forgot your lunch. Your mom asked me to bring it to you.” He brandished the orange wrapped bento box and Makoto took it by its sides in his mature hands.

“Oh, that’s right!” he mentally berated his forgetful self. “Thank you, Haru.”

“Makoto! Oh, and Haruka too!” Coach Sasabe called as he trotted toward the pair.

“Good morning,” they greeted together.

Sasabe beamed at Haru, “How about it? If you’ve got time, why not go for a swim again?”

“Sure,” Haru responded naturally and Makoto knew how happy the permission made him.

“Makoto, how are the kids looking?” Sasabe then turned to taller boy.

“They’re all improving so fast. I’m really surprised.”

“Glad to hear it. Is Hayato able to swim now, too?”

“Hayato?” asked Haru with mild curiosity.

In his telling from the other day, he’d forgotten to mention the boy’s name. “Kisumi’s little brother. His name it Hayato-kun.”

“He still has some trouble swimming without a kickboard,” Sasabe elaborated for Haru with a sigh. He then gasped, looking at his watch. “Whoah! look at the time? I’ve got some interviews for the part-time position, so I’ve gotta go. Sorry, Makoto. Thanks for your help, again. Hang around and enjoy yourself, Haruka.” Their coach rounded the corner with his shoes squeaking on the tile floor.

Makoto took a step towards the wall and Haru copied after him. “Hayato told me he hated swimming. It’s actually kind of been bothering me. What do you think, Haru?” He was amazing at swimming and loved it more than anything, maybe he’d have some advice.

“Don’t resist. Don’t resist the water. Accept its presence,” he said in his usual deadpan tone.

After he said that, it wasn’t surprising, but it wasn’t something he could easily convey to a child. “That advice is so like you, Haru.”

Haru looked away at the compliment, which only caused Makoto to laugh and smile some more.

“It’s time to start, so I better go, too.”

“Okay,” Haru barely had enough time to let it out before Makoto disappeared around the corner in excitement. 

. . . 

When class ended, the kids left with wet hair and giggles to meet their parents. Kisumi drew the plastic curtain in search of Hayato. While they waited for him to change and catch up with some of his friends, Makoto asked Kisumi about why his little brother was afraid of water.

They had been on a family trip and Kisumi wasn’t watching him as closely as he should have and the small boy fell overboard. The shock of falling in and the panic almost drowned Hayato, even though the water wasn’t very deep. Luckily Kisumi was able to pull him out in time. Kisumi had a feeling he was scared of swimming, not _hated_. Hayato had quit his school club and started to come to Iwatobi where family could easily come and watch over their children and siblings. Kisumi blamed himself for what happened and was taking it upon himself to watch over Hayato during his classes to support him. He’d considered pulling him from classes completely if it was stressing the boy out so much.

During Kisumi’s tale, the throb of kinship that Makoto felt towards the boy’s words came back and now he knew why. “I… want to teach Hayato how to swim. He sort of reminds me of how I used to be.” Flashes of shadows in the depths of the water below and the processional line of a funeral of a man lost at sea. He smiled the images away, “That’s why I don’t want him to give up. Not him, and not you, either.”

“You really do love swimming, don’t you, Makoto?” Kisumi asked knowingly with a chuckle.

With a small nod of the affirmative, he replied warmly, “Yep.”

“Then I’ll leave Hayato to you,” Kisumi stood from the bike racks.

Haru emerged from the swim club and didn’t take kindly to Kisumi clinging to him, batting away his hand and looking displeased. The image was amusing and curious as clearly Kisumi considered them friends when Haru did not. Impatiently Haru uttered Makoto’s name, signifying he was ready to leave and head home. 

. . . 

Practice the next day became a discussion of how to help Hayato swim. Haru repeated what he’d said the previous day. Gou offered some invalid advice as she herself couldn’t swim. Out of all of them, Rei would have been the most helpful, but he indicated his situation was different and had written himself off for eligible advice.

Ideas had been floating around in Makoto’s head and he couldn’t settle or convince himself on one that would help the boy.

“Giving Hayato-kun’s everyone’s advice might be a little difficult,” Makoto said to Haru as they walked side by side on the beach stretch home in the evening.

“What was it like for you?” Haru asked, looking up at him. “If you think back on that, you’ll probably know what to do.”

“In my case, it was because I was able to see the sky while I was swimming backstroke that I stopped being scared.” As he thought back to elementary school and the day he had ebbed his fear, he considered the suggestion, then, “But starting with backstroke isn’t the normal way to teach someone to swim.”

“So what?” Haru questioned, gently.

“Eh?”

Again his eyes met his. “You should just do it your own way.”

“Haru…” If Haru believed in him, someone with unwavering confidence and skill, how could he not try? “You’re right. I’ll give it a try,” he said, hopefully looking up to the starry sky. 

. . . 

The five children gathered around at Makoto’s call. “Okay. So as our last activity today, why don’t we try a relay?”

Four sets of eyes widened. 

“What’s a relay?”

“What is it?”

“That sounds fun!”

Hayato remained quiet and fearful.

“It is. Let’s get ready,” Makoto said and took them to the pool’s edge. “First, we’ll split into two teams. After you swim from here to the other end, you’ll high-five the next swimmer. You can let your feet touch the bottom if you need to. Okay, is everyone ready?”

They divided themselves up and the other team walked across to the other end and got into the water, awaiting the signal, pulling their goggles over their eyes. “Yes!”

Makoto held up his hand. “Okay then. Start!” He slapped the water and the boy with dark hair was the first to take off from the other end, free style.

He swam towards Makoto and the others in wait then high-fived the girl with dark hair. She tagged the girl with red hair and she swam towards Hayato and tagged him.

His hands came up to his goggles to pull down, but as he looked across the water, he whimpered. 

“Hayato-kun?” Makoto lowered in the water to the boy’s eye level. “Do you want to try swimming a different way today? You won’t have to put your face under water, and you can see the sky as you do it!”

“I couldn’t do something like that...” his fists curled at his chest, doubtfully.

“I’ll be holding you up, so don’t worry. I definitely won’t let you sink.”

“I can’t … because… because… I’m scared!” his tears dripped into the pool.

Makoto reached out and took his tiny fist, holding firm, but not tight, “You’ll be okay. I promise I won’t let got of your hand!”

Teary-eyed, Hayato uttered, “You promise it won’t be scary?”

“Yep! I promise.”

“You can do it, Hayato-kun!” the other children cheered for their teammate. “Go for it!”

Gently Makoto leaned him into the water and put both of Hayato’s overlapping hands in his and steadied his back with his other. “Just kick with your legs and move yourself forward,” Makoto said brightly, peering down at the nervous boy whose eyes were firmly shut. “Try opening your eyes, slowly, Hayato-kun.”

He did so and he gasped at the sight of the sky through the glass paned roofing. Before he knew it, he was to the other side of the pool.

“Awesome! You did the backstroke!” said the girl with dark purple hair.

The blond boy held out his hand to be tagged.

Still in awe of it all, Hayato high-fived him.

“Last leg, you can do it!” cheered Makoto to the last swimmers. From below he heard Hayato’s pleased laugh and he gave the boy a sweet congratulatory smile.

Kisumi called his brother’s name from the viewing balcony, waving his hands enthusiastically and Hayato returned the wave.

The relay finished and the five children got out of the pool to leave for the day.

Makoto picked up the stray inflatables and kickboards that were left and took them to their appropriate bins when he felt a tug at his hands. He looked to see Hayato had his large hand in both of his tiny ones, shyly gathering the courage to speak.

“Um, I... I’m not… not afraid to swim anymore!” He then lifted his head. “I had fun!"

The warmth that accompanied his first day returned and settled in his chest, his weakened heart beat with joy. “That’s because you tried so hard, Hayato-kun,” Makoto said, getting on to one knee, allowing the child to reap in his efforts of overcoming his fear. 

“Thank you, Coach Tachibana!”

“Sure!” _Good for you, Hayato-kun._

. . . 

“Good work, today,” said the front desk attendant as Makoto made his way to the exit after showering and changing.

“Oh, Makoto,” Coach Sasabe came from around the reception desk to greet him. He folded his arms. “I just hired a new part-timer, so you’re off the hook.”

His heart stopped at the news. Already? Time had gone by so fast, he was having so much fun with the kids and enjoying his time with them and now it was going to end…

“You can make next week your last class. Regionals would be that Saturday, right? What? I thought you’d be glad,” Sasabe mused.

Absent-mindly, Makoto rubbed at his neck, “Yeah…”

“Okay, take care getting home,” and with a wave Sasabe ran off to another closing chore.

“I will.” He wasn’t sure what gave Coach Sasabe the impression that he’d be glad to be done with his volunteer work. Was he worried about their times for regionals and he was only being considerate? Did Nagisa say something about his condition or did he happen to notice his yawning?

Grasping the straps of his backpack, he left the building and tried to shake the disappointment. 

. . . 

“Brother!”

The call of his twin siblings was heard across the entry hallway and he turned as they ran at him. “Ran, Ren! What are you doing here?”

“Haru-chan…” Ren started.

“He brought us here!” Ran finished.

“They said they wanted to see you coaching,” Haru added behind them.

“Thank you, Haru,” Makoto smiled at him. “Ran, Ren, make sure you behave, okay?”

“Okay!”

Makoto then lead them to the waiting room with a window seat and left to change for his class. Of all the days, they had to come on the last one. 

. . . 

“Gather round, everyone,” Makoto called at the end of the relay. With all that he could, he summoned strength to not show the sweet faces that he was sad to leave them, thus making them sad and harder all around for his departure.

They lined up in front of him.

“So, I know it’s pretty sudden, but today is actually my last day swimming with you guys.”

“Whaaaat!?” they all cried, frowning and eyebrows crinkling. 

“But why?” 

“I wanted to swim the relay again.” 

“Come visit us again, Coach Tachibana.” 

“You have to!” 

“You have to! You have to!”

Touching as it was, he wouldn’t allow himself to cry and gave them his trademark smile, instead.

“Promise, Coach Tachibana?” Hayato pleaded.

“Yep! I’ll promise to come back and see you,” he said, bending forward.

The promise was enough to satisfy and the bunch exclaimed “Yay!”

“Okay, that’s all for today. Thank you very much,” he bowed to them for the last time.

“Thank you very much!" 

. . . 

The pool water stilled and nothing reverberated on the walls once all the children had exited the pool. Makoto stood against the wall, taking in the sight of the refurbished pool. “It went by so fast,” he said out loud.

“Makoto,” came Haru’s voice to his left at the entrance. He tossed a towel at him.

“Thanks,” Makoto caught it, grateful for the distraction of his thoughts.

“Ran and Ren are waiting in the lobby.”

“I’ll be right there.” He turned to adjust some kickboards.

“Ah, Haru and Makoto!” Kisumi snuck up behind the shorter boy and attempted to put an arm around his shoulder, only to be shrugged off. Defeated, he addressed Makoto. “I just heard today was your last day.”

“Yeah, it is,” Makoto walked towards them.

“Hayato was really sad. He said he wanted you to keep teaching him how to swim.”

“It makes me really happy to hear that!”

“It’s thanks to you that he was finally able to swim. Seriously, thank you!” Kisumi lowered his head in gratitude.

Modestly, Makoto shook his head.

“It’s been ages since we’ve met up, but you two really haven’t changed. You’re both still swimming competitively, right?”

“Both Haru and I are.”

“I thought so.”

“In fact we’re both competing at regionals this year.”

Kisumi blew a low whistle. “Wow! Figures that you two would make it.” He tried to touch Haru again, but was met with failure.

“Rin and Yamazaki-kun will be competing from Samezuka.”

“Wow! Wait, Sousuke too?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, then Sousuke’s shoulder must have healed, huh?”

“His shoulder… healed?” Makoto asked and he turned to meet Haru’s equally confused expression.

“I ran into him at the hospital a while back. I’d broken my hand at a basketball practice and he came out of a room. I knew something happened in middle school after Rin went to Australia and figured he was in for a checkup. But if he’s competing then it must have healed. I’m glad. Oh, I’d better go. Well, Makoto, Haru, see you later!”

Shoulder injury? Thinking back to his run in with Rin, Makoto wondered if Rin knew or not.


	4. Oh my Friend This is Not the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regionals. Questionable future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 4!
> 
> I'm sorry if doing episode rewrites is dull, but I like inserting a new problem with canon events. In the next few chapters the bits will remain, but also have more original content. But, prepare yourselves for next week! ;)

_Attend a local university._ The words were written in the blanks of the career path sheet for home room, and as he held it in his hands, thinking about it left Makoto feeling restless. Rin asked he and Haru what their plans were after high school graduation. He answered honestly with a smile saying he didn’t know. When the sheet had been given, he was forced to give his future thought. The answer he felt seemed natural enough, but attend a university to do what?

Swimming was something he was passionate about, but he didn’t feel he was at the skill level of Haru or Rin to actually go anywhere with it if prefectures were any indication. Literature and Japanese were some academic strengths he had. But what else was there?

What did Haru want? Swimming or not, graduation would come and they’d need to decide on the paths to take for their future and that was one thing they couldn’t share.

There was the possibility that nothing would matter considering…

He rolled onto his side and clutched his pillow, willing the thoughts away. He’ll be fine - one heart attack wasn’t enough to condemn anyone. Chances likely for another, but he was young and generally healthy. He’d just have to take his medication and monitor his activity as instructed. That’s what he’d started to remind himself of when the dark thoughts tried to seize him.

He would miss working with the children at the swim club for how it made him feel and how he was able to be distracted from what he didn’t want to dwell on.

  
  


“You boys are still practicing?” Ama-sensei asked, approaching Makoto and Nagisa on the poolside. Night had fallen and the four boys were still at it.“The guidance counselor will scold you for staying past the school’s closing time, you know.”

“Regionals are next week,” Makoto said determinedly. “We want to use every moment we can to train.”

“The more we practice our exchanges, the better we’ll perform,” Nagisa nodded, oddly serious.  

Makoto turned his attentions back to the pool where Rei and Haru were practicing their exchange. Haru swam back to the starting block and Rei to the center of the pool.

“Practice your exchanges?” Ama asked.

“Our only chance at surpassing the top schools is by shaving off enough time from our exchanges,” Makoto continued. “We need to learn to anticipate the timing of the person before us, so that we’re already starting to move into our dives by the time they touch the platform. We’ll ideally have zero seconds between touch and dive.”

“But if you cut the timing that close, what if you dive in before the touch?” Ama edged towards the pool to observe the pair swimming.

“We’d be disqualified,” Nagisa answered. “But we can’t let ourselves be afraid of that.”

“If we can master this timing, we can cut our time down further.”

“Oh, you’re still practicing at this hour?” came a gruffer voice.

Makoto, Nagisa and Ama turned to the pool entrance to see their visitors.

“The guidance counselor? And the principal, too? W-we’re sorry! We were just getting ready to leave!”

“No, no, you’re fine,” the counselor waved his hand, dismissing the apology, “More importantly, Nanase-kun, we hear that scouts have been contacting you.” The counselor leaned forward over the pool at Haru, “That’s very impressive! You’re the pride of our school. We’re all looking forward to your performance at regionals. Give it your all!”

Haru looked down at the water and muttered an “Okay.”

 

After the principal and counselor left, the team members exited the pool and got changed for their journey’s home.

Makoto watched Haru respond to the counselor, his tone and manner, the way he seemed more in thought than usual, as they changed out of their suits and started their walk. Questions he knew Haru wouldn’t answer buzzed in his mind, but settled on the subject that was discussed before they all departed. The friends took a break in their walk and sat in the sand and watched the moonlit tides.

“I wonder if what Kisumi told us is true.” Yamazaki-kun swam with Samezuka at prefectures with butterfly, how could he do that if his shoulder was injured?

“Who knows? It doesn’t matter either way. If he can swim, he must be fine.”  Haru took a drink from his water bottle.

As always, Haru was blunt, but also spoke truth. What good did it do either of them to worry? “You’re right. We need to worry about ourselves right now.” The team as a whole would be fine, but with how the air around Haru seemed tighter, more than anything, Makoto was worrying about him.

 

 

* * *

 

It'd been two weeks since Makoto had been admitted to the hospital. Things would be fine, he'd said, wearing that tired, false smile that he forced all too often. Haru saw right through it, just as he always had, but as usual, let it go. If Mako wanted to lie, he had his reasons. It wasn't like Haru was much better at expressing his true feelings, and he knew it. Still, with something this important, he should have said something. He thought he would have. But he had been wrong. Floating there, staring up at the blue, cloudless sky, he wondered what else he'd been wrong about.

 

Didn't Mako trust him...?

* * *

 

 

Iwatobi swim team left the town behind as they took a bus to regionals. They arrived at a luxurious hotel and instantly there was scepticism from the boys of staying at a motel down the road, only to be told that, as the stars of the show, they would get to enjoy a suite.

“Make sure you put up good results!” Ama-sensei cautioned as if she could take away the night before the competition.

Samezuka arrived in the lobby as they were checking in. Their newest member tried to hog all of Gou’s attention until Rin had enough and yanked him away by the hood of his jersey. Makoto and Haru couldn’t help but study Yamazaki-kun for a hint of his shoulder bothering him. If anything, he seemed worn out from practice.

Evening came and Ama-sensei left Gou in charge of a substantial amount of funds to treat the boys to any restaurant they pleased.

“Whatever we want?” Nagisa asked with glee.

“I want this,” Haru stated, staring at a display at a seafood restaurant of live chub mackerel.

Loud abrupt laughter came from around the corner of the shop row.

“Captain Mikoshiba?” Gou identified.

The fiery haired ex-captain of Samezuka walked with an older gentleman and stopped at the sight of them. “Ah Gou-kun! And Nanase-kun and the team!”

“Good evening,” the team returned.

“And who is this?” Makoto asked.

“This is Todou-san, who oversees all scouting for my university.”

“A scout?” Nagisa asked.

“As an alum, I thought I’d introduce him to some of Samezuka’s swimmers to him.”

Todou looked up at Captain Mikoshiba, “Nanase-kun? As in from Iwatobi High?”

“Yes!” Mikoshiba answered, not losing any of his enthusiasm.

“He’s heard of Haruka-senpai?” Gou asked, quietly.

“Of course I have,” Todou said, eyeing Haru standing behind everyone. “Ah, so you’re Nanase-kun? Nanase Haruka, the freestyle swimmer. Who could forget you after the way you swam at the prefectural tournament? We, along with other colleagues, I’m sure, have had our eye on you.”

To anyone else, the praise would make them beam. For Haru, he tensed and stilled.

“I sense that your talent has infinite potential. We can’t allow that to go to waste. I’m positive you’ll climb to far greater heights. We’ve got high expectations for your race tomorrow!” Todou ended with a smile, though his words were more condemning than encouraging from how Haru refused to meet the man’s gaze.

 

Dinner was eaten at a place that claimed to have the best curry in town and much to Haru’s approval, mackerel curry, but even it didn’t brighten him to his usual demeanor. With filled stomachs and approval, the team returned to the hotel for the evening.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Makoto informed, kicking off his shoes at the entryway into the shoe slot.

“Okay.” Haru walked to the bed, sat, and leaned onto his back.

Makoto paused in his step to the bathroom. “Haru… are you okay?”

“It’s nothing,” he dismissed, turning his head away.

Dropping the subject for the moment, Makoto disappeared into the bathroom to undress, door left open. As the water trickled around him, images of Haru’s face and the troubled waters his eyes reflected came to his mind. What was it about the scouts that made him feel restless? Was it because they represented a path he wasn’t interested in? Haru was so confident and didn’t care what others thought, it couldn’t be he was afraid of disappointing them, could it?    

He turned the shower off and reached for a towel, only to find he’d forgotten to bring one in. He opened the fogged sliding door and shouted out the open door. “Haru, sorry, can you bring me a towel?” He waited for a few seconds for a verbal response or footsteps in his direction, but none came. “Haru?”

 

“What, Haru isn’t here?” Rin asked in the doorway with arms akimbo.

“When I got out of the shower he was gone,” Makoto said, patting at his wet hair and sitting on the edge of the bed. “He’s probably out for a jog or something.” Over the years jogging at night had become something he did when he was feeling particularly bothered.

Rin rubbed at his neck. “For crying out loud! Tomorrow’s an important match with a lot of scouts watching. What’s he doing messing around the night before?”

“Did you want to talk with him about something?”

“I just wanted to find out whether he’s made up his mind yet. But it looks like he’s still running away, as always. Jeez, what’s he thinking?”

Makoto closed a fist around the comforter in thought,“But you know, I think in his own way, Haru is thinking things over. Even if he doesn’t say it outloud.”

He clicked his tongue in irritation, “If he doesn’t say anything, how am I supposed to know?”

Makoto laughed at that. He knew not everyone could understand Haru’s quirks even if he tried to explain it.  

Pulling up the stool at the desk, Rin sat squarely with Makoto. “So, what about you?”

“Huh?”

“At your skill level, at least one or two scouts should come talk to you.”

Rin had always been the type of person to see someone’s potential. The way he never gave up on teaching Nagisa to swim butterfly and improve his breaststroke back in the day, or how he’d tell Makoto his strokes were fierce like an orca, or making it clear he’d never let Haru’s skills waver. He wasn’t the type to lie for the sake of feelings. Those passionate red eyes saw something that Makoto himself didn’t believe, but at his words, he wanted to. If only he could. “I…”

A knock came at the door and the pair stood to answer it to Nagisa and Rei on the other side.

“Haru-chan, Mako-chan! Listing to this… oh… Rin-chan?”

“Rin-san?”

“You two! Don’t stay up late the night before a tournament.” With a sigh, he leaned in to flick Nagisa in the forehead.

The blond backed away, laughing at the mild pain, “It’s only eleven!”

“Did something happen?” Rei asked.

“I just dropped in to talk to Haru for a bit. But it looks like he’s out, so I’m heading back. Later.” Rin exited the entryway and started to head down the hall.

“Hang on, Rin-chan!”

Rin turned to see the three stand together with good-natured game faces, though Nagisa’s sugary voice deepened.

“We won’t lose tomorrow.”

“That’s my line,” Rin flashed his jagged teeth.

 

* * *

 

The cool air and the rhythm of his shoes against the pavement gave Haru a small, but vital, sense of purpose. It wasn’t swimming, no, but when he lost himself in isolated haze, it was almost as good. His muscles stretched as he lengthened his stride, pushing harder and harder as he traversed the unfamiliar territory. Shutting out everyone’s words was usually easy when he was in the zone like that. He could usually push everything away and think only of his breathing, his body’s performance, and covering ground. But the further he got, the harder it was to ignore it.

Scouts were there. He’d seen them, avoided them. How many times were they going to try to call?

Why did they care? Why was everyone…?

And Makoto…

Haru leaned back to slow his step and come to a stop, breathless, chest tightening. The shadows stretched from the buildings on either side of him, draping him in darkness. He stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk and came to rest against a cold light pole, lifting his eyes to stare at the broken bulb above him.

Every time he tried to put his thoughts into words, his throat constricted, leaving him silent and useless. Trying to turn emotions into those thoughts was even worse. He felt like he was being swallowed. Consumed by the world and things that he couldn’t control.  The world kept spinning, regardless if he was ready for it or not.

The security of freedom was all he had, and that was evaporating with every passing day.

Decisions needed to be made, they said.  

You have to think of your future.

He pushed away from the post and started running again.

You need to think of your future.

Your future.

Yours.

But if freedom meant being alone…

Losing Makoto…

Then the future was meaningless.

 

* * *

 

Day one of regionals commenced and the designated teams assembled in wait for the individual events. Iwatobi took their place on the high rising bleachers to overlook the pool.

“It’s finally time!” Nagisa exclaimed with clenched fists.

“I’m getting nervous…”

“Don’t worry Rei-chan!”

While Rei and Nagisa continued their conversation of nerves, Makoto turned to Haru.

“What’s wrong, Haru?” The night jog or sleep didn’t seem to lift anything off his mind, the sense of something wrong wedged between them.

“It’s nothing,” he responded and turned away from facing him.

They were interrupted by Gou’s friend Hana and other classmates Makoto couldn’t remember the names of that then arrived to cheer them on. He took a moment from Haru to express his gratitude to the girls for coming all the way. Coach Sasabe would have come if the swimming club hadn’t gotten so busy as of late.

“Haru?” He seemed to be looking behind them and had stiffened. “Haru?” Still he didn’t move. “Hey, Haru,” he tried gentler. Eventually his voice broke through and he looked at him, surprised at the call. “You sure you’re okay?”

For a moment blue eyes focused on his, a searching plea, and then with a blink it was gone as he turned his gaze away. “Yeah. It’s nothing.”

Rei stood. “It’s about time,” he stated.

“Let’s go, Haru-chan!” Nagisa said.

“Go get ‘em, guys!” Gou cheered, now joined with her friend.

The four stood up from their seats and gathered at the railing and overlaid a hand in a circle, Makoto’s on top.

“Then, let’s do the best we can and stay focused,” Makoto turned on his captain mode, which pepped the likes of Nagisa and Rei. Haru stared at the hands, though Makoto knew it wasn’t the hands he was seeing.

 

The 100M backstroke was the first competition of the regionals, Makoto was in the third heat of the men’s. He strained his ears to hear the voices in the large indoor arena of his teammates.

Expectantly the buzzer sounded and Makoto took off with perfect timing. However, on the last leg he lost his momentum, landing him fourth place, making him unable to participate in the national individual event. He observed the time board as he caught his breath on a buoy. Regionals were on a completely different level he wasn’t expecting. Then on the other hand, his body hadn’t been doing him any favors. He swam to the edge and got out to put on his jersey to join the team to watch the freestyle race. By then, Haru had already left.

 

More participants joined the freestyle, totaling in six heats. Rin would be in the fifth and Haru would be in the sixth.

Rin launched himself off the starting block and dove in and surfaced the fastest with a mighty dolphin kick that gained him the lead. At the turn, he kicked off the wall and furthered his lead by a landslide. With that time and speed he’d easily be a contender for nationals!

“Next up is Haruka-senpai!” Rei enthused next to Makoto.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t excited for Haru to swim, just ever since last night, he’d been off, bothered by the scouts comments. This morning he was easily distracted. Something was going on inside and it couldn’t be nerves - Haru didn’t get nervous when it came to swimming or anything, really.

He watched him as he got onto the starting block and took position. Maybe being in his element would help clear his head. At the start of the buzzer, he cut through the water with grace and surfaced. Before he reached the first leg, his speed decreased. What was going on? Haru never lost speed this soon! Clumsily he made the turn, his kick hardly propelling him. And then, gradually, as he approached the center of the pool, he stopped and touched the ground of the pool.

_Haru…_

Why would he… what would cause him to…

He watched helplessly as Haru remained still throughout the duration of the race. If entering the poolside when he wasn’t competing would have disqualified him, Makoto would be down there at the starting line as Haru slowly hoisted himself out and envelop him in his arms, preventing him from breaking further.


	5. And at the Turn of the Tide I Feel This Part of Me Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comfort. Victory. Admittance.

Dreams…

Future…

It was impossible to see beyond blazing, crimson eyes that stared at him, demanding answers. Haru felt it in his gut - that normally steady river gave way to the undertow, forcing him closer and closer to the edge of all that he could stand. How could Rin know? How could he know _anything_? Who was he to demand these things? To put so much pressure?

Who were _any_ of them?!

Didn't they see that there was no future without…

The flame set the sea to a boil as the pressure built, and Haru's gaze turned scalding as he yanked his arm out of Rin's grip, slamming his fist into the locker behind him. He couldn't hold it back any more. He screamed at him.

What dreams? What future?

He managed to hold back the rest of what he wanted to say, but only just barely. It had been enough. The cold realization of shock had set in on his former teammate's face, and Haru couldn't help but be pleased with it. They all knew he wanted to be free. He didn't care about this stuff. None of it.

None of it mattered without Makoto.

Haru was startled to see him standing there when he turned to leave. He and the others, watching, staring. How much had they heard? How much had they seen? He worked so hard to keep that boiling rage buried far beneath the surface, but they'd all seen it. They all knew.

There would be no hiding it, now.

 

* * *

 

 

Team Iwatobi had dinner together that evening. Haru tried to refuse and return to the room, but Makoto convinced him going to bed on an empty stomach wouldn’t do any good. Reluctantly he agreed, falling behind the team, Gou, and Ama-sensei, Makoto keeping a watchful eye on him.

Everyone’s thoughts were on Haru, but no one dared to address it verbally, leaving the conversations held, hollow. Makoto saw how tense the silent attention made Haru and tried to discuss something that wasn’t swimming or school related, however, finding such a topic was difficult. After half his plate was cleared, Haru stood and excused himself from the table.

For a moment Makoto considered following him, but his friend’s eyes asked him not to. Yet.

_I’ll be up in a little bit_ , Makoto conveyed with his eyes.

“Is Haruka-senpai going to be okay?” Gou asked to the three boys. “Will he be able to do the relay tomorrow, or…”

“He said he would,” Rei answered, “but…”

“How can we go through with it when Haru-chan is feeling like this?” Nagisa finished, solemnly.

They saw how he stopped in the middle of the pool. They saw how upset and terrified Haru was in the locker room with Rin. But did any of them _know_ how he felt, Makoto wondered? He questioned his own understanding of his best friend. How pressured had he made Haru feel when he asked about what he’d do if the scouts called? What he’d do after graduation? Naturally Haru gave his usual answers and the matter would be pushed aside by his tone. Was he being too selfish for expecting Haru to suddenly care about all of that?

Haru told Rin he had no dreams or future and the statement had stung Makoto like ice. Admittedly they hadn’t discussed life goals since they were children, and maybe it had been more out of respect for Haru who didn’t take pleasure in delving in things that weren’t the present or familiar. It was one thing to not share with anyone out of privacy, but to admit he saw nothing?  
He has so much potential! Swimming, cooking, art... Why not do anything with it?

A pain ignited in Makoto’s chest. He was sounding just like the scouts and Rin - placing expectations based on the talent he saw, but not the heart behind it. He knew Haru didn’t like attention. He did things because he loved them and for nothing or anybody else.

It’s not what he wants, so what _does_ he want? Then again, it wasn’t like Makoto was telling him what he wanted, either.

“What do you think, Mako-chan?” Nagisa asked, breaking through Makoto’s thoughts just as they were starting to darken. “Should we drop out? We don’t want to put more strain on Haru-chan…”

_Neither do I_. Was the team becoming too much for Haru that it was invading his freedom? “Haru said he would be in the relay and we should trust his word. With everything that happened last year, we can’t betray his conviction like that.” They shouldn’t, so why was he? “I’ll see how he’s doing later tonight.”

Once the empty dinner plates had been taken away by the waitresses and Ama-sensei paid for their meal, Makoto passed on further night activities to attend to Haru, even if the attending was simply to be in the room.

Gently he opened the door in case Haru had decided to go to bed early. The bathroom light shone through the half-opened door - of course he’d take a bath after all that had happened that day. Makoto didn’t feel right to walk in and disturb him.

“I’m back, Haru,” he called to him. “I’ll be out here if you need me.”

He didn’t expect a reply. If he wasn’t out in an hour or so, he’d go in and offer his hand to help him out, though he never needed it. The tub was more shallow than the one at his home.

Makoto wasn’t sure how long he waited, laying in bed, contemplating what to say, when Haru came out of the bathroom with a towel over his damp hair, already dressed in what he’d sleep in.

“I’m done if you wanted to get in,” Haru said as calmly as normal went for him.

“Oh, I wasn’t planning on a shower tonight.”

Haru sat on the edge of the bed, facing Makoto who also sat on the edge of his.

“Are you… okay?” It was the safest question he could ask. It was legitimate concern whether Haru decided to talk about the issue at hand or not.

He raised his head from patting his hair dry. Again his blue eyes looked up at him pleadingly like earlier that day and then, with a blink, faded. “I’m fine.”

It wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else, but Haru did want to tell Makoto what was wrong, and couldn’t. Did he not want to worry Makoto or was it he didn’t want to think about it? Or was it he needed more time to settle down? 

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here,” Makoto offered, softly. Maybe he needed more of an invitation.

Haru seemed to consider as they sat in silence for several minutes. “It’s nothing.”

_What do you need?_ “All right. I’ll get ready for bed, then.”

By the time Makoto returned, Haru had already climbed into bed and was staring listlessly at the ceiling. He crawled into his own bed. “Good night, Haru.”

“Good night, Makoto.”

Makoto turned his head and watched Haru for a time for any signs that he … what? Cried? Came to him for comfort? He wasn’t sure what, exactly, but wanted to be awake for whatever it was.

 

* * *

 

It took a while... a long while... before Haru was able to fall into a restless sleep. The feigned comfort of the hotel sheets lasted only long enough for him to fall into a world where the shadows crept from every corner. He saw his friends. The pool. Felt the cement and tile under his feet. It was all just like it had been, time and time before. Everything was in place, but wrong.

So wrong.

Haru clawed for escape but only met it when the nightmares thrust him from them, forced into reality with a ragged, gasping breath. He sat upright, heart pounding, and took in the dark with wild eyes. It wasn't the ocean, nor the sinking fear and humiliation. But the room around him wasn't familiar, either, and once he caught his breath, the hopelessness set in once again.

He knew what the feeling was, but he didn't want to admit it. Even letting the thoughts brush his mind clutched at his chest and stirred the pit of his stomach. No. No, don't think about it. Push it away. Bury it all. Let it go. It doesn't matter. He repeated the mantras over and over, willing his body to calm, but it tossed with his thoughts on a restless shore.

Could he sleep like this? He had to. They were expecting him to be there. To race his hardest. To win. But could he? Could he, after all of that shame? How to face them? How to force himself to care when, in that darkness, he knew it didn't matter. None of it mattered. He'd said so, he felt it, he wanted to scream it all over again!

But he couldn't.

He glanced toward the other bed where Makoto was sleeping. He looked so peaceful. So calm. Haru didn't want to disturb that. Not when he'd seemed so tired, lately. Not when those nagging thoughts gnawed on him. There were so many things wrong. All he'd wanted was to live and share that life, whatever it was or wasn't, with the one who mattered. Such a fragile dream couldn't last. It wouldn't hold up. Not against the torrents of life. Not in this storm that they were in.

Haru realized he was gritting his teeth when his jaw began to ache and forced himself to take a deep breath, to loosen his fists. It all ached, inside and out, which only made it harder to keep his head above water. To fight those thoughts of nihilism... but it was all so hopeless, how could he...?

He almost didn't realize that he'd left the bed until his bare foot touched the floor, and in two short steps he was there at the edge of his safe harbor. Could he...? Was it okay to lean on Makoto, even now? Makoto had taken such good care of him all these years, and now _he_ needed _him_ , but he... he couldn't handle it on his own.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly, carefully, made his way onto the bed... crawling to slip under the covers, body pressed up against Mako's, stomach to side. Makoto was warm. He was always warm. And the comfort was immediate. Though the guilt, fear, and doubt lingered, Haru nestled down against that broad shoulder and closed his eyes, desperately holding back the emotions that stirred in his heart.

It didn't matter if things would be all right, he realized. He still had this moment. This simple, peaceful moment of selfish comfort. Mako would allow him to be a coward for a few hours; he loved him. And in that knowledge, he drifted back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Bright lights and the finish line blurred and faded and Makoto returned to the dark hotel room. His surroundings became more clear as he felt, and saw, Haru at his side with his head on his shoulder that was nearly numb.

Haru seemed to be sleeping, though possibly just as his skin gave off a sheen as if he had been sweating. Makoto berated himself for falling asleep and failing to be there for him when he had awoken from a nightmare. Then he wondered if Haru would have crawled into bed if he were.

Slowly he shifted onto his side so Haru’s head rested more on his bicep and brought his other arm around him.

“Mmmakoto,” Haru murmured in a tired protest.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No.”

He couldn’t tell from just his tired voice then if he was lying. “I’m sorry I wasn’t awake when you…”

Haru nestled in closer and slid his arm around Makoto and grabbed at his shirt. “It’s fine.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve ever pressured you, Haru - joining the swim team, when I’ve asked you about the scouts… I never wanted, or meant, to-,”

Without a word, Haru shook the top of his head on Makoto’s chest while his grip on his shirt tightened.

Haru didn’t blame him, it did no good for him to blame himself further. Makoto then thought back to the conversation at dinner. “If the relay is too much stress, Rei, Nagisa and I agreed we would be fine with dropping out.” It didn’t hurt to offer even if he knew Haru wouldn’t accept it.

Without pause, “I will race like I promised.” _Because I want to swim with you. All of you_ , Makoto finished in his mind.

They laid in each other’s arms for several minutes before Makoto spoke again. “What do you need?”

Haru, for how close he already was, cuddled closer in response.

“Okay. If this is all I can do to help,” Makoto smiled and wrapped both his arms around Haru. “Sleep well, Haru.”

 

  
Morning light shone through the curtains that didn’t get closed completely the night before. Just as the rays were beginning to rouse Makoto, his orange wristwatch alarm went off on the bedstand. His eyes opened to see a head of black hair in his cramped arms.

Why was Haru in his bed and this close?

Suddenly the night before came to him and his face grew hot and his ears burned.

Haru had crawled into bed with him. _With. Him._ They hadn’t slept in the same bed like this since they were little. Late nights Haru would end up staying the night and sleep on the floor or next to him with very little contact, but this… He hadn’t asked, he woke up from his nightmare and got in bed and snuggled next to him like a security blanket.

Carefully he reached over Haru to the nightstand to silence the alarm, the bed groaned in protest, and returned to the position and tried to not to disturb the smaller boy’s sleep.

Was Makoto’s presence enough to ward off anymore nightmares? With how peaceful Haru looked, how warm his body was, still clinging to him, he must be. Having his heart throb over something else was a welcome change, he had to admit.

Haru stirred in the embrace and opened his eyes, blinking to awareness.

“G-good morning!” Makoto stuttered.

He nodded in greeting and retracted his arms, though remained resting on Makoto’s arm.

“D-did you sleep okay?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“I’m glad. Anytime.”

Haru gave a small grunt.

“So… we should probably get ready to meet everyone for breakfast?” He wondered if he should take his arms off Haru or not. Would it be rude?

“Right.” Haru raised himself, and Makoto took back his arms and tried to appear as natural about it as possible. If Haru was embarrassed about the situation he didn’t show it.

 

  
The teams readied themselves for the 400M medley. After a night’s rest, Haru was considerably better. What ailed him was still present, but a small weight had been lifted. Before nationals, Makoto hoped to figure out what to do to help him. At least help him realize he was capable of finding a dream of his own, swimming or not.

Iwatobi walked behind Samezuka and Rei was the first to comment on what they all noticed at once.

“Yamazaki-san’s shoulder…”

The taller boy’s right shoulder was swollen, purple, blue and red.

“I wonder what happened to it,” Nagisa asked.

Makoto took a step forward as if to caution Yamazaki-kun from swimming, but decided against it. Yamazaki-kun was like him. He too must have his reasons for risking it.

“Does he intend to swim in that condition?” Rei continued, interrupting Makoto’s thoughts.

“Yamazaki…” started Haru, and it surprised all of them as that was the first he’d spoken without prompt all weekend. “he saw our relay last year. After watching us, Yamazaki found his dream. And he learned what it means to swim with friends. He also gained a strong desire to swim the best possible relay on the best possible team. Even if it meant wreaking his shoulder. So, I want us to respond to his wish with all that we’ve got.”

“Right!” the team agreed.

They lined up behind their designated starting blocks.

“If you let your guard down, you’re in for some pain,” Nitori told Nagisa.

“Be careful not to let that confidence end up jinxing you,” Nagisa returned with a wink.

“I’ll show you my killer dolphin kick,” Mikoshiba’s little brother Momotarou said with a dramatic flourish of his arms.

Makoto chuckled and returned his own challenge, “Sadly, I don’t think you’ll have time to show that off.”

“I’m in no mood to lose,” Yamazaki-kun said to Rei.

“What a coincidence. I’m in no mood to do anything but win,” Rei looked to him without glasses, and Makoto wondered if he could see more than just the frame of Yamazaki-kun.

“This is our team. Our ultimate team,” Rin announced, facing forward.

“Right. I’d say the same of our team,” Haru replied.

At the end of the rivalry banter, four whistles blew and Makoto and Momotarou entered the water. They pulled into themselves at the bar and awaited the buzzer and they kicked off the wall. Momotarou initially held the lead with the speed of his dolphin kick, though once surfaced, Makoto caught up with his powerful strokes. At the turn he fell behind again, but eventually swam neck and neck to tag the platform at the same time for Nagisa and Nitori to dive in.

They stayed in sync with one another through most of the leg, Nagisa pulling through to the platform first for Rei.

Rei stayed ahead until halfway through the first leg, Yamazaki-kun miraculously taking the lead despite the late start. At the turn, he surfaced and his shoulder started to give him problems and he fell back.

Samezuka called out to him, Rin’s voice ringing louder than the others. It was enough to get him to the finish, but Rei was the first to touch.

Haru jumped with Rin a millisecond behind.

The water broke and crashed around them, leaving the other swimmers far behind as they swam neck and neck.

Samezuka cheered with their bullhorns, Iwatobi screamed as loud as they could with their few members.

They kicked from the wall at the turn, faster and faster they matched their speeds, unwilling to let up no matter the waves that tried to overpower the other.

Simultaneously their hands touched the platform and the buzzer blew. All looked to the scoreboard, holding breaths, to see who the judges determined who touched first from the camera view. Characters for Iwatobi flashed 1st place and Samezuka for 2nd place.

Applause rang through the arena.

“Haru!” Makoto leaned toward the edge to offer his hand.

Panting, Haru took it and hoisted out of the pool. Immediately Nagisa pounced on him.

They won. Iwatobi High won at regionals! Last year’s illegal match was memorable and worth the forfeit, but they had vowed to make it back and win to take them to the nationals. Now they had that chance. All jumped on Haru in celebration. A small smile crossed Haru’s lips to show he was pleased with the team, but beneath it Makoto saw he was hiding.

Despite the loss, looking over towards Rin and his newly formed teammates, they seemed to be having their own group hug and laughter together.

 

“Mako-chan, how are you feeling?” Nagisa asked loudly once they were in the locker room, remembering about Makoto’s condition. 

Had Makoto not taken his blood thinners the morning of, he would have been in much worse shape. He was light headed and his heart was still in the process of calming from the race and excitement, some beats sharper than others. Discomforting, but manageable. “Better than I thought I’d be,” he smiled and reached for his bag with his medication inside.

“Good, cause collapsing is bad!”

Rei gave a groan at his lack of tact, while Makoto was grateful that he wasn’t making a big spectacle about it.

Today proved he would be fine with a little adjusting.

“Mako-chan is feeling better. Haru-chan is feeling better. We won the regionals medley and are going to nationals. I’d say today is up there in best days, ever!”

“You may be exaggerating, Nagisa-kun…”

“Don’t be such a wet _towel_ , Rei-chan!” Nagisa tightened his towel in his two hands and then let it rip against Rei’s bare rear.

Rei yelped and pulled back on his legskins to chase a shrieking Nagisa around the locker room.

“Now, now, you two; Gou-chan and Ama-chan-sensei are waiting for us so we can get going home,” Makoto called to deaf ears. “Really…” For a moment he turned to Haru for assistance, but his friend was separated from the world around him as he pulled his shirt on over his head.

If only Haru was feeling better as Nagisa observed. The speech about Yamazaki-kun had been inspired, but it seemed to only add to his pensiveness.

Gou calling to the boys impatiently from the entrance is what eventually stopped Rei and Nagisa from their game. Slinging their bags over their shoulders, Team Iwatobi boarded their bus home.  
Makoto followed behind Haru onto the bus to find a seat. He walked to nearly the back and sat on the cushioned bench. Makoto paused before taking the seat next to him, waiting for permission.  
Blue eyes glanced at the space beside him, then up at Makoto, then back to the seat - it was okay. Requested, even.

Smiling, Makoto sat next to him.

 

The bus came to its final stop and Makoto opened his eyes, realizing he had fallen asleep. On Haru’s shoulder, no less and had been grasping on the hem of his jersey. Haru didn’t say anything, just looked out the window and waited for Makoto to get up.

Sheepishly he scooted away and into the aisle. “Sorry, Haru.” He knew he wasn’t bothered by it, but felt the need to apologize, anyway.

“It’s fine.”

“Goodnight everyone,” Ama-sensei said. “Congratulations, again. Please walk home safe and I’ll see you in class, tomorrow.”

The boys yawned even though the sun had just set as they exited the bus. Rei and Nagisa left to go to the rail station while Makoto and Haru started their walk home.

“Did you want to come over for dinner?” Makoto offered once their feet touched the sidewalk of the beach. “Mom texted me saying she was making oyakodon. I’m sure she can make yours with mackerel.”

“I don’t want to be a bother. You should celebrate the win with your family.”

_It’s your win, too. You are basically part of the family and they’ll ask about you._ “Will you be okay?”

“Yeah. Tell your mom thanks for offering.”

They approached the steps where they would part.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” Makoto asked, leaving room for Haru to change his mind.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” Haru raised a foot and headed up the stairs.

  
Ren and Ran were at the door to greet Makoto with a tackling hug. The commotion drew his mother and father in and they embraced him. They all inquired as to where Haruka was and with a shake of his head, said that he was really tired after the match and wanted to rest. It at least was partially possibly true.

Oyakodon was made and some was set aside for Makoto to take to Haru for lunch tomorrow for missing out. Over the dinner table, Makoto told them how they all did in their individual matches, though leaving out the bit of Haru standing in the pool (saying he was out of it and placed too low, timewise), briefly about Yamazaki-kun’s shoulder injury and how he swam anyway and the friendly rivalry they all had.

As expected, his mother and father gave grim expressions when they asked how he was feeling. They never believed he was fine when he said he was, always having to elaborate and nearly give a breakdown on a pain scale. He hated to say ‘for the moment’, but as his discomfort came on a day-by-day basis, it was all he had. “I got through my match without any problems, even though I lost. The competition was just that good! I honestly don’t think my speed wavered that much, regionals just had really good swimmers. Then I went to bed and passed out pretty good that night. Then the relay in the morning and I didn’t mess up like at prefectures.”

He swirled his rice around on his plate. “My heart was pounding, but that’s normal even if I didn’t have a problem. Small stings. I’m tired now and my light-headedness feels a little better now that I’ve eaten something. I’ve taken my medication, I’m okay right now, Mom, Dad.”

Why couldn’t they believe him? Why did they have to look at him like _that_?

“We’re happy that you made it to nationals, Son, but…” his father began, but was interrupted by the twins asking about the food in the big city.

Grateful for the deterrent, he indulged his siblings. 

After the plates were cleared, Makoto went upstairs to the bath to turn in early for the night. He allowed himself to relax in the water and let it lap around him and sink as far as he could. Water always brought peace, even if it wasn’t his world like it was Haru’s. Warm and soothing. He got out before he drifted to sleep.

He bid his family good night and turned off the light to his bedroom, stepped to his bed, flopped, and sank into the mattress, embracing the cool sheets on his freshly bathed skin. Closing his eyes, he waited for sleep to overtake him.

Cold. Tingly.

He raised from his stomach, unsure if he had slept at all, and immediately his arms buckled for lack of circulation. The impact to his bed brought back the light-headedness and escalated to a pounding sensation in his head.

With great effort, he rolled onto his back and tried to breathe. A sharp beat, and then a pain like a mallet to his chest brought on a new wave of bodily pain.

“M-mom!” he called in a straining voice. “Dad!” They wouldn’t hear him.

He reached for the edge of the bed and pulled himself towards it, slowly hinging himself upright, stabbing pains shooting, and he fell to the floor.

The thud caused alarm to his parents that were still awake below and they came rushing up the stairs, turned on the light to see their son in a heap of tangled sheets, gasping for air and relief.

“Makoto!” his mother screamed.

He knew he didn’t look good. He didn’t feel good.

“Tadashi, we have to get him to the hospital,” his mother told her husband, and already he was at his son on the floor, disassembling him from the sheet and sitting him up.

Makoto closed his eyes at the spinning world around him.

His father stood in front of him for a panicked moment, reconsidered, then came from behind him and hoisted him up by his armpits. “Emiko, take him by his feet.”

_I’m too big. I’m too heavy. They can’t..._ With eyes still closed and a grunt, wobbily he used his father as support to try to stand and another dizzy spell hit and he fell for his father to catch.

“Makoto, no!” he held him by the shoulders to sit him back down, propping him against the bed. “You don’t need to do anything; let us take care of you.”

“We should call an ambulance, Tadashi,” his mother suggested, realizing their predicament. “You and I can’t carry him down the stairs.”

“You’re right,” he accepted bitterly. “Emiko, call them.”

She ran out the door to fetch the phone.

“Hang on, Makoto; they’re coming for you.”

Moving his jaw to speak took too many muscles, it hurt to think about. Thinking about anything other than breathing was hard. He heard his father’s voice, but couldn’t make out the distinct words as he felt a hand brush his face and something warm press against his forehead.

Sirens sounded outside and that was the last he heard until it became too much to remain conscious.


	6. My Heart was Heavy as Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor's instructions. The doubt settling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a heads up: I did graduate from a medical transcription home course. The internet is also my friend. Also, multiple opinions from various doctors is highly recommended o_o

Zig-zagged light fixtures obscured the view of the sky. Sounds of buzzers and whistles, laughter and shouts, water splashing and rippling echoed in the large arena.

He was swimming his favored stroke again, smooth motions that propelled him forward. To his right was Haru and to his left was Rin, although they swam freestyle. They passed him and reached the platform and the buzzer sounded to announce the winner, leaving Makoto far behind.

 

His heavy eyelids opened, awareness adjusting to the dim room and shrill, uneven beeping.

Another dream about swimming accompanying a heart attack. 

“Makoto,” his mother spoke softly as if her voice would be painful to his ears. She crossed over to the bed from her chair and planted a kiss on his forehead.

The contact made him aware of the thin breathing tubes in his nose. He looked down to the pressure on his chest to see the EKG wires and the IV attached to his arm. He didn’t want to get used to this.

“Makoto, are you…”

He knew she wanted to ask ‘alright’, but that would be a useless question as it was obvious he wasn’t. Nothing felt right and he couldn’t deny it anymore or pretend he was going to be - last night was enough to convince him of that. “I’ll be okay,” was his croaked response.

Her motherly smile saw through his lie. “Now that you’re awake, the cardiologist will come and talk to us.”

“Where’s Dad?” he asked, noticing his coat draped on the empty seat next to his mother’s.

“He went home to check on your brother and sister. And to call his work.”

A clock on the wall indicated it was morning. Just after the time Makoto would have left home to pick up Haru for school before all of this started to happen.

Haru would be waiting for him at the bottom of the steps not knowing what happened the night before. Unless, “Did you or Dad tell Haru what happened?

Mrs. Tachibana’s shoulders slumped. “Oh. No, we haven’t called him. Your father should be there long enough if Haruka-chan stops by the house for you.”

What would Haru do? Would he go to school on his own or go home and wait for him to get back from the hospital? Something like this hasn’t happened before and he worried about how he’d react.

“I’m sorry, Makoto,” his mother said, noticing how occupied he was. “It was very hectic last night, neither of us were thinking.”

“No… it’s not your fault.”

A knock at the door came and in stepped an aging man with prominent smile lines. “Good morning, Tachibana-kun. How are you feeling?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer. “Better, I think.”

The cardiologist grabbed for his charts and started to thumb through the pages, reviewing the notes and diagnosis. He looked at the EKG monitor and back to the charts, unclicked a pen in his pocket and jotted down some readings. “Good, good. And looks like we can get rid of these,” he rolled over on his chair and pulled out the breathing tubes.

Makoto scrunched his nose after they were out to suppress a sneeze.

“You were admitted nearly a month ago for a heart attack due to athletic overexertion?”

“His enlarged heart, correct?” Mrs. Tachibana offered.

“Stress of the enlarged heart which can be caused by athletic activities,” he clarified. “Would you say you have a record of over-training?”

He blinked. “No.”

The man pointedly observed Makoto’s broad shoulders that tightened the fabric across his chest and bulging biceps at the sleeves. Mrs. Tachibana shrugged helplessly at the doctor’s disbelief. “I see.”

“I’ve only started to feel symptoms of something wrong since the start of the school year.”

Again the cardiologist referenced the charts. “As this is your second heart attack and you have been experiencing prolonged symptoms, Tachibana-kun, your career as a swimmer should not be pursued. I recommend your activities cease immediately.”

The possibility had swarmed around his darkest thoughts since his first heart-attack. The loss at regionals in his individual event and not being a competitor against Haru, he’d had his doubts of his abilities for a while. But he loved swimming and being told he couldn’t… “I can’t! We made it to nationals and I can’t let my team down. Please don’t make me quit.”

“Legally I can’t make you do anything, Tachibana-kun. It is merely my duty as your doctor to advise you against things that endanger your health. Treating your condition sooner rather than later will be less of a risk to you in the long run. You’ll need to be at resting pace to undergo tests in order for us to conclude what specifically your condition is as well as its treatment. An enlarged heart could mean a number of things, sometimes it’s harmless, but since you have experienced attacks and discomfort, it’s likely a cause for concern.”

Makoto sank into his bed. The pain of last night and the doctors words weighed on his chest. He knew it was serious. Felt it and hated that he couldn’t run away anymore. It was why he never made it to the finish line in his dreams. The cardiologist spoke so stern and gentle, it showed he was used to breaking bad news. If he had to give up swimming, he wanted to go through to the end. “Please. I need to go to nationals.”

“That is entirely at your own discretion. Continuing now could escalate your condition. I know this is hard for a boy your age - competitive sports are a big deal.”

His mother watched him, hands nervously fidgeting in her lap. Several times she opened her mouth to intervene, then retreated - Makoto knew whose side she was on. 

Clenching the bed sheets, he swallowed. Swimming was much more than a sport to him. “After nationals I will quit. Then I will come here and you can do what you need to.”

The cardiologist looked at his mother. His pager at his side beeped and the sound caused him to stand. “I will let you talk over things with your mother. Later this afternoon I’d like to do an angiogram regardless of what you decide. Excuse me; I have a patient in the CCU I need to see to right now.” With a bow, he left the room.

“You heard what he said, Makoto,” his mother said, taking his hand. “It’s not worth the risk.”

Hospitals always reminded him of Nao-senpai. It was so long ago, but he never forgot how they went to see him before his eye surgery and the counsel he gave him and his classmates. He told Makoto to be more selfish. At the time it bothered him - why would he want to be selfish? Helping other people made him feel good about himself and see others smile and be happy, and in some roundabout way, wasn’t that selfish reasons? Yet as he sat there with the doctor and his mother cautioning him to not do something, he felt very strongly that he had to go against their wishes and do what he wanted. What he needed. What he felt was the most important.

A head of raven black hair poked its head in for a moment and then retracted. Had Makoto not been facing towards the door he would have missed it. 

“Haru?” All at once his heart felt lighter and heavier.

He peeked inside, more of himself revealing. “Mako...to?”

For a moment all the anxiety he was feeling ebbed as his friend showed himself. “Ah, it is you, Haru! Please come in.”

Stridling inside, he came to the bed, brows drawn in worry, tight-lipped. He glanced at the EKG and IV then at Makoto’s face and one towards his mother.

“I’m sorry that we didn’t call you, Haruka-chan,” she bowed towards him, which he seemed uncomfortable about.

Again he looked from one to the other. Waiting for an explanation. That’s what his eyes were asking Makoto, and suddenly Makoto couldn’t say anything.  
“Makoto had another heart attack last night. It was worse than the first time.”

He wasn’t sure when he looked to his mother for assistance, but he’s glad she noticed.

Haru turned to Makoto again, eyes brimming with concern. “A ... heart attack?”

“Yes. His heart isn’t doing well.”

“But I'm okay right now,” Makoto finally spoke, brightening. “Yeah. Just tired. Should be be able to go home tomorrow or the next, probably.”

Haru froze in place.

Mrs. Tachibana shifted awkwardly in her seat, no doubt feeling the thick air in the room. “I will leave you two alone. I’m going to the cafeteria for some breakfast.” She stood - “I’ll be back in a while.” - and left.

Silently, Haru sunk into Mrs. Tachibana’s vacant seat.

“I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to tell you how I’ve been feeling lately, but something’s always come up,” Makoto said. He knew they were poor excuses.

“Makoto…”

“With prefectures and regionals coming up, and then practices on top of that with practice exams for graduation we have to study for. And then I’ve been worried about you.”

“Why were you worried about _me_?! You.. you... was it the relay? How long has this been going on?”

Startled by how livid Haru suddenly was, quietly Makoto answered, “W-worried about the scouts. Then there was what happened at regionals, I… And it's been going on since the start of this year - before the relay.”

Haru was back on his feet, fists at his side and staring intently. “Makoto!”

“It hasn't gotten this bad until now, though.”

“How long to recover?”

“Oh, I’ll be going home in the next day or two,” he smiled.

Haru wasn’t amused. “No - to completely recover.”

“... I don't know. Neither do the doctors. At first they thought it was Athlete's Heart as it happens with runners and swimmers frequently, isn't life threatening usually and the heart returns to normal. But with my symptoms, it’s possible it’s something else.”

“So, you’re not okay,” Haru said, sitting down, his voice softening.

Try as he might, he knew he couldn’t stop the trembling of his body. “I’m not okay.” He felt Haru’s eyes on him, watching and waiting, and then heard the chair scoot on the linoleum tiled floor. “I was told if I stopped swimming, I could have gotten better.”

“Why didn’t you?” the calm on the verge of breaking again.

“Because I couldn't let you down. I didn't want to make it so you or Rei or Nagisa couldn't swim in the tournaments.”

“Makoto… it doesn't matter! The swimming doesn't... not... not if…”

“But there's the chance I wouldn't have gotten better! Stop, don't stop… I didn't want to give up. I didn’t want to believe there was something wrong with me. Not after everything we've been through.” He felt Haru put a hand on his, but still he couldn’t bring himself to look at him. “I thought maybe there was a mistake. They’re wrong. I'm fine. I'm healthy aren't I? Then slowly…”

Lifting his head, he met Haru’s eyes. So many words lingered behind those ocean eyes - Why? Why are you hurting? Don’t say things like this. Don’t leave. He wanted to stop talking so Haru didn’t have to hurt anymore, worry or be scared, but it was too late. “If I stopped I would have regretted it. And I didn't want to stop those moments together.”

“I guess... we just need to... be glad we have those.”

“Yeah…” Makoto trailed off for a good while. “But I’ve decided that after nationals I will quit.”

“You're going to do it again?!”

“Haru, I can't stop when we're in!”

“It's not worth your life!” He squeezed at his hand, eyes growing more intense by the second.

“Haru…”

“If you don't quit, _I will_!”

“What? Haru, no. I know there's been pressure, but, the team - everything that we've -- I can do it. I know I can. Please don’t say you’ll quit.”

“But what if you have another heart attack? What if it kills you?!”

“I’ve been able to pull through so far…”

“‘So far’ ... Makoto...!”

“I'm strong enough is what I mean.”

“ _Are you_?” Haru’s blue eyes challenged.

“It's a few weeks out… I can be back up on my feet by then. At least that’s how it went with regionals, anyway.”

“What does the doctor say about you swimming?”

“Oh, they tell me to stop every time I'm here.”

Haru didn’t say anything, just looked disappointed.

“What would you do if you were me? ”

Instead of answering, he leaned over to rest his forehead on top of the hand that still had Makoto’s.

Makoto carefully lifted his arm with the IV to pat Haru’s head, lingering on some strands. He didn’t need to answer; he knew he wouldn’t give up swimming, either. “Please, Haru? I... want to see this year to the end. I don’t want the team to have to forfeit.”

Haru sat up slowly, once more looking at Makoto in the eyes, and then quietly, “Is this really what you want?”

The hand that had been on his head was then placed on top of Haru’s. "I've never wanted something so much. Swimming with you is worth it."

A small “Mako...to,” escaped Haru’s lips as he unsuccessfully held back tears.

Makoto then allowed the dam he held to break. “After nationals I will quit - I promise.”

 

Haru remained at the hospital. Makoto protested, saying he needed to go to school since it was so important as their last year. Eventually, Haru responded, saying, “It’s not so important right now.” At that, Makoto surrendered, a pleasant churning inside.

Early afternoon, the cardiologist returned and unhooked Makoto from the EKG and IV line and lead him to the cath lab. Haru and his mother followed after and took a seat against the wall. Makoto was instructed to lay on the thin and narrow table next to monitors and machines he couldn’t identify. He didn’t like the look of them or how insecure he felt on the table once he laid down. Haru shared his unease while his mother was anxious, though curious.

The cardiologist told him they’d be mildly sedating him to relax and alleviate any pain he could feel during the catheterization, and to inform them if he did feel pain. The warning served to make him more nervous about the procedure. Through the IV attachment still strapped to his arm, he inserted the sedative and a burning sting followed.

“You’ll be alright,” the cardiologist said. “All we’re going to do is stick this wire in you and take some pictures of your heart. Shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

It was where they were sticking it and what the photo results would say that bothered. But after a few seconds, the IV did its job and he loosened. There was a pinch at insertion, then an odd poke ever so often as the wire made its way through his body - no hurt, just strange and he tried not to think about what it was touching inside. As Makoto laid there, he watched the doctor’s expression as images projected on the monitors. While he couldn’t make much of the dark blobs and thin lines that looked like branches, the cardiologist was gravely concerned.

No. He had to stick to his decision. One more race, that’s all.

“I’ll compare this with the next time I see you,” the cardiologist said, making notes in Makoto’s charts.

 

His mother wasn’t taking his decision well after speaking with the cardiologist. Haru remained silent on the matter, as his mother paced restlessly back in his room in the cardiology ward. Luckily his father had not returned as his mom confirmed Makoto was stable and it was safe for him to return to work, otherwise he’d have both of them staring him down.

“I don’t want to live with regrets and I know not swimming in the nationals is something I’ll regret. If I stopped swimming now and healed after nationals and didn’t try? Please, Mom. I … I want to do this.”

She wasn’t used to him being stubborn on matters that concerned himself and it showed. Her expressions tethered on impressed and shocked. “But, what if this is what takes your life? Or is what makes all hope of you healing disappear? Think about this carefully, Makoto.”

“I don’t want to think about the race taking me. Making it more likely that I’ll die sooner than normal life expectancy? That’s okay. I’ll live my life to the fullest that I can.”

Haru stood from his seat and excused himself.

He wished his mother would stop pressing him. Couldn’t she see how upset it was making Haru? “Who is to say that I won’t heal eventually? I’m giving up swimming for that hope. Whether I stopped then or now, there’s no guarantees I will get better and I need to be okay with both possibilities.”

The tears and cries she had been holding broke loose. She sat herself down in her seat, scooted closer to Makoto’s bed and laid her head down next to him. “My little boy is so brave...!”

If only he felt brave.

 

Once his mother calmed herself, she decided she was going to go into town to the bakery to buy Makoto his favorite chocolate pastry, as well as something that actually tasted good for dinner as hospital cuisine was less than desirable. Since Makoto had to stay another night to make sure he’d have no reactions to the angiogram, she offered to treat the boys to a snack. With a mention of Haru only wanting mackerel, she left the pair alone.

Haru held a canned coffee in his hands.

Quiet and still, there was always something comforting about Haru’s presence. “Are you sure you want to stay the night?” he asked, knowing what the answer would be.

“I’ll stay.” Haru swished around the liquid in the can to cool it a little. Boss Black - that usually meant he was in a bad mood.

“I’m surprised Nagisa and Rei haven’t shown up. If I had my phone, I’m sure I’d have a ton of unlistened messages, wondering why we weren’t at school today!”

Haru reached for his phone which was actually in his pocket for once and not in his backpack, forgotten. “I called them earlier.”

“Oh! Thank you, Haru.” Makoto wondered if Haru had requested they not visit, otherwise they’d be in the room, now. “Were they worried?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess it’s fair everyone knows.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for being here today, Haru. I… I really appreciate it.”

“Sure.”

His terse responses were laced with sadness. He wanted to talk about something else. Something more hopeful, showing Haru that he was okay, could be okay. “Hey, Haru. I’ve been thinking about after graduation-,”

The can in Haru’s hand crunched, some coffee splashing out.

Immediately Makoto dropped the subject. He wasn’t planning on asking Haru about his plans, only share how far he’d gotten with his own to get his mind going, and perhaps help spark something in Haru, but…

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“When mom gets back you should have a bite of my pastry! It’s really delicious.”

“Too sweet,” he said, drinking bitterness.


	7. Know That if I Knew All of the Answers I Would Not Hold Them From You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choices. A helping hand. The Fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those High Speed spoilers, man...
> 
> Okay, no, sorry, this chapter isn't full of fluffy thoughts. BUT, here's some words from my beta/co-writer:
> 
> Hello, dear readers! I just wanted to take the opportunity to express my appreciation for your continued encouragement and support on our little project. We have had this story outlined and in progress for months and months, now, and it is extremely gratifying to see that the readers are enjoying it, even though it's causing them physical and emotional distress. Whoops. 
> 
> Please continue to read and fret, and we will continue to revise and post. Krista/Shar has put a ton of work into this, so make sure to give her lots and lots of love for her efforts. 
> 
> Oh, and we've both written other FREE! drabbles and things, so go read them to make you feel better. Maybe get some tea or hot cocoa, too. Big warm fuzzy blanket? Something like that. ☺ We'll get through this-- together! 
> 
> With love,  
> Gabapple

Discharge occurred the next morning after school had already started. Makoto encouraged Haru to go and be late as he was still in his school uniform, but he said he didn’t see much point to it when it already started and he’d texted Rei and Nagisa saying he wasn’t going, anyway. Makoto sensed he didn’t want to go to school without him, but didn’t call him out on it. Mrs. Tachibana detoured up the road to take Haru home.

  
“I’ll see you tomorrow at school, Haru,” Makoto told him as he stepped onto the gravel.

“Yeah.” Haru steadily walked towards his house, withdrew his key from his pocket and opened the door.

Why did Haru have to know? He had enough of his own to worry about.

Ren and Ran attached themselves to Makoto when he walked in the door as they always did, though they held relief in their eyes. How much had their father told them of his condition?

“Don’t hurt anymore, okay Big Brother?” They looked at him with their large eyes.

‘Hurt’ was an understatement, but it was a perfectly simplistic way of viewing his ailment. To a child, that was the only word they could associate with it. “I’ll be okay, you two.” It was getting harder to believe his lie like he did the day before yesterday.

 

Again, fellow classmates offered their condolences to his health, this time with more extravagance - he figured that was Rei and Nagisa’s influence. Attention was something he’d always try to avoid and now attention was always what he got; a constant reminder of what was wrong. being congratulate at winning at regionals served as some sort of reprieve.

  
Rei was an avid fan of Haru’s swimming, so it was no surprise to overhear him talking to Nagisa about noticing the decline in Haru’s form. It was bad enough when Makoto noticed something was wrong, even worse when it was obvious to everyone else.

Haru started staying longer after practice to swim. Swimming in solitary was normal for him, but it was happening so often, they knew it wasn’t to perfect his form or just to feel the water longer; it was to soften the storm that was evident inside him.

While he tried to find himself, it left Makoto to walk home by himself.

He had to be better about being natural as before, maybe more smiles for extra measure. Detour the conversation from himself so there is no room for questions or those expressions of worry.

He had to live as if he’d live a long time, make the most of his life. Knowing what he wanted for himself was the only road block in that mantra.

The career path assignment sheet with his answer of _local university_ was still written lightly on the blank.

Tottorii was closest; he’d be able to see his family and friends often and the campus was nice according to the brochures that he picked up in the guidance office. Mimasaka was further inland, but also close enough to visit on weekends. Both had good programs, but Makoto didn’t know what program he wished to join. The counselors told him that was normal to change majors several times throughout the duration of their university days. Changing from major to major was a luxury of time he didn’t have; his choice had to count.

“Haru, about after graduation...” he’d try to start with his best friend, but Haru would respond with silence, a stern insistence to change the subject, a change in direction of the path they walked, or pretend to mishear the incomplete sentence. All he wanted to do was talk to Haru and have his opinion, but maybe he was too afraid he’d start asking him about his own plans.

Makoto was surely curious about what Haru wanted, but didn’t want to press the matter. But the more he tried to talk to him, the more distant he became. Regionals and his hospitalization had caused a rift in their communication and in Haru’s mental and emotional state. He was worried about him. Did he really see nothing in himself? Somehow he had to help Haru realize the gifts he had to make it in the world on his own.

On his own.

Suddenly the pain of guilt came back and it was for an entirely different reason. He came to this realization before, but admitting it with those words… it sounded so lonely, as if he were abandoning him. No, it was part of life, wasn’t it?

Though abandoning wasn’t the right word.

It was giving Haru a chance to stand and live the life he needed for himself. Being independent. Self-reliant.

Had Makoto been weighing him down all these years by inadvertently taking up his time and not encouraging him more? Coddling and doting him.

If his health wasn’t becoming a factor for his own urgency to find his place in the world, would he feel lonely when the time came to go separate ways?

University of Tokyo. The brochure was hefty and the application forms and scholarship and intuition forms also seemed daunting. He wasn’t sure why he felt he needed to grab for it amongst the several schools that were in the prefecture. Tokyo was at least seven hours away on the rail line, yet he couldn’t help but thumb through what the campus had to offer.

The guidance counselor said "Todai" was the popular choice as it was a prestigious school, rated number one in Asia. If Makoto was unsure of what he wanted to study in, a place like Todai was a good place to discover it and he could always transfer with his credits from it, easily. There were hundreds of universities and community colleges throughout Tokyo and Kanto’s region, so he’d never feel limited. Too many options was starting to become overwhelming.

A smaller brochure was behind University of Tokyo's for Tokyo for Gakugei University, with an emphasis on education. He grabbed that one from the fanned out selection as well, lingering on the photo of children in a classroom, a fond smile crossing his lips as he remembered his class at Sasabe’s club.

“If you don’t make the right choice for you at first, it’s okay,” said the counselor. “Transferring schools, or majors, is a completely normal thing.”

He didn’t get to be normal as he knew he wouldn’t be living to the age of everyone else and thinking about it made him clutch his stack of brochures and feel nauseous. “Thank you for your help,” Makoto stood and bowed then left the office, sliding the door shut behind him.

In a thoughtful daze, he walked to his locker to retrieve his shoes, slipping his foot out of his slippers and into shoes. Without realizing it, he was outside the school and saw Haru standing on the side yard with his back to him, a taller boy several feet in front of him as if they were talking to each other before he reached him.

“Haru?”

Before he knew it, they were walking side by side.

“It’s been awhile since we’ve walked home together,” Makoto stated. “You’ve been staying after practice to keep swimming on your own, lately.”

“What were you doing doing here?” Haru asked, changing the subject.

“I was… just talking a little bit with Ama-chan sensei. That’s why…”

“Oh.”

“Y-yeah.” Makoto couldn’t tell if Haru knew he was lying, but it didn’t defuse the ache in his stomach. Haru didn’t want to talk about it anyway. “It’s almost time for the Obon Festival,” Makoto changed gears, quickly.

“Yeah.”

“Are your parents coming home?”

“At the end of summer.”

He chuckled. “They’re always such free spirits.” How long had it been since he'd seen them?

The pair came to a town notice board with flyers of upcoming events. A firework display and spirit boat procession would be part of this year’s events.

“Oh yeah! We should all go watch the firework display together,” Makoto suggested, turning to Haru with an inviting smile. “We’ll invite Rei and Nagisa and everyone, too.”

The suggestion brought a loose smile to Haru’s lips, unexpected for how he’d been the last week. Maybe he did need an event away from swimming and a gathering of loved ones to feel at peace.

A silence fell between them the rest of the way home, though much less tense. If Haru was easing up, maybe Makoto could tell him about his thoughts on a school to attend. With his suggestion for teaching Hayato to swim, he was curious what kind of advice he’d give on the matter. Besides, his talk with the counselor was occupying his thoughts so much, he didn’t want Haru to think something else could be the matter.

“Later,” Haru said as they reached their fork of parting. He was about to ascend the steps when Makoto called to him.

“I, um… I wanted to talk to you about about post-graduation plans…” The nagging ache in his core to talk to him wouldn’t leave.

“I’m done talking about that.”

“No. Wait. I didn’t mean-”

“Brother!” Ren and Ran came from the side stairs and hugged Makoto around his middle, no doubt wondering why he was so late getting home. “Welcome home! Dinner is ready.”

“You come, too, Haru-chan!” Ren said.

“Let’s eat together!” Ran chimed.

With a gentle smile, “I’ll pass for today.”

“Aww… come eat with us next time, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Good night,” they called in unison, their voices ringing with disappointment.

 

“Please take a look at this.” Gou held up a sheet of paper with colored circles and lines in the changing room. “I’ve made a graph of your swim times.”

Rei leaned in. “Our relay times have gotten slower…”

“Precisely. Since regionals, all your individual times have been improving. But for some reason, your time for the relay has not.”

“But our exchanges seem to be going well,” Haru offered.

“So we swim worse when we are together?” Nagisa whined.

“That couldn’t be!” Rei said.

“This is a serious problem,” Gou continued. “Coach Sasabe is planning on adjusting your training regimens, so until nationals, please do your utmost to figure out how to pull yourselves out of this!”  
How could they be doing worse? They won at regionals, beating Samezuka who were known to train hard, and yet their times were slipping despite the switch off practice. Could it be they all felt out of sync because of Haru? Out of all of them, Haru was the most troubled by this news.

 

Makoto opened his phone and texted. / _Hey, I’m sorry if I’m bothering you and this is late notice, but, would you be able to meet me tonight?_ /

/ _You never text me. What’s going on? Are you okay?_ / Rin asked.

/ _It’s about Haru. Can you meet me at the cafe by Ryuganji Shrine?_ /  


Makoto barely had enough time to lean against the wall of the cafe’s waiting room before Rin appeared - he was never one to run late. He smiled at him, but Rin was taking the request too seriously to return it, sensing there was nothing to be smiling about.

“Let’s get a table and we’ll talk,” he said as if he were the one to arrange the meeting.

They were seated at a booth towards the back, which Makoto preferred in case Rin overreacted and caused a scene. Both ordered tea, peppermint with melted chocolate for Makoto, and oolong for Rin.

“I’d say congrats on actually asking for help for once, but seeing as you are asking because of someone else… eh, I guess it’s a step.”

“Heh, well, I really do need help on this one.”

“Right. Before we get to that…” He lowered his mug to the table. “How are you doing? Nagisa told me you had another heart attack.”

“I figured it’d get around to you…”

“It’s a good thing Nagisa feels the need to keep me in the loop, otherwise I’d never know!”

“Sorry...”

“So? Spill.”

Gently he rotated his mug, watching the ripples shift as it cooled. “There’s something wrong with my heart. At first they thought it was enlargement due to Athlete's Heart, which is usually harmless with rests in between, but… my symptoms are pointing to something worse.”

“‘Fraid I don’t know a lot about heart conditions. Is there treatment for you to get better?”

“I don’t know. They said they wouldn’t know for sure until they run some tests and I’m at a resting state.”

“What about nationals?”

“After nationals… I’ll be quitting swimming. That’s the only thing I’ve been told so far that could do me some good.”

Rin’s mug clinked onto the matching saucer and a crack formed at the base.

For someone like Rin who nearly quit himself, hearing that a good friend was forced to quit must be hard. There were times he was glad he only shared his telepathic connection with Haru. 

Rin grit his jagged teeth. “It makes sense, I guess. I’d say quit before then so you don’t cause another attack, but, I wouldn’t quit before something as big as nationals, either.”

At least Rin could understand that much. “I promised my doctor, family and Haru that I wouldn’t swim anymore after that. It’s okay, though - I’ve realized it’s not the kind of world that I want.”

“But your _form_! It’s…” he stopped mid his praise, probably to not seem like he was encouraging Makoto to keep swimming to his doom. But in his eyes, how his hands twitched at his mug that he managed to not damage more, he was upset over the news, muttering something that sounded like ‘not you, too.’ “I’m sorry, Makoto,” he finally said.

“I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about it.”

Another sip, he set his tea down, cushioning its return to the saucer. “So what’s got you worked up about Haru? I imagine he’s not taking your being sick very well.”

“Not at all, no. There’s nothing I can do about him worrying about me, though there’s something else that’s been weighing him down.”

Rin looked at his mug, guilty. “Was it what happened at regionals?”

“Yeah.”

“I know what I said set him off. I just… I worry about what he’s doing to his future by acting like he doesn’t care when he sure as hell should.”

“It wasn’t just your words that bothered him. The scouts kept saying things to him about potential and counting on him to make the school proud - I think the pressure got to him.”

“He’s so indifferent at everything. After all the times I’ve been on him, he sure doesn’t let me pressure him.”

“You influence him a lot more than you think you do.”

“It’d be nice if it showed,” Rin sighed.

Makoto laughed at that. “Well, if he didn’t see you running in elementary school to condition yourself, who knows if he’d have the endurance he does now.”

“Too bad that’s all he’s ever done outside of swimming laps!”

“Oh, we had some other exercises back in middle school. Nao-senpai and Nishi-senpai were strict!”

“You’re the only one of your team that took training seriously! Haru is just some kind of monster with all that natural skill he has.”

“I don’t know about monster, but he certainly is incredible. Anyway, Rin, as you know he’d never admit to it, but I feel he truly does admire your spirit and drive towards a goal. You’re a hard-working athlete and we all know you’ll achieve your dream.”

He hid his embarrassed face behind his raised mug. “Don’t tell me you came out here to say Haru is actually jealous of me or something.”

“Not… exactly. Haru’s lost right now. With the scouts and nationals and graduation, I think he’s getting scared of the expectations and unknowns.”

“He doesn’t have any dreams…” Rin trailed, morosely, thinking back to the dark locker room. 

“I don’t want to believe that’s the case. It may just be a matter of realizing one - finding it. Haru is so talented in many aspects, he just needs to acknowledge it for himself. Since regionals he has been distant.”

He caught Rin’s raised eyebrow. “More distant.”

“Even from you?”

“Even from me. Me winding up in the hospital the night we got back hasn’t helped things. It’s all been weighing on his mind and taking its toll to the point of avoidance and I’m worried for him. Between you and the scouts and how much he loves swimming, he could be thinking it’s what he has to do since that’s what everyone is expecting him to do and he doesn’t understand that’s not how it has to be.”

“If he really didn’t want to swim professionally, why the hell would he keep it up for so long? With the Iwatobi club and school clubs, he’s been competing all his life. You can’t tell me he doesn’t crave it to some degree. He easily could have swam in all his spare time at a community center for his water urges. That’s what pisses me off.”

“I agree, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s unsure of what to do. Graduation is terrifying to any third year, really.”

“Have _you_ decided?”

He knew the question would come at some point in talking to Rin. The last two days he had looked at what the counselors had given him. So far, he knew one thing. “I want to go to a university in Tokyo.”

“Tokyo?” Rin asked, brows knitting slightly. “That’s far. Have you ever left Iwatobi?”

Makoto’s lips tightened for a moment. “No, but… I don’t know, Tokyo seems to be the place those of us out in smaller prefectures want to go to. Big city, plenty of opportunities. A change of pace and scenery sounds nice.”

“Yeah, a _big_ change, especially for you. You’ll be away from your family and Haru; are you okay with that? Will you be okay with your…?”

“The best schools are out there and it’ll help me realize what I want to do with my life. Oh, and there are really good doctors and cardiologists out there, too! I was looking at that with my parents last night. My family will be sad, but they want me to do what I feel is right and, well, right now that’s what I want to do.”

“And Haru?”

“I’ve tried talking to him about it, but everytime I try, he pushes me away. I know it’s because he really doesn’t want to talk about graduation plans; mine or his. I want him to think about his plans, and I thought maybe if I talked about mine he’d feel comfortable with thinking about his.”

“Have your attempts been before or after he knew about your heart?”

“Before.”

Rin made an acknowledging sound, but didn’t share his thoughts.

“Tomorrow night we’re going to the Obon Festival and I want to try talking to him again. There’s a chance it might not go well…” Makoto met Rin’s eyes.

He clicked his teeth. “And you want me to take over. What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, it’s stupid for me to ask for your help when I don’t…”

“Why do you think he won’t listen to you? If he’s not listening to you, he sure as hell won’t listen to me.”

“Normally we wouldn’t have a problem communicating, but there’s been a disconnect somewhere. I’m ready to move on to the next stage of life and he isn’t, I think.”

“Is that because you feel like you’re… running out of time?”

“See? You know some things without being told.”

“Only when it’s the freakin’ elephant in the room!” his knees hit the table. “Jeez, Makoto… You owe me another cup for that one.” He rubbed his smarted knee. 

“Sure, sure, you’ve got it.” Makoto flagged their waiter and made another order and sunk back into the vinyl padded booth. “My health is in part, but I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to do since you asked us at the start of the year.”

“Just don’t use me as a way of making it easier for you to leave Haru behind in Iwatobi. You’ve got to say goodbye on your own.”

A new cup of tea was brought to their table.

Goodbye? He knew Rin meant it as in parting to school, but somehow the word slipped for the other reason he didn’t like to dwell on. “I would never dream of having you say my goodbyes for me. Haru wouldn’t appreciate it either. Besides, maybe he’ll want to...” Come with me? No, that was still making it so Haru couldn’t be his own. “It doesn’t have to be goodbye forever. Haru possibly could sense that I’m wanting to go away for school and he thinks he’ll never see me again.”

Rin took his cup in hand. “I’d add that to the list of things you need to talk to him about.”

“Yeah. But first he needs to see that remaining stagnant isn’t what he really wants. He needs to move forward.”

“Look at you all mature,” Rin mused.

“I’ll blame my heart defect on that,” he smiled gently.

“Nah, you’ve always been the grounded and responsible one. Listen… I’m proud of you, Makoto, for not giving up despite the circumstances.”

Makoto shrugged, lips tugging. “If only I knew what my dream was. But that’s why I’m going to Tokyo - to find it. I only hope I can help Haru see that even I don’t have a dream and that it’s okay to keep moving.”  
“I guess just let me know how it goes and if I need to come running,” Rin offered with a sympathetic smile. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah, I will. Obviously I want it to go well so I don’t trouble you.”

“Are we sure your heart condition isn’t caused by worrying about others too much?”

“If it’s possible for such a thing to happen, you better get checked up soon,” Makoto playfully waggled a finger at him.

“S-shut up!”

 

Makoto, Nagisa and Rei arrived at Haru’s back porch door to pick him up for the festival at sunset. By the time they arrived at the festival site it was dark and full of guests.

Lights dappled the cove and trickled out to sea as children and adults alike lit their lanterns in the evening tide. All agreed on Rei’s declaration of the sight being beautiful. The four stood together, quietly taking it in and enjoying the serene atmosphere.

“Hey, Haru-chan,” Nagisa began softly.

“What?” Haru asked, glancing down at him.

“Before nationals, there’s something we want to say. Because I get the feeling we won’t truly be a team unless we do.”

Rei stepped in beside Nagisa. “Haruka-senpai. Both Nagisa-kun and I have admired your swimming for a long time. Watching the way you swim so free and unbound by anything, I found myself wishing that I could swim that way as well. But now that you no longer swim freestyle, your swimming just isn’t like you anymore.

“We want you to swim in front of many more people, from all around the world. And if lots of people were able to see your swimming and be moved like us, and wish they could swim like you, too… I couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful.”

“Rei… Nagisa...” Makoto regarded their words.

Haru at his side tensed and lowered his gaze. “I just don’t get it.” Slowly he turned and walked away to the stairs to the street level.

Their sentiments were sweet and valid, but they weren’t the words Haru wanted to hear. Makoto waited a few minutes with Rei and Nagisa, thanking them for their encouraging words before he went after Haru to try and do what he’d been meaning to for a while.

He walked to the shrine and through the torii gates out to the observation deck of the sea where Haru leaned on the railing.

“I thought you’d be here,” he said, joining him in considerate space. Haru didn’t respond, only looked out at the midnight-colored ocean. Thinking of what their fellow teammates said, and feeling what they meant, Makoto drew in a breath. “Haru, I… don’t think you can go on like this way, either. Until now, I thought that if this is what you wanted, it was fine. Because whatever Rin says, I wanted to respect your wishes. But remember what you said to Rin at regionals?” He let the question hang for a moment, giving Haru a chance to say something, all the while Haru’s voice echoing in his mind of what they saw in the locker room. “If you truly want to stay as you are, I won’t say anything.” He clenched the railing. “But… if it’s just that you can’t find a dream for yourself, I… would want you to find one.”

Haru let out a small laugh. “You want me to find one?” He turned from the railing to face Makoto, his hair shielding his eyes for a moment. “Is that really something you can find just by deciding to look for one?”

“Well…”

“Forget it,” he said, colder than he had been all week and he took a step to walk past Makoto. “I’m done talking about this.”

No. He couldn’t let him walk away this time. Makoto grabbed for his wrist. “Wait!”

“Let go!” Haru reeled

“Listen to me!” 

“However many times I listen, it’s the same! You can’t find a dream just by looking for one! I’m fine the way things are!”

How could he want to stay like this? Searching his eyes, he saw something much more as he always had. “You’re lying! The truth is, you want to find a dream, too! You should find that dream and use it to take flight into the outside world!” The grip on Haru’s wrist tightened, voice breaking. “You have the ability to do that!” Why can’t you see that, Haru?

“Even you’re talking like this?”

The betrayal in his eyes stung.

“Where I swim and who I swim for… I’m free to decide that for myself!” He stomped his feet. “And I’m saying I’m fine with the way things are!”

Makoto gritted his teeth, breath hitching at his words, and then with a raised and frantic voice, unable to hold back, “But you’re not fine! You’re not fine! That’s why we’re all telling you this! Nagisa and Rei and Rin… And me… It’s because we all love you,” his voice quivered. “Because we care about you… Why can’t you understand that?” Shifting his grip on his wrist to his enclosed palm, he tightly held on. “We want you to find your dream… To look to the future!”

With their hands still connected, Haru used it to push Makoto off balance, forcing him several steps back. “All you ever do is meddle with everyone! Stop sticking your nose in everyone’s business!”  
He knew he didn’t mean, so why did it hurt so much? It was true… he did meddle, but it was out of love… did Haru really find it bothersome?

“A dream? A future?” Haru continued to question. “Well, what about yours? Stop going on about other people’s futures when you haven’t even decided your own!” He paused and panted after his accusations. “Well, say something?” He almost looked satisfied that his words had penetrated to the core.

This was worse than he imagined. Haru was hurting so badly and it was a place that not even Makoto could comfort. Slowly Makoto released Haru’s hand, his fingers numb from the grip - he had to tell him. “I have decided,” his voice softening as his mind raced to find the right thing to say. “I’m… going to a university in Tokyo.”

On the opposite harbor, a firework shot from a cannon and it exploded into colorful bursts, illuminating the shock on Haru’s face. Makoto resisted looking at him for more than that millisecond.

“I meant to tell you sooner, but I just couldn’t find a way to say it.” Another firework shot into the sky, shadows dancing on the railings and their bodies. He dared to raise his eyes as Haru was still remaining silent. “I…”

“Do whatever you want!” Haru yelled, jerking back and breaking into a run.

“Wait, Haru!” Makoto called with an outstretched hand knowing the damage had already been done.


	8. You Lie Awake at Night with Blue Eyes that Never Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betrayal. Forgiveness. Victory. Fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru's bits are still written by my lovely beta, Gabapple <3
> 
> Y'all will want to stick around for the next chapter :) It's probably the reason most are reading, anyway :D

He ran. Running had never betrayed him. The concrete pounded against his shoes with every step, stride wider, stretching outward. 

Running. 

Running away. 

From everything. 

Each impact came with the hope that his bones would crack and crumble. The blood in his veins roared with every desperate heart beat. Over and over, endless racing, hoping that he could outrun it all until his body gave out. 

Haru reached the steps and took them quickly, not daring to look at the house of the one that had betrayed him. 

His breath came ragged, but he pushed on, even when his lungs burned and his head ached from lack of oxygen. 

It shouldn't have been so hard. He'd run up these stairs thousands of times. 

But he wasn't supposed to alone. 

Makoto was supposed to be with him. 

Haru faltered, stumbled, and caught himself with his outstretched palms, concrete rough and unforgiving. Pinpricks of stinging pain and dots of red blurred as his panting turned into gasps and gave way to sobs.   
Makoto was leaving. He knew he was dying. He knew he needed surgery and rest. But he was choosing to swim, to destroy himself. And now he was leaving. 

Leaving. For Tokyo.

Haru scrubbed his eyes with the back of his fist, then continued the climb. 

Was this Makoto's way of forcing him to act? To find some future, even if it meant without him? 

Stupid. It was stupid. Everything was meaningless without Makoto, even swimming. Even water. 

Why would he choose to keep swimming? Yamazaki had stubbornly re-injured himself for Rin, and Makoto had said he would regret it if he didn't. That made sense. But Makoto could die. It wasn't about a ruined career, it was about his life. 

Haru reached the door of his dark, empty house. Alone. Alone. Alone. 

The quiet would eat him alive, and this time, there was no bright sun on the horizon. No Makoto. 

No Makoto.

It wasn't going to be okay. Makoto was leaving him. The ground was being pulled out from under him. The anchor dragged away. No safe harbor. No calm. Only empty, stormy seas. Or no; a desert. Vast, empty desert.

But if the world was a desert, Makoto wouldn't be leaving. Wouldn't race. Wouldn't hurt himself. Wouldn't go to Tokyo. Wouldn't need to. He would stay. Stay with him. They would save each other.

Haru walked through the dark hallways, bare feet thudding on the hardwood floor, echoing in the silence, making his way to the back of the house.

In his head, the usual questions came. Not in his mother's voice, not in his father's, but Makoto's. 

_Did you close the front door?_

Doesn't matter.

_Did you lock it?_

Don't care.

_Haru...! Someone could attack you!_

I. Don't. Care.

_Did you at least take off your shoes?_

Haru looked at his feet. He had, but he didn't remember doing so. He didn't answer.

_Are you going to take a bath?_

Haru stopped in the doorway, looking into the dark and empty tub.

_That always makes you feel better._

That was true, at least some of the time. He sucked in a breath, but hesitated. 

_Haru?_

No.

No more water. If he quit swimming, Makoto wouldn't get to race, wouldn't hurt himself, wouldn't give up, wouldn't be resigned to leaving. He could still go to Tokyo, sure... but maybe he'd ask him to come with him. Maybe they could still be together. Maybe it could work. 

He dragged himself from the frame and moved to the bedroom, not even bothering to take off his clothes. He was so tired. So damned tired.

It was quiet, just how he preferred things. Except that he preferred Makoto's voice, more. 

No one was bothering him, just like he liked it, because he'd pushed them away. Even though he didn't want to be lost at sea or stranded in the sand. 

Haru curled tighter under the covers, but it did nothing to shut out the torrent inside of him. All except for the questions and worries moving through his head over and over in a spiral, crashing like a hurricane, sweeping his life, his comfortable little life, away.

He'd give it all up... the swimming, the soaking, the water; the thing that everyone thought was most important to him, if he could just have Makoto.

But it was too late.

He'd already lost him.

 

* * *

 

  
With disappointed faces, Makoto, Rei and Nagisa returned home from the Obon Festival. It was late enough that Makoto’s parents were already getting ready for bed, which made for an easy out for him to return to his room saying he was tired.

It was truth. The incident left Makoto’s heart aching physically and emotionally. Taking his pain medication, he flopped onto the bed, then he placed a hand on his chest and began to rub at it, very well knowing it wasn’t going to do anything, but somehow the repetitive motion was soothing. 

He held up his phone with his other hand and slid the cover open and closed, debating his oncoming text that would admit his defeat.

I couldn’t get through to him. I may have made things worse. I’m sorry.

He held his finger over the send button, reading and rereading his text to Rin, letting his failure sink in over and over again. What went wrong? Was there something better he could have said? Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned Tokyo at that moment, but… he had wanted to tell Haru his plans for sometime and he hoped if he finally said it that maybe Haru would… be okay about it?

It was foolish - he wasn’t ready to listen.

No, Haru needed to hear him out even if he didn’t absorb the words positively. How he had been isn’t healthy and it’s only making himself miserable. Why would anyone want to stay this way?

He thought back to Haru’s eyes and how they raged like a typhoon. Just as powerful as waves, he lashed out, crashing down on Makoto’s reasoning. It didn’t take a genius to see and hear that Haru was furious, but behind that was fear. All of Makoto’s words were mistaken for some preconceived notion.

_Why are you scared, Haru?_

Expectations were placed on Haru to go pro because of his skill and his love of the sport. Like Rin said, why would he swim competitively if he didn’t have a desire? Was he so used to denying it that he couldn’t let himself believe what he truly wanted? Was it that he didn’t want to have extensive training? Travel? Or was it even failure?

Would he really throw it all away because of fear? If that’s what Haru wanted, Makoto would support him a hundred percent. But only if that’s what he wanted.

Pressing Send, Makoto watched the message disappear into an envelope and speed off into cyberspace.

_Do what you want! The demand was filled with anger and sorrow and hurt…_

He grabbed for his pillow and curled into it.

_Stop sticking your nose in everyone’s business!_

It’s true, he did need to stop and that was in part why he needed to approach Haru about his future; he couldn’t hold his hand anymore. Graduation meant a time of finding yourself in the world and the both of them were different, he’d always known that, and pushed the inevitable physical separation aside.

Haru was realizing this, too. Was that why he was scared? Haru wasn’t afraid of anything...

That’s what Makoto had always believed until recently. How could he have missed how fragile his childhood friend had been all this time?

Was he responsible for how things had turned out?

To his right, his forgotten cell phone vibrated to signal a text. He reached over and slid it open to reveal Rin’s message.

_/I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry./_

The message caused the corners of his mouth to lift a little.

Would things have been easier if he approached the subject of graduation sooner?

The worried and terrified expression of Haru at the hospital came to mind.

He was scared then, wasn’t he? But that’s a different fear; something you can’t control?

Again his phone vibrated. _/I mean it, don’t worry./_

How different would life have been if Rin never left them for Australia? No, he wouldn’t insult Rin by taking away the steps to his dream. What happened was necessary.

He didn’t like how he’d gone out of his way to ask Rin for help if things didn’t go right. It felt like a dishonest way to get someone else to clean up a mess. Essentially it was all a big mess, but thinking about Haru as a mess was bothersome. No matter Rin’s warning, he would still be worrying about Haru until he knew he was better. Well, even after that because Haru’s happiness was always important to him.  
 _/I’ll try. Thanks./_

When his phone didn’t buzz after a few minutes, he figured that answer was enough to satisfy Rin, though he easily could picture him rolling his eyes.

Lifting his head from his bed, he looked out the glass sliding door to his balcony view where he could see the outline of the roof of Haru’s house. It was silly, but the thought crossed his mind that maybe the house would reflect Haru’s mood. A yawn escaped him and he wondered if sleep would be able to find him tonight and wondered if the same could be said for Haru.

He didn’t have to wonder for long.

“I’m sorry, Haru,” he quietly apologized to the quiet of his room. “Even if you never forgive me, I only hope you can find your way.”

 

Morning came at the rumbling of his cellphone at his neck. At some point he fell asleep, or maybe he didn’t, as all he saw was Haru yelling at him over and over again. He sat up groggily, thankful for Obon week and the time off of school it brought. The little light blinked to remind him of the message.

_/Hey, so my service is shit overseas, but, I’m taking Haru to Australia. BRB/_

_/W-what? Australia? Rin, how, what, why?/_

_/Doesn’t matter. Relax about it. Later. =B/_

 

Was that emoticon supposed to be teeth? Maybe Gou would know…

More importantly: How would taking Haru to Australia help him?

 

By the time Makoto met up with Rei and Nagisa to follow up on Haru, he had calmed down significantly. Haru was in good hands with Rin, he knew it, he just questioned Rin’s method, or rather, how he thought it would help. What was in Australia?

Like Makoto, Rei and Nagisa expressed their concern for their friend.

Would he be okay traveling in a foreign land when he was horrible at its native language? Well, he did have Rin for that. The pair clashed on some levels and Makoto wondered if Haru would open up to Rin to allow him to help.

Nagisa playfully teased Rin’s efforts saying they’d end up arguing a lot.

He wasn’t sure why the thought was humorous and brought a smile to his face, but maybe the aggression is what Haru needed to get out of his slump. Arguing and banter wasn’t something Makoto could give easily if last night was any indication.

Makoto trusted Rin and it shouldn’t matter what he does.

 

For the next four days Makoto wandered from images his imagination provided him of Rin and Haru hiking sanded trails and riding kangaroos to them swimming in the ocean. Or was it winter there, now? So maybe they weren’t doing that.

He spent more time going over school brochures and application processes for his potential school. Narrowing it down to five, he further investigated their programs, ratings, location and housing, all the while his attentions lingering on Gakugei’s photo of the children. It was his goal to have a decision by the time Haru returned.

Buzzing interrupted his thoughts and he grabbed his cellphone and it was from who he hoped it’d be.

_/You should meet us when we land. I’m sending you the itinerary./_

Makoto pressed the icon for email and glanced at the landing time of later this afternoon. _/How did it go?/_

_/Why do you think I’m telling you to meet us?/_

 

Heart pounding in anticipation, Makoto waited in the mass of people in the arrivals section of the international flights. He tried to picture how Haru would look when he saw him.

The area grew heavier with traffic as he assumed the plane just arrived and they were making their way through the terminal. Peering over the heads of others, he tried to spot them: a head of red and a head of black hair.

It wasn’t long before they appeared and he called out to them and started to walk their way.

“Makoto!” Rin returned.“Thanks for meeting us.”

“Sure. You must be tired after your trip.” He looked from Rin to Haru, who was struggling to look up at him, mouth moving as if to say something, and then retreating. Through his struggle of speech, Makoto could sense the weight that had been lifted.

“Haru.”

At his name, the shorter boy managed to look at him. The storm in the ocean had calmed so much, though guilt still resided there.

A warm relief swept over. “Welcome home,” Makoto said with a gentle tilt of his head and beaming smile. _I was never mad at you_ he conveyed to him, reaching for the connection he always wanted to cherish.

The faintest of pink surfaced on Haru’s pale cheeks as he swallowed emotion. For a moment he looked away, and finally, quietly, “I’m home.”

 

The airport shuttle dropped the three off at the dome structure nationals would take place.

“We all got here today to start preparing for finals,” Makoto told Haru and Rin.

Haru left his gaze at the building, eager to swim.

Rin sighed. “I’m gonna go meet up with my team. See ya!” He held up a hand in parting.

“Rin!” Haru called and waited for him to turn. “Thank you.”

Taken aback momentarily by the gratitude, Rin smiled. “You bet!”

In his heart, Makoto also thanked Rin and he made a mental note to text him a personal thank you. “Let’s go find Nagisa and Rei.” He took him around the building to the park area where the pair were sitting at a bench by a sidewalk path bordering a stream.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa jumped from his seat with Rei not too far behind.

Haru regarded their smiling faces.

“Welcome back, Haru-chan!”

“I’m so glad you made it home safely,” Rei said.

“Jeez, Rei-chan was really worried about you, you know!” Nagisa scolded.

Haru looked down, guilty. “I’m sorry I made you all worry.”

Nagisa shook his head, “It’s fine.”

“More importantly, please rest up for our race in two days. After that, we only need to make our final adjustments to prepare for the tournament!” Rei added enthusiastically.

“Makoto. Nagisa, Rei…” Haru began. “There’s something I’d like to tell you.”

Curiously they followed him to a nearby stream where he crouched and put his fingers into the water, ripples reflecting on him, feeling safer not meeting the eyes that watched him. “Before now, I never cared about times or winning. I only swam because I wanted to. If I worried about those things, my swimming would lose its meaning. That’s what I thought. Rin has a dream of swimming on the world level. He’s about to dive into the world of competitive swimming to fulfill that dream. So should I really go into that world just because I want to swim? Go into that world of wins and losses? That’s not right. I’m not like Rin. I don’t have strong feelings towards swimming like he does. That’s why I wasn’t able to respond to the things you said to me.

“I couldn’t believe a dream was something I could find just by looking. But then, Rin took me with him and showed me all these different sights. I realized how big the world really is. And then, I found it… I want to swim in that world.”

Haru paused from his telling to stand and face them. “I want to keep on swimming. So I’m going to start caring about times and winning. For the sake of my dream.”

Dream… Haru finally found a dream for himself. Whatever happened in Australia showed him what he needed. Someday he hoped Haru would tell him what it was to open his eyes. As he listened to Haru, it was enough affirmation of the choice he was going to make for his own dream.

“So this trip really did end being a special one for you, Haru,” Makoto said, admiring the happier and hopeful Haru in front of them.

“I’m really glad for you, Haru-chan!”

“If that’s the dream you found for yourself, Haruka-senpai, we will certainly cheer you on as hard as we can!”

Minor pink came to his cheeks. “Thank you, guys.”

 

Having not toured the pool facility yet, Makoto decided to take Haru around. They stopped in the main arena where teams were practicing and getting used to the pool and leaned over the railings of the back row of spectator seats.

“This is really nationals,” Makoto sighed in awe. “Everyone’s so fast!”

“Makoto…”

Curiously he turned toward the tentative voice.

“I…” Haru clenched the railing, “... said something really awful to you before.” Slowly he faced him, eyes lifting and brows raised, softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Haru…” For all their years of quarrel free, there was never a need for apologies so heartfelt and touching. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry,” Makoto returned, guilt coming back as the argument had been just as much his fault. “For not being able to tell you about my plans. I felt like I wasn’t suited for competitive swimming even before I found out I wasn’t going to be be able to have the health for it. The world of competition isn’t for me. So I’d been thinking I’d just go to our local college or something, since there wasn’t anything in particular I wanted to do.

“But then, I ended up helping Coach Sasabe at the club. At first I only thought of it as helping him out. Then I started really having fun teaching the kids to swim. I met Hayato, and I really wanted to do something to help him swim. Remember how you gave me advice when I was at a loss over him?”

“I didn’t really do anything…” Haru replied, his focus on Makoto wavering in his embarrassment.

Makoto laughed at the typical Haru answer and continued with his story. “When I taught Hayato how to swim backstroke, he told me ‘I’m not scared of swimming anymore! I had fun!’ It made me so happy. That’s why I wanted to show even more kids just how fun it is to swim. I want to join the teaching side of the swimming world. With my heart I won’t be able to swim with them much or at all, really, but I think with kids I’ll be able get around it. And to learn how to do that, I’m going to college in Tokyo. That’s the dream I found for myself.” Yes. It felt so right admitting this out loud, especially to Haru, the first one to know.

“I see.” Drawing a satisfying breath, Haru smiled one of his rare smiles, that seemed more natural suddenly, and leaned in closer. “You’ll definitely make it happen.”

A fluttering warmth formed within Makoto at the encouragement. Surprised and touched. He had Haru’s blessing and that was all he wanted in that moment.“Thank you!” he returned with a closed-eye smile. “All that studying won’t be easy, though.”

“True,” Haru agreed and he laughed along with Makoto in his small Haru way.

 

The rest of the day was spent doing laps in the pool and Iwatobi mingled with Samezuka for a time. Though Samezuka wasn’t entering the medley relay, they humored Iwatobi by exchanging with them.

Consciously, Makoto took the practice laps at reserved paces.

After another day of practice training, Ama-sensei decided to treat the boys to dinner and encouraged them to order anything they wanted. Nagisa took a menu and began listing everything he could pronounce until Ama-sensei twitched and put a cap on his order. Haru, of course, asked if there was any miso mackerel and much to his dismay it wasn’t that type of restaurant. Though something called ‘meuniere mackerel’ was available. He ordered it and it was deemed passable.

Once dinner was consumed, and for Nagisa, several plates full, they thanked Ama-sensei for the meal and left to walk around the pier. The ocean glowed and glistened with the stars and buildings and bridge lights from the busy city. Leaning over the railings, they all admired the scene, sea breeze passing through, and compared it to the quiet waters back home.

“It’s finally happening tomorrow…” Haru trailed.

“Yeah. If you think back to when we started our swim club, it’s pretty amazing that we made it this far,” Makoto added with nostalgic air.

The four of them reminisced for a time, laughing fondly on the humble beginnings of the club and teaching Rei to swim and uncovering they knew his secret of Rin teaching him to swim all the strokes and how Rin essentially brought them all together. Eventually the topic of Haru and Makoto leaving the club came front and center.

“Next year it won’t be the four of us anymore…” Behind Rei’s glasses, tears formed and fogged. His crying caused Nagisa to contagiously join in.

Quietly, Makoto and Haru let the second years have their cries, taking in their sweet words of always wanting to be together. If he stood any longer and let them continue, the tears may have caught on to Makoto and he would have cried as well.

He walked to the pair and placed a hand on each head. “Don’t cry, Nagisa, Rei. You’re men, aren’t you?” Nagisa turned and sobbed into him. “Besides, there’s nothing to cry about. The four of us are swimming together tomorrow, aren’t we? Nothing’s over yet.”

“He’s right,” Haru added, Nagisa and Rei’s cries ceased. “Swimming the relay together connected us. So even if we end up walking different paths, we’ll always be connected to each other. There won’t be an end for us.”

 

Hands shaking, from what he wished was only nerves, Makoto adjusted his leg skins at his waist.

_This is the last time_ he told himself. _I won’t be able to swim again after this._

He turned around after shutting his locker and was met with the eyes of his teammates - varying degrees of concern, encouragement and a hope for victory. Haru’s eyes had changed since his return from Australia. The ocean still resided there, but the intensity had calmed to a still surface. But in that moment, the waves trembled at what this race could bring.

Taking a breath, he addressed the team for the last time as their captain. “Thank you for all of your hard work this year. We’ve been through a lot with overcoming our shortcomings and growing stronger as a team. Swim your best today.” He held up a hand for them to clasp in team spirit.

Haru was the first to take it, his fingers curling around his palm. Then Nagisa and Rei. Then Makoto placed his other hand on top.

“Go Iwatobi!”

 

It had been creeping on him all morning, the tingling of his limbs and muscles, the tightness of his chest. Short breaths.

Today his family would see him compete and watch him swim, what he hoped to be his best ever for the last time. Haru’s parents were here as well and he wondered if he was nervous about it. They were hardly in town, let alone to see their son swim in a tournament /out/ of town. Of course Coach Sasabe, Ama-sensei and Gou would be attending, but several classmates informed him before they left Iwatobi they’d ride a train out to see them. Even Kisumi sent a text that Hayato and he would be coming to watch. Grateful, though feeling some pressure, he tried his best to receive their well wishes.

“I wonder if we’ll see a sight we’ve never seen before,” Makoto mused as they walked from the locker rooms.

“We will. The four of us together,” Haru concurred.

“Indeed!” Rei said.

“Let’s go,” Nasia added, strangely serious.

Makoto fell in line with his team and followed the procession of the contestants to the starting blocks of the medley. For a moment he felt confused how it was his turn already, when he realised he was always first. He forced his body to inhale more oxygen, any attempt to make his breathing less choppy.

“Makoto!” Sasabe bellowed.

“Makoto-senpai!” he heard Gou scream.

“Brother!” the unified voices of his siblings merged into it.

It was amazing how he could hear in such a large arena. Or how they were able to project so well.

Sinking into the water, he grasped onto the handles. Before curling fully, he caught sight of Haru who stood slightly out of alignment.

A pain shot through his left arm. He gritted his teeth and ducked into starting position, waiting for the whistle to blow so the tension could release.

**_Tweet!_ **

He kicked off the wall and in a sweeping fluid motion cut through the water. Already his body was screaming and resisting. He surfaced and forced his arms to do what they needed.

_Please… one last time!_

Instead of the pain, he tried to focus on his movements to propel him through the water. He took in the water in all of his senses, pleading with it to help carry him to the finish line. As he approached the turn, the glass rafters above rippled away and suddenly it was only the sky above - the perfect shade of blue and white, inviting clouds.

_The sight I saw back then_... Last year at regionals when they had all swam together, something similar had happened.

Soon he heard a pitched click and a dolphin was swimming beside him. It was as beautiful and graceful as Haru. Maybe it was Haru’s water spirit guiding him?

The ceiling rippled back into place and his surroundings returned just as he approached the platform. He touched and shouted to Nagisa to dive.

No longer seeing the sight, he became aware of his body’s strength becoming crippled. How fast had he pushed himself? He grabbed the bars to hoist himself off and Haru was there to extend his hand as he had always done for him.

He took hold of Haru’s hand, fingers tightening around his palm. Rei stepped towards them for a moment as Haru almost couldn’t support Makoto’s weight.

Gently Haru eased him onto the wet pavement out of the way of the other swimmers, much to the panicked looks of the officials. _Rest_ he told him and hurried back just in time for Rei to take the dive.  
Nagisa exited the pool and quickly gave a pat to Makoto’s head, then turned to cheer on Rei.

Rei touched the platform and Haru launched himself.

Not only would this be the last time for the four of them to swim in this capacity, this would be the last time Makoto would be able to have this view of Haru becoming one with the water. The other competitors swimming in the lanes next to him were never as smooth or precise and in the world ahead of Haru, he knew that would never change and the water would always accept him.

Haru’s name escaped his throat along with his teammates as he neared the finish and touched with seconds separating him from the other competitors.

Summoning what he could, Makoto stood, determined to take Haru’s hand as his teammate for the very last time. He concentrated on Haru’s hand and how well it fit, always fit, smaller fingers wrapped around his larger enclosed ones, Makoto securing the hold by curling his thumb.

For a moment there was nothing in the world but the two of them, hand still held, eyes bearing relief, victory and admiration.

Nagisa broke through their wall with a sob, jumped up to catch them both by their necks in a hold and Rei moved in as well to form a group hug. Laughing and crying, they savored their victory as the crowd continued to go wild.

In their huddle, Haru switched gears as Makoto’s grip was slipping around him and his heaving breaths were becoming more apparent. “Makoto?”

“I think I need to go to the hospital,” he tried to not sound panicked, knowing that no matter what those words would startle anyone. 

Nagisa booked it to the paramedics on standby who no doubt already sensed something was wrong when Haru helped Makoto sit after his meters.

A stretcher was lowered and a team of paramedics assisted in hoisting Makoto on to it and started to roll him to the emergency exit to the ambulance.

Haru quickly walked alongside them, his eyes wide. “Can I come?”

There was no way Makoto’s mother or father would be able to make it through the crowds in time. He tugged on a man’s sleeve and nodded, looking desperate. He wanted Haru with him. _Needed_ him.  
Eventually they allowed it, realizing it was more important they see to Makoto’s condition.

As long as he didn’t move, the shooting pains had become bearable, but it didn’t stop the hammering of his heart or the incoming lightheadedness.

He was wheeled into the ambulance and an oxygen mask was affixed to his face and was attached to the vehicle’s EKG.

Haru frantically typed on his cellphone, presumably to tell Makoto’s parents the name of the hospital they’d be taken to. After he pocketed it, he reached over and took Makoto’s hand, which had little to no strength to squeeze back. Their comfort wasn’t in the paramedic’s way for the moment, so they allowed it.

_Thank you_ , Haru he tried to convey over his obscured vision of the mask.

Haru’s grip was shaking. His lips were taut. His eyes bulged with terror.

_I’ll be okay. They’ll take care of me._

He didn’t believe him. Especially not when the EKG was getting louder.

“ _Makoto!_ ”

Darkness enveloped him once more.


	9. Oh Just Shut Your Mouth and Know that You Are Everything to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A True Diagnosis. A Confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, everyone!
> 
> I wanted to quickly wish you all happy holidays and apologize for delaying last week's chapter... I really wanted to add a bit more Haru in, and Shar graciously gave me a bit more time. ^o^;
> 
> Please enjoy, and Merry Christmas!  
> -Gabapple
> 
>  
> 
> Ditto what Gabapple said. Happy Holidays, everyone! Be safe and stay warm/cool!
> 
> Important chapter ahead! Once again, I am not a doctor, but I have graduated as a transcriptionist and the internet is also my friend. Events depicted are dramatized, but the condition is real. Also, please be weary of doctors - They aren't always right.

All of them were with him this time - Haru, Rin, Nagisa and Rei, and in the background he thought he saw Yamazaki-kun - swimming an endless pool length. Whistles, flags and bright lights were not present and it was soothing to be amongst his treasured friends doing what he loved. Here he would always be able to swim them with no worries. Other than being unable to keep up with them in speed.

Familiar sporadic beeping entered his dreams.

He knew what that meant and didn’t want to leave this place.

Blurry-eyed, his lids opened and he waited for them to focus. Oxygen was fed through his nose once more and a pinch told him the IV was there, too. His eyes soon settled onto the ceiling with its fluorescent lights and panels. He realized he was on his back and wedged with pillows to keep him as such and he wondered why.

He rolled his head to the side and saw his mother across the room, asleep upright in a chair with her feet propped onto another. The curtains were open and morning light had found its way in and cascaded around the unfamiliar room.

Not wanting to disturb her, Makoto rolled his head back to face forward.

His body felt weighted like sand. With each beat of his heart he could feel something was different, pinching and foreign. How long had he been out?

Mrs. Tachibana stirred and her tired haze looked over to her son. Then she was to her feet and crossed over to his bedside, brushing away hair and planting a kiss on his forehead. “Oh, my sweet boy.”

“Hi Mom… how long have I been out?” He recoiled at how awful he sounded.

“About almost three days,” she said, taking to running her fingers through his hair, which he had to admit was calming. “You’ve been through a lot; it’s understandable.”

It wasn’t her just-waking-up voice that sounded grim. “After I got in the ambulance, what happened?”

Her eyes came to the wires at his chest and she she bit her lip. “You went into cardiac arrest - your heart stopped.”

“Stopped?” He could have sworn it stopped again with the information.

“Haruka-chan says they resuscitated you in the ambulance. Then when they brought you here, your pulse was incredibly low. The doctors got you stable and then I gave them the okay to do what they needed.”

“W-what did they…” He nearly _died_?

“They opened an artery and removed some of the thickened wall. You need to stay on your back for at least twelve hours for it all to settle, they said.”

If it were possible, he would have sank lower into his bed. All he could do was lay and stare at the ceiling in disbelief. He almost died. Death was always something he thought would be more eventful like walking towards light and then waking up, but no, it was like sleeping. Makoto was sure that whatever had been left in his complexion was gone.

“Where’s Haru?” Makoto finally asked, remembering his friend’s face in the ambulance as the last of what he saw. If his heart stopped in the ambulance, how was Haru?

Mrs. Tachibana’s face, already crestfallen, seemed guilty. “Oh, Rin-kun came for him last night. Haruka-chan refused to leave since you got here. I didn’t see him eat or sleep, just wait. But Rin-kun and his friend - that tall boy, Yamazaki? - pulled him away to get some rest. They left you flowers.” She nodded towards the vase. 

“Phone! Can I have my cellphone?” He imagined Haru thrashing around against Rin and Yamazaki-kun out of the hospital and onto the two hour train back to Iwatobi. Unless Ama-sensei was waiting for her students or they extended their stay in the hotel...

“Shh… don’t get riled up, sweetheart; you’re recovering.

“Can you call Haru and tell him I’m okay?”

She gave him a look. “You are not fine, Son.”

“He needs to know I’m awake, at least…”

“We will worry about Haruka-chan after we speak with the cardiologist, okay, Makoto?”

“Promise?”

“Of course.” She reached for the call button and pressed it. A nurse came by, and noticing the patient was awake, went to fetch the doctor.

The cardiologist that came in was a younger woman than the man back home, but her eyes said she was no less experienced. “Good morning, Tachibana-kun. Welcome back.”

“Thank you. Good to be back.” It was an honest answer, even if it wasn’t the best circumstances.

She glanced at the clock. “You should be good to sit up, now.” Pressing the pedal on the ground under the bed, he slowly moved into a reclined sitting position, the heaviness shifted and a rush of blood flowed to his head. “Do you feel any pain?”

“No, just… heavy?”

“Give it a little bit now that you are sitting up.” From her lap she took his charts. “You’ll need to take it easy for a while as you recover from your procedure. Your mother tells me you are done swimming?”

Mrs. Tachibana looked to him, waiting - and hoping - for the correct answer.

“Yeah. I’m done swimming.” His stomach churned at his resignation.

“Good, because I would strongly advise against it and I would very strongly tell your mother she should forbid it. May I ask why you didn’t stop at the sign of symptoms? When did you begin having a recurrence of chest pains?”

“At the beginning of the school year. April.” He paused and took a mental step back, assessing his swimming years. “But… before then, even - climbing stairs has been hard and I’m frequently sleepy. It made sense when they told me it was an enlarged heart caused by Athlete's Heart since it’s common?”

“Common, yes. Unfortunately, your enlarged heart has escalated beyond what we recognize as Athlete's Heart. An enlarged heart can also point to heart disease, and as you are young and physically active, your primary care doctor didn’t look into the symptoms further. It’s possible it started out as only that and got worse as time went on.”

“A disease?” Mrs. Tachibana gasped.

The cardiologist opened Makoto’s charts and produce x-rays of Makoto’s heart.

The more he saw images of his photos, the more he believed something was truly _wrong_.

With the edge of her pencil, the cardiologist pointed, holding it against the manila folder. “These blotches are scarred tissue from the heart attacks you’ve had, all are around the problem at your left ventricular wall. Enlargement is caused by the thickening of the lining. When this lining gets too thick, you’ll experience dizziness, fatigue and shortness of breath, which I see is common for you in the notes here. This lining thickening obstructs the flow of your blood pumping from the heart to get to the rest of your body properly. You have what’s known as hypertrophic myocardiology.”

“Can he get better?” Mrs. Tachibana asked.

“Generally speaking, hypertrophic myocardiology is the largest cause of unexpected death in athletes, many not experiencing any symptoms beforehand. It’s rare to have prolonged symptoms like this. With the strain and wear, it’s difficult to say. Now that you’re awake, Tachibana-kun, I’d like to run some endurance tests. These tests will also help us decide your preventative treatment and how to take care of yourself when we discharge you from the CCU.”

Others have died without warning. He considered himself lucky.

“Tachibana-kun?”

“Y-yes?” he asked coming out from his thoughts.

“Are you up to walking?”

In his mind he felt like running, running away from all of this. Physically he was unable to tell what he we capable of. His body no longer felt like his own, like he didn’t have control over it anymore. “I think so.”

She disassembled his oxygen, IV and EKG and put a hand on his back and took hold of his wrist. “Slow and steady, okay?”

Mrs. Tachibana came to his other side to assist.

He shifted his legs to the edge and eased himself to standing and held his breath at the prickling sensation of his lower body.

“Take a step when you’re ready. We’re going to go to the physical therapy unit and get your circulation going.”

 

The rest of the day Makoto walked around the paved track until the doctors deemed it safe to hook him up to the treadmill to monitor his heart’s activity. After a few hours, more scans were taken and each time the cardiologist’s expression didn’t change, maintaining a professional air of not alarming the patient more than necessary. Said patient appreciated it.

When he was taken back to his room for the night, his mother let him call Haru.

The dial tone barely rang before Haru picked up on the other line. “Makoto?”

His lifelong friend sounded desperate. Suddenly he was lost for words. Makoto wanted to ask how he was doing on instinct, but changed his track of mind for greater importance. “Haru. I’m sorry I worried you.”

It was quiet for a while, and then, “I can catch the next train and be there in a few hours.”

“N-no, no need for that, Haru. I’d hate for you to waste a ticket price when I’ll be home by the end of the week at the latest.”

Silence again.

“I’m doing fine, though. I guess while I was sleeping they went in and fixed some things. Oh, but don’t worry, there’s not a scar or anything because they went in through… uh, anyway, after walking around the facility today I feel a lot better. They just need to keep me here to make sure no complications come up.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?”

More than anything he wanted him with him. Haru always was a comfort and gave him confidence. Even talking to him gave him a significant boost. His eyes caught the vase of sunflowers, daisies and baby’s breath next to the orca plush Nagisa had had delivered. “We can’t let Rin’s efforts go to waste. I’ll be home soon, okay? You can text me all you want. I can call tomorrow night, too.”

“Makoto…”

“Yeah?”

“Get better.”

“I’ll do my best!”

“I will let you rest, now.”

“Thank you for caring, Haru.”

“Sure.” The line hung up.

He could tell he was worried no matter what he’d tell him, but Haru still disliked talking on the phone.

“How is he doing?” Mrs. Tachibana asked.

“Once I’m back home he’ll be much better.”

“Good to hear. Why don’t you get some sleep, now?”

That night Makoto slept the best he had in weeks.

 

“You may head home in the morning,” the cardiologist said, removing the sphygmomanometer from his arm for what Makoto thought was close to the fiftieth time since he’d been there.

“Really?” he was so happy he wanted to hug her.

“Don’t misunderstand, Tachibana-kun. I’ll be sending your results to your cardiologist back home in Iwatobi and you will need to have routine checkups. All we’ve done during your stay has been preventative towards you having another cardiac failure.”

She had to keep reminding him. His natural positivity wanted to believe he’d heal, but he knew the reality of it - everything was only a temporary fix like tape that would eventually be worn away. “I know. I’m just happy to be going home.”

Showing a faint smile, she continued. “I’ll be sending you home with a packet of your home care. For now, your activity will be kept to a minimum. Light walks are fine, just pace yourself. It’s important to keep your heart rate up as letting it drop too low is also dangerous. No swimming. No weight training. Period.”

 

“Guess what, Haru? I get to come home in the morning!” Calling Haru was the first thing he did after the cardiologist left him for the evening.

“Good.”

“It’ll be so nice to sleep in my own bed. Oh, Mom says she doesn’t want me walking to school for a while. We can pick you if you want. Oh, wait, but that could mess up your morning routine, so maybe not.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Really? I appreciate it. It’ll be weird going to practice and not being able to swim. But I guess in another month we won’t be able to use the pool cause it’ll close for the season. I’ll cheer you all on in the meantime. I should call Nagisa and let him know I’m coming home. Rin, too. I’m sorry, Haru, I’m rambling.”

“It’s fine.”

“I’ve really missed you, Haru.”

There was a pause on the other end and just as Makoto was to inquire if Haru heard him, Haru responded, “I’ve missed you, too.”

He smiled at that, picturing Haru’s stoic face breaking. “I’ll see you, soon.”

 

 

. . .

 

One last time.

Just one more race.

Makoto said he'd regret it if he didn't take the chance to swim with him one last time. 

Had it been worth it? 

The last several days had been nothing short of torture for Haru, who, once home, found himself utterly lost. Running didn't help. The bath didn't help. Mackerel was entirely tasteless. He couldn't even sleep, lost in the tangled sheets of his bed.

In the end, he sat against the wall and waited. Thinking.

Australia had changed things. Had convinced him to loosen his hold on things, just a little. There was a spark, however small, in Haru's heart. A dream. A desire.

The world was enormous. Billions of people living with their own passions and talents, their own goals. Completely different ways of life, too. And then there were those, even though they were thousands of miles away from his little house by the sea, who felt exactly the same way that he did about the water. 

He'd understood, then, about regret. About not living life to the fullest extent while you had the chance. 

Makoto might never see the world. He might die while he was young. But he had a dream, and he wanted to see it through as long as he could.

How could Haru fault him for that?

So he'd let him race, and he'd ended up in the hospital. 

The phone call helped, at least. Makoto was coming home. He'd be okay... for now... 

But what about his future?

Haru dropped the back of his head against the wall. Makoto's future. His life. Fragile, but hopeful, like a little boat on the sea. He could be crushed at any time; dashed upon the rocks of the shore, or dragged under the waves, never to be seen again. 

Was he going to do it alone, leaving for Tokyo?

No.

Fists tightening, Haru allowed himself a small, but firm, nod, mind made up.

He would be part of Makoto's life, and his future. He would step into it and live it to the fullest for as long as they could.

 

. . .

 

Mother and son left the hospital with a hefty pamphlet of heart ailments for patients. After the first night, his father took the twins home on the railway, leaving the car behind for when Makoto was well enough. They got in the car and Mrs. Tachibana released a long sigh, gripping onto the steering wheel.

“Makoto, look at me, please.”

Taken aback by the request, he did so, meeting the intense gaze only a mother could possess. “What is it, Mom?”

“Promise me that you are done swimming?”

“I promise,” he said buckling his safety belt without looking at it, keeping his attention on his mother.

“Promise me that the next time we are in the hospital, it won’t be because you were being reckless.”

“I… I’ll try. I’ll follow the doctor’s orders as best as I can.”

“Please be careful, Son. I want you to be with us as long as possible.”

 

On the drive home, Makoto texted Haru asking to meet him at the school entrance, feeling dumb for not asking when he called. Of course Haru didn’t mind and agreed.

His mother, several times that morning, asked if he was sure he was ready to go back to school. Sitting around all day would allow him to think of dark thoughts, and he needed a distraction. Being a third year made all of his studies essential. With those arguments, his mother took him to school.

As asked, Haru was at the school entrance looking out of place as Makoto couldn’t remember the last time he stood by himself like that.

“Haru!” Makoto called, rushing towards him.

His blue eyes lit up at his voice.

“Thanks for meeting me.”

Haru took a step and his arms twitched at his side for a moment. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Shall we go to class?” Makoto asked, his smile falling into place.

 

School brought on another shower of condolences, even those not in his class seemed to have heard about him. He wished they’d be more congratulatory towards the win at nationals, though the rest of his teammates probably already spent all their praises.

Although he wasn’t going to swim, just changing into his swimsuit and sitting on the poolside sounded peaceful.

“Mako-chan, Haru-chan!” Nagisa called from the pool. “Are you done changing, yet?”

“Coming!” Makoto answered, snapping his legskins at his waist. “Haru, you ready?”

The shorter boy padded over to him, dropped his head on the taller’s chest, and wrapped his arms around him.

“Haru…” All day through classes, Haru looked as if he wanted to say something, but for whatever reason, resisted. Was this what he wanted? A physical confirmation that Makoto was here and well? Makoto returned the embrace and brushed the top of his head. “I’m alright, now. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“What are you two doooooing?” Nagisa whined.

Had it not been for Nagisa, Makoto wondered how long they would have stood like that. Gently, Makoto released his arms from around Haru and gave his shoulder a pat. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Yeah.” Haru went ahead and immediately dived into the pool.

_You obviously have something on your mind_. “Thank you for the plush again, Nagisa,” Makoto said, walking towards he and Gou.

The smaller boy beemed. “I knew you’d like it! Did cuddling with it make you feel better?”

“As a matter of fact, I think it might have.”

“Really, Mako-chan?” he stood on tip-toes in some attempt to be eye level with Makoto.

Rei rolled his eyes at the two of them.

“Good work at nationals, Makoto-senpai,” Gou said. “I’ve been able to tell everyone else properly but you…”

He gave her a warm smile. “Thank you, Gou-chan. I’m glad I was able to hold on until the end.”

She looked as if he’d just kicked a puppy. “Please don’t talk like that, Makoto-senpai!”

“Oh. Sorry…”

“Also, please don’t get in the pool. I won’t be responsible for your health.”

“No problem. I’ve accepted my fate, Gou-chan,” he laughed and walked over to the pool and sat on its edge to watch his teammates. With nationals over, there wasn’t much point to exchanges. Especially now since they were short a member.

Kicking his feet, he tried to focus on the water ripples. Heart or not, their team days were over. He wouldn’t feel lonely. He wouldn’t.

“Haruka-senpai, you’re…”

Makoto looked up at Rei’s surprised voice to see Haru swimming the backstroke. Haru swimming backstroke? Backstroke and Haru? The sight was shocking, confusing and, to take the words from Rei, beautiful. Unrefined in form, just seeing Haru swim something different was…

“Aww, Mako-chan is touched,” Nagisa teased.

Denying it would be cruel, so he resorted to covering his eyes with his hands and quietly cried.

 

“Can we walk home?” Haru asked after practice and changed back into their school uniforms. 

Another unexpected thing from Haru today - he never asked to walk home. It was always just assumed. “Oh, I was supposed to text Mom about picking me up… I haven’t had my exercise for the day, so maybe she’ll be okay with it.” In a matter of minutes, he dialed and managed to convince his mother that he wanted to spend time with Haru to make up for the time they were away. Reluctantly she agreed, but cautioned him to take it slow. “She’s okay with it. I hope you don’t mind if I need to stop for a break or walk slow.”

“I don’t mind.” He finished buttoning his blazer, and then slung his bag over his shoulder.

Makoto followed suit.

“Thank you again today for what you did at practice, Haru. It meant a lot to me.”

Haru turned his head. “It was nothing.”

Taking it as a sign of modesty and no longer wishing to speak of it, Makoto dropped the subject with a small laugh in his throat.

Side by side they walked, Haru keeping Makoto’s pace, in pleasant silence. Soon they passed the coastline and approached the steps.

Stairs were giving him a problem before the heart attacks and already he dreaded how going up them would go.

Haru noticed his apprehension and slid an arm around his waist. “I’ll help.”

“You’re going to make me cry again, Haru,” Makoto teased.

“Don’t…”

“I’ll try to keep it under control.”

A step at a time, they reached the landing that forked to their homes.

“Are you going to walk me all the way home?”

Haru retracted his arm from Makoto. With dusted cheeks, “... Will you come to my house for dinner?”

“Dinner? Are you sure, Haru?”

“I’d like you to come over for dinner.”

Spending more time with Haru was always nice. Maybe if he went over, he could figure out why Haru was acting so… peculiar? “Let me call Mom and let her know.” He withdrew his phone from his pocket. She was reluctant, but allowed it because he was just next door.

They stopped at the top of the stairs and Makoto took a moment to catch his breath on Haru’s shoulder.

“It’ll be nice when I’m back up to more than half my strength. Someone should not be this winded going up these, especially when I’ve walked up these everyday for years!”

“Until then, please don’t over do it.”

“I know, I know. I’ll be good. Okay, I’m ready to go inside.”

Haru slid his arm around him again, and walked towards his house and unlocked it. He held him up as they removed their shoes. He then led Makoto to the living room table and lowered him to sit. “I’ll make some tea. Is green alright?”

“Definitely! Thank you, Haru.”

Haru retreated to the kitchen to put water on to boil.

“While I’m thinking about it, how long was everyone staying in town while I was in the hospital? Oh, if you don’t mind me asking.”

The gracious host came back into the living room with his apron on. “Amakata-sensei extended our stay for a night, but I stayed there with your mom at the hospital. Samezuka was supposed to leave the next day, so Rin and Yamazaki stayed at a hotel. I rode back with them on the train.”

“I need to send everyone gifts for putting them out so much.”

“They don’t expect you to.”

“I just feel bad…”

“It couldn’t be helped.” He disappeared back into the kitchen and returned with a teapot and cups. “I’ll make dinner now,” he said after pouring Makoto a cup.

“Need a hand?”

“I’ll take care of it. You should rest and enjoy your tea.”

“Okay. Just holler if you want some assistance.” He took a sip of his tea and noticed the chocolate nibs that hadn’t yet melted. Peeking in Haru’s empty cup, it had no chocolate in it like he knew it wouldn’t. Haru had specifically added it to his cup.

Hugs, swimming the backstroke, tea and dinner… Why was Haru spoiling him? He didn’t want to be suspicious. Was he doing what his mother was and doting on him because of his heart? Or was it more along the lines of now that swimming was over and now they had to worry about entrance exams, which meant they’d have to go their separate ways...

Soon, the aroma of what Haru was cooking wafted into the room and it didn’t smell of fish. Was he making something different for him? This was getting to be too much.

_Why, Haru?_

Fifteen minutes later, Haru came out of the kitchen with two plates on a tray, one plate looking significantly more stacked with food than the other.

A plate of green curry rice was placed in front of Makoto and instantly his mouth watered. “You made all of this for me?”

Haru took his place on the opposite end of his table. “Is pork good?”

“This looks and smells great, Haru!” At Haru’s lingering gaze at Makoto’s chopsticks, he took that as a sign that he was waiting for him to try it. Makoto took his chopsticks and took a piece of pork and vegetable that touched the edge of some rice and brought it to his mouth. “Ah! This is so good! Tender and juicy and the spices with the coconut are perfect! Thank you, Haru!”

A genuinely pleased smile spread across Haru’s face as he watched him eat the meal he had prepared. “Eat as much as you’d like.”

“Only after I’ve seen you eat some of yours. I know it’s not your favorite, but it is delicious.”

Haru wasn’t incapable of eating other foods, just held a strong preference towards mackerel. He took a chopstick full of curry and seemed satisfied.

Makoto ate himself full. Reclining on the floor, he rubbed at his stomach. “I don’t mean to be a glutton, but that was fantastic.”

“I’m glad.” Haru reached for their plates to clear them into the kitchen.

“I think the only way I’ll be able to go home is if I rolled... Mind if I intrude a little longer to digest?”

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like,” Haru said, coming back into the room as if he were going to make the suggestion.

“Oh, I won’t keep you too much longer. I know you have your bath to get to and winding down for the night.”

“Makoto, will…” he closed his mouth and clenched his fists at his sides. His mouth moved to finish his sentence but it was inaudible.

Patiently, Makoto waited for Haru to continue. Whatever was going on behind those brighter eyes it got Haru looking nervous as well as determined.

“You can take a bath with me.” His statement was more of a permission than a request.

They hadn’t shared a bath together since they were children, why would he be wanting to now all of the sudden? Haru was embarrassed when Makoto didn't answer immediately. Was he desperate for something? Makoto couldn't figure out what.. Expressing himself was hard, that Makoto knew, but he never looked like he wanted to take back anything he’d said, before. Didn’t Haru know he could tell him anything and not have to be ashamed? As surprising as the invitation was, he wasn’t going to refuse this changing Haru from Australia.

“Are you sure I’d fit?” Makoto asked with a small laugh.

“I think so…” the breath he held in anticipation, released.

“Swimsuits?”

Haru nodded, looking relieved at the suggestion.

“I’ll go ahead and change. We don’t all wear our swimsuits under our clothes.”

As always, Haru took any sort of remark like that with pride – it meant getting to swim faster. “Okay. I will draw the bath.”

Makoto rummaged through his backpack for his bundled, slightly damp, swimsuit and went into the hall toilet room to change.When he came out to the living room again and didn’t see Haru, he assumed he had stayed in the bathroom with the running water.

Always wearing his swimsuit, of course Haru had already changed. He pointedly looked at the tub and then to Makoto.

“Oh, you want me to get in first?”

Nodding, Haru took a half step out of the way.

The tub was almost to where Haru kept it when Makoto stepped over the rim and sat down in the water with his legs bowed to the edges and leaned back. The water was almost a little too hot for his tastes, but not unpleasant.

Haru waited for the water to fill and turned off the faucet. He stepped over the rim and settled himself in between Makoto’s legs and leaned on his side so his head rested on Makoto’s chest.

If Haru wanted another hug, the bathtub was an odd place to do it. Then again, water was his comfort. Makoto had been invited into his sanctuary and he was going to respect it. The position of his head had him feeling self-conscious, however.

“Makoto… Your heart; what’s wrong with it?”

Could Haru hear how weak his heart was? He tried to not draw in too big of a breath so not to disturb Haru’s peaceful position. “My heart is too big.”

It was quiet between them, other than the droplets from the faucet.

Haru’s head rose and fell with his chest for a few cycles before he spoke. “The biggest of anyone.”

He felt his heart skip a beat and hoped Haru wouldn’t ask about about the sudden quickening of the beats. “Haru…” Slowly, he brought his arms around Haru, liking how nice it felt to have him so close like this.

“What will happen?”

“My big heart has made it so it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. The doctors said that eventually it could stop working...”

He felt Haru stiffen in his embrace.

“The doctors will do what they can, but sounds like there isn’t anything they can do at this point. But don’t worry! I’m not going to let it get me down, Haru. I’m still going to go the Tokyo like I planned and pursue my dream. I need to live like I’m going live.”

Haru broke through Makoto’s arms and turned around to face him, causing some water to go over the rim and onto the floor. Placing his hands on both of Makoto’s wide shoulders, he kissed his best friend’s unsuspecting lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can see this smooch [HERE](http://dahliadenoire.tumblr.com/post/107590405773/commission-for-mamodewberry-o). Art was commissioned by me and done by [Dahliadenoire](http://dahliadenoire.tumblr.com/).
> 
> As a special gift, and apology, Chapter 10 will be posted on Saturday like normal. I also have a [playlist for the fic](http://8tracks.com/sharlynnshida/wait-for-me) as well. It could be considered spoilers, so proceed with caution :)


	10. Loving You is Not Hard to Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a lot of acceptance and fluff and Haru's thirst is stronger than either of them realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, really, all this chapter is is them being cute and fluffy and making out a lot. (Smut to come laters ;))
> 
> Also, I wrote up a slight explanation of why I went with Makoto's condition as I did. [On Tumblr!](http://mamodewberry.tumblr.com/post/135977885363/wait-for-me-extra)

A quiet _smack_ accompanied Haru’s lips as he pulled away.

From Makoto’s cheeks all the way to his ears, he felt them burn and imagined he was a brilliant shade of red. He touched his lips, feeling a faint remnant of Haru’s on his and he buried his face in his hands.

Was this what everything was leading up to?

He peeked between his fingers to see Haru watching him curiously. Maybe even a little confused as to how he could have elicited such a reaction.

How would Haru react?

Bringing his hands down, Makoto angled his head to come in, and then retreated. What if Haru didn’t like it? He’d never kissed before. Then again, as far as he knew, Haru hadn’t either. After several attempts, and being prompted by Haru’s patient and expecting expression, made contact.

When he pulled away, Haru’s cheeks were unmistakably pink. _So cute..._

As if to hide his own embarrassed expression, Haru came in for another kiss.

Seventeen years they had spent together - playdates in youth, school, swim practices and meets, walks to and from school, night jogs - everything a boy at their ages could have experienced. What they had, their relationship, their connection, was always something more than a friendship. It wasn’t like siblings, Makoto had those, it was a different sort of feeling.

Childhood friends that grew up together and saw the good and bad in life together. Stood up for each other and supported.

Love. Makoto knew he loved Haru from the very beginning and it only grew over time into… what? A love that never wanted to leave his side. A love that wanted the best for him. A love that wanted his happiness more than he wanted his own. His love had never required Haru to return it, yet he did. Over and over and beyond. And now he was returning it in a way he hadn’t expected. A way that he hadn’t thought about, but made all the sense in the world.

A way that wasn’t socially acceptable.

Was that why he - they - had suppressed coming to this natural progression of two people that had always been drawn to another? With each timid kiss that he gave, and Haru returned, they wanted to know if this _newness_ was right, if this is what the other had always wanted.

Soon, the newness was overwhelming. With the heat radiating between them and the steam from the water, Makoto pulled away. “H-Haru, I’m… I’m sorry. I can’t breathe.”

Looking like he was trying his best to not look disappointed, Haru gave him some space by sliding to the opposite end of the tub as he could, watching.

The pain was minimal, but the racing of his heart to all of this left him leaning back to catch his breath.

Haru scooted closer, just enough to reach out with his hand and lay on Makoto’s left breast. His nose scrunched a little at what he felt.

“I’ll be okay in a minute,” Makoto said, patting his hand, and then he shifted his hand to his arm and pulled Haru into him, of which Haru was more than happy to nestle. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“We can try again, later,” there was a tone in his voice that Makoto always pictured to accompany the glistening look in his eyes when it came to water if he were to vocalize it, and it made him laugh.

“Probably. But for now, this is nice?”

“Yeah.”

They stayed in that position until the water was less than lukewarm.

 

After they got changed out of their swimsuits and into dry clothes they’d sleep in for the night, Makoto took out his cellphone to as permission to sleepover. “Haru’s dinner was really good, Mom. Is it okay if I spend the night?”

“He really missed you, didn’t he?” she asked, fondly.

Makoto circled around the room to see Haru climb into bed. “Yeah. And with my first day back at school and eating myself into a food coma, I’m really tired and rather than stumble up the stairs, Haru offered me to stay over.”

“Will you be okay getting to school in the morning?”

“He helped me up the stairs. Going down them in the morning will be much easier.”

“Well, I guess if it’s Haruka-chan, it’s all right. He won’t let you overdo it.”

“Haha you know him so well.”

“Let me know if you need anything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yep. Sure thing. Love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too. Good night.”

With a sigh, he slid his phone shut, clicked off the light, and joined Haru under the sheets on his back. “Why does it feel like I lied to her, Haru?”

“You didn’t.”

“I suppose you’re right…” He settled further into the bed.

Without a word, as was his way, Haru shifted himself over closer and snuggled against him.

Makoto held him with one arm. “Hey, Haru? … is it… are we okay to be like this?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because, well…”

“It’s not anyone’s business,” Haru stated, finishing what exactly was in Makoto’s mind.

“I guess not.” If Haru wasn’t worried about it, he shouldn’t either. “Today, all day, was it all to lead up to you kissing me?”

Haru tugged on his shirt, but said nothing.

“I would have kissed you without all of the convincing.”

“It worked, though.”

“Of course it worked! I feel bad that I had all these other ideas in my head of why you were being so sweet to me. Really, I should be appreciative anyway. I’m not saying I’m not! I think I’ve always wanted to kiss you, I just hadn’t let myself realize it.”

It was quiet for a moment and Makoto wondered if he embarrassed Haru again, but then he spoke.“We should sleep,” he finally said, characteristically avoiding the subject, though not as coldly.

“Yeah, good idea.”

Haru draped an arm and rested his head on Makoto’s chest and pulled the covers under his chin.

Silence settled for another moment, and then Makoto, in a whisper. “Haru?”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

He buried his face in Makoto’s shirt.

 

Makoto awoke to Haru’s absence, but with one sweeping sniff, he was alerted that he was in the kitchen. Had he already taken a bath, then? Rolling over to look at the clock, he then realized how late it was getting! He fumbled for his school uniform and changed.

He came down the stairs and entered the kitchen. “Sorry, Haru. I forgot to set an alarm and I overslept.”

“I was letting you sleep longer,” Haru said, laddeling miso into a bowl, expectedly in his swimsuit with his apron over it. “There’s still time. Breakfast is ready.”

Makoto left the kitchen to the living room to sit at the table to be served Haru’s trademark miso mackerel with a side of soup and rice. He wondered how often he’d get to have Haru’s cooking from now on.

Something so simple shouldn’t taste this good, he questioned, but Haru had an amazing gift. Many gifts that he would treasure in him for as long as he could.

Haru joined him at the table, his content expression veiling what Makoto knew was bliss at eating his favorite.

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Makoto is very warm.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, I don’t have to be so close next time?” His face burned at being bold with his statement. Would there be a next time? Was it okay to assume?

“I slept fine. I was comfortable.”

“Good! I’m happy to hear that.”

“More importantly, did you sleep well?”

He blushed a little at Haru regarding his condition so highly. “I slept well. I actually feel rested.”

Haru gave a small satisfied smile and went back to eating breakfast.

After they both finished, they cleared the plates together and Haru went back upstairs to his room to change into his uniform.

 

Descending the stone steps to the beach was a lot easier than going up them, though Haru still hung onto Makoto, not giving him the chance to tire himself out first thing in the morning.

The sun was still rising over the horizon and painted the water in warm colors. They kept in step with each other, admiring the scenery.

Makoto stepped in closer to avoid a jutting rock and hit Haru’s resting hand in the process. Haru’s hand twitched a little at the contact, but was otherwise unbothered. A few paces later, Makoto’s thoughts wandered to holding Haru’s hand. Would he mind or was it too forward? Too troublesome?

He debated about it for all of ten seconds before Haru reached and took his hand, grasping around his palm and enclosed fingers. Many times their hands had been held like this when he’d help Haru out of the pool, but like this… color flushed his cheeks and ears again. He wondered if he’d ever get used to it.

 

As they approached school and gathered students, their hands parted. It wasn’t like they could keep holding hands through class, anyway, but it didn’t stop Makoto from wishing they could.

Homeroom, literature, calculus, language and history, he couldn’t stop thinking about last night. The voices of his teachers were like whispers in his distracted thoughts of Haru’s lips, Haru’s slim fingers, Haru’s eyes, Haru’s velvety voice.

He’d caught glances at Haru, only to find he was doing the same, and quickly turn his eyes back to the teacher, even though he knew he wasn’t listening, either. This was getting out of hand, wasn’t it? Or was this normal when two people found love?

Lunch came and Haru had packed them both mackerel bentos. Rei and Nagisa didn’t seem to find the match out of the ordinary as it had happened before, but Nagisa, of course, had to humorously bring attention to it. Would they noticed that anything had changed between them?

Haru carried on like usual, save for holding Makoto’s gaze for longer in their quiet conversations, sending flutters inside his body.

At the toll of the school bell, they walked together to practice. Rei and Nagisa hurriedly dressed like a contest and rushed out to the pool, calling after Makoto and Haru to hurry themselves up. It never took Haru long to change and Makoto felt himself being watched as he changed into his swimsuit. Many times they’d changed together and now it felt _different_. Sensing his mild discomfort, Haru left for the pool. With the air thinning, he quickly finished changing, even though he wouldn’t be swimming.

Makoto paced the pool, wet cement on his bare feet. He watched Haru swim his laps in the lane, admiring his form. How his arms raised and legs kicked, muscles tightening in motion…

What was happening to him?!

For years they’d swam together. Skin wasn’t new in the world of swimmers, yet somehow a change was occurring in Makoto. He’d loved Haru for his mind and his soul, but never had he felt an _attraction_ towards Haru’s physique. Well, that wasn’t completely true. These feelings were confusing and overwhelming, he had to sit down. He finished his current pace of the pool and walked to the benches and tried to get ahold of himself, trying to figure out if this was normal or right.

“Are you alright, Makoto-senpai?” Gou asked.

“Eh? Yeah, the sun was getting a little hot, is all.”

 

Haru insisted on staying in the pool after practice. It wasn’t an unusual request, however, Makoto staying behind was. Rei, Nagisa and Gou didn’t verbally question, but shrugged and left to go about their evening.

Taking a seat on the pool’s edge and dipping his feet in, Makoto felt more comfortable watching him, just the two of them.

Haru swam towards him and took hold of Makoto’s ankles and walked his hands up his legs until he could rest his elbows on his knees, propping himself up.

“Come in with me.”

“You know I can’t, Haru.”

“I won’t let you swim. Be in the water with me.”

“Okay.” Once his legs were released, he eased himself into the pool, Haru standing by to steady him. He could easily stand in its depth, levels just below his shoulders. It felt nice to be nearly submerged in cool water and smell the clean scent of chlorine up close and it took a massive amount of willpower to not dip back into position and swim a few laps.

Treading the water, Haru swam at Makoto and wrapped his arms around his neck, hands cradling his head from hitting the wall, while also angling his head for their lips to meet.

Here they could continue where they started last night in the bathtub, where the water was cool and there was more room. Here it was still Haru’s sanctuary. Accommodating and still in a place he’d be comfortable to dive further into new territory.

With his arms floating uselessly at his side, Makoto brought them to Haru’s waist to anchor him more into place, and just as quickly, released. What was he doing? What if Haru didn’t like-

Haru broke away with a warm exhale into his mouth. _It’s okay_ his eyes said _do what you want_.

His face flushed at all Haru could possibly mean, settled his hands to his waist, thumbs tracing at his hipbones. He felt him shudder at the touch, a small moan escaped, and in turn responded with fiercer lips, pressing against him, the momentum of the water escalating around them.

The arms that braced Makoto’s neck left as his own back served enough, his head being otherwise occupied. Haru’s hands browsed his hot face with dripping hands, fingers touching his cheeks and jaw as if he were memorizing them.

Makoto wasn’t sure where his own hands were anymore. Mouths opening wider, wet sounds of their lips melding again and again, exchanging breaths and sweet moans sending dizzying sensations inside him, made it hard to concentrate on anything else but Haru in that moment.

The water could not conceal the heat between them despite Haru’s plan, but it had allowed them to have more time to explore.

“H-Haru!” Makoto gasped.

With a final suck of his lower lip, Haru released him.

He pressed his forehead to Haru’s, wet bangs dripping down his nose and let out slow, shaky breaths. From his view, he could see Haru’s chest heaving with exhaustion. How hard had it been for him to keep afloat? Then again, looking at his face, it didn’t matter; he’d never seen him so happy.

 

“The weekend?” Mrs. Tachibana asked. “Makoto, I don’t know…”

“Please, Mom? We’ll be staying in, anyway. I’ve got a lot of makeup work from the days I was in the hospital I haven’t gotten to, and I know I’ll need his help with it.”

“What about a change of clothes?”

“I actually have some clothes here I hadn’t realized I’d left until last night. I’ll be okay.”

“You do know the twins miss you. If they ask me where you are at, I’m allowed to tell them?”

Makoto looked at Haru for permission. He shrugged. “That’ll be fine. I’m not trying to hide from them or anything. Haru is wanting to spoil me and I don’t want to be rude.”

“Well, you need to come home at some point,” she sighed in defeat. “Don’t forget, you have a followup appointment on Monday during your last period. I’ll come pick you up.”

“Sure thing.”

“Tell Haruka if anything happens, he needs to call me.”

“I’m positive he knows, but I’ll remind him.”

“Be safe and rest.”

“I will. I love you.” When she returned the affection, Makoto slid his phone closed. While studying and relaxing was in the plans for the weekend, it was mainly so they wouldn’t have to part. Yet. With each touch and kiss it became harder for Makoto to want to go home. He knew he had to eventually, curse all inevitable sense, but for now, he and Haru were almost to their destination. They held hands on the walk home until they reached the stairs and he slung Makoto’s arm over his shoulder.

Haru unlocked the door and they kicked their shoes off and stood in the entryway, quietly waiting for one or the other to suggest what next. Taking Haru’s hand again, Makoto tried to read his eyes.

 _Bath?_ his large eyes shimmered in pleading.

 _Bath_. Makoto agreed.

Haru went ahead to draw the bath while Makoto went to change.

Makoto finished and came into the bathroom with Haru watching the water rise, face calm, eyes anxious. He didn’t wait for instructions as Haru turned off the faucet moments later. He stepped over the edge and let himself sink into the warm water, back on the cool tub surface.

Instead of leaning back into Makoto and shifting to his side like he was expecting, Haru came onto him head on and stepped on either side of him and lowered onto Makoto’s lap to straddle him. He slid his hands on the sides of his neck, palms cupping his jawbone, fingers touching his ears and threading through his hair.

Goosebumps rose and his stomach did somersaults as Haru’s lips locked on to his. It was amazing how confident and sure his mouth was when so few words escaped them. This side to Haru was a newness that Makoto didn’t doubt would keep surprising him, or rather, sending electricity through his entire body.

Before Makoto could feel winded, Haru moved from his lips to his jaw, carefully moving in and around the crevices of the skin and bones. Gradually he moved to his throat, soft nibbles and swishes of the tongue caused a chuckle to rise, and he tingled all the way to his toes. The sound must have pleased Haru as he didn’t move for some time.

Makoto raised his hands and began to wander the muscles he had been admiring at practice, tracing where they began and ended.

The jugular was next, tender and sensitive, Haru’s kisses sent a shiver throughout, the laughter becoming more prominent. Further down to his collarbone, Makoto closed his eyes as the amount of pressure deepened on the less sensitive skin, breath escaping Haru’s wider mouth as he worked.

His fingers dug into Haru’s skin as he braced himself. How was it possible to feel like this way? How did Haru know how to make him feel this way? What else did he have planned? Whatever it was, he didn’t think he could take anymore tonight.

As if sensing his exhaustion, Haru ceased with one more kiss to the hollow of his neck. He broke away with as flushed of a face as he seemed to have the capacity for, pink, his blue eyes held Makoto’s.

_Are you okay?_

“You’re… so good at this.”

He briefly looked away. _Not really..._ Evening himself out, he lowered and rested his head on Makoto’s chest.

Smiling contentedly, Makoto wrapped an arm around him, and with the other drew light circles on his back. The only sound was their steadying breaths and the water lapping around them.

 

When the water had lost its heat, Haru peeled himself off and dried to go to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Makoto offered to help, only to be declined with a soft shake of his head.

“I bought too much for the green curry, so I’m making it again.”

“Mmm yay.”

Haru left the bathroom, his clothes left in the hamper, forgotten.

Unlike Haru, Makoto did feel the need to change. He grabbed his towel and dried and padded up the steps to Haru’s room for the clothes he wore last night - shorts and an orange and yellow shirt. Starting to smell the makings of another round of his favorite dish, he nearly skipped down the stairs. Curiously, Makoto poked his head into the kitchen where Haru was hard at work. Haru flicked his eyes to Makoto to acknowledge his entering the room.

He took a step to go into the living room to wait politely for his meal, but then took it back. With a mischievous grin, he dramatically tiptoed, full-well knowing Haru had his eyes on him, and came behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist, under the apron.

“Can I watch you cook?”

“If you want,” Haru answered in his not minding either way, tone.

He rested his chin on his shoulder and watched Haru chop vegetables. His hands were so quick and precise, better than his mother! The vegetables were pushed off the cutting board into the boiling water by the large cutting knife. A slab of pork was then placed on the cutting board and he then cut it into smaller pieces. They too were pushed off the cutting board into the water. With Makoto still holding him, Haru shifted to the sink to wash his hands, then gathered the spices and broth ingredients.

Makoto lifted his chin to adjust his position when Haru’s exposed neck caught his attention. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for it to be so, but being this close… Unable to resist, he kissed at the back of his neck.

He felt Haru stiffen.

“Oh. Was that too weird?”

Haru didn’t say yes or no, only stayed quiet until eventually he loosened and returned to the task at hand.

Makoto removed himself from Haru and went to the the living room table to wait.

Dinner was served not long after, now that having made it once made it easier for a second time. They ate quietly, enjoying the other’s company, eyes communicating what needed.

Mutually they decided to delve into homework so they’d have the rest of the weekend to do as they pleased. At the start, they worked on opposite ends of the table. By the time they got through half of the work load, they were next to each other, shoulders touching what they could despite size difference.

Haru was the first to finish, as he missed less school time than Makoto, and was more than happy to help him with what he didn’t understand, nudging his arm aside and sitting in his lap. Had he not done that, homework would have been done much faster.

Hours passed as they worked, and with a long yawn from Makoto, Haru suggested it was time for bed. Fatigue came easier with his condition, so he wasn’t going to argue, especially when it likely meant still being with Haru. His love changed into a t-shirt and pants and crawled into bed with him.

A moment of laying next to the other, and Haru turned on his side so his back was facing him.

Haru rarely asked him for anything their whole lives, if ever. It was always ‘Do what you want’ or indifference towards most things. Now here he was, asking, well, not verbally, but asking that Makoto did something for him. Something he’d thought he hadn’t enjoyed. Maybe he just needed time to process it as Haru was also one to only have two things in life he expressively loved: Water and Mackerel. Makoto wondered if he’d be considered the third thing, or had always secretly been the first.

He slid an arm under Haru and brought the other around and crossed loosely around his chest. Then he placed his lips just at the edge of his hairline and proceeded to kiss at his neck.

Instantly Haru relaxed and then let out a long sigh, his skin warming, small hairs bristling.

Slowly he moved his mouth up and around his collar and hair until Haru was still enough he thought he’d fallen asleep. But then Haru arched into him like a cat would to continue on with what affectionate act was being done. Amused and pleased that he’d discovered a favorable spot, he obliged. He pulled at the collar of his shirt to expose more and reach where his neck became shoulder and attempted to mimic what Haru did in the tub to him, nibbles and licks between kisses. Clean linen, aloe and a hint of vanilla was what Haru smelled and tasted like.

 

Makoto opened his eyes to a daylit room and the back of Haru’s head. At some point during pleasing Haru he had fallen asleep! His arms had long passed gone numb and wondered if his grip made it so Haru couldn’t escape. If he had wanted to escape.

“Haru-chan?” he whispered and planted a kiss on his neck. Usually Haru would be awake and making breakfast or bathing, even on the weekend. Would he be anxious to get up?

He stirred and hummed, “Mmmakoto?”

“We can get up.”

“...Do we need to?”

“Eventually, I think.”

“But not right now?”

“No, doesn’t have to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Gabapple said in Beta-ing: "Making out with the bae in the water = A++ approved would buy again".
> 
> Happy holidays again, everyone! <3 Hope this lighter chapter brings you more joy.


	11. Am I Washed on Your Shore Barely Alive?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A questionable option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone!
> 
> Sorry... this chapter is a bit of a short and heavy one. But after this chapter, there is A LOT of fluff/cute for awhile :)

Monday came and the lazy and loving weekend they shared together came to a close. Sluggishly they got out of bed and got ready for school, not looking forward to being denied the closeness they had developed and enjoyed. A text from his mother reminded him of what he had nearly forgot in their two days of bliss. He wouldn’t get to go home with Haru today and stay the night and it left him feeling sad.

Looking at Haru during class, he felt the same. Perhaps a little sadder.

His Iwatobian cardiologist, Doctor Maeno, reviewed the files that were transferred from the hospital at nationals. He nodded occasionally, making sounds of accord and brow furrowing in sympathy.

“You finished your swimming matches, correct, Tachibana-kun?” he asked, removing the stethoscope.“Yeah. Oh, luckily we won in the medley relay. No more swimming.”

“I hope it was worth it for you.”

Had he not said it so gentle and warmly, Makoto would have taken offense. Though his mother looked to be holding tears as she always did at checkups as she braced for any new diagnosis. “I think so.”

“Good to hear.”

A nurse knocked on the door and brought him the x-ray they took when he arrived and he placed it on the light next to the one from a week ago and three weeks ago.

“Since I’ve been home I’ve felt the best I have in a while,” Makoto said, hopeful at there being no changes in the x-rays for the worse.

“Takaguchi-san performed transcoronary ablation, and I’m certain that has brought significant alleviation, but you are not healed, you realize.”

Solemnly, Makoto nodded.

“There’s a chance the muscle tissue will grow back as this method isn’t surgical, so we’ll keep an eye on that. Your heart is still incredibly weak, so there will be no returning to your swimming days.”

“I know.” Seeing the pool at practice was a temptation, but he knew what would happen if he tried.

“Have you read your care packet?”

“Not word for word, but we’ve looked through it,” Mrs. Tachibana answered.

“Excellent. Please continue to review it and refer back to it if there’s something you’re unsure of by way of signs you need to come here or safe levels of activity.”

Makoto wondered if making out with Haru was considered a safe activity. A flush came to his face and he hoped his mother or doctor didn’t notice.

“For now, I’d like for you to take light daily walks. We can’t let your heart rate drop too low. Then we’ll see about upping your activity. I’d also like to limit your use of blood thinners. Take your pain medication as needed. Let’s have a followup appointment in a month from now, okay?”

“Excuse me, Doctor Maeno,” Mrs. Tachibana started. “With what you said about Takaguichi-sensei, are there other procedures like that that can improve his heart?”

The cardiologist removed his glasses and pocketed them in his uniform. “Presently, your boy is stable with no immediate cause of alarm. If he follows the care packet, that’s the best preventative step for him right now. Though I'm not certain what your views are on the matter, a heart transplant is a possible option. However, this hospital does not participate in that procedure.”

Her mouth buttoned and Makoto’s heart sank a little.

“I can make a recommendation for a consultation to the closest hospital if you’d like.”

“What are the success rates like these days?” Makoto’s mother asked.

“Your son’s life would be extended longer than if he was left to live on his own heart at this point. The rates are improving, although there are many variables in transplants that can’t guarantee a full life: Finding a compatible match - in Tachibana-kun’s case of his heart before diagnosed was abnormally large for his age, would be difficult considering the limited availability as is. Then there’s complications with the body accepting the new one or new heart staying as healthy as well as the five to ten year upkeep of needing another transplant. There is also the waiting period.”

Makoto’s late eldest aunt, his mother’s sister, received a heart transplant in her forties. It was seen as murder and defilement of the dead by a lot of country and the family had been no different. He remembered the tension at their gatherings until the day she died fourteen years later.

“How long would you say he has on his own heart?” she asked. At her tone, he knew she was thinking of her sister as he was.

“Difficult to estimate as that’s entirely up to the patient. If he were continuing to swim, I’d say he wouldn’t see the age of twenty. At resting as he is, possibly thirties. A heart transplant, complications baring, twice that. It is an option, though a heavy one.”

“Thank you for your honesty. We’ll think what you said over.”

They exited the hospital, his mother with her arm through his. Her grip and thoughtful expression made it seem like she’d hold on to him the entire way home, but they both knew that was impossible. He hadn’t said anything since the talk of the transplant began, thinking.

A click of the safety belt and a sigh to collect herself, Mrs. Tachibana looked to her son. “When we get home, we’ll talk to your father and see we will see what we can do.”

“You want to go ahead with the transplant?”

Her eyebrows raised. “Don’t you?”

“It’s not that I don’t, I just… Mom, we can’t afford it.”

A silence hung and his mother gaped at him. “You are more important to us than money ever will be. This is your life, Makoto, and if money is what it takes to give you a chance, of course we’ll do whatever we can! We’ll make phone calls to family and get help.”

“You heard what he said. And Aunt Hana... even a transplant may not save me. It would be a waste of everyone’s effort and I don’t want to put anybody out.”

“What happened to before when you were so hopeful of pulling through?”

“When it was up to me with swimming and not swimming it was different. This is… this is involving you and Dad and making it harder than it already is to live from paycheck to paycheck. What about Ren and Ran? I don’t want them to starve. What if they have this, too? - aren’t heart diseases genetic? That money could be used to take them in before it’s too late to save them. And then you were going to help me with tuition and-”

“Makoto, you need to calm down,” she hushed and reached over and grabbed for his arm and rubbed.

He hadn’t realized how much his heart rate had risen or how much he was startling his mother. Why of all times was he having a hysteric breakdown? A transplant was another option, that was all, it wasn’t a cure-all just like stopping swimming hadn’t been, yet it made him feel so _sick_ thinking about it. “All of these appointments and the procedures from my heart attacks, you’ve already done so much for me, I can’t expect more!”

“I am your mother and it is my job to take care of you. I appreciate you trying to be practical and considerate, Sweetheart, but, that doesn’t change how much I want you to stay. We’ll make this work, somehow.”

“But Aunt Hana… I don’t want you to go through that.”

“Honestly I didn’t know how I felt about your aunt. I can’t say I was against the operation, but… now that my son also needs it, I’m understanding why my father wanted it for Hana. Family makes sacrifices.”

He leaned back in the seat and tried to steady his breathing.

“Are you uncomfortable about the transplant?” she asked, carefully.

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it until now. I just really don’t want you to waste millions of yen for ten years on me.”

“It could be more than that. And if it weren’t, wouldn’t it be worth it to live for that much longer?”

“Not if it…” He was starting to sound ungrateful and that wasn’t what he was trying to convey. Couldn’t she see that he was worried about them and how they’d be able to live after he finally died? They’d be stuck with debt and unable to pay for it and going hungry.

“We don’t have to decide tonight. But Makoto, please, please think about it.” Her hand came down to rest on his knee.

He managed a nod, knowing he’d be thinking about it all the way home. Thankfully his mother respected how he stared forward as she pulled out of the hospital parking lot that he didn’t want to talk anymore. He didn’t mean to be so dismissive, didn’t like to be, but he wasn’t feeling like himself and it made everything ache worse.

He wondered if he’d already accepted his death and that’s why he was being so stubborn about the new possibility. He had been optimistic before, but after his third heart attack he realized how sick he was and that he wasn’t going to get better. Even if somehow enough money was pooled from the family, he’d still feel guilty if he died within ten years. It all seemed pointless.

Somehow his dreams felt like a premonition about his entire life, not just about swimming. His fear of the water had never left and it had ultimately been what brought on his illness. It was of his greatest joys and the reason he’d have to leave the world. Leave his family. Leave Haru. 

Leave Haru.

How would Haru be after he left? Would he talk to anybody? Would anyone have the patience to talk to and understand him? He had a dream now, but Haru was still incredibly introverted. Would he be lonely?  
He brought a hand to his mouth to suppress the wet hitching breaths.

He would be alone. He wouldn’t seek comfort, that wasn’t what he did. Nobody would be able to understand. Death meant leaving Haru and somehow that hadn’t fully registered before and now it left him feeling crippled. The gravity of all death brought was finally coming forward from where he had desperately tried to hide it.

Makoto was still the scared boy he had always been and Haru wouldn’t be able to hold his hand anymore, nor would he be able to hold his. With their consecutive days together and how Haru acted, he also was scared, despite being the strongest person he’d ever known.

The Tachibana’s van pulled into their cobbled driveway.

“Makoto?”

Turning his head, to his mother, his eyes burning with tears. “I’ll come in a bit later,” he answered quietly, leveling his voice. 

For a moment she hesitated, as if to offer to stay with him, but eventually she granted his wish. “Okay. I’ll have dinner for you when you’re ready.”

“Thanks.”

The door shut with a gentle thump and his mother went inside the house.

Now in his solitude where no one could see, he sobbed on the dashboard.

 

Patterns in the ceiling were different than the ones he was used to waking up to. The crick in his neck also served as an awareness to where he had awakened - in the car in the driveway. The sun was in its early parts of rising and he had an enormous headache. Somehow in the night he had obtained a blanket.

A shuffle to his right turned his eyes to the driver’s seat - Haru was curled in a ball with a blanket. How long had he been there? He wasn’t there when he went to sleep, was he? How did he know he was here?

“Makoto,” Haru said, blinking and stifling a yawn.

Avoiding the reasons of why he’d spent the night in the car from Haru would be pointless, although the headache didn’t make it at all easier to tell him. “Haru, good morning. Why are you-” - _Here in the car with me? How did you know I was here?_

“You said you’d call me when you got home.” He pulled the blanket up to where only his eyes showed. _I got worried and came over_.

“I’m sorry… I totally spaced it.” He caught his disbelieving expression. “... How much did Mom tell you?”

“A little.”

_Everything_ is what he meant.

“Why don’t you want the transplant?” Haru asked, carefully, though bitter, as if he didn’t want to ask - hated, even - but was important for him to understand. All the while his his eyes scared, _Do you want to leave me?_

And that’s what brought back the twisting in his stomach from the night before. Makoto reached across the gap of the seats between them, he pulled Haru in for a kiss. “Of course I don’t, Haru! It’s just… I-” tears burned in his eyes and he tried to blink them away so Haru wasn’t so blurry. “I don’t want to leave you - I won’t leave you for as long as I’m alive.”

“How long?” Haru asked, searching his face for what Makoto couldn’t speak.

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, I will be with you, okay?”

“Let’s make it as long as we can.” He leaned into his shoulder, eyelashes brushing skin.

Somewhere in his eyes or voice, Haru found the answers to understand. Haru _always_ understood. It was both gratifying and terrifying. Makoto never needed to say or admit anything out loud, Haru would always know and see just how confused and scared he really was. As Haru started to kiss at his neck, he realized how vulnerable yet safe he felt then and since they became… boyfriends? He wanted to stay this way and be lost in Haru’s affections, the dark matter at hand being pushed aside and forgotten, but the sound of the front door closing caused him to pull away. They weren’t ready to let others know, let alone his mother - would she be disappointed? It hadn’t long, but Makoto hoped Haru hadn’t left any marks.

  
Mrs. Tachibana came out onto the walkway, bundled in a robe and walked towards the car. The sight of both of them awake and alert brought a smile to her face. She knocked on the window and invited them in for breakfast. There was no prompting to go to school the rest of the day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my researching, I found several sources that said Japan hasn't evolved as much as the states medically in that direction and isn't very big on heart transplants as I've written in the fic. Please correct me if this is wrong information, in which case, just pretend for the sake of fic that it's a controversial subject. /Melodrama/


	12. Sad Things and Happy Things, We Will Keep Continuing No Matter What

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbyes, followups, and matchmaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you notice the chapter count? ;) I've broken the fic down and I think around 30 is when it will end. Look how long we have to go, guys!
> 
> I also made an instrumental playlist for the fic. It's soft, calming, melancholy tunes just perfect for feeling and reading along. [Home](http://8tracks.com/sharlynnshida/h-o-m-e). My other playlist can be found [here.](http://8tracks.com/sharlynnshida/wait-for-me) I really love music and it helps me write. If you've listened to the latter playlist, you've maybe noticed some of the lyrics being chapter titles ;) 
> 
> Feel free to add me on Tumblr (mamodewberry) or Twitter (sharlynnshida). I don't post a whole lot on either, but I am responsive to messages and @'s.

An afternoon bath after practice became part of their daily ritual. The pair would draw the water and be in each other’s arms until the water got cold, talking of everything or nothing at all, and then Makoto would head home for the night, falling asleep to half-remembered texts. But every once in awhile, he’d stay over.

“Hey, Haru?”

“Mm?” a respondent hum came from his chest.

“Have you…” Makoto swallowed. He hated how curious he was sometimes, but with exam preparations looming, he just had to know. Australia gave him a dream, didn’t it? If Haru hesitated he would resolve to never ask again. “decided on a university, yet?”

He tensed in his arms as he feared.

_I’ll back off_. “If you haven’t decided, then that’s fine.”

Hair brushed against Makoto’s skin as Haru shook his head. “I have decided,” Haru answered, quietly.

“Oh?” immediately Makoto brightened. Could it be the moment he had told him of his plans it really had sparked him to think about his own?

“I’ll be going to a local university. I’ll take the exam for a few and see which I get into.”

And just as quickly he deflated. “I see.” Of course Haru didn’t need to go to Tokyo, it was ridiculous to think so. Tokyo was loud and busy, two things that he avoided when he could. He’d be away from the ocean and what was comfortable. But wouldn’t coming with him hel- No! He couldn’t be disappointed he wasn’t coming along. It wasn’t fair. This was Haru’s decision and he had to be happy for him. He brought his arms around him, giving him a small squeeze, voice perking up, “I’m proud of you. You’re so smart, I bet they’ll all offer you a scholarship.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said disinterestedly. 

“As long as they have a pool and an elite team, right?”

“Yeah. You said you were going to Gakugei University?”

“That’s my goal! I hope I can get in…”

“You can do it; I know you can.”

Squeezing Haru tighter, he buried his face in his hair. “You always know the right thing to say.”

“Sometimes.”

Makoto released his grip and let his arms fall to his sides in the water. “The school pool will close for the season, soon.”

“Yeah,” Haru said, his terse response not doing a good job veiling his utter disappointment.

“We should go swimming in it before it closes. Just the two of us.”

“At night,” Haru answered without missing a beat.

How in sync they were should have stopped surprising him a long time ago. Swimming at night sounded romantic, but wouldn’t they get in trouble? “H-how would we get in?”

“You have the key, don’t you?”

 

At dusk, Haru lead the expedition to the school pool and Makoto began to regret the decision once they got to the school grounds. They’d done sneaking around at night before and it always made him uneasy and jumpy at every corner and sound. He held on to the hem of Haru’s shirt as he used, surprisingly, his own cellphone to light their way.

A gust of wind blew, causing the trees to whistle. He _knew_ what it was, but he still jumped with a whimper.

Haru took the hand that held his shirt and Makoto relaxed a little.

As captain of their team, Makoto had been given a key to the pool to lock up when they’d end for the day. Inserting the key into the back gate lock, he wondered if that was because they trusted he wouldn’t be sneaking in off hours, and immediately started to feel guilty.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have done this… what if we get suspended?”

“I’ll tell them I forced you against your will.”

“Haru…”

The fence swung open and Haru wasted no time throwing aside his clothing and jumping into the pool as if he hadn’t spent hours in it earlier that day. Their last day of practice before the pool would be drained.  
It would be hard to say goodbye, but at the same time it would be easier to move on without the ever presence of the pool.

Makoto paused in removing his shirt as he was suddenly taken by impulse. Rather than shedding his clothing, and for once having his leg skins on underneath beforehand, he walked to the steps of the pool, toes curling on the edges, and went down into the water. His long-sleeved shirt and jersey ballooned above the water and made for a humorous sight, but he paid it no mind and he leaned back onto the surface of the water and closed his eyes.

Being clothed helped him fight the urge to swim, and maybe the impulse had been inspired to some degree to combat the temptation. In a way, it was freeing to do something ridiculous. In floating, he could feel Haru’s movements in the water. If only they could swim together. Why hadn’t he take more opportunities to swim with him alone like this?

The water stilled and Makoto opened his eyes to see Haru standing next to him, blinking his large blue eyes in curiosity.

“Silly, huh?”

He shrugged. “I want to swim for you.”

“I’m sorry! I’ve been so rude, I haven’t been watchi-”

“I will always swim for Makoto, but that’s not what I meant. I want to make it like you are swimming.”

“How would you do that?” Makoto asked, trying to picture Haru having the strength to pull it off or what he’d hold on to.

He flicked his head to the side to stop a stream of water from running down his face. Then he positioned himself above Makoto’s head, clutched his shoulders and pushed him to the center of the pool, a circle of light from the moon now reflecting, with dolphin kicks while balancing. It was impressive, though Haru stopped with a frown, disappointed. _Not good enough._

“It was a good try,” Makoto said, reaching for his arm with a gentle grasp. “I appreciate it.”

“The water still accepts you.” He laid a hand over his.

“In a good way?”

“It always has.”

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s been trying to tell me to stay away for years, I just wouldn’t listen.”

Haru’s hand dropped and he narrowed his eyes accusingly at the pool water, then back to Makoto in disbelief. _Why?_

“I don’t think I’ve ever fully been able to get over my fear, Haru. The free race with you and recent dreams… If I didn’t try to stop being scared and gave in to it and never swam again, would I not be-- Ah, never mind. I don’t know why I’m talking like this - it’s not like me at all!” At Haru’s silence, he flipped over from his back and touched the pool floor to see him staring into the water as if it betrayed him and was taking away the most important thing in his life.

Makoto took both sides of his face in his hands, fervently, “Haru. Haru. I’m so happy I didn’t stop. If I did, we wouldn’t have all the memories that we do. I am so glad that I’ve been able to swim with you all these years and share what you love most. I truly don’t have any regrets. Please forget the weird things I keep saying - I don’t mean them.”

_But you feel them and I’m sad that you are feeling this way._ Haru placed his hands on his upper arms to hoisted himself into a kiss. 

A kiss that then became several sadness-reducing kisses, Makoto returned them and then settled into a hug.

“I wouldn’t trade anything for what we have. Nothing, okay?”

Haru nodded into his sopping wet shoulder.

“Will you swim for me now? I’ll watch this time.”

“Okay.” For the moment Haru was satisfied, and Makoto vowed to put more of a filter on his mouth for both of their sakes - he used to be so much better at it. More swimming would at least appease Haru for the time being.

As Makoto walked back to the shallows he peeled off his wet clothes and fetched a towel in the changing room. He came back out in only his swimsuit and a towel on his head and one under his arm for Haru. Padding back over to the pool, he sat down and dangled his feet into the water.

Haru swam back and forth in the middle lane, gradually picking up speed with each turn. The moonlight danced and gleamed on the water and coated Haru upon surfacing. A smile spread so wide on Makoto’s face his cheeks hurt; the boy he was in love with was so beautiful in every sense of the word. His talent would get him on a swimming team and he’d learn so much and grow and then he’d go on to a professional level and the whole world would be able to see how amazing he is!

Well, his swimming. The other ways were ones Makoto would keep safe. But knowing the day would come that Haru would be in newspapers or television, he stifled the smiles and pride that overcame him at the thought for that day to come.

Lost in his thoughts, he wasn’t sure how long he sat there daydreaming when Haru started swimming towards him. He stood and extended his hand to him as he always had and wished he always could. “You really are the best in the water, Haru-chan!”

Haru returned the smile, not bothering with his usual response and took his hand.

Makoto unfolded the towel from under his arm, but rather than handing it to Haru or putting it over his shoulders like he originally planned, he wrapped it around him and swooped him up in his arms.

“Makoto!” Haru kicked his legs and wriggled in protest, arms restricted to his sides in the confines of the towel and muscled arms, lips drawing into a pout.

“You’re so cute, Haru-chan.” Makoto brushed wet hair away with his mouth and kissed his forehead.

Pink dusted Haru’s cheeks. If he was going to ask to be put down, he wasn’t, now.

“I’ve wanted to try holding you like this for a while. I figured I better do it while I’m still able to.”

Haru looked away, undoubtedly lamenting the soon-loss of charm points.

“You probably wouldn’t have wanted me to do this at your future swim meets, anyway.”

 

Spending time with Haru and returning to school took away a lot of Makoto’s time and thoughts, that he had neglected to follow up with Rin and thank him. With swimming season over, Rin would also be less busy, so maybe the delayed meeting wouldn’t be seen as entirely rude.

“It’s good to see you awake,” Rin remarked over the rim of his cup.

Oh. That was also a good reason to follow up. “Heh, good to be awake.”

They met at the same cafe as before. Earlier that day, Makoto had texted Rin about meeting up and had received an immediate response of “About time”. After his and Haru’s after school bath together, Makoto headed home and had dinner with his family and then took the next train out.

“What’s the latest? Or is that something else I need to wait for Nagisa to tell me.”

“I’m surprised how much he texts you.”

“He’s not always the first to text.”

“Rin… I don’t mean to not tell you things. There are times Nagisa finds out before I even tell him.”

“I guess he does have that ability to know everything that goes on,” he agreed and added some sugar to his tea. “You were out longer this time, your heart stopped for crying out loud, and it wasn’t just Haru who was worried and freaking right the hell out.”

“I know. I was pretty shaken when I woke up to find out that I was so close to-” he shut his mouth. Rin was agitated enough over talking about this enough. He pictured him and the others in the waiting room or at his bedside and crying and anxiously pacing. Taking Haru out of the hospital was probably the easiest way for him to deal with his own insecurities. “I’m so sorry.”

He sighed, “You’re still apologizing for something you can’t really control and it’s pissing me off. Still, it’s almost been two weeks; you couldn’t text me yourself letting me know you were okay?”

“Am I allowed to apologize for that?”

“Yes, that’s merited.”

“I am sorry for not calling or texting you, Rin. I’ve been really preoccupied since I got back. One of those reasons I need to thank you for.”

“Oh?”

The teacup clinked onto the saucer as Makoto set it down to give Rin his gratitude. “Whatever you did in Australia to help Haru find his dream, thank you.”

“All I gave him was a push. Seeing the world from a different place gave him a view he hadn’t seen before, and I think for the first time his eyes were opened. I took him to the olympic park and gave him the option to swim or not swim, he chose to swim and it triggered something. The rest of the trip he was fairly quiet, lost in his thoughts. You know Haru, he doesn’t say much, especially about what he’s thinking or feeling, but he seemed more relaxed and at peace with things.

“When we first got there he was more moody than usual. Then he told me you had a fight. I was shocked - Makoto is incapable of that - whatever, though, Sousuke and I fight all the time. It’s kind of a way you show you care. Then I knew what you had tried to do and he probably thought you were forcing your views on him as I was and it escalated badly. Did he apologize to you?”

“Yeah, not long after you got back, actually.”

“Good. Did he tell you…” he leaned in and lowered his voice, “something else he realized?”

“Like what?”

“That!” Rin sat up against his seat and slapped his forehead, “That idiot. It’s really important, okay? I’ll bug him about it when we’re done here cause I’m not going to let him get away with not telling you. I’m not going to spoil it for you, either.”

“Has he told…” It then dawned like a light bulb, “Oh! Well, he didn’t really tell me, but if it’s what I think you might be talking about, then yes, he told me.”

“Please tell me he didn’t half-ass it and wasted the moment by being vague.”

Heat rushed to his face as his mind reverted to certain moments and Haru was very _not_ vague when it came to _telling_ Makoto how he felt. He couldn’t help but laugh softly to himself, shaking his head. “He’s never been so confident and honest before. When I got out of the hospital, he was waiting to spoil me rotten and then he kissed me. Maybe he wanted to tell me, but saying his feelings has never been his strong suit, so acting upon them makes all the sense to me. We’ve been practically inseparable since I’ve got back. He makes me lunch and dinner, sometimes. We soak in his tub together and-- Gosh, listen to me!” Makoto sank to the table, face in folded arms. “I mean, don’t listen to me, I’ve said too much. I guess I got excited to talk to someone.”

“N-no, it’s fine,” Rin said, trying to keep his cool, but the red of his cheeks matching his hair wasn’t fooling anyone. “There is nothing wrong with my best friends loving each other, I just wasn’t prepared to hear he skipped a step. Then again, you’ve been together forever and he sounded like he’s had it pretty bad for you for a while.”

“How much did he say?” He raised his head at the prospect of hearing confessions made in Australia.

“Nope, nope, I’m drawing the line here - you can take it up with him.”

He filed a reminder to ask Haru about it, though it involved words to hear spoken confessions, so maybe that meant they’d have another long makeout session. “I get to thank you for helping Haru finding his dream and bringing us together.”

“You’ve always been together, I just helped him realize a different sort of dream.”

“I never pegged you as a matchmaker before, Rin-rin.”

“Don’t even start,” Rin wagged his finger. “While there is absolutely nothing wrong with you two, I’ve still had to get myself to stop feeling weird about you being lovey-dovey, okay? But when it does come down to it, I really am happy for you. It’s good seeing you with a genuine smile on your face. Those fake ones needed to stop.”

“Haru does have that effect on me.”

“Clearly. Then, you haven’t told anyone?”

“We’ll tell when the time is right, but Haru feels it isn’t anyone’s business...”

“I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to some. You are entitled to be private about it, though. Is he going to Tokyo with you?”

The positive feeling in the air started to diminish. “He said he has applied to local universities.”

“Oh. That’s too bad.” He looked down into his cup.

“Do you know something, Rin?”

“We didn’t talk about it a lot, I just assumed. Maybe he’s not quite ready to let go of Iwatobi. I’m sure he’ll visit you, or you’ll come back home, right? Who knows, he could always transfer later. If Australia is any indication, he can’t stay away from you for long,” Rin offered with a wink.

Especially with how they’ve been the last two weeks, Makoto didn’t doubt Rin’s claim. “You’re probably right. I should look forward to that possibility.”

Rin hit the table with his palms. “Dammit, Makoto! All this talk about your boyfriend and you veered away from my question about your health. Quit avoiding the subject.”

“I’m sorry! That’s just how the conversation progressed. What more is there to tell?”

“A diagnosis is all I’m after and a general consensus of how you are feeling.”

Makoto drew in a breath.“I’m doing okay right now, my cardiologist says I’m stable. Tired, mostly. Not swimming everyday has definitely cut back on the pain in my chest, too. As for what I have, it’s hypertrophic cardiomyopathy; my muscles in my heart are weakening and aren’t sufficiently pumping blood into the rest of me. Eventually it’ll stop working altogether.”

“You’re unreal!”

“I try to not think or dwell about it too much, it helps me deal with it,” Makoto answered with a shrug and faint smile.

“Don’t sound like you potentially dying isn’t a big deal, because it is to me and a lot of others. Don’t disvalue your life like that.”

“I’m grateful for the life I have and I’m living with what I have. I don’t want anyone to worry about me over something that can’t be controlled.”

“Well, even still; if you need anything at all, I don’t care how mundane or stupid it is, I want to help.”

 

  
“This one is a remarkable and extensive book of vocabulary and this one for grammar. This is an excellent and easy reference for English terms. Let’s see, I know I have a text on algebraic equations for a refresher - ah, here it is. Calculus. Geometry. Geography. World History. Japanese History. Essay writing, there. Oh and quantum physics, we can’t forget about that. What am I forgetting?”

“R-Rei?”

“Yes, what is it Makoto-senpai?” Rei turned from his perfectly organized bookshelves.

“I know weight wise I can probably hold all of this, but my balance isn’t that great…”

Rei adjusted his glasses and gave the stack of books in Makoto’s arms a once over that swayed as Makoto tried to shift them into place. “I see. I will grab a sack for you, one moment.” He hurried out of the room and returned shortly with large canvas totes. “My apologies. I got overzealous.”

“No worries. I appreciate you letting me borrow all of your books.” Makoto set the stack on the coffee table in the center of Rei’s bedroom to start stacking them neatly in the canvas totes.

“Think nothing of it. I wish for your and Haruka-senpai’s success! I researched what the requirements for the exams are this year and in each text I highlighted the applicable sections on the table of contents. I also went ahead and printed out copies of a practice test for each section.” He stretched over to his desk for a stack of papers and a small book and tucked it into one of the totes that Makoto had finished packing. “Also, a book on effective studying.”

“Wow! You went through so much work for us. How can we repay you?”

“We’ll worry about that when you pass with high marks, Makoto-senpai.”

Reaching for the handles on the bags, Makoto stood. “Thank you again. Maybe when it gets closer you can quiz us.”

“I’ll be happy to help in anyway that I can!” Rei reached for the door handle to assist Makoto on his way out, when Nagisa barged in and toppled over him.

“Rei-chaaaan!”

Haru poked his head in the doorway and a smile came to his face when his eyes met Makoto’s.

“I found Haru-chan outside on my way here. He says he was waiting for Mako-chan, so I brought him to him.”

“Please get off me, Nagisa-kun…”

For once, all it took was one plea and Nagisa released him with a bounce to his feet. “Ooo Rei-chan is giving Mako-chan lots of homework.”

“It’s the most important kind of homework,” Makoto said with a smile and tilt of his head.

“Yeah, well, you should take a break from it and come with Rei-chan and I to the arcade tonight. It’ll be a double date.”

Makoto shot Haru a panicked look and Rei choked on something imaginary.

_You told him?_

“He asked,” Haru answered. “I wasn’t going to say no.”

“Since you’ve been out of the hospital for the fifteenth-”

“Third,” Rei interrupted.

“-Fifty-third time, I’ve noticed something _change_ between you two. You’re a little more than obvious. Then I saw Haru-chan tonight and I _had_ to ask and he didn’t deny it. He really likes kissing you, Mako-chan,” Nagisa gave an impish smile.

“I do like kissing Makoto,” Haru affirmed in his deadpan tone, but his eyes glistened with desire that Makoto had to hide his face from the crawling blush on his skin.

“Nagisa-kun, you shouldn’t ask people about private matters like that,” Rei said, grasping his shoulder and trying to sound scolding.

“Why? Haru-chan looked like he wanted to tell someone. You’ve noticed them!”

“Regardless, what’s this date business? With us not being a couple, we’d only be a third and fourth wheel.”

“We’re not a couple?” His lips pursed in hurt as if this revelation were new to him.

“I-I mean, that is to say…” Rei’s glasses fogged as he unnecessarily kept adjusting them on his nose.

The change in the atmosphere had Makoto feeling like they were intruding and didn’t belong. Gently he nudged Haru towards the exit with the bags of books in hand. They walked down the stairs, thanked Rei’s parents, and left the house to walk to the station.

“Leave it to Nagisa to use us an excuse to confess to Rei. Can’t say I blame him, though. Did you know that would happen?”

Haru shrugged.

So he was an instigator. “Should we still go to the arcade? There’s still a chance they could meet us there.”

“For a little bit. Then I wouldn’t mind going home and doing what I’m sure Rei and Nagisa will be doing, soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really intended to have more ReiGisa/NagiRei in the fic, but it just wasn't happening. You'll see very little of them after this. I meant to write a small ficlet for them over the holidays... I PROMISE I will write something because I love these two and feel bad I didn't make more room for them.


	13. You are the Rhythm of My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Research, studies, and another match made.

“Have you looked into Tokyo housing?” Haru asked from Makoto’s bed, lazily flipping through pages of a textbook.

Makoto let his pencil roll into the crevice of the open book, a sinking feeling forming in his stomach, slumping into his chair. “I haven’t since I decided on which university! I hope it’s not too late to apply.”

Haru shrugged.

Pushing aside the workbooks from Rei, Makoto grabbed for his keyboard to zoom to the internet for some of the places he had bookmarked two months ago. “Hmm, this one is too far away, now. Uh, this one could still work.”

Haru rolled out of his place on the bed, books and papers forgotten, and came over to the desk. For a moment he hovered, watching Makoto click and type away, and then he forced his way under his arms and onto his lap for a closer look.

Without removing his eyes from the screen, Makoto put his left arm around Haru’s waist to secure him in place and rested his head on his shoulder, focusing on the task at hand. “I can’t believe I’ve spaced something so important. It won’t do me any good if I get accepted and don’t have a place to live.”

“You will get accepted.”

“What if I don’t?”

“Then you try somewhere else, but for now, let’s believe you will and find a good home.” Haru swiped the mouse and started his own search in such a rush that Makoto wondered if he’d already done his own search before while relinquishing the computer to his love and wrapped both arms around him. Mentally he added ‘for you’ in his mind. Odd that Haru left it open like that.

Haru typed in the university’s name in the search and made it so any open apartments within thirty kilometers would appear on the map and sorted the results by price. When did Haru become so proficient on a computer?

Together they looked at the options and weighed on accommodations, reviews of the landlords and grounds and general tenants, included appliances, bathing facilities (Haru insisted Makoto needed a personal bathtub for when he came to visit), and the distance from the closest station and grocery store was. With Tokyo being as large of a metroplex as it was and several universities within its region, they gathered twelve apartments into their pool of possibilities.

“How will we narrow it down?” Makoto had to stop himself from smiling at how nice ‘we’ sounded when he knew Haru wouldn’t be coming with him. “Without looking at it, I can’t decide.”

“I’ll go with you the weekend after the exams. I want to make sure you have a nice place to live.”

His heart skipped. “Haru…”

“Do you not want me to come?”

“No, it’s not that, I, we’ve never been outside Iwatobi aside from swimmeets and Tokyo is so far and expensive by plane or train. Long way to go for a quick trip.”

“Someone needs to go with you so you don’t get lost.”

“I’m such a hopeless case!” he admitted in dismay.

“It’s okay.” Haru got up from Makoto’s lap for a moment to turn himself to face him, cheeks slightly colored as he crossed his arms around his neck. “Think of it as our first trip as a couple. It’ll be your reward for passing. And a going away present.” 

Makoto pictured the two of them sightseeing in the big city and going from apartment complex to the next. Holding hands and sharing food to cut down on costs. Cuddling in a hotel room after a long day and on the train to and back. They hadn’t really gone on any dates and thinking about Tokyo was especially exotic. Maybe when Haru visited they could go on dates, too. Giggles bubbled inside and for that moment he believed he would do well on the entrance exam for he had Haru as motivation. “I’ll do my best! And I know you’ll do your best on your exams, too. This trip will be a celebration for the both of us.”

“I guess so.”

He spun them around in the chair, once and then cupped Haru’s face in his hand. _Can I kiss you?_

_You don’t have to ask..._ Willingly, Haru let himself be lowered into Makoto’s waiting lips.

As hands started to wander, the rolling clamor of voices and footsteps approached the partially closed door. They pulled apart in enough time for Ren and Ran to stumble in.

“Brother. Haru-chan, what are you doing?” Ran asked.

There wasn’t enough time for Haru to get off of Makoto’s lap, however.

“Oh, we’re just playing a game,” Makoto laughed. “Seeing, uh, how many times we can spin in this chair.” Even before Haru shot him a disapproving look, he regretted his lie.

The twins rushed to them and climbed on top of the pair. Makoto grunted at the added weight.

“Now us, now us!” Ren rocked back and forth on Haru’s leg to encourage the motion.

_I’m sorry_... Makoto grimaced.

_We’re locking the door next time._

 

English was neither Haru’s or Makoto’s strength. They knew enough to pass their classes throughout middle school, but only just. Knowing some basic English could be covered on the entrance exams, thus they enlisted Rin’s help.

“Your pronunciation… it’s _not great_ ,” Rin told the pair after they had tried reading a passage out loud, refraining from using a more condemning term with difficulty. Understandable, considering this was the third time they recited the piece and still was not acceptable to the more experienced speaker. “Sousuke, you try.”

Rin tossed the folded book behind him to Yama-- Sousuke - Makoto had to keep reminding himself after the school festival - who lounged on the floor against the wall, preferring to study in a more comfortable position away from bodies. With his uninjured left arm, he caught it and found the highlighted portion and read it with ease.

“There. Like that,” Rin gestured to his friend.

Sousuke flashed Haru a smirk. Makoto wondered if the tension between them really had resolved. Maybe not.

“He practices a lot because you’re around,” Haru returned, unimpressed.

“Yeah. And how do you get better at something? With practice.” Sousuke settled back into his position after handing the book back over for Rin to bop Haru on the head with it. “I’m out of tea.”

“Fine.” Haru stood up, irritably and went to his kitchen to put another kettle on. He stood against the door frame towards his guests in wait of the water.

Makoto caught his eyes and asked with them for more tea as well. Expression softening, he disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. “It’s unlikely we’ll have an oral test on the entrance exams, anyway, right?” Makoto asked Rin, hopeful.

“Praise all for that.” Rin groped for the their practice sheets across the table and scanned his and Haru’s translations. “Yeah. Definitely an improvement. I guess if you had to go to Australia or America in the near future you could _maybe_ survive with a travel-sized whiteboard.”

“Come on… we can’t be _that_ bad,” Makoto chuckled.

“Pass your English class with higher than a sixty percent and I’ll reconsider. You said you have a test coming up in your class next week, right?”

“Yeah, a big one. Sentence structures and vocabulary… I’m not looking forward to it.”

“Spew, that stuff’s the worst.”

“We called you over to help us on that, too.”

“Of course you did... Alright, alright, let’s see your book.”

Makoto slid it across the table with the course syllabus.

Gnawing on his pencil, Rin thumbed to the correct section. With his sharp teeth, it didn’t take long to leave marks. “There’s some practice exercises in here. Why don’t you and Haru work on those first and we’ll go from there. While you do that, I can help Sousuke with his studying. He’s pretty hopeless at math.”

Sousuke stretched out his foot to kick at Rin’s turned back.

Even Haru found the display amusing with a small laugh.

“Will you want our help with your literature studies, Rin?” Makoto asked after the laughter died out.

Released from the offending foot, it was now Rin’s turn to be bashful. “If only for Samezuka finals... I don’t have to worry so much about studying to get into school in Australia. My swimming scholarship will get me there just fine.”

Makoto slumped forward on the table with a whine. “I hope I get accepted first try cause I don’t want to do all this kind of studying again.”

“What, you think college is going to be a breeze? Don’t kid yourself. But if you don’t pass the first time with all the help you’ve gotten, you’re ridiculous. Hey, Haru, how’s that tea coming?”

“It’s done,” Haru answered, leaning his head towards the whistling kettle and disappeared into the kitchen again, shuffled around the cupboards and returned to the table with a tray in hand with cups. Kneeling, he poured four cups of the green tea. Then he uncovered the small sugar bowl, of which was devoid of sugar and instead had chocolate pieces, and spooned some into Makoto’s cup, giving it a blow to cool it before handing it over to him.

“Thank you, Haru!” Makoto beamed.

Rin rolled his eyes. “Really?”

“Did you want some chocolate, too, Rin? Sorry, I should have offered.” Makoto reached for the bowl.

“No, I don’t want any. Just didn’t realize this is what I helped create.”

“Is it weird?”

“Sort of. Forget it; as you were.”

Haru edged Rin a cup and put one towards Sousuke’s corner, then came to sit next to Makoto, a small smile on his face.

“Okay Lovebirds,” Rin said, grabbing for Haru’s copy of their English course book, “do these practice questions and we’ll see where you are at.”

Makoto felt Haru’s hand grasp his and gave it a little squeeze. He smiled at him and turned his attentions to the assignment. He took the first line of kanji and translated it to roman characters. Glancing over his work, he was satisfied. Before he could move on to the next one, Haru kissed his cheek.

“Good job,” Haru said, softly.

Rin clicked his teeth.

“Thanks! That one wasn’t that bad. Okay, on to the next one.” He reached for the reference book Rei lent him for the next one. When he was finished, he was rewarded with another kiss. “Haru... I think you’re making Rin uncomfortable.”

“He doesn’t have to watch,” Haru rubbed at his arm.

“I-it’s fine,” Rin insisted, and thumbed through a book Makoto had the feeling he wasn’t all that interested in.

Makoto completed another line of translation and arranged it accordingly. This time Haru kissed him on the mouth.

Lowering his cup to the table, Rin scooted from the table to his feet. “Okay, the handholding was kind of cute, and the gay-zing I’m used to as that’s been a thing since I’ve known you, but this?”

“I appreciate you encouraging me, Haru, but, if openly being affectionate is bothering Rin…”

Haru calmly reached for his cup. “He’s just jealous.”

“Whoa! Of what? It was fine the first time, but when you are deliberately looking at me when you are doing it?”

“ _Haru_!” Makoto gaped.

He looked to them, deadpan, but Makoto knew better of what was happening behind those blue eyes.

With a huff, Rin sat himself back onto his knees at the table. “Unreal. This is how I’m repaid for my not so hard work? Fine - see if I help you with anything else after your exams.”

“Rin.” They all had been so focused on the argument, no one saw Sousuke get up from his spot.

“What, Sousuke?” Rin asked, sharply and reeled his head to face the voice and was greeted by lips.

Strange how the same thing had happened to Makoto two months ago - silenced by a kiss. However, the open mouthed kiss and the length of it displayed a confidence that Haru didn’t have back then and he wondered if they had been hiding their status all along. Although, watching Rin go from clenched fists to relaxed and then stunned, color rising to his face and neck, maybe not. It was rude to stare, but seeing Rin so still was surprising.

Sousuke pulled away, reached over the table for a handful of chocolate, shoved it in his mouth and walked back to his corner with his cooled tea.

Rin’s face matched his hair but he seemed to have started breathing again. Taking a sip of tea, he tried to collect himself. “Dammit…” he muttered. Clearing his throat, he stood up and walked over to Sousuke who was already sitting down and thumbing through notes. “Sousuke.”

“Hmm?” he looked up at him through his cup.

“We should…” he rubbed at his neck, composure failing, “Let’s go home.”

“Why?”

“To... you know…”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t lie!” he kicked at his foot. When he didn’t budge, Rin resigned to staring down at him. It didn’t take long for Sousuke to finally stand. In that moment, Makoto wondered if they had their own silent communication. Or at the very least, starting to develop one.

“Uh,” Rin walked back over to the table. “This study session is to be continued.”

“Understood!” Makoto pointedly nodded.

Haru saw them to the door and Makoto came to the front window to watch Rin and Sousuke walk away, incredibly close to another.

“You didn’t arrange this, did you?” Makoto asked Haru.

“Not this time. I guess Sousuke was the one that was jealous.”

 

  
“I should get back to studying,” Makoto breathed with one last departure from Haru’s lips, unthreading his fingers from his raven hair.

Haru knitted his brows and laid a hand on Makoto’s chest, measuring the beats. Blue eyes met green as he questioned why they stopped - _Don’t we have a little longer?_

Gingerly, Makoto removed the hand and kissed at his fingers. “I need to have some energy left to finish out the night. You’re so greedy, Haru-chan.”

He flashed him a look that conveyed he was certainly entitled to be so when it came to certain things that involved Makoto or water.

Laughter bubbled in Makoto’s throat and he kissed his forehead. “Thank you for giving me a pick me up during my break.” He glanced at the wall clock in Haru’s living room. “Give me another hour or two and we can go to bed.”

Re-buttoning shirts, they positioned themselves back under the kotatsu, though Haru remained next to Makoto, his books on the opposite end of the table.

“You should have more breaks,” he told him after a few moments of silence, say for Makoto shuffling for the next assignment in front of him.

“Not tonight I shouldn’t. I have all of this.” Makoto made a sweeping gesture towards the stacks of books and papers on the table.

“I meant during the week. You’ll be no good if you burn yourself out.”

“I’m not at that point, yet. We are exactly two months away from the exams and I shouldn’t let up. Neither should you,” he said with a boop on the nose.

Unfazed by the odd assault, Haru replied, “I’m not worried. Tomorrow you should take the day off.”

“What’s special about tomorrow?.”

He blinked. “Your birthday.”

Makoto turned to the calendar on the opposite wall and the 17th of November had been circled in green marker, below in Haru’s script was ‘Makoto’s Birthday’. “I guess I could use a night off,” he admitted sheepishly with a shrug of his shoulders. “How could I forget my own birthday?”

Reaching up to his face with both hands, Haru rubbed at the puffy, dark bags under Makoto’s eyes with his thumbs. “These might have something to do with it.”

He couldn’t fight the urge to close his eyes at the sensation. “Maybe. I can’t help it, though… I want to do my best, so that means studying everything I can. I guess there have been nights I stay up later than I should. Then there’s the times I just lay there with equations floating in my head, unable to sleep. Sometimes I have nightmares of not passing.”

Haru brought the rest of his fingers up to pinch Makoto’s cheeks. “Bed. Now.”

“Ow, Haru… It’s still early, and I have-,”

“Now,” his ocean eyes bore at him like an icy cavern.

“O-okay…” He’d hate to see what would happen if he refused, further. “I need to call Mom if I’m staying tonight, though.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Haru said, releasing his face. “You go get ready. Starting now, no studying for the next twenty-four hours.”


	14. Look Around 'Cause this is Right Where You and I Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entrance Exams. Results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh. It's a short one. It felt right having it on its own :)

Students in varying degrees of anxiety stumbled by, occasionally bumping into Makoto as if he weren’t a young man that towered over most of the student body. Makoto stood off center from the testing building to prevent such attentions as he tried to will himself to go in, but he just couldn’t quite yet. Going inside was the next big step of his life, another step away from the familiarities and securities into the unknown. It was strange how it all was coming to him now and not at graduation where it made more sense when it really would be his last day as a high school student.

The last time he’d walk the path to school with Haru - he’d grown fonder of their walks since nationals as their relationship lead them to holding hands. The last time they’d be in the same classroom stealing significant glances. Lunchtime on the roof with Nagisa and Rei. Seeing Nagisa and Rei regularly. Secret makeouts out in the clubroom that had been locked up due to the pool already being closed for the season.

In his pocket he fingered the perfect imperfections of the charm his friends made him for good luck.

He’d be leaving his home behind. His mother wouldn’t wake him up when he overslept or make him breakfast. Going to his father for advice while reading the evening paper wouldn’t happen. Ren and Ran wouldn’t be able to crawl over him for affections. All of the hugs he’d miss out on after the next month and a half left him feeling the saddest.

“Makoto?” a tug on his hand brought him out of his sentimental thoughts.

No, the worst of what graduation meant was having to be away from the blue-eyed boy his fingers interlaced with like they were always meant to fit. He knew Haru was capable of getting out of the tub on his own - he’d have to have done it on his own countless times - but knowing that he was the first person Haru saw in the mornings, it was one of the only selfish feelings he allowed himself to have.

“Are you ready to go inside?” his velvety voice asked.

Makoto ran his thumb over the back side of Haru’s gloved hand. “Not really.”

All those months of studying had lead to this. He knew he should feel prepared; several formulas, rules and theories now ingrained in his mind, but he couldn’t shake the nerves and what it meant if he passed or didn’t pass. If he didn’t pass he wouldn’t have to leave the comfort and he wouldn’t need to be scared of the unknown. Yet that unknown was exciting and it would be a distraction from what he left behind and his failing health.

Haru lead him a little ways from the building away from prying eyes, stomping through fallen snow, to the gymnasium wall. He reached up and pulled the surgical mask he insisted Makoto wear the last crucial final week before entrance exams. Makoto would have protested against it if he hadn’t already proved that being stressed left him more prone to illness.

January air hit his exposed face, straps dangling from one ear. He looked down at Haru, blue eyes vibrant against the white and grays, intense and searching. There were times he hated how transparent he was to his boyfriend, he didn’t like being fretted over, and the last months made it near impossible to avoid. However, there was the perk of Haru always knowing just how to ease it all.

Haru raised his arms around Makoto’s neck and used the hold to bring him to his toes to meet the taller boy’s lips halfway.

This was the kiss Haru reserved for when Makoto was feeling particularly discouraged. Through the closeness of their bodies and the angle and pressure, it was as if Haru was capable of breathing confidence into him and making his toes curl. Upon separation, Makoto rested his forehead on Haru’s exhaling sweet breaths, white puffs lingering in the winter air.

“You’ll do fine. You’ll pass,” Haru encouraged.

_I believe in you_ is what Makoto heard. He swallowed. “Okay. I’ll do my best.”

“I’ll buy the tickets tonight.”

_But what if I don’t…_ his Adam’s apple bobbed once more. He wanted the apartment hunting trip with Haru so much, make it special and memorable as their last time together before they go their separate ways. _I won’t waste your faith in me_. Allowing a small chuckle to emerge, he brushed hair aside to have access to Haru’s forehead and kissed it - this, he knew, was his own brand of confidence-instilling. Or at the very least, one of Haru’s openly expressed favorite ways he loved Makoto to kiss him. “You’ll pass, too. I know it. Best of luck to both of us.” If only their names were alphabetically closer so they’d be in the same test room.

Haru stepped down and they walked side-by-side towards what would decide everything.

 

The rest of January and half of February went by in snail speed. With entrance exams out of the way, the rest of the semester was devoted to final tests and assignments for the third years. Makoto thought his stress levels would go down after he exited the testing center, but one remark from a teacher saying their final test would be fifty percent of their grade he panicked all over again. What if he didn’t do well in school itself and he can’t graduate and then it’d look bad on his transcript to university and-

“You’re being ridiculous and overreacting,” Haru would say with a flick to his nose.

Haru was right. Like always. He couldn’t let up his studies, regardless. Fortunately the lesser workload lead to less late night study sessions and passing out for much needed naps in the middle of the day.

 

Makoto made it a point to sleep at Haru’s the night before the exam results would be posted, too anxious to be alone. They walked to school - sixteen more days and counting - mostly silent as Makoto couldn’t conjure with the usual idle chatter.

During home room the third years were excused to the testing center. Inside the results would be posted by school and the applicant below if accepted.

Just as Makoto had hesitated to take the test, he hesitated to go inside to see how he did. The pounding of his heart hammered him to the spot he stood.

“You’ll never know until you go in,” Haru said after an eternity of standing next to him without a word.

“Go on in, I’ll catch up,” he forced a smile.

“Will you?”

“... Probably not. Look at it for me?”

“Is that what you want?”

That would be easier, wouldn’t it? No, cause then he’d be biting his nails waiting for Haru to come out and tell him. “No…”

“Good, cause I don’t remember the name of the school you wanted to get into.”

He was too tired to roll his eyes. “Let’s look at your results first.”

“Yours are more important; mine can wait.” Haru grabbed for his hand and tugged him off balance to start walking.

“Okay,” Makoto whined in surrender, letting Haru take the lead and weaving them both around the crowds of students that herded into the building and into the commons area, already queues to certain mobile boards. More of a cluster than line.

“I see Tokyo Gakugei over there. Two boards to the left,” Makoto said, straining his eyes across the room.

Understanding the direction, Haru made his way there to find a crowd of mostly girls. “I can probably look over them if you put me on your shoulders,” he suggested.

“W-what? Haru, no. I can wait. It’s okay. I’ve waited this long; I can wait another five minutes.”

Haru almost looked sad that his offer was rejected.

Patiently they waited their turn behind the various groups.

_Please let my name be here_ Makoto pleaded. Since the exams he played scenarios in his mind of what would happen if he didn’t pass. One was applying to whatever school Haru went to. While it was the easiest and most comfortable decision, it wasn’t what he wanted in the long run. The best school in the best place for the best career he found for himself. Haru told him he owed it to himself and over time he came to accept that he was right. Probably. It would also go against his desire to let them both walk their own paths.

He squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head, then opened and leveled as his eyes scanned the list for ‘Tachibana Makoto’. The hand that Haru held was squeezed, he tried to steady his breathing.

Sudo. Suzukawa. Suzuki. Tachikawa. Takaeda.

His heart sank. His name wasn’t-

“Makoto.” Haru held up an index finger to the characters between Suzuki and Tachikawa.

Tachibana Makoto.

That was his name, wasn’t it?

He turned to Haru, the smile he saved for him somehow beaming more than ever. Or maybe it was the lights reflecting on the tears that were welling.

“I… did it. I got in,” he whispered.

Haru nodded. “I knew you could.”

If the room wasn’t full of other equally ecstatic students, Makoto may have been more conscious of his victorious shout and pumping of his free fist and the hand that held Haru’s. Unable to contain the joy further, he took Haru by the waist and spun him around until they both were dizzy.

His heart hadn’t stopped and at this point he didn’t care. “O-okay, let’s go find your board,” Makoto said taking the lead for a few moments only to realize that he wasn’t sure which school Haru had settled on.

“I applied at a few, remember?” Haru offered and walked with Makoto to a much larger gathering in the commons than Gakugei.

In less than forty-eight hours they would be boarding a plane together bound for Tokyo to look at apartments. Makoto’s apartment. What would his roommate be like? Or would he be alone? The one in Chiba had decent prices. He and Haru could go to Tokyo Tower, visit the palace, go the largest record store in Shibuya and spend a romantic evening in some cheap hotel he didn’t care, oh well, his mind was blanking, it was was all too exciting and-

The crowd had thinned. Wait, Tokyo University? Why were they standing here?

Haru approached the board and located his name, Nanase Haruka. He turned to face Makoto, that beaming smile returning.

“Haru… I thought that you applied locally.” How could he lie?

The blue eyes looked to the side for a moment in guilt. “I did, I also applied for Tokyo University.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I applied to Tottori and Okayama as backup in case you weren’t able to get in to Gakugei… I didn’t want to get your hopes.”

“But the trip?” Was Haru really…

“A weekend trip isn’t much loss compared to not being able to live with you,” his eyes finally returned to meet his gaze.

“What are you saying, Haru?” he breathed, waiting for him to say the words he secretly had wanted to hear for months.

“I’m going to Tokyo with you so we can be together.”

The legs he hadn’t realized were steadily losing their support, finally lost against emotion and Makoto sunk to his knees. For months he had wished in his heart for Haru to come with him, never out loud so Haru would be free to make his own life choices. Haru would be able to live a full life, it wasn’t fair to keep holding him back after all this time. He’d found a dream and now he was choosing to follow that dream in Tokyo. In Tokyo where Makoto would be living his own. Together.

“We’re going to Tokyo… together.” Was this a dream that he’d be waking up from, soon?

No, the arms that were making their way around him, there was no mistaking their reality. This was Haru’s warmth and now it would never leave him.

The rest of the students were too engrossed in their own celebrations to notice the two boys lost in their happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my lack of knowledge for how the entrance exam process actually works.


	15. Let's Take off Together and Then We Can Live Wherever We Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apartment searching in Tokyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOooooohhh We're half way theee~re WOAH-OH! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER~
> 
> I may or may not have thought a lot about my trip to Japan while writing this :)

Having never been in a plane before, Makoto hadn’t given much thought to flight. It’s been said that flying was the safest form a travel, and with how they were securely buckled in their seats, luggage for the weekend secured in an overhead bin, Haru by his side, he certainly felt safe enough. Until takeoff.

White knuckling, he held onto the armrest with one hand and Haru’s in the other.

Once the plane leveled, his grip loosened, though Makoto wasn’t ready to open his eyes until his heart stopped racing. Haru being quiet wasn’t anything new, but the fact that his presence wasn’t as close to his person as it was moments ago, he risked a glance.

Haru’s eyes were wide in water-wonder as he looked out the window. Izumo Airport was still close to the ocean, so that was likely what he was seeing. “Makoto,” he gave his hand a small tug, wanting to share this new view of his favorite thing.

Makoto edged over his seat and Haru’s shoulder to peer out the small, round window - the ocean was quickly being left behind, but he saw enough before being overcome with air sickness he wasn’t aware he was susceptible to until just this moment, and sat back in his seat. After a few moments Haru did the same, presumably the ocean being gone from view.

He rubbed his thumb over Makoto’s knuckles. “You okay?”

“Yeah… just trying to hold on to breakfast.”

“I remember the flight to Australia had food - I can ask for a ginger drink.”

The flight attendants were gathered in their designated area and didn’t look to be easy to flag down for assistance. They did have call buttons at their seats, but Makoto didn’t feel right taking them from what looked like their duty when the Stay Seated lights were on. “Maybe later. I’ll be fine after I sit still for a while. Thank you, Haru.” As the words left his mouth, he could tell Haru was going to be waiting for any movement from the flight crew to ask for a beverage. He smiled at his attempts and changed the subject.. “Were your parents really okay with this trip?” Haru was never one to ask for anything, how did they react to the request?

“They were planning on giving me a graduation present anyway.”

“What did you tell them?” _How much did you tell them?_

“I told them that we were both going to universities in Tokyo and we wanted to room together. They were happy for the both of us and told me to find a flight and hotel and they’d take care of it.”

Makoto squeezed Haru’s smaller hand he hadn’t released. “Would they be happy for us?”

“It’s not their business. Or anyone’s.” When Makoto frowned at the floor, he spoke again, “Do you want them to know?”

“Our friends know, I think our parents should, too. I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding something.” He knew Haru didn’t like discussing their relationship status and the reactions of anyone else. Their friends accepted without question as it didn’t come as a surprise and likewise had similar situations, themselves. For a time, Makoto thought they’d have distance to deal with and now they were going to live together and that was a big step for any couple, although for them, it could be seen as roommates. Too many times Ren and Ran have stormed through the door and almost caught them in compromising positions and Makoto wondered if they were more suspicious than they let on.

Maybe it was the uneasy feeling his mom and dad would find out from someone else that made him want to tell them. Did Haru want to keep it a secret because his parents would disapprove? “Would your parents be mad?” Makoto asked, hoping the headphones their neighbors were wearing and the hum of the plane was enough to conceal their conversation.

“I can’t see them being happy about it,” Haru said looking away for a moment. “What about yours?”

“Mine? Well… I think they’d be disappointed. More because I’m the oldest - supposed to set an example, carry on the family name. With my health as it is I probably wouldn’t be able to give them grandchildren, even if we weren’t together.” He wished he could undo what he said, so maybe what little color Haru had in his complexion wouldn’t have drained. He looked to their hidden entwined hands between them. “I’m sorry. But maybe you’re right… it may be better if they don’t know.” He couldn’t stand the thought of Haru’s parents disowning him over their son’s orientation anymore than them ending what they had.

Haru looked out the window, processing, trying to not dwell on the inevitable. With a sigh, he returned and gave a reassuring squeeze. “If you want to tell your parents we can. I’d like to tell mine in person. Since that won’t happen soon, I won’t worry about it.”

“A-are you sure?”

“Your parents will be understanding. Mine likely won’t, but I don’t care what they think.”

His manner of speaking was no less than usual, but Makoto could hear the resentment in his voice. Haru’s parents were a sensitive subject, and Makoto tried to not ask too many questions as it wasn’t his place to assume the intentions of his parents. They were free spirits and their careers had them traveling a lot and it was rare to see them more than a few days at a time when they passed by Iwatobi. Their absence was harder on Haru than he let others see and it was strongest when discussing Makoto’s family. Makoto didn’t want to believe the Nanases were neglectful, maybe just unaware that Haru wished they were around despite his independent nature. It was possible Haru felt they had so little a role in his life that their opinion on what he didn’t matter. A courtesy to tell them at all. 

While Haru’s views on his parents made him sad, he was pleased how he thought his own parents would be better about their relationship. They were more like his parents than those who birthed him, weren’t they? “Okay,” Makoto gave a warm smiling, conveying his gratitude and sympathy. “We can tell them when we get back?”

“Yeah,” Haru half surrendered.

Simultaneously they leaned in to one another, and then they realized that they were in too public of a place and decided to place their kiss on hold. Unless they could come up with a discreet-er way to do so.

_I love you, Haru_ , Makoto said through his eyes, leaning back into his seat. It wasn’t a kiss, but maybe it’d be enough for the duration of the flight.

_I love you, too_. It would do for now.

 

Landing was slower than takeoff, thus less jarring, though still enough to rattle Makoto’s nerves. Once safely connected to the terminal at Haneda Airport, Makoto stood and grabbed their luggage from the bins and shouldered them both with a disapproving look from Haru.

“Just until we’re off the plane.” He didn’t mind - they’d both packed light and combined wasn’t what he’d consider heavy. The passengers filed into the aisles and Haru grabbed onto his backpack in following.

They exited the terminal and suddenly they felt like foreigners in their own country. Nationalities from all over the world walked to and fro singularly or in groups - Makoto wasn’t well versed in what the differences were between some of them by the color of their skin, but knew they weren’t Japanese. Even the Japanese seemed like strangers by the way they dressed or composed themselves. Would he and Haru stick out too much being from a small port town?

Haru tugged on the strap of his backpack and Makoto relinquished his hold and held it up for Haru to put on. He flashed a grateful glance and then reached into his pocket with the instructions on how to get to their hotel. His feet shuffled to the left and he looked up at some signs and Makoto followed his gaze. Slightly he retraced his steps to turn around to another set of signs. “There’s supposed to be a Keikyo line...”

Makoto used his height to his advantage to survey above the crowd. “Ah, that sign over there by that bakery says it’s that way.” Together they walked in the direction of the sign, taking them through three more terminals. Instead of an automatic teller, a person in a booth was at the platform.

“Is this the Keikyo line?” Haru asked the woman behind the glass.

“That is correct.” She gave them a once over, “Out of towners?”

Were their wide-eyes that much of a giveaway?! “Y-yes,” Makoto admitted with a laugh for both of their sake.

“Where you boys headed?”

“We need to get to Ueno,” Haru said, looking over his handwritten notes.

“You’ll get on this train - next one is due in five minutes - and then you’ll make a transfer at Shinagawa Station onto the Yamanote Line and you’ll get to Ueno station.”

“Thank you. Two, please.”

Haru reached for his wallet and paid the notes and coins and the tickets were given for them to go through the gates. A family walked up to the teller behind them. The train showed up as soon as they’d gotten comfortable on the bench.

Taking their backpacks, Makoto stowed them away in the storage compartments. The train was more enclosed, bigger and cleaner than what they were used to back home. Maybe because it was an airport transport line? He took a seat next to Haru who looking at their directions to the hotel. His hands clenched the small pad of paper, brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of it.

Makoto cupped his shoulder. “Why don’t we wait until we’re at the station?”

For a moment Haru considered. It would be a forty minute or so journey, and he could do with the mental break. With a sigh he sat back on the train bench just as they emerged from the underground tunnel to the surface and immediately his eyes were transfixed on the sea in the distance.

Together they sat in the silence of the half-full car, having their own discussion with their eyes and proximity. Haru frowned as the train veered west, away from the comforting embrace of the ocean and closer to what would soon be the familiar sight of skyscrapers and crowds.

Transferring trains was a quick process, one they steadily realized would be a normal occurrence, and waited the stretch to Ueno. Once stopped at the platform of the station, Makoto grabbed for both of their bags and placed Haru in front of him to shield him from the crowd as they exited the train. Makoto closely followed Haru down stairs.

Inside was resemblant of a miniature city - bakeries, restaurants, shops and vendor kiosks lined in a row, patrons coming and going at all directions. He was used to convenience stores at some platforms back home, but this was extravagant. He grabbed onto the hem of Haru’s shirt as the smaller boy started to walk forward.

They came to the center fork and Haru stopped to compare his instructions with the station map. Makoto looked over his shoulder and he deduced they were determining which way was to the east exit. Without the constant assurance of the ocean, what would they use to orientate themselves?

Haru nodded to the right and Makoto followed after, avoiding the Saturday people traffic with little success. Emerging from the exit, they blinked at the high noon sun. For a moment they stood, adjusting to their surroundings of the tall buildings, busy crosswalks, the passing of another rail line, and scents of assorted cuisines wafting through the air.

“I see our hotel,” Haru breathed with noticeable relief.

“Was that intentional to be close to the station?” Makoto asked, thinking he shouldn’t be tired, already and grateful for rest.

“Sort of. I didn’t think it was _this_ close.”

Crossing a street and small courtyard, they entered the skyscraper building with “Mitsui Garden Hotel” in thin English lettering above the canopied entrance. The automatic doors opened to a posh reception desk with concierges looking crisp and proper, though approachable. A few suited patrons walking around in the lobby not so much. With how taken aback Haru was in his stiff standing, were they not in the right place afterall?

“Haru?” Makoto called.

The call was enough to bring him to attention and he finally stepped forward away from the doors. The women at the desk must have been used to out of towners as they didn’t seem to be bothered by how out of place they looked.

“How can I help you, gentlemen?” the ready receptionist on the right asked.

  
Makoto glanced behind him to find no one there, realizing he and Haru were the ones she was addressing. Were they old enough to be considered gentlemen? When Haru didn’t speak, he did so, “Uh, we have a reservation.”

“Of course. Name?”

“Nanase?” Makoto offered while Haru walked behind him to find the printed confirmation with his parent’s information and consent for use of the credit card.

The woman clicked away on her computer until she found their reservation. “Here you are Mr. Nanase.” She slid key cards Haru’s way with a sheet to sign. “You’ll be on the tenth floor. Checkout is Sunday at 11am. The front desk is available 24/7. Enjoy your stay with us,” she smiled with a bow.

The boys nodded their heads in return and then weaved around bellhops and stray children to the elevator.

“There were one too many zeroes on that receipt,” Haru admitted as he ran a hand over the polished interior of the elevator.

“Will your parents be mad? I don’t want them to think you took advantage of their offer! Could we stay somewhere else? We haven’t been in the room, yet-”

“Dad was insistent on this hotel when it came up in the search.”

“Maybe they saw really good reviews and wanted us to be at a nice place?”

“Even this is too much.”

The elevator chimed their arrival to their floor and they held it open for a family and their bellhop to check out. After walking around the hallways almost three times, they located their room. Haru inserted the keycard and visibly braced himself as if something were going to jump out at them once the door was ajar.

Nothing jumped out, to Makoto’s relief, but two western-styled queen beds, bidet and fridge, flat screen TV and thick wood-paneled walls. On one of the beds was a small fruit basket. Haru crossed the room to it and read the note:

“‘Thank you for your continued patronage, Nanase-san’. They must be part of their frequent guest program, then.”

“Your parents sure travel a lot!”

He shrugged. “It is their job.”

_Whatever it is_ , Makoto added in his head and smiled at their own ignorance. He set their backpacks on the bed with fruit, knowing it wouldn’t be put to use. He then walked towards Haru and opened his arms to him, which he gladly took the invitation. Pivoting, Makoto turned to the other bed and fell onto his back with Haru on top of him. Gradually Haru relaxed against him, melding into place with deflating sighs of contentment - he’d needed this all day. Both of them, did.

“Let’s rest for a bit before we head out,” Makoto suggested.

From his chest, Haru emitted a committal sound.

 

Two hours later the boys awoke, recovering some from the cultural shock. Before their apartment searching commenced, Makoto insisted they go look at Haru’s school since it was on the way. Haru didn’t seem to mind as it was another chance to familiarize himself with the rail system and area and the list of apartments to look at was along the Chuo line rail starting from the university.

“I’ve been thinking,” Makoto began as they walked to Uenookachimachi Station, “Most phones nowadays have map and rail schedule apps. I think that would really help us in the long run.”

“Get new phones?” Haru asked, flipping his matching phone open in regard.

“Yeah, when we can afford it. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I wouldn’t have to print off directions and you wouldn’t get lost when I’m not around.”

“T-that much is true!” He wasn’t going to deny that he would very much be lost without Haru guiding him around the maze that Tokyo was becoming. Not that Haru was completely unfazed by it all, he wasn’t fooling him for a minute. The problem with getting new phones was that they’d both have to learn a new device and he knew how much Haru was going to /love/ that. A small step in the grand scheme of things.

They boarded the train and road the few minutes to Hongo Sanchome station… got a little lost on the way out. Once they found their appropriate exit, walked a pathway northward. A large tall red brick building jutted taller than the surrounded buildings in view and Haru explained that that was Yasuda auditorium. Coming up to the main entrance gates, they stood to the side to avoid collision with students. From their position, they could see several large buildings made of red brick or refurbished wood and concrete. The cherry blossom trees that grew in an aisle at the entry were almost ready to bloom. 

“It’s so… big,” Makoto marveled.

“I guess.”

“What made you choose Todai, anyway?” With Haru being so reluctant to talk about after graduation in the first place, and only finding out two days ago where he’d be attending, he hadn’t asked.

“One of the first scouts that contacted me was from here,” Haru answered in his simple way of not wanting to go much into it because it didn’t matter all that much.

“What will you be studying?” He had his suspicions, but maybe Haru would surprise him. Afterall, you can’t just enroll at a university because of a swim team, could you?

“Arts.”

“That’s wonderful, Haru!” he exclaimed with no less enthusiasm.

To that he smiled at the praise, though seeming unsure of why he deserved it. “Let’s go,” Haru beckoned with a touch, clearly not wanting anymore focus on him.

Makoto chuckled, “Sure.”

“I want to see your school, too.”

 

Had Makoto’s stomach not grumbled with the ferocity of the orca he was often associated with, they would have gotten on the next train at Kasuga station. He apologized for his untimely need of food, but Haru had to remind him neither of them had had a meal since breakfast that morning and a small snack on the plane. And a banana at the hotel after their nap, but that was never going to be enough to sustain Makoto. With a promise of something better for dinner, they located a ramen shop that seemed to be a huge hangout for Todai students. Makoto smiled at the thought of some of them being Haru’s classmates and hearing about them when they’d be together for dinner. 

Once the last drop of broth had been consumed, they headed to the station.

Their first destination was Nakai. At the station, Haru stared at the map accusingly for quite some time and then they were on their way.

The website hadn’t provided much information other than space. It was more in favor of Haru’s travel - which Haru was opposed to, despite Makoto insisting it was fine - but if it was a good deal for price and size, they’d considered. When they arrived, they immediately could tell why not much was listed - it was falling apart. To keep their manners, they kept their appointment and walked through the property and left with no intentions of accepting.

They continued down the Seibu Shinjuku line to Araiyakushimae. Looked sturdy enough from the outside. A portly man greeted them in the main office and began the tour. They walked up three flights of stairs, and the landlord withdrew the keys to open the unit and they were ushered in. From the first place they looked to to this one, they discovered that most were going to be about the size of Makoto’s bedroom back in Iwatobi. It would take some getting used to, though sharing such limited space with Haru wouldn’t be a bother as they were both fairly organized in their living spaces at home.

The landlord was saying something about the piping having recent work when Makoto realized Haru was no longer in the room with them. Before he could verbally call out for him in the small, empty apartment, Haru returned, eyes cast down and a small pout on his lips as he would if he were denied his daily soak.

Makoto caught his eyes. _No bathtub?_

Haru shook his head.

“Excuse me,” Makoto asked the landlord once there was a break in his speech, “Do you have any bathtubs in any of your units?”

The man looked mildly confused as he hadn’t even shown them the bathroom, yet. “Unfortunately, no. We do, however, have a bathhouse available by timeslot for our residents.”

That would be too public for their nightly time together and Haru’s own requirements. This complex wouldn’t do. “Oh, I see.”

“Is a unit bath a deal breaker?”

He hadn’t realized how disappointed he looked whilst in his thoughts. With a smile, he replied, “Seems that way. Thank you for your time.”

 

Next, they traveled to Nakano and Nerima. Vacancies were filled after the appointment was made, the property had noisy tenants or the general neighborhood didn’t make either of them feel safe, too far from a station or grocery store. As for stipulations of the inside of the apartment, they weren’t too picky, though most times they didn’t look past the bathroom once Haru investigated.

They knew a Japanese style bath in an apartment wasn’t going to happen and would likely be equipped with a Japanese shower more often than not. Some student housing near universities had Western style bathtub. Very _shallow_ and _small_ bathtubs. Haru wouldn’t settle for one that couldn’t fit them both.

Haru had planned it so they’d search for more places in between their universities. When they arrived at Kamishakujii and visited the first apartment closest there, they walked southward through school districts in Musashino and crossed the Chou line into Suginami to circle back to their hotel in Ueno - they’d travel all the way to Gakugei University tomorrow.

Makoto had done well with keeping up. By the the time they had four left to go for the day, he stumbled out of the train, trying to wake up and fought the weakness in his body. Haru supported him over to the nearest bench on the platform.

“Makoto?” his voice edged in the worried territory Makoto didn’t like to cause.

“Just tired. We’re almost done. I can do it,” he breathed.

Haru shifted into his I Know You’re Lying face.

“This has been the most active I’ve been since nationals. It’s only natural.” Haru didn’t look any more energetic than he did, what with their new surroundings being an exhausting effort to get used to.

“Hurting?”

“Not yet.” A dull ache. Out of breath. Makoto watched Haru's eyes harden into self-blame. “Haru, it’s not your fault. We’re almost done. Then we can go back to the hotel and do nothing the rest of the night.”

The smaller boy stood and stepped over to a vending machine across the way, inserted yen and came back with water. “We’ll rest for a minute,” he said as he unscrewed the cap, satisfied with the proposed plans.

“If I sit too long I may pass out…”

“Enough to hydrate yourself.” He stood squarely with Makoto, prepared to wake him if he needed to.

“Okay. A few minutes.”

The last apartment Makoto didn’t go inside as it was a large, five-story complex and he wasn’t going to have Haru help him hobble up the steps, holding up the landlord. In the end, Haru declared it unlivable for them.

 

At Ueno station there was a curry restaurant, which made for easy feeding of a hungry and tired Makoto.

When they got back into their room, Haru stripped off his clothes and drew the bathwater for them both to enjoy an evening soak. Along with his swimsuit, Makoto also dug for his pain medication. He was changed by the time Haru came to fetch him.

The spa tub was plenty big for the both of them, oval and deep - the most luxurious tub they’d ever been in. Makoto settled in first and Haru after against him, head resting on his chest, taking measurements of his beats.

“You’re hurting.”

It amazed Makoto how much Haru could identify. Though when the sharp type of pains came, it was hard to mask the mild wincing that came. “I’ll be okay - I took my medicine.”

He felt his lips draw down against his skin. “We don’t have as many places to visit tomorrow.”

“I’m sure I’ll be able to hold out.”

“Don’t push yourself.”

He trailed his fingers down his spine, “I won’t. So, did you like any of the places we looked at?”

“One or two.”

That low? “Which ones?”

“The one off Nogata Station wasn’t bad. Or Kugayama.”

“But?”

“Too small.”

“Right. What if we can’t find one with the best tub?”

He huffed as if he’d been considering as such the whole day and wasn’t happy about it.

“The one at Kugayama seemed to have a nicer kitchen, too,” Makoto eased. “Counter space and an actual stove top.”

Haru rotated his neck to rest his chin on Makoto’s chest to look at him. “What do you want?”

“Nothing, really. As long as you’re happy with a place, I’ll be happy with it. Those two places you said I’d be fine with.”

“Makoto.”

“... Okay, I guess I’d like it to be closer to a station and I don’t have to have to duck to come in the door. Uh, running water? No dark alleyways nearby?”

“Simple.”

“I know, I know. But Haru, any apartment we get now, we can just think of it as temporary; we don’t have to stay there forever.” As much as he didn’t like the idea of moving multiple times and going through the apartment searching again, it was normal, wasn’t it? He took Haru’s silence as acknowledgement. “And then someday we can move into a bigger place, maybe one that will let us install our own tub! We can get one of these?”

“I do like the high powered jets. And how deep it is.” He slid down a bit on Makoto’s chest so his chin was in the water.

Makoto’s chuckle carried in the bathroom. “Okay, we’ll save up for one.”


	16. I Wanna Breathe You In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search continues. The beginning of their intimate relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last scene of this chapter is the revised version of something I wrote [a year ago](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3350468). It was one of the first scenes I wrote for the story. I've debated about deleting it now that I'm here, but people keep kudoing and bookmarking it, so. I guess I'll link to the full fic here :) But hey, if you are here for some MakoHaru smut, you won't be waiting much longer. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is long (about 6k)! And you can look forward to some longer chapters off and on as I find the Tokyo chapters are harder to break up!

After the water had cooled, he couldn’t say no to Haru’s offer/plea to refill it again - they did come back at a decent hour and the hot water did feel nice on their tired bodies. They got out and dried and changed for bed after that. Swimming competitions had brought them to a few cities and hotels throughout high school, but the western mattresses at their hotel in Ueno put them all to shame. Their nap during the day hadn’t allowed them to appreciate the full effect of the sinking mattress, feather soft pillows and sheets.

It also didn’t help when Haru greeted Makoto with morning kisses. He would have let them stay like that all day if they didn’t have reasons to untangle themselves.

“It looks like we skipped one,” Makoto said as he looked over the list of apartments they visited, marking through the ones that wouldn’t be in their top choices. “Over by Saginomiya Station in Nakono.”

Haru pulled a new shirt over his head. “It’s still on the way. We can go to it.”

“May as well. Don’t want to miss out.”

 

They grabbed breakfast at the station and headed to Nakano. The apartment was a quaint, three story plex with a 7-Eleven on the bottom floor corner. The landlord was an elderly woman with wrinkles that mapped out her face in life experiences.

“Sorry we didn’t make it out yesterday,” Makoto apologized as they walked up the outer stairs. He was about to offer his arm, but she waved it aside with a withered hand, and proved to be more spry than he was. “Thank you for still seeing us.”

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters. Although, I see two of you… it may be a bit small for two tenants.”

“That’s fine, we’re adaptable.”

“Alright.” She inserted a key on the fourth door on the top floor and jiggled an old handle and the door opened with a creak.

As it had become routine, Haru searched for the bathroom while Makoto waited near the entryway to see if it was worth looking at the rest of the unit. For this one in particular, it seemed the entire unit could be seen from the door in one long rectangle with the kitchen and restroom in sections to the right. Strange that this older looking place was of the largest units they’d seen.

Haru returned and tugged on the hem of Makoto’s shirt, signalling him to follow. The bathroom itself was crammed: toilet, sink and tub all in a line, snug. The tub was the deepest they’d seen in their searches. He tried to imagine himself in it with Haru. Nothing would ever be like it was back home, or in the hotel last night, but something like this was doable.

Brushing at his hand, Makoto asked with his eyes. _Do you want to look at the rest?_

The shorter boy nodded.

“What did your _friend_ say?” the landlady asked, a strange emphasis on friend.

“He said he wants to see the kitchen,” Makoto simplified.

Haru padded out and into the next sectioned area behind to the bathroom, Makoto and landlady following after. The stovetop wasn’t over the oven, but counterspace and storage seemed reasonable. Decent sized refridgerator. Enough space Makoto could stand behind him and watch. Haru had that glint in his eyes, not quite the water-wonder, but the type that showed he was generally pleased - he was picturing their life here as he was.

The living and sleeping space could fit a futon and an end table or two. Maybe a couch if they rolled up the futon when not sleeping on it. The walls were old and faded, but the tatami mat flooring looked recently replaced.

“We have a contract with a furniture rental if you boys are in need,” the landlady chimed at their silent imagining.

“O-oh? That’s fantastic,” Makoto said. Haru also liked this news. They exchanged a confirming glance, and then, “Furiyama-san, we’ll be making a decision today. How late will you be open, today?”

“On a Sunday? Let’s see… until four or so.”

“We’ll keep in touch!”

 

“Why didn’t we just take it?’ Haru grumbled as they trekked back to the station.

“So far that’s our best choice. _So far_. There’s still a chance we can find something better with the rest of what’s left - West Nerima, Nishitokyo and Musashino.”

“What if she gives it to someone else?”

“I have a feeling it won’t.”

“A feeling?”

“Yeah.”

Haru rolled his eyes with a scoff. “Wouldn’t that feeling be because we’re supposed to have that apartment?”

“Maybe…. I just want to make sure! We’ll never know if we abandon our progress.”

“Fine.” Haru deposited the yen for their rail tickets.

 

Two unsuccessful apartment inspections and three train transfers later, they were standing in front of Tokyo Gakugei. Being a Sunday, the gates were closed, though inside they could see employee vehicles. In comparison to Todai, its size was modest, like an elementary school to a high school in size. Lots of trees and buildings of white concrete and cinder block, clean and modern.

“It suits you,” Haru said with an accompanying hum, releasing the iron bars to stand straight. 

“You think?” Makoto broke from his daze into his soon-future.

“It looks homey. And there’s cats.”

Makoto looked to his attention through the bars and saw two cats playing. The university was in a much more rural area than Todai, it was likely the cats were trespassing from some homes nearby.

“There’s a curry place across the street. Don’t eat there everyday; you’ll get fat.”

Since this morning he had a feeling seeing the school would make everything seem real and he’d feel anxious all over again. And here Haru was knowingly, or unknowingly, cheering him up. He blinked away the building moisture. “You mean you won’t be making me lunch?”

“I might run out of time some mornings.”

“I’ll try to resist temptations, in that case.”

“Good. You’re already too tall, and being wide would be troublesome for our apartment.”

“That’s your reasoning?” Makoto whined.

 

After their last apartment near Kichijoji, the pair shared a large bowl of yakiniku, looking at the hand written remarks they had on the side of Haru’s printed maps (several with slashes through them, some with question marks and the two, now three choices, with stars)

“The one in Nakano it is,” Makoto said, making slashes with a pen between bites.

“Are you sure?” Haru asked, stirring his meat in eggplant and potato mush.

“Everything about it is perfect! How could I not be okay with it?”

Haru frowned and gave him a hard stare.

“W-what? I thought...” his chopsticks fumbled from his fingers.

“You have to travel longer to school.”

“Oh. Well, that’s fine. We can’t have it all, Haru. I’ll be okay. After a few trips I’ll have it down, don’t worry so much.”

He knew his words were futile, Haru’s sigh confirmed it, though too irritated to discuss further. “If you say so.”

 

An hour later they were in the leasing office with Furiyama-san, ready to sign the paperwork. She smiled warmly at the two of them and went further into the property’s policies and services. In their elation, they probably nodded far too much. Makoto counted the yen his parents had given him for a deposit and gave it to their new landlady and she in turn slid a key across the table.

“Welcome to your new home, boys.”

They nearly tripped over each other as they hurried up the stairs. Haru had to take the key from Makoto’s shaky hand and unlock it himself.

“Our home… our new home…” Makoto awed at the empty space, which had a faint musty smell to it now that he had a chance to sniff. It’d go away once they moved in and their own scents stuck. Maybe good potpourri as well. Mentally, he started placing furniture like he did the first time, but with more giddiness.

“Yeah,” Haru agreed and pressed into Makoto’s side. He seemed bored looking at the bare walls and floor and was soon tugging on Makoto’s sleep. “I want a bath.”

“Huh?” Makoto cocked his head to the side, “Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to wait until we’ve moved in?”

“That’s more than a month out. We have the key now, it’s ours, we can do what we want.” By the time he finished his sentence he was already in the bathroom.

Makoto wondered how many conversations he’d lose in their small apartment like this. Shaking his head in dismay he followed after Haru. “I suppose so. But I don’t have my-” He expected to be greeted with the familiar image of Haru in his jammers, bending over the rim as he waited for the water to fill. What Makoto saw was something unnatural by way of Haruka Nanase - he was sans jammers today.

Did he forget? No, that was unlikely, and no they weren’t in the pile of clothing at his legs, either - they were left off entirely for the day. Had he planned this? Him naked wasn’t _completely_ new, there were many times he’d be in the bathtub as one normally would, but standing in the nude and not having them under his clothes at all.

“-Swimsuit?” he finished his sentence uselessly, as well as raising his voice to question the absence of his boyfriend’s.

Haru stood upright and pivoted to face Makoto in the entryway. As expected of someone who stripped often, was unabashed by his display of skin.

Again, Makoto reminded himself that he’d seen him before, many times. Well, seen him but not _seen_ him, it was rude to stare, after all. _Felt_ him in their more intimate moments, though they mutually shied away from each other at either half-hardness or firm palpitations of his heart, whichever came first, and at the moment couldn’t be bothered to remember which was more often the case. And now he couldn’t help the heat that crept to his face. Did Haru want him to look? Is that what this was? He tore his eyes away from lower regions to Haru’s face.

“You’re allowed to look,” Haru deadpanned.

_I want you to look_ was the underlying statement and that brought on more questions and heat. Why was this strange? Wouldn’t this be a natural progression of their relationship? They’d have gotten to this point, eventually… Was this Haru wanting to take another step in their relationship? The I Am Comfortable With You Naked stage, that was one, wasn’t it, something that should happen? Then that meant…

Haru took a step towards him and Makoto couldn’t help but take a step back - a naked boy was coming towards him and he wasn’t used to this. _I want to see_ Haru told him through his blue, curious, eyes.

He felt foolish for being so quiet through all of this, surprised himself, really. Was he supposed to _say_ anything or was quietly observing, and Haru absorbing, enough? He didn’t seem displeased at the silence, maybe confused as Makoto rarely had a lack of words to share. Walking in on his boyfriend naked short-circuited his mind, somehow.

Haru took another step, tilting his head to one side _Do you need help?_ he asked at his lack of physical response to his request.

He tried not to laugh at his unspoken offer. Makoto may not have been a pro at quick undressing, but he had a decent handle of everyday occurrence. He offered a smile, which Haru accepted as the sign that he was okay with what was happening. Haru turned to shut the faucet off while Makoto slipped off his shoes and raised his foot to remove socks. He then shed off his sweater and then pulled his long-sleeved shirt over his head with a cross and lift of his arms, all the while trying to not be so body-conscious. Haru was so slender and elegant, while he was a bulky, awkward mass.

Bare feet and chest - this was what Haru was used to seeing everyday - but he couldn’t help but feel pleased at the lighting interest on the usually stoic face with each article removed. His fingers came to his belt and fumbled a little with the buckle and snaps of his jeans. A few shifts of his embarrassingly-pale-skin-against-the-rest-of-him legs they were at his feet in a heap. His fingers lingered at the waistband of his boxer briefs, regretting he didn’t take them off with his pants, and slid his underwear down before he was overtaken by embarrassment and run out of the room.

Reflexively, Makoto left his gaze at his feet, waiting. He heard Haru draw in a breath and he looked up to gauge if it was out of disgust, shock or…

He was looking at him with neither of those emotions. Fascination, perhaps? Makoto always changed with a towel around his waist at practice, so seeing this much of him was rare in and of itself, and recalled there were probably a few moments Haru had seen him. When Haru’s attentions came to between his legs, his cheeks colored, slightly, and Makoto tried his best to not retrieve his clothing right then.  
Not that he thought Haru was one to compare such things, neither was he, but now that they were standing near one another like this, there definitely was a difference. Every once in awhile through high school, male classmates liked to talk about sizes by way of casual discussion, trying to include him in it, alluding that being tall made him a candidate for endowment. He opted to not participate and responded with “I’m not anything special. I’m sure I’m average” the size didn’t matter all that much. And with how Haru seemed to study him up and down, he wondered if he had been wrong in his assumption and Haru _did_ care.

It was what you did with it that counted, wasn’t it? … He had to stop his train of thought right now before it got into territory he wasn’t ready to embrace just yet.

Haru was the first to move and break from whatever thoughts he was having, and stepped into the filled tub. He reached for Makoto’s wrists and pulled him inside. With their limited space, it didn’t take much force or distance.

They arranged themselves into their usual position and it was the snuggest they’d ever been - It would have to do. As they sat there, getting used to their new cramped tub and bathroom, Makoto had to admit he didn’t mind not having the layer of spandex and nylon between them. It was warmer and more comforting, in a way.

Whether Haru had planned this or not, Makoto figured it didn’t matter. They were growing together as they always had and this was along the course of the streamline. “Will we be happy here, Haru?” Makoto ventured. This apartment, this city, this state of being?

“As long as we are together.”

 

A faint clink of metal, Makoto gently fanned out keys on the hotel desk, admiring the look of the apartment key on the new keyring. Beside it was Haru’s ring with the duplicate key they immediately made after a not-so-impromptu bath together in their sufficient tub for two upon acquiring the first key. It was then decided new and matching keyrings was in order and they spent the rest of the day in the busy streets of Akihabara for a dolphin and orca.

The novelty of moving in together hadn’t quite felt real until the physical confirmation was placed in his hands earlier that afternoon. Tomorrow they’d be flying back to Iwatobi and resume the remainder of their high school days and their apartment would be waiting for their return.

And when they’d step into their new home, Makoto would carry Haru over the threshold. Or would Haru not like that? Was holding hands enough?

A hand on his back brought him out of silly thoughts.

“You ready for bed?” Makoto asked, turning to face his love.

Haru nodded, though he didn’t seem all that tired and it took less than a second to see through him. When they shared bedtime it meant cuddles and that was the best part of the day - starting first with slow goodnight kisses and Haru would claim Makoto’s favored spots on his neck and collar, and then Haru would roll over to be spooned and fall asleep to Makoto’s neck kisses. More often Makoto would be the one to fall asleep first. It was a routine they weren’t in a rush to change.

“Just think; we’ll be doing this every night in our own place, soon,” Makoto said in between breaths on Haru’s skin.

Haru hummed his approval and melded into Makoto, further.

“We’ll wake up every morning together. We won’t have to go home to separate place - we’ll come home to each other every day.”

“It will be perfect.”

Over and over in the short time they’d been together Haru kept surprising Makoto with things he’d say. He was, and still is, of so few words and somehow their relationship revealed a new side. Haru had always been kind in his own way, but romantic sentiments whether direct or indirect made Makoto’s heart flutter. He buried his face the raven hair. “Yes. Yes, it will be. Ah Haru, I just… I just want to kiss you everywhere.”

Haru let out a long pleasurable sigh. “Okay.”

He’d meant it as flirtatious at best. Of course kissing Haru all over his body was appealing, but now? Then again, he did want to make this trip special and he hadn’t done so. Carefully he rolled Haru to face him.

“Haru, do you really…”

There was no mistaking the glint in his eyes, no matter how embarrassed he seemed about it or how little light in the room there was - he wanted him to. Revealing their nude selves for their bath was Haru’s way of easing them both into new territories and Makoto’s remark had him wanting more in that direction.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want…” Haru said, breaking eye contact after prolonged silence.

“I do!” Makoto answered maybe a little too loudly. How could he back down at this point even if what he said was on a whim? Disappointing Haru would be the worst ever especially after he seemed excited of the prospect. Question was, how to act on this fleeting moment? “It won’t be weird?”

“It won’t be.”

Again the fluttering erupted. “O-okay. Uh, let me let in a little more light?” Makoto removed himself from the bed and walked to the window and opened the curtains a few centimeters and then flipped on the switch to the bathroom. Dim lighting was romantic, right? When he rounded back to the bed, Haru was sitting upright curious and eager, yet patient. If Haru wasn’t so cute all the time, _maybe_ he wouldn’t be tempted to do strange things like this. “From the top of your head to the tips of your toes,” Makoto processed out loud, restoring his nerve.

A blink of blue and then a nod.

Clearing his throat, Makoto crawled back onto the bed and settled in front of his boyfriend and took his head in his hands and placed a kiss atop his head and moved around the crown. He tried to keep it light so hair wouldn’t stick to his lips; Haru didn’t make a sound at the small tugs as Makoto kissed around the crown and both temples and then to ears, carefully in and around the earlobe.

Haru’s face was no stranger to Makoto’s attentions and he he had no intention of making light of this fact. Forehead and brow. Corners of the eyes and lids. Between his eyes to the bridge of his nose. Cheeks and jaw. Haru’s lips - the most familiar part - would receive no less care and the reciprocator was appreciative. Moving to his chin, he tilted his head upwards to gain access to the underside and kissed downward right as Haru was swallowing.

He pulled away to take a few breaths, that weren’t in close proximity to skin, and re-wet his lips with a few swipes of his tongue, briefly catching Haru averting his eyes. What was that about? “Haru?”

“It’s nothing.”

It was _something_ , but for the moment Makoto decided not to press it, not wanting to ruin what he hoped Haru was enjoying, which lead to another question that brought color to his cheeks. “Can I, or you, take off your shirt?”

“You would need to to keep going, right?”

“Y-yeah, but I wasn’t going to yank off your shirt if you…”

“You’re allowed to,” Haru said as if it were an everyday occurrence.

He was unsure if he should be grateful or mortified that Haru was so gung-ho about succumbing to lewd wiles. His mind brought him back to their empty bathroom apartment and how _fine_ Haru was towards the shifting change in their relationship. Makoto wished he could have the self-confidence his boyfriend possessed and not be so prude.

This was his idea and he was going to follow through to the end! If only he could determine all the logistics around it. When the shirt came off, what then? Should he continue down Haru’s front or flip him over to his stomach? Maybe save his backside for last in case this spurred bout of romance failed in a fantastical manner, he could make up for it by going for his neck again?

Satisfied with his decision, he reached for the hem of Haru’s shirt with some confidence restored. He was met with Haru’s approving eyes. With Haru’s knack for stripping at the sight of deep-enough water, it was silly to not just let him do it himself. Now, being the one to aid in the process, be it slowly, Makoto liked seeing the unveiling bit by bit. And no matter how many times he’d seen Haru shirtless, he couldn’t catch the breath that left him when he pulled the shirt from his arms. His mind drew a blank at remembering if this was the only time its happened where water had not been involved in some shape or form. The nervous twist in his stomach came again, reminding him of how different this situation was, and in the same instant, that he shouldn’t feel ashamed of it.

“You’re staring,” Haru softly observed.

“You’re so beautiful, Haru.”

Makoto was then treated to the highest form of embarrassment his eyes have ever witnessed from his quiet and outwardly collected boyfriend - eyes growing wide simultaneously with unmistakably red forming on his cheeks and lips tightening. Then in one quick motion of his head, as if caught in the act, he was looking away in his typical fashion. He waited for Haru to respond with a reprimanding ‘Embarrassing’ as if that would defuse the compliment, but it didn’t come, only a side-glance of shimmering eyes. _Cute._

The removed shirt in Makoto’s hands was then partially rolled and dropped to the floor in favor of taking Haru’s right hand. Starting at the fingertips, he once more set out on his journey of loving every bit of the boy in front of him. He loved these hands that were petite in size though held the power to slice through the strongest waters. Careful and precise for preparing meals to exactness and suculiency. Delicate and firm for whittling, sketching and painting. As he rotated the hand within his own, making sure to kiss every joint and wrinkling line, he concluded that his favorite part of these hands was that they never refused to take his and fit like a missing jigsaw piece.

Palms down, he kissed to his inner elbow. Rotated to the opposite side and kissed to his outer elbow. The distance between them was closing and Makoto saw Haru watching him through his eyelashes.

“What?” Makoto asked against the skin of his bicep with a breathy laugh.

“Looking.”

“At?”

“At you...”

“I may break my rule I’ve only now decided on of not overlapping just so I can kiss you again.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll get back there. Eventually.” Lifting Haru’s arm, he kissed at his triceps, revelling in the tightness of his charm points that pulled him through the water so gracefully. Shoulders came next and he felt Haru sigh and loosen at the touch of his mouth. Normally Haru would crumble from the attention behind, good to know the same rang true from this view. Moving to the right, he kissed his clavicle, up into the dip in his neck and back down to the opposite clavicle to his shoulder around the curve to repeat the process to his left arm and hand.

As promised, he returned to his mouth to steal a few kisses. Makoto pulled away for a small break, re-moistening his lips as he debated the next plan of action. “Lay on your back,” he said halfway between permission and request.

Haru didn’t resist and realigned himself as Makoto pushed away the sheets and placed a pillow under his neck.

Makoto straddled on his knees, bending over his smaller boyfriend’s frame, supporting himself on his hands and hoping this was still okay. “Comfortable? I’ll still be a while...”

With a nod and look, Haru confirmed his comfort in position and situation.

Drawing in a large breath, Makoto lowered his face to Haru’s pectorals for the next stage. Vertically he moved from right to left with two noticeable rises of Haru’s chest. When he brushed a nipple, Haru drew in a sharp breath and at that Makoto stopped and rose to his knees.

“I’m sorry!” He’d worried about getting to the sensitive areas, it being too bold.

“It’s okay. I’m not used to it, is all,” Haru assured, reaching for Makoto’s hand on the bed.

“Let me know if you don’t like something. I’ll stop.”

Side to side, Haru shook his head, the very thought of telling Makoto to stop would be a crime, surely.

When Haru settled again, Makoto came back down and kissed to his opposite breast and took to the kissing of his other nipple with less alarm.

Haru’s skin was cool to the touch, smooth and clean as if the very water he thrived in polished and carved him and his toned muscles. Makoto enjoyed kissing in each dip, curve and line of bone and muscle. The further down he kissed, the more Haru’s breathing hitched. At the center of his abdomen, his back arched slightly in protest. Makoto waited to see if that was out of dislike or pleasure and it didn’t take long to prove the latter. Putting a hand on both hips, Makoto gently held him in place to finish the task. He then kissed at the jutting lines of his hipbone to the edge of his sleep pants while Haru eventually stilled.  
Swallowing, he lingered on the waistband. At least they’d be easy to remove. Maybe it would have been easier if he’d taken all his clothing off at once, since now he’s stopped and has been given more time to think about what would happen next. He rose to his knees once more and looked to Haru who seemed to be having similar reserves.

They’d seen each other earlier that day so it shouldn’t be an issue. Haru was fairly unfazed by it in all honesty, but maybe the direct contact with lower regions was making him have second thoughts. He took a moment to search his eyes for what Haru wanted and he found he was nervous, but was also liking this kind of intimacy.

“Okay,” Makoto exhaled and pushed out the anxieties and gripped the waistband, boxers included (he still couldn’t get over how Haru hadn’t been wearing his jammers today), slowly, with Haru’s aid of lifting his hips and moving his legs when prompted, his pants came off.

Now laying completely bare, Makoto wondered how Haru managed to not have an unsightly farmers tan. Maybe because he was naturally pale. He couldn’t help the smile that sprang to his face at the pink of his face and chest, and then dimmed when he remembered where his kisses would be landing next. Haru spread his legs a little to make room for the new spot that would be requiring a little more care. Makoto shifted and lowered to his stomach and propped himself on low elbows. He peered at Haru from between his legs and he tried to not think about the possibly unattractive aspect of it.

_Are you sure?_ he asked conveying that he also wasn’t all that sure himself, though not opposed to trying.

His own expression reflected back at him with maybe more towards being fine with, and, well, it didn’t solve much. If he backed off now, Haru could be disappointed and maybe think his genitals were too disgusting to receive kisses like the rest of him had. That, of course, was the opposite of what Makoto thought. He knew the kissing would cause some involuntary reactions and didn’t want to force Haru into anything he wasn’t ready for especially when it came to this particular area.

Makoto watched Haru curl the fitted sheet in his fingers, close his eyes and then open them in renewed calmness that also put him at ease.

_/Now or never/_. A preparatory breath, he shifted forward into the pelvic area and began the descent. The first contact at the base caused Haru to hold in a gasp. Makoto backed off some, waiting, and then gently lifted with his fingers and continued down the length with light pressure. Carefully he lowered into his scrotal area and over to his right inner thigh.

Pausing from the task, Makoto adjusted to his knees to cool off for a minute, embarrassed yet happy for being able to help Haru feel good. He wondered if he’d like assistance in relief, but then thought better of it - that’d be too much for the innocence he was trying to go for. He risked a glance - maybe Haru didn’t want him to look at him - and Haru was understandably flushed, though pleased. A glimmer in his eyes understood Makoto’s considered offer, a promise for next time.

Oh. However, now was not the time to get distracted about prospects of later. Makoto returned to position and kissed along Haru’s thigh, skin warm. He trailed down to his knee and around the patella skin and into his shins to the top of his foot. Haru jerked his foot away at lips on his toes, an irritated frown on his face. Ah, so one spot that he obviously disliked. He noted that for later use in a tickle fight. He then scooted himself to the opposite leg and worked, ignoring the toes, from the top of his foot all the way up to his other inner thigh.

Before being asked, Haru rolled to his stomach, pillowing his head in his arms.

Not that his backside wasn’t as exquisite as his front, but Makoto decided he liked being able to see Haru’s face during this the most. He positioned himself on Haru’s right. Taking hold of his right foot, he hinged Haru’s knee to bring it to lips to kiss his heel, dip into and around up to the ball of his foot, toes flexing outward instinctively and then tightly clenched in. He took that to mean his feet were overall sensitive and toes were off limits. While he had his foot in the air, he kissed his ankles and traveled to his calves, admiring the muscles that aided his powerful dolphin kicks and then laid his leg down, repositioned to lay on his stomach and kissed his inner knee. Haru tensed slightly, followed by a small gasp. Continuing to the backside of his thigh and onto and over the fold of his glutes to the cheek. Makoto had never given much thought to butts in general, but came to the conclusion he was quite fond of Haru’s since earlier that day - toned and dimpled in the right places, soft muscles.

He wanted to touch with more than his lips, Haru would probably let him, but no, he was determined to be exact!

Dipping in between his cheeks, he stretched over to the opposite end and walked on his hands and knees to repeat the process on Haru’s left side from butt to foot.

Haru’s head was turned to the side enough for Makoto to observe a more than subtle contented smile on his profile. Almost done and he was still into it.

_I’m glad_. He swept his right leg over Haru to straddle at his thighs, leaned forward to press into the side of his lower back, to the small, to the creviced center, and to his other side. Up and over and over and up through muscles, spine and skin to slender shoulder blades and onto Haru’s favorite: shoulder and back of the neck. From how all had progressed, Makoto didn’t think he had to make up for a shoddy job, but applied more to his neck for extra measure as there he had the most practice. And then with the last moisture upon his lips, he traveled up Haru’s hair line and to the backside of his head.

Sitting up and giving room for Haru to do the same, he breathed a happy one, a little pleased with himself. “I hope that ended up being okay.”

Haru nodded, his eyes shimmering with that pool-desire look.

“Sorry if the silence was weird… I was trying to concentrate.”

“I don’t mind,” Haru replied, shyly, looking down. _Don’t apologize for unnecessary things._

“Sor- okay,” he agreed with a laugh. “Should we sleep?”

For a moment he didn’t answer, seemingly looking at something on the bed, and then hummed in agreement, adjusting the pillow his head had been resting on against the headboard.

Makoto found himself following Haru’s gaze to between his legs and noticed where Haru’s attentions had been. Oh. Not surprising, he’d been so focused on Haru, a bit too focused, apparently, he hadn’t noticed. “I’ll, uh, be right back.”

_Was he considering helping me out?_ Makoto mused as he went to the restroom to take care of it, letting him relive the moments that just passed, remembering the places he liked the most. He returned to Haru who was still in bed and naked.

“Aren’t you cold? Did you want to put your clothes back on?” Makoto asked, coming around to the bed to sit after closing the curtains and retrieving Haru’s clothes from the floor.

Haru shook his head and gave a pointed look. When Makoto didn’t react satisfactorily, he scooted closer and grabbed hold of the hem of Makoto’s shirt.

“It’s getting late, Haru, you can kiss me tomorrow,” Makoto assumed he wished to return the favor.

“No… I want-” he closed his mouth, uncertain.

“You want me to be naked with you?”

“Yeah,” was his simple reply, yet a lot of gratitude was behind it.

“Sure.” It wasn’t necessary, but he gladly let Haru help him undress.

They shimmied into the sheets and snuggled into one another, arms wrapped around, skin on skin, warm and comfortable. Their legs tangled as they drew closer and found an acceptable position for a long period of time.

“Going home will be weird after this,” Makoto said, stroking Haru’s hair against his chest, wishing the clock on the nightstand didn’t read as late as it did.

“But we won’t be going home tomorrow.”

“Eh?” Had he messed up their flight itinerary?!

“We’ll be back in a month.”

If only he wasn’t so tired, he’d allow the fluttering warmth take over and shower Haru in more kisses, but settled for cupping his face and pressing his lips to his love’s with all the tenderness he could muster.


	17. 'Cause You Got Me Feeling so High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation and celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring an awkward, romantic hand-job. Happy Valentine's Day!
> 
> Should I warn when there is sexual content in a chapter? I know lots of people are here for it, but maybe some would like to know before hand in case they don't want or need to not be at work to read oh ho ho.

Haru nuzzled Makoto awake the next morning to get him to join him in the bath to take advantage of the luxury before checkout. Shaking the late night grogginess, Makoto obliged and together they stayed in until the water wrinkled them, lingering in their happiness of their weekend together.

The train back to the airport was a quieter one, less frazzled of new surroundings as well as less passengers at that hour. Makoto still held onto Haru for comfort at takeoff, waiting for the airsickness to settle.  
Mrs. Tachibana picked them up at the airport and then brought home to change into their uniforms to, unfortunately, attend the last half of the day in order to take a calculus and biology test. Their thoughts were anywhere but their school work.

Rei, Nagisa and Gou gathered after school to ask about their journey to Tokyo. They abbreviated their adventures, leaving out their intimate moments. Makoto showed them photos from his phone of their soon-to-be-home and Gou couldn’t contain her giggles over the small space and how two good-looking, muscled boyfriends would /ever cope/ with such a lifestyle. Which led to Makoto’s face turning various shades and giving Gou more fuel for further teasing with “suggestions” which Haru seemed to take into consideration. If Rei hadn’t defused the conversation when Nagisa chimed in, Makoto would have died from embarrassment.

 

Graduation came three weeks later with flower arrangements of every color and type, tied with ribbons, lots of bowing towards the third years of all in attendance, speeches of the faculty and student body, music and pomp and circumstance. The weather graced the graduating class with favorable weather, keeping spirits high.

After receiving their diplomas in the procession line, Makoto and Haru found their parents and friends. Mr. and Mrs. Nanase embraced their son and took photos, posing him by early blooming trees and some with Makoto, remarking how tall he’d gotten the last they’d seen him. Like usual, they were in a hurry and left soon after, declining the Tachibanas invitation to dinner.

“At least they came,” Makoto said softly as they walked one last time to the pool. “Last we knew, they weren’t going to make it.”

“Yeah.”

“They got to see you stand with the star athletes of the year accepting scholarships. I liked that part.”

“You would.”

“Can you blame me?”

He responded with a fond shake of his head.

They came to the chain link fence surrounding the empty pool, a tarp protecting it against the elements so the strenuous cleaning they had their second year wouldn’t need to be repeated. Debris of dead leaves lay scattered on the tarp and concrete.

“Can you believe we were standing here almost a year ago wondering what we’d be doing after graduation? Who knew we’d be going to Tokyo together?”

Haru blinked expectantly at him, sensing there was more to his words.

“For a while I thought we were going to have to part ways because it was unlikely we’d go the same path. I realized that we both needed to stand on our own and do what’s best for ourselves. It was hard telling myself that, even if I knew it was the right thing. ‘We can’t depend on each other anymore,’ I’d think. ‘I’ve always been a burden to Haru - he’d be better off without me’.” His fingers curled into the metal, swallowing down an emotional choke with a pathetic laugh. “You’ve shown me how wrong I was. We bring out the best in each other and that’s not something to be ashamed of. There’s no reason we can’t walk separate paths,” he reached for Haru’s hand, “holding hands along the way.”

Haru allowed the touch, squeezing back in response, but his lips pulled tight and thin as Makoto continued.

“I’m still a burden, but in a different way. I feel awful that this is how things have turned out. I’ll try really hard to not make you worry more than you have to, Haru!”

“Idiot,” Haru said, irritated, the tinge of sorrow almost missed. “I… _want_ to take care of you. You’re not a burden - stop saying that.”

Makoto bent down to kiss his boyfriends dusted cheeks in apology, then brushed his bangs aside to kiss his forehead, while Haru stubbornly not looking at him. “Okay, I guess I deserve that… I hope you’ll forgive me later, Haru-chan,” Makoto suggested slyly, cupping his love’s face, their mouths within touch.

Blue peeked through black bangs. “Eventually,” a brow twitched at the ‘chan,’ relieving some of the tension.

“Haru-chan! Mako-chan~” came Nagisa’s sing-song voice.

Makoto couldn’t help the disappointment of being found - he almost had Haru giving in to his teasing. He released Haru’s face.

“Here you two are!” Nagisa’s head of blond waves poked out from the utility building. “See, Rei-chan, I told you they would be-- Oooh did we interrupt something?”

“N-no we, uh,” Makoto waved his hands around.

“Cause we can tooootally leave you alone if we need to,” he said with a knowing wink. Rei choked behind him.

“It’s fine! W-what did you two need us for?”

Nagisa put in hands at his hips in a scolding, “It’s not like you two graduated and deserve to be celebrated or anything.”

“What Nagisa-kun is trying to say,” Rei edged in, “Rin-san called and requested a gathering.”

“At Haru-chan’s house!”

“It’s his party; why doesn’t he provide the space?” Haru breathed in his mild way of exasperation.

Rei adjusted his glasses. “Well, I thought as such, but-”

“-Your house is best for all of us!” Nagisa said, interrupting Rei as usual. “No sisters or parents to bother us!”

Makoto knew Haru _really_ didn’t mind them all over as long as they helped clean up, but maybe he was reluctant because he had other plans - yes, that look confirmed it. But they couldn’t just abandon their friends like that... “Mom was making dinner tonight, so we’d have to meet up later, anyway.”

“Good idea, Mako-chan! We’ll have a sleepover!”

“T-that’s not what I-- oh, there’s no changing your mind, is there?” He shrugged apologetically at Haru. There was no fighting a force like Nagisa. /I tried/.

 

The festivities of graduation made the ride home congested on the trains and on the road, but somehow Mrs. Tachibana was able to cook a feast by the time the sun was setting. If Makoto had to guess, her immaculate speed meant she was trying her best to not cry about how grown up her two boys were and how they would be leaving her soon and-

Makoto couldn’t let an onslaught of homesickness settle, now. Instead, he turned his attentions to Haru, who was delicately removing bones from the mackerel his mother prepared especially for him. Every once in awhile she’d make the effort to do so as it wasn’t something she was confident in making, but judging by the euphoric expression, Makoto was sure only he could read. Seeing Haru across the table reminded him he’d have a large piece of home with him in Tokyo.

Once the twins were exhausted from hide-and-seek and video games and put to bed, Makoto followed Haru to his house for their sleepover. Makoto watched, absorbing the moment, past precious moments, to place them on the shelves of his mind for safe keeping.

 

The windows were drawn and the sliding doors left ajar as Haru and Makoto set about cleaning the Nanase home that would soon be empty. Makoto beat the dust out of Haru’s futon and tatami in the backyard in the warming spring air.

“Haru, I’m almost done, here. What would you like me to do next?” Makoto called with a few good hits with the racket to the futon.

“You can wipe down the floors,” Haru stood at the edge of the porch with a rag and bucket of water in hand, dust speckled his dark hair. “If you’re not tired.”

“Nah, this was fine. But, if you had any other heavy things you need to move, now might be the best to let me know.”

“Just the futon after the floor is clean.”

“Okay, I’ll be in in a minute.” He laid the racquet against the clothesline post and stepped up onto the porch and then took to a crouch to roll up his pant legs. With a preparatory breath, he dipped the rag in water and walked to the far side of the living room to begin the work, scooting inch by inch on his knees. Eventually he came to the kitchen, finding Haru who was occupied with deep cleaning the cabinets and countertops. He debated all of a second before taking the opportunity of Haru’s distracted state to crawl into the kitchen and kiss at his exposed calf and scramble away before he could see a reaction, though heard the surprised tut as he rounded the corner.

Nearly an hour later, Makoto finished the washing of the bottom floor. He met Haru in the kitchen again, now several opened boxes shoved to a lesser used portion, filled with lesser used items. “I finished the bottom floor. Want me to do the top?”

Haru regarded him from head to toe. “Break. Then you can put the tatami back.”

“Okay.” Makoto took the initiative of their break spot, and dangled his legs over the porch to cool his slightly warmed face.

Soon, Haru joined him with a glass of water for each of them.

“Your parents will keep the house, right?” Makoto asked.

“It’s my grandmother’s, they better. Selling it would be more trouble for them than they’d want to deal with, anyway.”

“That’s good… I’d hate for you to lose this place. It’s my second home.”

“Yeah.”

Makoto stretched his arms high and then lowered on to his back, pillowing his head. “All I have to worry about is packing my room - I have it easy.”

“You’re helping me - that makes it easy.”

“I guess… but you’d be at this for weeks.”

Haru shrugged. “I could have started weeks ago and done things little by little.”

“Thanks for letting me help you.”

He raised an eyebrow. _I don’t know why you’re thanking me._

Makoto walked his fingers up Haru’s arm in the silence that followed. He opened his mouth to beckon, but Haru was a step ahead and was flush against Makoto, hands in his hair, kneading scalp.

_So unfair_ , already Makoto was at a disadvantage. It wasn’t his fault that his weak spots were more accessible! He slid his hands between them to fondle Haru’s toned stomach.

Haru exhaled sharply through his nose while their mouths were otherwise engaged. He then shifted to adjust his position, putting pressure in sensitive spots, heat traveled downwards and-

At that, Makoto was forcing both of them up. He held Haru on his lap, helping him shift down his legs some, while they collected their breaths. At least it wasn’t his heart this time. Or was it worse because it wasn’t his heart that stopped him? Stupid body. “Sorry.” His hand was then taken against his will and then guided between Haru’s legs. “Uh, H-Haru!” he stuttered and resisted the urge to pull away so not to hurt him. Or give the impression he did not wish to touch him, because that just wasn’t true.

Calm, blue eyes connected with his, telling him he shouldn’t be ashamed - he felt it, too - and he wasn’t embarrassed so why should Makoto? They are together now, this was normal, how things should be, shouldn’t it?

‘Ashamed’ wasn’t what he’d call the conflicting feelings that intermingled with hormones. More on the side of not prepared to cross that line because… why? Did he think they were moving too fast or was he simply nervous?

Haru still held Makoto’s hand to his crotch, reading him, asking him - the boy who hardly asked for anything. This was another way he was trying to ease him into things. He could sense his hesitance, showed a little of his own, even, but the desire to try was greater.

The stiffness in his hand loosened, Haru lightly pressed against his more willing palm. “Is this what you want?” Makoto asked, his eyes flickering to the bulge. “Like this?”

“Why don’t we do it to each other?”

“A-at the same time? I don’t think I could concentrate!”

Haru considered with a hum. “You first.”

“Eh! But my hand is already …”

He looked down as if he hadn’t noticed what had been happening down there the last few minutes. “Oh. You after.”

Makoto didn’t miss the reasoning in his words, Haru knew him too well - Haru was always priority for him and if Haru wasn’t taken care of first, Makoto would be restless. “Okay. Um. I’m probably not very good at this,” he laughed, timidly.

“Do it like you do to yourself.”

He could feel his face reddening for different reasons. For years he thought that maybe he was a late bloomer and generally shy about the subject. He didn’t do it for recreational pleasure, it was simply to take care of it when it happened by nature. Reading up in the brochures from the hospital, it cautioned against sexual activity and, well, his blood didn’t always go where it needed to and that certainly explained some things. Since he and Haru had been together, he felt blood flow more into place, figuring he obviously needed more of a direct stimulation. And even then, he hadn’t developed particular techniques or habits to relieve himself. Quick and out of the way and back to life. And now he regretted his lack of experience. “You deserve better than that.”

Disbelief was plain on his boyfriend’s face. What? He deserved the best of everything! “It’s fine if it’s you,” he muttered, though still encouraging.

“Oh.” Not like he was going to, but he definitely wasn’t going to leave Haru stranded like this, now. With a gulp, Makoto slipped his hand from Haru’s grasp and came to the button on Haru’s pants, trying to stop the shaking in his fingers. The button came through the loop and the zipper pull gave way. As he pulled the zipper down, he could make out the contour in the black jammers. Haru lifted when prompted so his garments could be pulled further out of the way.

Should he do it from behind since that was the angle he was used to? No, he wanted to see his face, it’d be a better way to indicate if he was doing it correctly.

In sensing the question in how to proceed, Haru placed his hands on Makoto’s broad shoulders to brace himself.

Makoto uttered a pathetic ‘okay’ and took hold of Haru with a hand who flinched at the contact.

Already he was seeing a problem - his hand was much too big. His hands were used to accommodating something larger. What if he hurt him? That was the absolute least thing in the world he ever wanted to do.

“Makoto,” his voice trembled in some contained anticipation as he sensed his boyfriend’s inner dilemma. _I want you to do this._

Another quiet affirmation and he stroked Haru with a thumb along his length, feeling the sensitive skin. He wasn’t this gentle with himself, so this was at least different and Haru wasn’t telling him to stop. He brushed at the head and a low hiss was returned. Gently he curled his fingers around Haru’s length, familiarizing how he felt in his hand, the weight, texture and pulse. Two small pumps and Haru tightened his hold, his head lolling back ever so slightly.

Makoto brought his other hand to the base and gradually increased the strength of his hold and speed, trying to keep an even rhythm, all the while Haru gasping and panting, trying not to do so, while Makoto watched, feeling and listening, for any indication that his boyfriend was in pain or discomfort and the _sounds_ he made, sounds he had never heard from his quiet lips (he considered himself an expert in Haru Sounds and what they meant), were _doing things_ to him.

Haru lifted from his perch on Makoto’s leg, jerking into Makoto’s hands, clumsily, head taking refuge in the nape of neck, breath and even and hot, and wow was it normal to be turned on so much when he wasn’t even the one being handled?

“Ma… Ma…”

Makoto felt the trembling of the smaller body against his own at his warning, the heat and firmness he held in his hands. “I’ve got you, Haru. It’s okay.”

A struggling groan followed, momentary tension and gradually he loosened in his release. The hold on Makoto’s shoulders shifted to around his neck in a slackened hug as his breathing came to normalization.  
Wiping the milky white on the outer thigh of his jeans, Makoto brought his arms around him. “Was that okay?” he tentatively whispered while kissing at the spent boy’s temples.

“Yes. Good.”

Haru wasn’t usually so affirmative in words, so he definitely meant them. He wished he could have seen his face when he came. Next time, for there would definitely be one. He loosened his hold for Haru to shift in his arms to sit up straighter in his lap.

Face splattered with pink, eyes glistening in sheer pleasure, Haru reached for the button of Makoto’s pants. “Now you.”

“Are you sure?” Seeing Haru like this, hearing Haru like this - happy - and knowing that he was a direct cause of this - had the ability to cause this - he was ready to do it again right now if he let him. “You don’t need to…”

The spark dimmed a little as his mouth twitched in annoyance and then looked pointedly at the tenting of Makoto’s groin. “You’re going to go take care of that in the bathroom like you always do?”

“What if you’re too much for me to handle, Haru?”

“I’ll be gentle.”

Makoto didn’t think he had any more waves of heat left to creep up his neck, face and groin. His heart was already racing with arousing Haru and-

Haru was already making quick work of his buttons and pulling down his boxer briefs, freeing him. And before he could react to the cool air on his hot, exposed skin, Haru’s hands were around him and he shuddered at the foreign touch.

“You’re already this hard,” Haru observed with a touch of disappointment.

Makoto tilted his head to the side with a laugh. It wasn’t all that surprising. “And whose fault do you think that is?”

Haru leaned in just enough for their lips to brush. “Makoto is a pervert,” and pulled away before the accused could initiate a kiss.

Makoto frowned at the tease. “Only when it comes to Haru…”

“Just means I don’t get to spend as much time on you.” His fingers worked up and down in barely-there motions, followed by an experimental squeeze.

A prickly sensation traveled all the way up Makoto’s spine. “W-we can do this again sometime,” he suggested, trying to be casual about it as if Haru wasn’t already making him crazy with being suddenly very flirtatious and talkative. Was he really this easy to rile up or was it because it was Haru? He wanted to believe the latter.

“You’ll be first, then,” Haru said in a finalizing manner.

All Makoto could do was nod as he felt Haru’s grip tighten, placing a thumb on the head to brace and his other fingers stroked along his length. He let out an embarrassing whine and he covered his mouth to muffle another. How could Haru’s smaller, delicate hands be able to do this--actually no, this wasn’t surprising, he was good with his hands, always has been. Smooth and precise fingers, unlike his own calloused and clumsy ones.

Again Haru’s hold tightened, and a significant squeeze had his eyes fluttering shut, thoughts away from what Haru did in his private time, sounds he wasn’t sure were coming from him anymore, his pulse was so loud he was sure Haru could hear it, too. He felt himself drawing closer to the edge as a finger caressed his scrotum. He bucked into Haru’s hands, causing him to jostle unexpectedly, which served a stronger grip that then had Makoto arching and losing himself to the whiteout.

“Makoto?”

He felt Haru shake his shoulders a little. He opened his eyes and his head was on Haru’s chest, a chest with a normal heart that didn’t sound like it’d explode. “You were right; I couldn't hold out long,” he said in between tired, forced breaths.

Haru forced him up and placed a hand on his breast. It was a cautionary act, but Makoto secretly loved it when he did it. Dark brows furrowed, and he held his gaze with Makoto’s, gauging if this incredible rapidness was a cause for alarm.

This was a different kind of pain, Makoto analyzed. It felt like what happened when he thought of Haru or his family or swimming or kittens but multiplied… just an incredibly happy feeling, like, he could go for a swim right this second if he also didn’t feel so exhausted. It was a new type of pain and a new type of happiness rolled into one, staccato beats, but not quite the sharp and hammering kind that usually sent him into a panic. A natural high, one made with Haru and Haru alone. Next time he wouldn’t be able to feel nervous.

“I think I’m okay. May need my medicine just in case.”

With a nod, Haru got up, adjusted his pants, and went to the kitchen to find the supply Makoto left for emergencies.

He took the small pill bottle and eyed the front of Haru’s shirt with a sheepish smile. “I really made a mess. We should probably take a bath.”

Haru nodded, never opposed to a bath, and then offered his hand to help the larger boy up and walk to the bathroom.

“It was amazing, Haru. _You’re_ amazing,” Makoto beamed, his breathing starting to settle.

Haru turned his head to the side to hide embarrassment, though a smile played at the corner of his lips.

As they entered the room, Makoto gasped so loud, Haru flinched. “Haru! We… we were on your back porch. Someone could have seen us - _heard_ us! I-you-I-Ah!” he then buried his once again burning face in his hands.

Haru only offered half a shrug and started to draw the bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to follow me @sharlynnshida on Twitter. I seems to scream about Boyfriends a lot, there.  
> @mamodewberry on Tumblr, too.


	18. Took Awhile to See All the Love That's Around Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farewells and acceptance.

A week before their first semester of university began, Makoto and Haru met with Nagisa and Rei at the Iwatobi Swim Club Returns for the last time for the foreseeable future. Picking up spades and shovels from the utility room, they rounded the building to the backyard by the brick flowerbed. Upon Nagisa’s suggestion, it was to duplicate what they had back in elementary school with Rin. Now they had Rei who helped them to victory.

Together they dug a hole large enough to contain a small metal tin and gently they deposited sealed envelopes inside, their names on each one.

“Oh? What’s this?” Coach Sasabe asked, hand to his chin, observing the odd ritual.

“We all wrote down the sights we saw during the relay that we’ve never seen before,” Makoto explained fondly, unsure if the meaning would come across to an outsider.

“That sounds interesting!” he got to his knees. “Let me take a look…”

“You can’t, Coach Sasabe,” Rei scolded as if he were a child about to steal cookies from the cookie jar, joining on their coach’s level. “We’re going to open them a few years from now, when we’re all together again.”

“Until then, what’s inside is a secret,” Nagisa finished with a smile. “Okay. Let’s bury it.” He placed the lid on top and they began to earth their time capsule.

On top of the newly shoveled dirt, Haru scripted on top ‘For the Team’. The message reminded them of their next stop.

After changing into their swimsuits and jerseys, they took the train to Samezuka to meet Rin for, well, they weren’t exactly sure why or what for, but he said come prepared, and prepared meant swimsuits at the very least, they thought.

They came to the pool entrance and were greeted with a line of Samezuka students with brown paper bags over their heads with faces drawn on them. Rin had his back turned to them, shoulders quaking with laughter.

“I’ve been waiting for you. Now I’ll show you--” he turned towards them, jagged teeth baring, “-the most incredible sight you’ve never seen before, right here!” His fist pounded the doors and it burst open with a bright flash of light and pink petals escaped - the pool had turned into a pool of sakura petals.

This was Rin’s dream and this was how he intended to spend their last moments together as a team.

Makoto smiled and beamed at all his friends and before he knew it, was following them towards the pool and casting clothing aside to jump into the pool - his heart would have to allow him this. He would not swim, but splash and play and float and laugh in this sight they had wanted for years.

 

A green-wrapped rectangular object was put into Makoto’s hands. “What’s this, Rin?” he inquired. The sun was setting and the rest of Samezuka had left for their dorms. Rei and Nagisa’s longer travel had them leaving not long before then, leaving the third years alone.

“Just a little something I picked up,” Rin pulled his hair behind his neck with a hand, playing the gesture off as nothing.

“But it’s not my birthday?”

“No, but I won’t be around when it is. I’m thinking ahead, is all.”

Makoto looked at Haru, feeling too spoiled for being the only one to receive a gift in the room, and ripped at the corners to pull out an exercise book. The confusion on his face prompted Rin to explain.

“I went with Sousuke to his rehabilitation appointment the other day. I told the physical therapist about you and this was something he suggested for when you’re given the okay for more activity. Short and simple exercises. Some with equipment, but enough without I think you’d be able to do in your apartment.”

“Rin… thank you,” Makoto held the thoughtful gift to his chest. Already he was able to feel and see the difference of not being able to exercise as he’d like. Walking wasn’t going to keep all of his muscles in tact. He didn’t like being unable to do more; it made him feel lazy.

“I’d hate to see you lose what you’ve worked hard for. I don’t want to see you get flabby, you hear?”

“Definitely won’t happen!” Makoto promised.

“What, Nanase, you feeling left out?” Rin asked, a hand on his hip.

Haru had remained quiet through the exchange, standing more behind Makoto than to the side, but enough to see the gift. “You didn’t get me anything,” he deadpanned.

“Hey, that is beneficial to you, too! You’ve got to keep your boyfriend trim and firm.”

With the way Rin grinned and bounded over to jab Haru in the arm with his elbow and how Haru fixed his eyes elsewhere than the two of them, Makoto got the feeling they had similar discussions before. A smile came to his face and he let it stay as they continued their conversation.

“Also, it wouldn’t hurt for you to use it when you’re tapering,” Rin continued.

A ‘tch’ emitted from Haru.

“Yeah, yeah, it sucks, but it’s what us athletes have to do. Keep yourself in top condition, alright? We have to get to the qualifying rounds in 2016.” Rin extended a hand and Haru grasped it with a rekindled fire in his eyes. “I’ll kick your ass if you’re not there.”

“Wouldn’t you be considered a traitor?” Haru asked, a mischievous tick in his lip.

“I’m only training in Australia! I have all the intents and purposes of being on the best team there is and that’s always going to be the one you’re on.” Rin pulled Haru in for a hug. “Olympics or bust?”

“Yeah.”

From behind Haru’s shoulder, Rin’s eyes looked up at Makoto, who was content to watch them in their tender moment. “Take care of him.”

“I will,” Haru and Makoto answered in unison.

Rin laughed into Haru. “I guess I should have specified, but yeah, do that - take care of each other.”

“I can’t imagine how I’d be if Haru were going to Australia for almost two years…” Makoto voiced out loud. “How will Sousuke fare?”

Rin released Haru, and pocketed his hands. “Oh. Well… he’s coming with me…”

“How?” Haru asked.

“A passport of course! I mean, yeah, just going to attend the same university. We looked at some rehab centers there and they are really incredible, too. The big oaf is Lostsuke without me, so.”

Rin’s skin was struggling to not become the same shade as his hair and Makoto and Haru tried to not bring attention to it, lest Rin start putting a greater effort towards hiding his affections.

“Then it looks like you’ll be taken care of, too. I’m glad we don’t need to worry,” Makoto teased.

“As if you’d need to worry about me. I’ve done this whole leaving the nest thing before.”

“You make it seem like we’re shut-ins,” Haru said indignantly.

“What do you expect? I’ve never known you two to leave Iwatobi. Can you blame a guy for being a little concerned?”

“We found our apartment okay,” Makoto offered

“I’m just giving you crap. I know. You’ll both be fine as long as you’re together.”

Haru had said those same words, and no matter how many times he heard them, or felt that way, Makoto believed more and more for it to be truth. He stepped towards his childhood friends and spread his arms wide to hug them both. “Good luck to all of us! For the future, right?”

The pair were quiet, though they seemed to have some sort of exchange between them.

“Yeah. The best future. Anyway,” Rin wriggled his way out. “I’ve got to go apologize my ass off to the pool maintenance for the petals. Probably offer to clean it up.”

“We can stick around and help,” Makoto suggested.

Haru didn’t oppose. He could tell Rin was maybe trying to ease them both into leaving so he could deal with their departure in his own way, yet…

Red eyes darted to the side in consideration. “Wait here.” He returned a while later with three nets in hand and the trio fished out all the sakura blossoms and petals from the water, conversation light.

“Let’s race,” Haru said.

Makoto looked up from his last net full of petals, a little surprised that it was Haru who proposed it.

Rin was equally taken aback by it, but the expression was soon replaced by a competitive, challenge- accepting smirk. Goggles snapping into place, they positioned on the starting blocks and awaited Makoto’s signal. A countdown of five and they launched into the moon-bathed waters of the Samezuka pool.

Another memory to place on the shelf.

 

A knock on Makoto’s door made him pause the racing game. “Come in.”

The door opened more ajar and Mrs. Tachibana looked like she was the bearer of the worst news. “Ren. Ran. It’s time for bed.”

Their controllers fell from their small fingers in sync with their mouths as they became frowns. “Can Big Brother tuck us in?” Ran asked, Ren clinging to her sleeve in earnest.

“You’ll have to ask him, won’t you?”

Together their large eyes turned on Makoto and he really wished they wouldn’t use those eyes like arson when he had no intention of refusing them in the first place. “I’ll get them to bed, Mom.” He turned to them on his bed. “Go say goodnight to Dad, first.”

The twins didn’t waste time and plodded down the stairs.

“When you’re done putting them to bed come downstairs,” Mrs. Tachibana said, touching his arm.

“Okay. I could potentially be a while.”

“It’s alright, no rush. They want to have one last bedtime with their brother. Don’t let them convince you to stay.”

He sighed. “They definitely make it tough.”

Ren and Ran collided with their mother’s legs and reached up for hugs and kisses, desperately wishing to get back to Big Brother Time.

“Goodnight. Be good for Makoto.”

“We will, we will!”

With a smile, their mother left the siblings alone.

Makoto got on to his knees and held open his arms, Ran took his right and Ren took his left, and then he closed around and lifted them both in each arm. It was harder than the last time he tried and he was unsure if it was his deteriorating strength or they had gotten bigger. Combination of both made him feel better, at least. He walked with them fisting his shirt to their bedroom.

Ren’s bed was closest to the door and his grip loosened as he started to drop him to the mattress. Ran wriggled her way out and crawled into the sheets with her twin. It wasn’t uncommon for them to share, especially in times of feeling particularly sad like Makoto knew they both were.

“Can we come with you?” Ren asked.

“College would be really boring for you,” Makoto said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“We can stay at yours and Haru-chan’s house!” Ran suggested.

“Our _house_  is maybe only the size of the living room - not very big for all of us to live there. You can visit sometime.”

“Will you come home and visit, too?”

“I want to. I really do, I just don’t know how often I’ll be able to. But we can video chat on the weekends like I showed you. And you can email or text me. We’re going to get new phones, but I’ll keep my number.”

Ren and Ran looked at one another as if confirming Makoto’s offer was sound or some other kind of communication shared. And then Ran disappeared under the covers and burrowed down to where her feet should be, dipped off the bed and grabbed something from underneath the bed and climbed back up through the sheets. She looked from Ren to Makoto to the bundle in her arms and then Makoto again.

“We… made you a heart,” she said as Ren shifted behind her so they were as close as they could be together for their gift to be received.

A pink, heart-shaped plush was presented to Makoto. It had green button eyes that were escew and a tiny mouth set very close to the eyes made with smaller, darker beads. Thick, white yarn stitches held the felt together, with some fraying here and there. It was the cutest thing he’d ever seen, the most touching gesture his siblings could give. He held the keepsake to his chest, wishing he could absorb the delicate, imperfectly crafted heart and have it serve the function they intended. “Ren… Ran…” he choked out their names.

“Your eyes were a hard color to find,” Ren apologized like he made a grave mistake, as if that were a reason their brother’s voice seems to be lost somewhere. Once upon a time he had better control of his emotions.

The plush’s eyes could be yellow for all that it mattered. “No… it’s wonderful! Thank you, thank you so much.”

“You’ll get better now?” Ran asked, touching his arm. In her teal eyes, he could see the understanding that their gift couldn’t cure him, even they were old enough to realize, but their childish desires wanted him to give them the hope.

Makoto stretched over them and wrapped his arms around their bodies, forcing them to reach for their older brother in return, plush heart tumbling on to the bed. “I feel better, already.” Upon release, he kissed their foreheads and then brought the blankets up to their chins. “I love you both. Be good for Mom and Dad while I’m gone, okay?”

They nodded.

“I’ll see you in the morning before I go.”

“Will Haru-chan come say goodbye?” Ran asked through the blankets and her eyelashes.

“I’m sure he will, but I’ll remind him. I know he’ll miss you, too.”

 

With his replacement heart in hand, Makoto stepped down the stairs to meet his parents in the kitchen. On the table was a ready kettle and a container of some baked goods that his mother no doubt had made for him to bring along in the morning, and a clearfile with some papers inside next to the container. They sat next to one another on one side of the table, leaving Makoto with the choice to take a seat at either of the heads or on the opposite side. Figuring this would be a friendly send-off interrogation, he took to the opposite side and held the plush out for them to see.

“Look what the twins made me!”

“They have been waiting a while to give that to you,” Mrs. Tachibana said. “It was part of their home ec final. I may have helped them a little on the way, but it was all their idea and their teacher let them make it together.”

“It turned out really well. I hope they got a good grade.”

“From their report card, I’d say so.”

“Good.” His thumbs traced along the running stitch. “They are growing up so fast and I’m going to miss a lot of it.”

He risked a glance at his parents and how they shared a mutual look, mutual sentiments that lingered on their lips, but did not release. Since his school was decided, he expected them to ask him to reconsider, stay closer to home so it would be easier for them all, and still they hadn’t, and now they seemed to be on the brink of it.

His father was the first to shake out of it. “You’re all packed?”

“Yeah! Everything except the clothes on my back and what’s in the bathroom for my shower in the morning.” Several articles may be near boxes and said boxes weren’t fully taped yet, some staying behind, some coming, but it was more or less the truth.

“Let me know if that laptop doesn’t work out. It’s a little old, but if you’re just using it for internet and writing papers I think it’ll last.”

“The leasing office has a printer for tenant use. Hopefully I can figure out how to hook up to it…”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. I’ll strap the extra futon on the car before we head out.”

“Thanks! You’re such a lifesaver, Dad! That’s one less thing we’ll need to rent. Are you sure you’ll be okay helping us unload?”

He cocked an eyebrow over his glasses, “You’re not in peak condition yourself right now, either, Son. I’m old, not helpless.”

“Okay.”

“You’re sure you’re not going to change the number on your new phone?” his mother asked.

“Not unless we have to. I’d like to stay on the provider Haru and I are on. I’ll let you know if we can’t.” He wanted the transition to Tokyo to be a smooth one so his mother wouldn’t worry and his phone was the main source of contact she wished to keep simplified.

“I made you your favorite brownies,” she reached over to the container, but didn’t hand it to him - she knew he’d try to eat one and he’d be unable to sleep - and took the clear file and removed the papers inside. “I also asked your doctor to make me a copy of your files to give to your new doctor. Don’t forget them. Let Haruka-chan hold on to them if you need to. You’re also still under our health plan, tell us if there’s complications. Keep your card with you.”

Makoto gestured to his pocket. “It’s in my wallet. There are three hospitals close to our apartment, I’m sure one of them will work out for me.”

She exhaled of relief at the reminder of the proximity of care facilities. “Good. Please don’t be a stranger, Makoto. You’re welcome to come home whenever you’d like. We’ll try to visit when we can.”

“I know,” he used a smile to not let the motherly concerns get to him, the slightest hint of ‘stay’. “Our place will be difficult for visitors, but our door is open.”

“Close quarters never did bother the two of you,” his father said with a small laugh.

Was there more meaning behind those words or was it a simple observation? Did they know? He’d vowed to tell them since the trip to Tokyo, but an opportunity never presented itself and tomorrow he’d be leaving… Would Haru be mad if he told them without him? Haru hated confrontation almost more than Makoto did, so maybe this was a preferable way.

“Yeah. Uh, about that,” he started, clearing his throat. “Haru and I, we’re-” -closer than friends? More than roommates? Boyfriends? Lovers? A knot formed in his stomach as he quickly formed a phrase that wouldn’t be too alarming, but spoke all truth. “-We’re living together because… we’re in love.” His eyes lowered to the heart on the table, waiting for a startled gasp, some kind of objection.

“We had a feeling that might be what has been going on,” his father’s voice broke through the silence, warmly. Knowing.

There was no malice. His parents were genuinely kind and it was hard for him to picture them mad as voices hardly raised in their home. Some disappointment he had expected, but there was none of that in his father’s voice or in either of their eyes as he finally blinked up to meet their gaze. He had been ready to defend his feelings for Haru and accept whatever slight punishment there could have been, not for them to acknowledge positively, he couldn’t help the baffled expression he was sure he was wearing.

“It’s alright, Son,” his mother soothed, reaching across the table to touch his hand. “We’ve had some time to consider the possibility.”

How much time? Have they really been that obvious?

“Since you were little you’ve always been close,” she continued at his silence, an urging smile from his father. “It’s not uncommon for infants that continue to grow up together to form a really strong connection, but with age, things change. I thought it was a phase you’d grow out of. In some ways you did - I didn’t see you hug or hold hands anymore - but you remained close in other ways. Your father and I had many conversations about the two of you being gay and we slowly came to realize that it wasn’t right for us to think it was wrong or worry about it.” Her hand reached over once more and squeezed her son’s hand.

“You’ve loved Haruka-chan for a long time, haven’t you?”

At his mother’s words of noticing their relationship over time, he already was thinking of when it was he fell in love, and maybe it never was a specific moment, just something he always knew. Always felt. All the times Haru took his hand when he was scared or fell down and Haru kissed his scraped knee or elbow, chased off bullies and nightmares, helped him with his homework.

Haru was quieter in their younger years, more terse and averse to things and activities that didn’t interest him. Yes Haru never refused something Makoto wanted them to do together, even though he was sure it was something he wanted to do anyway - Haru needed the extra pull.

On the day Haru’s grandmother passed, Makoto cried in his stead. Normally Haru would try to quiet the tears and tell him it was okay, but when he allowed it then, it showed that he was hurting, grateful Makoto was willing to share in his grief. 

All of these instances were affirmations of what he knew in his then healthy heart. ‘It’s meaningless without you’ he heard his six-year-old self say in his memories and it was still true to this day.

“From before I can remember.” His throat was tight and his vision was blurred and it was the second time that day he missed control of his emotions.

“Boy or girl, you’d still love him.”

It was a statement more than anything and Makoto realized that’s why ‘gay’ never quite described them. He’d never looked at another boy how he did Haru or been attracted to anyone else. Always, always, always Haru for being  _Haru_ , even after somewhere in his early teens he’d managed to convince himself his feelings were only friendship in favor of societal expectations. Then Haru kissed him and it was all ruined in the best way. He summoned an image of a daintier Haru with curves and, wow, he would still be the most beautiful person in his eyes. He was definitely Haru-sexual and he didn’t care how ridiculous that sounded, but maybe he’d keep the image of female Haru to himself. What was most important was that his parents accepted their relationship and he didn’t have to hide. “Yes, yes I would!”

His mother retracted her hands.

“We’re sorry if you felt you couldn’t tell us,” his father said.

“I thought you’d be disappointed. Tell me I’ve brought shame on the family or something. Not… not this. I wasn’t expecting you to be _this_  supportive.”

“And that’s where we’ve failed.”

“No!” Makoto’s hands hit the table with more force than he intended, and he apologized to it with a lighter brush of his hands, softening his voice. “Don’t say that. You’re both so wonderful - all my life you have. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but I’ve been scared of how you’d react even if you were a little upset. It’d all been stuff I’d made up in my head in the end. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

His mother shook her head. “We understand how it could have been hard for you.”

Taking his wife’s hand, his father squeezed it while looking at his son. “What you and Haruka have is special, Makoto; it would be cruel of us to tell you it’s shameful.”

Makoto stood up from his chair, the legs briefly scraping the floor as he crossed over to them. His parents had sensed his motions and were able to stand in time to meet him for an embrace. His arm span easily surrounded them both. “Thank you… thank you for understanding - for accepting us - For everything!”

“We want you to be happy, Sweetie,” his mother dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her nightgown. “If Haruka-chan makes you the happiest, then that’s more than we can ask for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this Coming Out scene was acceptable. 
> 
> Just a heads up! In the next few chapter updates, there may be delays! My beta is in the midst of completing her manuscript and that's obviously more important than ficcing :O


	19. Build Me a Home in the Air To the End of the Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last morning in Iwatobi. First night in Tokyo.

With one last pull of the tape, the final box was sealed for the journey ahead. Less desired clothing, keepsakes and school projects were shoved under the soon-to-be guest bedroom and closet, while a stack of boxes and duffles were placed to the side for loading into the Tachibana’s van. A smaller box held recent treasures and send-off gifts and things he didn’t want to risk getting broken during the drive. Oh, and a pillow; he couldn’t leave that behind. Toiletries were zipped in his backpack with the brownies and medical folder. He thought he did pretty well condensing his belongings.

His parents entered his room and held in a breath to refrain from getting too emotional about how the room would soon be empty. Between the three of them, the car was loaded in three trips up and down the stairs.

Makoto reached into his pocket and opened his phone to see he had no new messages. “Haru hasn’t answered my message. I’m going to head over there and make sure he’s out of the bath. I’ve got to bring him down here to say bye to the twins, too.”

“And then I’ll follow you both back up to his place for his stuff,” his father confirmed.

“Yeah. I’ll be back!” he called behind him and jogged towards the steps that lead up to his best friend’s. Morning light seeped between the houses on the hill, painting the stretch of steps in gold. This would be the last he would walk up these steps.

Not bothering with the front door, he rounded to the back and opened the door to the bathroom. Haru was not in it as he thought he’d be, though the moisture in the air indicated he had been not that long ago. “Haru?”

He walked down the hall and stuck his head in the kitchen. Still, no Haru. Not even cooking one last meal of mack- huh, the fishy after smell lingered, the kitchen cleaned and packed away. “Haru?” he called again and walked into the dinner room, maybe he was still eating at the table.

Haru was not at the table, but in the far corner, kneeling in front of his grandmother’s altar.

“O-oh… sorry.”

Haru turned his head, not quite startled, as he’s sure he heard him come in. He shifted to the side a little, patting the tatami.   _Join me_.

Makoto padded over to him and took to his knees and bowed his head to Grandmother Nanase. “Have you told her about us?”

“She’s known for a while. She’s watched us.”

He laughed in his throat. “That’s true. We can bring her with us?” What did happen with family altars if there was a move involved?

“She belongs here with the house. I don’t think we’d have a good place to put her.” At the slight frown on Makoto’s face, Haru took his hand that rested in his lap.“It’s okay.”

Grandmother Nanase was so important to Haru, leaving her behind felt so sad, but maybe his parents wanted her to always be part of the house. Haru wouldn’t deny them that. A familiar _ding_ sounded in the gentle breeze. Makoto turned to the source - a dolphin and shell windchime on the back porch - “That was a gift from her, wasn’t it?”

Blue brightened at the realization. A gentle smile and a nod of understanding followed.

Makoto got to his feet and walked to the porch and reached to detach it from its hook with ease and care. The delicate metal clinked together. “We have a porch; this’ll be perfect there. Oh, I have a small box that I’m taking in the car with special things. I’ll put it in there.”

The smile hadn’t left yet. Haru really was grateful that Makoto remembered the last present she gave.

“Do you have everything packed?”

Haru inclined his head to the four stacked boxes in the kitchen. “Tableware, cups and pans. Bringing the rice cooker and toaster - less things to rent. My clothes are upstairs. It’s not much.”

“You always have been a light packer.” It was enough to make Makoto a little self-conscious. He was quite proud of how little he managed for their university life. “Should we bring your stuff downstairs?”

Haru nodded and stood up and lead the way. As he said, it wasn’t much: three medium size boxes, a large suitcase and shoulder bag.

Makoto stopped himself from asking about Haru’s last soak in his accommodating bath, thinking maybe that would negate the composure he held this morning. He didn’t seem to be putting on a face, as if trying to conceal homesickness or second guessing the road of a life choice ahead. More calm like he’d already made peace with leaving this place behind. He couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips as they moved the boxes from the kitchen closer to the doorway. Whatever happened in Australia had helped Haru be able to face change and that was courage enough for him to try and do the same.

That was one thing that _wouldn’t_ change.

“Are Ren and Ran awake?” Haru asked, looking up at his boyfriend.

“Mom should be waking them up, now. Want to go, now?”

“Yeah.”

Simultaneously they took the other’s hand and walked down and over back to Makoto’s house. The van’s trunk had been closed, though the front door was propped open in preparation for the futon.

Like Haru Senses to rival that of Makoto’s, the twins are at the door to meet them, still in pajamas, immediately attaching themselves to Haru’s legs. “Haru-chan!” 

“At least let him in the entryway, you guys,” Makoto gently scolded.

Their limbs loosened enough for Haru to shuffle inside.

While Haru convinced them to let go so he could be at eye level, Makoto helped his father haul the futon to the car and attach it with rope and tarp. When they walked back up the driveway, Makoto saw Ran kiss Haru’s pale cheeks. Smiling, mildly startled, Haru he kissed the top of her head, and then did the same to Ren as he was pouting at the lack of attention. Makoto would keep the tender moment to himself unless there was an opportunity to bring it up in case his boyfriend viewed it as too private. Even so, the scene welled his eyes.

He waited a few more seconds before approaching to lessen suspicions.

“Talk to us with Brother when he calls on the computer, okay?” Ren asked, rubbing at forming tears.

“I will,” Haru answered with a nod.

They cheered like they had just heard the greatest news of their lives. 

“We’ll try for once a week,” Makoto answered, leaning on the wall above them.

Another cheer and they jumped over to their brother, eyes pleading, “Promise?”

“Promise to try. We have to see how good our internet is. Hey, you two, I have something for you.” The gift from last night left Makoto feeling a little guilty for not having something for his siblings and as he moved around that morning, he saw the goldfish Haru had won for him at the Obon Festival, still alive and swimming in their bowl on the hall table. During packing he had wondered if they would be okay on the long car ride, but fish were such delicate creatures, he didn’t want to risk it.

Delighted and curious, Ren and Ran followed him into the back hall next to the bowl.

“I want you to take care of Mackerel and them. Can you do that for me?” The moment he brought them home the twins had been excited and he had taught them how to feed them and clean their bowl when it was time. The responsibility had formed a new kind of love for the fish.

They looked up with him, eyes wide. “Really?”

“You’re big kids now and I know you can handle it.” He looked to Haru behind them, searching for a protest he knew he wouldn’t find. Though a gift from him, he too felt that leaving the fish at home with the family they would still be treasured.

“Thank you, Brother! We’ll do our best! And, and, and send you pictures!”

“We’d like that. Right, Haru?”

He nodded with a hum.

“Good morning, Haruka-chan,” Makoto’s mother greeted, drying her hands in a towel. “Did you have breakfast?”

“Morning. My usual.”

“I should have guessed. I’ll box up what’s left and you can have it tomorrow. Making a meal the morning after you’ve just moved in is hard to do.”

Clearly she spoke from experience and they decided to take her word for it.

Before disappearing back into the kitchen, Makoto watched his mother smile at Haru and let it linger for a moment and then quickly glanced at him and went inside.

Haru looked to Makoto for an answer of what that was about. _Does she…?_

_ They know. _

Every line of his love’s face softened in relief as he shifted closer to him and took his hand, fingers entwining. _I thought your good mood was for more than us leaving today._

Giggles surfaced, bringing the pair from their world and back to the present. Instinctively their hands parted and the twins were already fleeing down the hallway.

“I didn’t tell them, though,” Makoto said, mildly guilty.

“All the years we’ve played house, I think they’ve been encouraging this for a while.”

“... I never thought of it like that!” And now that he saw Ran kissing Haru’s cheek so sweetly, automatically he thought she was brave and mature.

Mrs. Tachibana emerged from the kitchen with a plastic container of a natto omelette and a separate container of her homemade miso. Makoto took them from her hands with a lick of his lips, telling Haru that it was really good and they’ll definitely enjoy it tomorrow.

“Now, Haruka-chan…”

Haru gave her lowered voice his full attention.

“Makoto is usually good about eating healthy, but we both know he has a bit of a sweet tooth.”

“A bit?” Haru asked, playfully towards Makoto.

“Hey! I’m responsible,” Makoto, defended. “I had to be…”

They smiled knowingly at him. He was too easy to tease.

Mrs. Tachibana held up what was in her other hand; a small, spiral bound notebook. “I wrote down some of Makoto’s favorites in here - dinner and dessert. And some of the ones I think you’ve liked. There’s also a lot of blank pages to write down your own. Just a little housewarming gift.”

Haru stared at her. In those silent moments, Makoto could see her stutter to apologize for its insignificance in use or value. He also understood that Haru was truly touched by the gift and absorbing her intentions, processing a response.

“Thank you, Mom.”

They were the words Makoto wanted to express, though it was not his mouth that uttered them.

Realizing what he said, Haru looked away, sheepishly, and muttered “Thank you, Auntie,” to correct himself.

She took a step and wrapped her arms around him and Makoto couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. Maybe she had fallen under the false pretense that Haru didn’t like physical contact (well, he disliked it from people he didn’t feel close with), or she didn’t feel it was her place to embrace him as her own like that. With how relieved he looked at the Tachibanas being aware of their relationship, the slip of the tongue may have been more conscious than the surface presented. Haru looked past her at Makoto and, yes, this was all true.

“You can call me what you’d like, Haruka-chan.”

This was starting to resemble a parent’s blessing for a marriage and Makoto was unsure if he should be pleased or uncomfortable about it. Moving in together was a big relationship step? Was she really that happy for them?

“Are you boys ready to get going?” Mr. Tachibana called from the front door.

“I was giving them one last--Oh! No, there is one last thing.” She broke from Haru and walked across the wood floor and up the stairs. She returned moments later with a photo in hand. “This is, for me, I can send you a copy if you’d like, but, I wanted to show you.” Flipping the photo revealed two infants lying in a nest of blankets and plush toys. They laid on their backs side-by-side, heads tilting towards each other, stubby hands overlapping. Back then, Haru’s five-month seniority really showed. “I was going through some old photos while Makoto has been packing and I found this one. You often fell asleep like this when you were together for playdates.”

The longer Makoto looked at the photograph, the easier it became to insert himself in that moment. It was near impossible for him to actually recall anything at that age, but he imagined himself tiny and immobile say for fingers reaching for his special someone. They had always been like this.

“I was thinking of framing it and putting it up with the family photos. Oh, if you two are fine with that.”

Visitors to the house likely wouldn’t read too much into why _exactly_ she decided to put a baby picture with a childhood friend up amongst years of family portraits and snapshots. Again, he felt like the last few minutes was an approval for Haru’s hand or vica versa! It wasn’t a bad feeling, really. They hadn’t discussed marriage and Makoto didn’t want to get ahead of himself or anything…

“I’d like a copy,” Haru said.

Mrs. Tachibana nodded. “I’ll mail it to you soon. Your first fun piece of mail.”

And probably the first picture that would go up on their own wall.

Ren and Ran came plodding back to where they left Makoto and Haru, their father herding them. They stood between the older boy’s legs, taking a leg each. “Are you leaving, now?”

“We have a long drive, so we do need to get going,” their father said, just short of an apology.

Makoto gathered his brother and sister in an arm each and they clung to him, snuggling into his shoulder. “Be good for Mom and Dad. You’re big kids now, you’ve gotta look after them and the house, okay?”

The passed responsibility lessened their frowns to some degree. “We’ll do our best.”

Haru patted their heads and they leaned into the touch, though not enough to break contact with their older brother.

Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana outstretched their arms, catching Haru, to bring them all in for a large hug.

“Take care of each other,” his mother said through silent tears. “We’re only a phone call away.”

The young adults nodded and the family remained that way until their father’s watch chimed the hour. Mrs. Tachibana unhinged the children, sent them upstairs, and followed the men outside.

Makoto opened the car door and searched for his open box of fragile items and placed the wind chime and recipe book inside and the leftover breakfast in the passenger’s seat. When he finished his task, his mother was talking to Haru in a hushed voice. He took a step back, so not to invade the privacy of their conversation.

“Don’t worry about it,” his father said, rounding the other side of the vehicle, polishing his glasses on his shirt. “I’m sure she’s giving him instructions on how to take care of you.”

Makoto leaned against the van. “He’s done a good job thus far!”

“‘Enhanced’ instructions. Let him take care of you so your mother can sleep better at night, alright?”

He wanted to tell his father, all of them, that he wasn’t an invalid and was still capable of basic functioning, then figured it would be futile. The concern was appreciated, regardless. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy Haru doting on him, as it was incredibly cute and endearing. “I will.”

Haru and his mother finished their conversation and walked towards them. Mrs. Tachibana’s eyes were red and tears stained her cheeks and looked like she could keep going with the slightest provocation. Haru looked to Makoto and then to his mother, consolingly.

_ Go to her. _

Makoto met her halfway in a hug, bending his knees for her head to reach his shoulders and he could fully encompass her.

“I’m sorry… I tried not to cry,” she said against him, tears staining his shirt.

“It’s okay,” Makoto soothed, patting her back. He couldn’t blame her and hoped he wouldn’t start.

“We’re so proud of you, Makoto. You’ll do great things in Tokyo. Life will be hard, and it’s okay to stop and rest. Don’t push yourself.” He could hear ‘especially now’ tagged at the end of her phrase, but understood why she didn’t say them. She already got done talking about it with Haru, no need to bring it up with the one it affected. “Mind Haru. I can’t be there, so he’ll be your mother for me.”

“I will,” he croaked. “Thanks, Mom. Again. For everything. I love you.”

Her lips pressed into whatever was closest - neck, jaw, chin - until eventually she reached his cheek on tiptoes. “I love you, too. Please be safe and look after each other.”

“Okay.” Gently Makoto pried her from himself and kissed her wet cheek. “I’ll call you when we get there?”

She nodded her head and dabbed at her eyes and shifted into her husband’s arms, no more words to say.

“I’ll get them there safely, Emiko, and I’ll be home tomorrow.”

Another nod and sniff and the men got in the car, Haru and Makoto sitting on the backseat, and drove up the hill to Haru’s house. Between the three of them, Haru’s luggage was taken care of in one go. After some rearranging of what was in the vehicle already, all fit snug.

Makoto stood with Haru on the front doorstep, watching him lock up all the doors, and if he was having a hard time letting go of his home, he was doing a good job hiding it from him. Haru pocketed his keys and only looked back to make sure Makoto was following after.

  
  


Makoto handed his semester schedule to Haru, watching his face shift in varying degrees of contemplation. After a few moments of analyzing the contents of the time table, Haru handed it back, eyes narrowed.

“You can’t have an 8am class.”

“W-what? Why?”

“It’ll take too long to get there first thing and you are not a morning person. Change it.”

“But that’s the only time that class is available! I need it for my degree. It’s only Tuesdays and Thursdays...”

“You also have too many credit hours. You need more rest, Makoto.”

“Daaaad,” he whined towards his father in the driver’s seat, “Haru is being unreasonable.”

He briefly lifted his hands from the steering wheel in surrender. “Sorry, Son, I’m not getting involved in a lover’s quarrel.”

Haru crossed his arms, satisfied. Had his parents really given Haru permission to dictate his daily life and trusted whatever Haru decided?

He pursed his lips at his schedule, annoyed at his lack of agency. Maybe it was a little busy... “I don’t want to be going to school forever, is all… Can we at least see how it goes for the first week?”

“That’s fair.”

Satisfied with the answer, Makoto smiled and rested his head on Haru’s shoulder to watch the passing of the ocean along the coast highway they traveled.

 

By late afternoon they were weaving through the narrow streets of Tokyo suburbs. The Tachibana’s van pulled up to their corner apartment and popped the trunk, their new landlord coming out to greet them. One by one they grabbed boxes and carried them up the stairs and into their unit and stacked neatly in the far corner of the living space. The futon leaned on the opposite wall until items were more put in place.

Mr. Tachibana wiped sweat from his brow. “You were going to rent some furniture, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Makoto huffed, supporting himself on the kitchen counter. “We were thinking about worrying about it tomorrow. Going over to some second hand stores, probably.”

“I’ve got the van now. It’d be a shame for you to have to pay for movers.”

“We couldn’t put you out anymore than we have!”

His father gave him a stern look through his lenses. “Makoto. It’s not bother at all. There’s no reason for you pay extra. I’m here now.”

Looking towards Haru, he showed no opposition to the help and Makoto gave in.

They returned three hours later with a rented couch and low table and a secondhand shelving unit and television stand for the television that Makoto brought from his old room. With all the furniture they’d need, and Mr. Tachibana still present, they arranged the furniture and moved the boxes on top or around until they could be unpacked.

“Thanks for bringing us, Dad,” Makoto said, embracing him on their porch in parting. “Thanks for helping us unload and stuff, too. We really appreciate it.”

Haru nodded and made an affirming sound behind him.

“Happy to do it. I’ll be heading out in the morning, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. I’ll come back if I need to.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that! You’ve done so much, already. I can’t keep you from Mom longer, either.”

He shrugged and adjusted his glasses. “Your mother would rather you be well and taken care of than have me home sooner.”

Makoto couldn’t argue that. “I think we’re good here. I hope you can find a decent hotel tonight.”

“I’ll find something. Now boys,” his tone took on the fatherly tone Makoto had heard numerous times throughout his life and always transported him back to younger years upon his knee. “While I keep saying we are only a phone call away, you’re both adults now and it’s more important for you to rely on each other and work things out the best you can. Be smart. Please be mindful of your condition: I don’t want scary phone calls.”

“I’ll be strict,” Haru said.

“I’ve no doubts on your part. It’s my son here that worries me.”

“Nobody trusts me…” Makoto whined, slouching his shoulders.

“You’ve been good, lately, I’ll give you that,” his father laughed and gave his limp shoulder a squeeze. “One last thing: Even though you’re both men, you should-” he cleared his throat, “Uh, be careful and practice safely, okay?”

For a few seconds, Makoto wasn’t sure what he was getting at and was about to thank him anyway, and then his face colored crimson in mortification. “D-Dad!”

His father looked away, his own cheeks pinking. “I had a friend back in college, he often gave me some unsolicited advice.”

Makoto turned to his boyfriend, wishing Haru would feel violated over private matters that hadn’t been discussed between them so not to be alone in his embarrassment, but found him unfazed and looking curiously towards his father as if awaiting to hear more details of this friend and if brands were suggested.

In his son’s favor, he offered no such further information. “Well, Haru seems he has already put some thought into it,” Mr. Tachibana breathed after Makoto hid his face behind his hands. He reached into his pocket for his wallet, removed a bank note, took his son’s hands and closed his fingers around it. “I lied - one more last thing. Here: Your first grocery trip together.”

Unhinging his fingers, slightly, Makoto discovered it to be a ten thousand yen bill. “I can’t take this!” At his father’s insistent eyes, he settled, though continued to stare at his hands in disbelief.

“Thank you,” Haru said, speaking for his love’s lost voice.

Mr. Tachibana stepped in to to his son and motioned for Haru to step closer so to embrace them both to the best his arm span would allow. A few tears and goodbyes later, the boys stood on the porch of their new home and watched their father drive away.

 

“I think we put the sheets on the wrong way,” Makoto yawned and nudged his heel down to feel the mattress texture instead of sheet.

Haru regarded the haphazard job with a blink and then laid his head right back onto Makoto’s chest.

“You’re right; it doesn’t matter. We barely were able to pull them on to begin with. At least the sheets match?”

Their futon was placed against the farthest wall of the apartment under a window where street lights trickled in through the blinds and painted colors across to the kitchen wall. Sofa and television were perpendicular on opposite walls and centered with the table, all of which were few steps away from their bed until they could finish unpacking.

“It’ll start feeling like home tomorrow. Oh, I mean, _look_ like home. I’m always home right here,” Makoto said, carding his fingers through Haru’s hair.

He felt the upturn of Haru’s lips and heating of his cheek against the exposed neckline of his shirt.

“My parents won’t be expecting me to come home.” He paused at the emotional peak his voice caught on. “We’ll get to end everyday with each other and begin the next. I’ll wake up in the morning and you’ll be right here next to me.” It was then that Haru shifted so his head was upright for Makoto to caress his cheek and draw him in for a kiss, homesickness halting.

Soft and gentle they continued touching their lips against one another, too tired to deepen, unwilling to part from their reverie. They hadn’t kissed all day, clearly it needed to be rectified.

Each kiss was an affirmation: Yes, this was the start of the rest of their lives and they couldn’t ask for anything more.


	20. Slow it Down for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First morning in Tokyo. First day of School.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also featuring Sexy Shower Time. NSFW.
> 
> These Tokyo chapters will all be very slice-of-lifey. I'm not saying they are boring (my beautiful headcanons are here, okay?) just very light on plot for a bit :)

Makoto opened his eyes to an empty bedside. Odd, he could have sworn Haru was there a few minutes ago and they were discussing a morning walk…

Oh, he’d fallen back asleep.

He strained his ears across their small, boxes disheveled every which way, apartment and did not hear mackerel grilling--on second thought, they didn’t have any, obtaining some was to be part of the walk - or water running. _He must have gone on that walk alone. How long was I…_ he reached for his wristwatch and realized it didn’t matter all that much as he wasn’t sure of the time the first he woke up. The hands told him it was nearly 10:30am and he could only imagine how impatient his early-rising boyfriend was.

With an ungraceful yawn and crack of his back, Makoto disassembled himself from the futon. One step had him stubbing his toe on a box of clothes. Today they’d make more headway in unpacking and placing things into order, and he was certain the disarray was an eyesore to someone as tidy as Haru. Carefully he maneuvered around full, and partially full boxes and packing peanuts down the hall to the bathroom.

The bath tub was still wet from Haru’s morning soak. Makoto decided to take a shower so he’d be ready for more unpacking and miscellaneous errands to run upon Haru’s return. He kicked off his pajama pants and boxers and tossed aside his shirt and took a moment to fiddle with their new faucet to change to the shower function. Once he stood up to his full height, he became aware of the need to attach the fixture a few inches higher for washing himself more comfortably and settled for bending his knees, slightly.

It wasn’t too long before he heard the front door open and the click of the lock follow.

“Good morning, Haru!” Makoto called. He’d purposefully left the bathroom door ajar so he’d know the arrival of his companion.

The door creaked slightly as Haru poked his head inside and offered a “Morning” and stepped into the kitchen with a rustle of plastic bags in his wake.

“Did you go out for mackerel? We still have the breakfast Mom sent with us.”

“Yeah,” the simple reply to both statements came from the other side of the curtain.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”

“We worked hard yesterday - you needed more rest.”

“I guess. Just… don’t let me make a habit out of rolling over and passing out like that.”

“Only for days when we don’t have to be up for anything.” The shower curtain was then pulled back and Haru stepped over the rim, understandably in the nude, joined Makoto.

The rational side of Makoto’s brain wanted to point out that his boyfriend had bathed earlier that morning and that having a second, and will likely be soaking later that evening for a third, was unnecessary. But this was Haru, and telling him he was hydrating too much would be a lost cause. Odd, though not unwelcome. He offered a smile as he brushed back his damp, falling bangs, “Hey.”

Haru’s eyes widened much in the way they normally did when there was the prospect of swimming. His eyes then browsed from his love’s face to his toes, eyes then narrowing slightly and suddenly Makoto found himself fidgeting self-consciously under that gaze. As he drew closer, hands coming to lay on his broad chest, causing him to still, gaze shifting into… something else. Curiosity? “H-Haru?”

He didn’t respond. Verbally, anyway. His fingers pressed into his skin, disrupting the water’s path. For a moment he removed his hand to let the rivulets run freely, then returned and began to travel downwards to his abs.

Fascination? No, it was more than that. It was as if he was realizing something, something he should have seen before and was now very much revelling in this revelation and kicking himself for not recognizing it. Yes, that was this expression. What exactly he realized was the next question.

This exploration continued in silence, sans the running shower pounding their bodies, curtain and porcelain tub. Haru’s fingers traced the muscles of his upper extremities, watching the water run from his shoulders and follow the path of his clavicle to his pectorals and drip off points of his body or travel further into his abs and rib cage and somehow manage to watch the final descent to his feet.

They showered after practice everyday. Sure, Makoto was shier about stripping completely in front of everyone and usually washed his torso and quickly slipped out of his swimsuit for a brief rinse elsewhere. Would it make that much of-- Oh. That was it. During practice and cleanup, Haru was usually too absorbed in his own thoughts of water adoration and lamenting the ending of their time together, it was possible seeing Makoto like this was new. But they bathed together, started off in their swimsuits, and, not that long ago, started to naked.

Haru peered at him through dark lashes, droplets falling and not quite falling, the examination returning higher and he let their gazes hold. The intensity changed once more: full-out water wonder mixed with the look that only Makoto came to know as ‘I love you.’ Hands left his body in favor of his hair and combed the brown strands back from his face, the blue but small slivers against his pupils as he did.

Makoto swallowed a breath of anticipation as he processed this fresh emotion being projected: ‘I want you’.

Raising himself from his heels, the smaller boy closed the gap between them with a kiss, searing and wet. His tongue probed and was granted entrance and they joined in dance until Haru softly retreated, another kiss to the mouth, and then moved to his jaw and down to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, the place they both knew he was incredibly weak against. The falling water created a different traction on his skin and Haru took to sucking and nibbling on Makoto, taking in both his taste and the moisture, leaving claiming marks.

At first it seemed unintentional, acting on instinct, and then with another roll of Haru’s hips it felt more experimental, and both times the obvious hardness had not gone unnoticed. A third time for permission. A fourth time Makoto met Haru’s thrust halfway, inviting the friction. By the fifth they were moving in tandem, Makoto taking hold of Haru’s hips for leverage to accommodate their height difference.

It had been through clothing the few times they tried, usually lying down. Standing and flesh against flesh was incredible. Makoto hoped that their bathroom was more insulated than their reverberated reactions were indicating. He marveled at how quiet Haru was, only emitting gasps and sharp intakes of breath, unlike his embarrassing low moans and whines, though they both quivered at the pressure, pleasure and emanating heat.

Through the grind, Haru’s mouth didn’t leave Makoto’s _anything_ for more than a half second to breathe. Anywhere he could reach he ravished Makoto’s neck, shoulders and chest. Needless to admit, Makoto didn’t mind, but, it certainly made reciprocating harder.  

Though the furnace burning in his lower regions told his brain that this was groundbreaking in a relationship and erotic, and maybe there should have been something more grandiose like he wanted to believe should accompany such firsts, his heart, physically fierce and pounding, conveyed that this was as natural as holding Haru’s hand. Natural was not discounting the simplicity in any way as Makoto would never cease extending his hand for Haru to take and Haru would never reject if he were to reach for his - an unspoken promise. Intimate and unconditional. New, but unchanged. Like every other step they had taken on their journey with one another.

A spike in their breaths and a contraction of their muscles signaled their approaching climax.

Haru was first, head drawing away with an arch, eyes closed and lips parted in absolute bliss and contentment and that expression alone could have set Makoto off from the start. He followed soon after. Catching their breaths, knees trembling, they simultaneously reached between and finished the other off.

Holding out his free hand, Makoto brushed Haru’s hair aside to kiss his forehead. “You’re so beautiful, Haru,” he huffed.

The words came often in their quiet moments, though never lost their luster and effect on Haru. His already pink cheeks seemed to deepen at the compliment.

“Oh, Haru…” Makoto’s eyes came to small, crescent indents, budding red on Haru’s fair skin. He bit his lips, and clenched his fists in self-punishment at his own strength. “I’m so sorry! Does it hurt? You could bruise!”

Owlishly, Haru regarded the blemishes, and then eyed what he’d created on Makoto with satisfaction. “We’re even. Are you…. okay?”

For a second he thought he was referring to the hickeys, but then noticed how he watched the rise and fall of his chest. “Yeah, I think so. Tired, mostly. Really, Haru.” He took a step to reach for the soap when suddenly the room tilted sideways.

Haru caught him before he could hit the wall and tugged for him to comply to sit on the tub floor, and then shut off the shower head and changed to the tub faucet instead.

“Haru, I’m fine! It was probably because it’s so hot in here I got dizzy? Remember that school trip at the hot-”

A stern look told him Haru wasn’t buying it and it was in his best interest to stay put.

He sighed and leaned against the slanted end of the tub while Haru padded out of the room, water footprints following in his wake, and returned shortly with the familiar pill bottle and a glass of water.

Makoto took the water and let the cool liquid work its way through his heated body, though waited on his medication.

Kneeling on the floor, Haru pillowed his head in his arms and studied him and didn’t speak until the water was at Makoto’s waist, eyes softening into guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“For that, um, moment? Don’t take it back; it was nice.”

“Not if it’s going to hurt you.”

“Remember how it took a while for me to get used to kissing for extended amounts of time? I’m sure this’ll work the same way and the initial excitement I feel will calm down and I’ll get used to it, too. Oh, but I’m always excited around you, that’s never going to change, but-”

The frown deepened and he turned his head in an attempt to hide how upset he was.

Makoto held out his hand, the fingertips brushing his love’s arm. “I want this with you and more, Haru.”

Eyes returning to him, he considered the invitation, took it, and then wedged and settled himself in Makoto’s lap, legs wrapped at his waist and arms about his neck.

“I’m okay.” Often he had to refrain from telling Haru he worried too much, as it seemed his boyfriend was more terrified by his attacks than he was. The quiet boy felt so deeply, Makoto would never make slight of his compassion. He brushed his fingers over the nubs of Haru’s spine. “You surprised me, though; you’ve never done something like that before.”

Haru removed his head away from his neck to briefly look at him, flush and turn his gaze to the side in a pout. There was consideration in his eyes to reveal the reason for his actions before quickly retreating into embarrassment.

With some prodding, Makoto knew he could get a concrete answer, eventually, but then decided best that he’d be taking his showers a little more cautiously from now on and let Haru keep his little kinky secret.

 

After warming up Mrs. Tachibana’s leftovers and a helping of fresh mackerel, the pair left their apartment to explore their neighborhood and shop for their first week of groceries together.

Haru pointed to the roadside stall that sold him the mackerel around the corner and admitted it was adequate and assumed the seller must fish on the weekends and store his haul until all stock is sold. Growing up in a port town, Makoto could tell the difference between daily catches, but couldn’t complain over convenience. Their apartment being on top of a 7-Eleven would also come in handy for a quick snack and drink late at night as well. The local grocer was much closer than either of them had  anticipated, being a five minute walk north-east. They grabbed a cart and set out for the essentials.

If Haru hadn’t been with him, Makoto was certain he would have spent thrice as long walking down various aisles trying to locate intended purchases and then price comparing by brands. He’d been so used to his mother giving instructions for very specifics, now having a choice, or rather, letting Haru make the decision was a change. As Haru would be the one doing the majority of the cooking, clearly his say was best. The taller boy made himself the most useful by reaching for items on the highest shelves. Though they had been conscious of their spending, they were surprised they managed to only spend half of the money Mr. Tachibana had given them.

Makoto reached into a shopping bag slung on his elbows in search of a popsicle. Wordlessly he unwrapped it and broke it in half and handed the soda-flavored treat to his boyfriend.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay taking me to school? You’ll be that much later…” Makoto slung his backpack over his shoulders and held the straps.

“My first class isn’t until ten. I want to make sure you don’t get lost,” Haru held onto the wall for support to slip on his shoe. “And to remind myself where I need to go if I need to pick you up.”

Arguing with Haru would only result in circles, so Makoto relented with a smile. Haru was doing his duty and taking care of him like he promised, even over something as simple as riding a rail on one line. The walk shouldn’t be too bad from the station from what he remembered of their visit.

“Makoto.”

His voice brought him out of his thoughts.

“I want to take you. It’s not a bother. Just for today.”

He reached for his hand to entwine their fingers. “Okay. I won’t see you until almost evening, so, any spare minute with you is good,” Makoto added with a smile to lighten his feelings of burden.

Haru returned with one of his small smiles and shouldered his own bag and opened the door for them to leave together. Once rounding their building, the station was in plain sight.

They boarded the train and squeezed their way inside the crowds of students both university and High School intermingled with adults of the working world. Makoto grabbed a high support and steadied Haru by pressing a hand to his back as the train lurched forward. The sights of their morning commute whizzed passed them in blurs. At each stop, Makoto held on to Haru so he wouldn’t fall and made way for the oncoming traffic in preparation for his stop.

“The next one should be yours: Hanakoganei Station,” Haru said, standing on his toes to talk softly into his ear, so not to disturb the other passengers on board in their tired hazes. “Did you want to take the bus or walk the rest of the way?”

Makoto angled himself to see his face. “You were going to come with me all the way?”

“I have to get off to take the returning train, anyway.”

“Oh, then, the bus. I don’t want you to be late.”

Haru’s lip jutted forward an annoyed, though relenting, pout. There really wouldn’t be enough time for him to walk to and back to the station and still travel over an hour by train to get to his classes.

The train came to a stop and they ran to the bus port as the bus bound for the university pulled up. Makoto took an end seat and Haru stood next to him, closely. If Makoto didn’t know any better, he’d say Haru was positioning himself to land in his lap at a sharp turn if given the chance. Several stops later they herded out of the bus with the bus full of students.

It was obvious where to go from here as all the students walked in the same direction.

“Thanks for escorting me, Haru. I should be able to get home later. The bus won’t lead me astray and the rail line doesn’t require any transfers.” He motioned to reach to reach for his hand, then retracted it. They were in public, they shouldn’t be-

Haru ignored the hesitation and took his hands and gave it a squeeze. _It’s okay. I don’t mind who sees._

He couldn’t help the panic that arose in his chest despite his words. All students from the bus were too far away to pay them any mind, but someone across the street or the homes from their windows possibly could. Guilt and embarrassment formed. Why couldn’t he not care what others thought?

Warmth started to leave his hands and in the last moment he hinged his fingers closed in desperation. I’m sorry. _I’m sorry. I’m not ashamed of you, I just…_

_I know._ Haru’s thumb caressed his knuckles and pulled away, still. Of course he knew and understood, how could he ever think he didn’t? If only he were as bold as his boyfriend. “I’ll see you when you get home,” Haru said with a soft smile.

“Yeah. I should be back around five. Have a good day!”

“You too.”

As they both turned to walk their separate ways, Makoto suddenly felt… off. Bare like he’d forgotten something. Years had conditioned him for that presence and now that it was gone, even though he knew it would be like this, it struck him: This was the first time he’d be going through a school day without Haru by his side.

 

Halfway through his Intro to Early Childhood Education, he turned to his left to ask Haru if he remembered the first teacher they had in grade school, as his professor seemed to have a love for bright dresses, only to realize a girl was at his side. It was so natural to confide in his childhood friend, he was jarred into reality once more. Luckily the girl didn’t notice his abrupt attentions.

He wondered how Haru was doing. It was nearly noon, and from what he’d remembered from Haru’s schedule, he’d be on break for a bit. Looking around, it seemed texting was okay in class as long as they weren’t excess. Reaching into his pocket for his phone, he flipped open the cover and opened the last conversation he had with Haru which was the night before they left for Tokyo a week ago.

[Goodnight] it read.

[How are your classes so far? =^.^=] Makoto typed and pocketed his phone. If he got the message out ahead of time, Haru would probably respond on his break if he felt like taking out his phone.

He didn’t expect his phone to vibrate minutes later. Was Haru actively carrying his phone?

[Boring.] was the response.

Quietly Makoto guffed at that. Such a typical response. [Still? College is supposed to be BETTER]

[lies. No windows]

Gazing out the window at class time was Haru’s habit and hearing he didn’t have that now made him frown. [Surely all your classes won’t be like that.]

[I get to see the pool the team uses today.]

[Oh? I bet you’ll enjoy that ^-^]

[… yes.]

[I was surprised to see you answer so quickly!]

[need to be better about keeping phone on. make sure you’re okay.]

His stomach fluttered at his love’s thoughtfulness and devotion. [ T~T Thank you, Haru, I’m doing fine; tired, but that’s nothing unusual. I was thinking about you was all ^.^ No emergency!]

[Good]

[I’ll leave you alone now. I don’t want my professor to think I’m a slacker on the first day.]

[You’re not, ever.]

[^-^v I’ll talk to you later. I love you.]

[I love you, too.]

As he contentedly slipped his phone into his pant pocket, a girl three rows ahead of him was reprimanded for texting in class. Good to know for the future.

 

Though Mondays was to be his fullest schedule (five classes with only thirty minutes between them), looking at the syllabus course work, the load had potential to be manageable. Tuesdays would be his 8am class and he was not looking forward to it. At least there’d be an hour break before his second class and that would be it for the day. Wednesdays were his day off. Thursdays he had classes back-to-back starting at 8am. And Friday he had one late afternoon class. He and Haru both had the same off day, but he would likely have swim practice. Everyday, actually. Maybe even on Saturdays. Getting used to not seeing Haru as often will be another adjustment to Tokyo life.

He folded up his semester time-table and zipped it in the pocket of his backpack and deboarded the bus to the station. Double checking the route, he deposited the proper yen for the fare and waited for the train to arrive. Seven minutes later the train approached the platform and he took a seat next to a group of what he assumed were foreigners. With a yawn, he leaned his head back against the window to rest his eyes for a few minutes.

 

“Next stop: Seibu-Shinjuku Station. Seibu-Shinjuku Station.”

Makoto opened his bleary eyes at the the women’s voice over the intercom. That didn’t sound familiar. Nor did the station outside the window. He jolted from his seat and rushed out of the train to catch his bearings. He’d fallen asleep and now he was somewhere he had no idea where!

_Haru’s going to be so mad at me! I can’t believe I fell asleep, he’s never going to let me go to school on my own again…_ Panic seized his chest in sharp stabs.

A detailed route map was posted on the entrance wall into the station and he sprinted to it, grimacing at his racing heart, looked it over, turning his head to the side if that somehow gave him a better view and understanding of it.

_Toritsu Kasei… Toritsu- that’s the station I need, right? I shouldn’t have switched lines, they would have kicked me off... I’m still on the Seibu-Shinjuku line?_ He traced a shaky finger over the colored lines and connected them. _Okay. I’m not far away. Ten minutes until the next train._

From within his pocket his phone vibrated and continued to do so, signalling that it was a call. It had to be Haru. Withdrawing his phone, he breathed out and hoped Haru wouldn’t be able to hear how freaked out he was. Before hitting the Accept button, he noticed he had a new voicemail and three unread texts. “Ha-”

“Where are you?” his voice cut through the receiver like ice.

Makoto could feel himself shrink in place. “I-I’m at Seibu-Shinjuku. Fifteen minutes by train. The-”

“Stay there; I’m coming for you.”

“Wait, Haru, no! I fell asleep…”

His tone softened from the restrained irritation. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It was a really long day. I’ll have to set a vibrating alarm on my phone if I’m going to make it a habit.”

“Do you know how to get home?”

“Next train departs in ten. I’ll be home within thirty minutes I think.”

“I’ll wait at the station for you.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon!”

Haru hung up his end without another word.

Guiltily, Makoto dragged his feet to a nearby bench to sit down, settle his heart, wait, and attend to his phone. He typed in his passcode and brought the phone to his ear: Haru had gotten home later than he thought and wondered where he was. One text was just before he got on the bus, complaining that he didn’t get to swim today and his coach was already giving them regimens. Another text came twenty minutes later wondering if Makoto had gotten on the train okay. The last was sent shortly after his phone call, figuring he’d be more likely to answer a text. If Makoto weren’t one to reply to messages so quickly, maybe Haru wouldn’t have been so upset over the phone, but he couldn’t blame him for the reaction. Touched and guilted by it at the same time.

His train came on time and he opted to stay standing to prevent from falling asleep (again) and considered maybe he’d need to do that often. As the train approached the platform he’d be exiting from, he saw Haru waiting beyond the fare gate.

Haru bridged the gap between them by grasping the front of Makoto’s shirt, holding him in place, studying him for warning signs, as well as softly reprimanding him for not being careful. Eventually his fingers uncurled, seemingly satisfied.

Makoto grabbed his hands before they pulled completely away and brought him close enough to kiss his forehead to further placate him. “I’m sorry, Haru. It won’t happen again.”


	21. I'm Gonna To Make This Place Your Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at the simple life they've made for themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short, but have some domestic fluff. Who doesn't want domestic fluffs?
> 
> Next week will be totes NSFW, though.

When all that remained were fishbones, dinner was cleared. Miso mackerel was a meal they had at least twice a week (that was all Haru was willing to compromise) and Makoto had become accustomed to it. Fish was good for his heart, the doctors told him, and Haru was more than happy to provide.

Makoto reached for his backpack by its place at the side of the couch and pulled it over to the table. Unzipping it, he found his books and the assignment wedged in its pages.  

Haru returned to the table while he was digging for his pencil and eraser and knelt next to him, eyes glancing over what homework was to be done for the evening - child development -  accusingly.

“I’lll try not to be long,” Makoto said, setting his findings on the table then leaning over to give his love a kiss. “Thank you for dinner.”

Haru offered a small smile, then stood and busied himself with cleaning in the kitchen.

“Oh, my glasses…” Makoto muttered and searched for the hard case in the bottomless pit of his backpack.

As if adorning lenses was some sort of signal, Haru came back to the table, took to a knee, waited for Makoto to turn, and kissed him. Longer this time.

“I promise, I promise.” With a curled finger, Makoto brushed Haru’s cheek.

Satisfied, Haru retreated again.

Communicating with children was a strength Makoto had thanks to his siblings, but having to put what he’d always known and felt into words and theories was a little exhausting.

A draft from behind caused him to pause. Gradually his shirt was brought to rest on his shoulders and tucked into his armpits.

“What are you doing, Haru?”

In response he received a series of kisses around his shoulder blades.

“H-hey.. I need to concentrate...”

“Then concentrate.”

“How can I when you’re…”

He felt his lips draw upward against his skin.

So that was his game? Rising to the challenge, Makoto turned back to the assignment in front of him. He knew how to deal with a _child_ who wanted _attention_.

Tepid and slightly moist, Haru’s mouth pressed on his back, ever so tenderly finding the spots that would cause Makoto to shiver.

Did Haru have any idea what he _did_ to him? Of course he did; that’s why he was doing it. He knew what _exactly_ what he was doing

Warm breaths escaped between breaks of the skin and cooled the moisture left behind.

It was getting harder to ignore. Not that he _wanted_ to ignore Haru, just be less distracted and get homework done at a reasonable hour. It’s not his fault that Haru had more merciful professors!

Five questions answered on the assignment.

In the quiet of their apartment that followed, the A/C unit kicking off, he could hear the small breaths emitting from his love - calm and controlled with the model swimmer lungs he bore. The light smacking sound of lips against the charm points… he wished the A/C would turn itself back on.

He shifted lower to the table to hold in the goosebumps, contracting his stomach.

Fifteen more questions answered. So close, he couldn’t break, yet!

_Not fair, Haru. Not fair._

Leaning forward made it easier for the kisses to travel lower. At a kiss in the small of his back, Makoto straightened, trying to keep focus on the page in front of him. Furiously he wrote his answers to the questions, keeping his whimpers intact.

Almost done… Four. Three. Two. One…

He dropped his pencil, wedged the page back into the text book, scooted around and was met by Haru’s waiting lips at the turn.

Makoto wrapped his arms around Haru and lowered him to the tatami mat. Haru couldn’t do much in this position, easily. With how he laid still say for his mouth to reciprocate the kisses, he didn’t at all mind.

“I win,” Haru deadpanned, hardly breathless, though his eyes brimmed with triumph.

“Yes, I know… What do you want as your prize?”

“I already got it.”

 

Blurred words were the first thing his tired eyes saw. His nose was shoved in the crevice of a textbook. By the ache in his back and pinches on his face from his glasses, he concluded he’d fallen asleep while studying. Awhile, at that. Makoto removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes and once his vision cleared, Haru was staring at him from the adjacent chair. Why was Haru-

Everything clicked into place: He was supposed to have gone to Haru’s swimming match after lectures this afternoon. There had been some time before he had to be there, so he’d headed over to the university library to do some research on a project for his sports medicine class and had conked out in the process.

“Haru… I’m-I’m so sorry-”

“Are you okay?” he plowed through Makoto’s apology and personal space. He looked as if he’d been coming down from a panic, out of breath and eyes wide. His ebony hair was windblown and not quite dry, still wearing his university jersey. Had he tried to wake him?

Makoto shrunk in his seat, sheepishly, “Yeah. I fell asleep is all. How was your match?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Haru said, laying his hands on shoulders, looking him over.

“O-of course it does. This wa-”

“It’s not important right now,” he repeated with finality.

Makoto shut his mouth and placed his hands over his boyfriend’s, understanding. “I’m okay. See?”

“You wouldn’t answer your phone,” Haru continued, softer, fingers clenching at his sleeve. _I was worried._

The offending phone blinked with all the missed calls and texts. He’d forgotten to unsilence it after class. Again. For a moment he feared Haru had skipped out on the match, but looking at the clock showed that had been at least two hours ago. How long had Haru searched for him? How /scared/ had he been before he woke up? “I’ll be more careful.” It was nearly habit to say, no less meaning it every time.

He hated how it always sounded like an empty promise as he continued to worry the love of his life.

Also in routine was Haru trying his best to not be mad. Makoto’s heart condition was something neither of them could control, and Haru was always stuck besides himself as to who or what to blame as being mad at Makoto didn’t solve anything. Upset was a better word, he corrected. Eventually Haru relaxed and released his hold. _Let’s go home._

Makoto stood with him and shoved his belongings in his backpack, grabbed the books he’d taken to put on the cart for re-shelving. They walked out side by side and once they were off campus and away from potential onlookers, linked hands to the station.

On his way to school the next day, Makoto picked up a local paper and flipped to the university sports page to see that Haru had lost in his participating events.

  


Makoto unlocked the door to their flat, backpack still on his back and a sack in his hand from the store containing a restock of toiletries.

“I’m home, Haru,” he called, slipping off his shoes, depositing them into the small compartment they had by the door and stepping in his house slippers. “I got the toothpaste and toilet paper.”

“Thanks. Sorry I couldn’t do it myself.”

“That’s okay, I don’t mind. You have that mid-term art history assignment to finish.”

Haru grunted in agreement and then unfolded his legs from underneath their table to meet Makoto halfway in their shoebox apartment to wrap his arms around his neck, hoisting himself into a kiss. In no time they’d grown accustomed to their small, shared space.

“I missed you today,” Makoto broke from his lips to trail a few kisses along his neck.

“Coach is making us run every morning. Didn’t get back in time before you left.”

“Curse Tuesdays, huh?”

He nudged the side of Makoto’s head, insistent that his attentions move elsewhere. A kiss to say ‘yes I hate Tuesdays, why must they exist?’

“How much longer you have on that?”

“Bath after dinner,” Haru said, answering the real question with disappointment. Which meant an hour or two before they could spend time together. Not a long while to wait, but it was always the wait and the pout on his love’s lips that he wished he had the ability to manipulate time. Haru was trying to be better about doing his school work before anything else under, and for that Makoto was proud.

“I’ll come sit with you after I put this bag away, okay?” He had to continue to encourage and reward Haru for doing something he hated so much.

“Okay,” Haru let his arms glide off his boyfriend’s shoulders and lowered to his heels and walked back to table.

Makoto peeled his heavy backpack off his back and set it by the couchside and walked to the bathroom. He opened the top drawer and took the toothpaste out of its box and chucked the container in the side bin. Getting to his knees onto the cold faux tile, he opened the sink cabinet and paused at a pair of colorful boxes. His mind immediately went to one of the last conversations he had with his father and felt his face flush.

“Haru?”

Rather than answering verbally, Haru got up and padded towards the bathroom. He joined him on the floor between he and the bathtub, expectantly.

“When did you get these?” Makoto gestured to the cabinet.

The blink that followed was meant to convey contemplation, but Makoto knew Haru better than that - he didn’t need to think about it. “A month ago.”

How had he not noticed them before? “Because of what my dad said?”

“I knew before he said something. I wanted to have them for when we were ready.”

“Oh.” He wasn’t sure why he was feeling so embarrassed about having condoms in his bathroom. It was certainly normal since they were moving in that direction. Did Haru buy them without saying because he was getting impatient? Or was it more on Makoto’s behalf to avoid awkwardness later? “There’s two sizes?”

“You won’t fit a regular. I thought you should try large,” he pointed out so matter-of-factly.

Makoto tried to contain the nervous laughter that bubbled. “I-I guess that’s true…” Did he really give that much thought to his size? He then imagined Haru examining boxes at the store and deciding with such assurance that ‘Yes, my boyfriend is bigger than me and he needs this’ and that brought on self-conscious thoughts of if Haru felt emasculated in anyway or felt apprehensive about pain-

“Makoto.”

He looked down at the hand being rubbed on his thigh and then into Haru’s eyes, trying to not feel like he was being reprimanded.

“You’re you. Everything about you is you - _Makoto_. And I love every part of you and I want to be loved by every part of you.”

Haru’s words gradually got more confident along the way. Knowing that he was still becoming  accustomed to voicing his affections, Makoto’s eyes misted over. “Haru…”

The smaller man used the hand on his thigh as leverage to push up to the taller’s ear, voice dropping low, “I want you inside me.”

There was no way to keep a straight face at that and Makoto could have sworn that his entire body went crimson and an involuntary whimper escaped between his lips he then bit down on.

Unfortunately for Makoto’s nerves, that prompted Haru further. “You’ll feel so good, filling me with your big di-”

“AH! No, no more!” Makoto put both his hands over Haru’s mouth to prevent more obscenities from emerging. How much had he thought about this?

Blue eyes rolled to the side in amusement and he breathed through his nose, sighing. _Fine, no dirty talk. Yet._

“I understand what you’re saying, though. And trying to make me feel better. I… I also want to be one with you.”

Now it was Haru’s turn to be bashful, cheeks warming under his hands that held his face.

“I want to, I’m just not sure if I _can_.”

Haru pulled at Makoto’s hands and then held them in his lap. “I’m not meaning to pressure you.”

His fingers curled into his palms and shook his head.“You’re not.”

 

Makoto closed his notes for the evening and tucked them in his backpack ready to turn them into his professor in the morning. He stretched his arms high and then crossed them behind his head and lowered onto his back.

“Do you need any help in there cleaning up?” Makoto asked, angling his head towards the kitchen.

“I’m fine,” Haru’s voice echoed from behind the wall. “Finished your homework?”

“I finished early, surprisingly.”

“I’m almost done in here, too.”

“Bath and bedtime?”

He didn’t need to see Haru to know he nodded and smiled.

A spiral-bound book peeked out of Haru’s shoulder bag that was leaning against the couch.

“Is this your sketchbook, Haru?”

The dark-haired boy stuck his head around the corner of the kitchen. “In my bag, yeah.”

“Do you mind if I look at it?”

“You’re welcome to.”

He reached over and unzipped enough to remove the sketchbook.

“Careful; there’s boobs in there.”

Makoto nearly dropped the book onto the table. “Haru! Don’t say it like that!”

“Like what?” Haru emerged from the kitchen, arms coming behind to untie his apron and hang it on the hook on the wall. “Boobs? Is breasts better?”

“You’re saying it so casually...” Makoto pulled the worn corner of the sketchbook open to the first page of shaded geometric shapes.

Haru sat next to him, a small smirking curl to his lips. “It’s only anatomy.”

“I know, I know, just… oh nevermind, I’m looking at your sketches!” The prickling embarrassment remained on his cheeks as he flipped through the pages. It was art, even Makoto knew that meant drawing men and women in various states of undress.

Between sketches, products of lead and charcoal variety, there seemed to be pages full of ‘doodles’ that Makoto imagined Haru did during the lecture portion. Some Iwatobi-chans, marine life, birds, shaded horizons transitioning to a body of water.

The class assignments came with more precision and delicacy in the pencil strokes. Fruit, jars, vases, flowers, drapes. Scribble-y lines in a vague human form – gesture sketches, if he remembered right from a class he took with Haru their first year in high school – followed by sketches of males and females clothed, topless or completely exposed in frontal, profile and posterior views. Lines hardened and softened to the light source, light cross-hatching, intentional smudging on the edges of the sketch to give it a stylized finalization.

“Amazing… You’re so incredible, Haru. Everything you draw looks so real and gives off a warm feeling.”

The artist made a pleased sound and scooted closer while Makoto continued to turn the pages, delicately.

He suddenly stopped with a small gasp of surprise three pages later. A figure was laying on a couch, one arm supporting their head and another thrown over their stomach. The shadowing on the furniture and walls made the lighting look to be at sunset, but something about the room was familiar… Upon further inspection of the figure’s sketchy-fringe, he finally realized what he was looking at. “You drew me sleeping?”

“Yeah.”

Another turn of the page showcased multiple sketches of Makoto in different angles, different clothing, in the futon, at the table, glasses on or off. Asleep. For the next three consecutive pages.

Haru shifted in the silence over bashfulness of his subject of choice or the fact he’d now been caught? “I like to draw you,” he said, eyes fixed on his work.

“I don’t mind, not at all. Wow, this shows how much I sleep. I’m sorry I’m not awake when you’re in the mood to draw. Oh jeez, I’m drooling in this one!” he stifled an embarrassed laugh with a hand.

“You’re very expressive.”

“Thank you? Wow…  you put a lot of detail in some of these. You didn’t need to be so secretive about drawing me. Oh, unless you think it’s better when it’s candid?”

“Usually is. Now you know my secret I’ve kept since we’ve moved here.”

“That long?”

“Someday I do want you to model for me, though.”

“Eh? M-me model? I don’t know, Haru…” Images of himself having drapery sensor himself from the viewer's perspective or being on full display in some attempt to look sultry came to his mind.

As if knowing the exact direction of his thoughts, Haru batted his shoulder with the back of his hand. “Not like that.” He blinked and then his eyes looked far off in wonder. “Well, maybe somethings like that I’d keep for my private collection.”

His cheeks burned, “Haru…”

Haru retreated from his daze and his lips fell into a pout as he watched his boyfriend turn the last page with the back cover. “I don’t think my drawings capture you.”

Makoto wanted to disagree and say they all looked like him and certainly depicted him as the tired, awkward guy he was, but figured saying something like that to the artist himself wouldn’t be up for debate. Being in love with the source had to come with its own standards of perfection when art was involved. “What _I_ saw was great. Maybe you just need the right inspiration so you’ll see it, too?”

Blue eyes perked up at that like an invitation. “Lots of studying of Makoto?”

“If that’s what you need to do.”


	22. All I Ever Needed Is Here in My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obvs NSFW :> If that's not your thing, you can skip this chapter, entirely!

Makoto couldn’t remember exactly what set them off.

Maybe it had been a build up from dinner preparation as Makoto stood behind Haru whilst cooking, giving a few kisses to his neck in greeting. Haru shivered like usual, a sigh, and then relaxed a little in Makoto’s arms while stirring. Their eyes met more often during dinner, asking something the other was already giving permission to. 

It was a free evening and neither had morning classes or homework that was due, so they found themselves snuggled on the sofa to watch something they only half paid attention to. Makoto entwined his fingers with Haru’s and rested their joined digits on his thigh, thumb caressing at his knuckles.

And then they were rolling out their futon with a mutual, urgent purpose. They’d been cautious at the start of their intimacy, taking it step by step with kisses, touches in innocent and then not so innocent places, handjobs, blowjobs (Makoto didn’t have a great gag reflex and failed miserably the times he tried, though Haru enjoyed giving them and it was hard to stop him when he had his mind set on something, and Makoto couldn’t deny he liked it) and grinding. With his heart condition it had been worrisome with how it made his body feel with the newness of it all - his pamphlets had told him to refrain from sexual activity. And that was part of why they’d never gone further, siding with their stubborn naivety that they weren’t _really_ having sex.

Clothes were shed piece by piece and with the last sock, Makoto was straddling Haru.

He froze.

They hadn’t discussed this. Did Haru want to be the bottom or did he want to be the top? His body had moved on its own. He hadn’t meant to. Would Haru be mad? Did he want him to take the initiative? He knew Haru liked it when Makoto was less shy, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to do and-

“Makoto.”

The call of his name from the voice of his love’s lips paused his racing mind and he looked down at him.

Haru didn’t offer any words, only a look that meant trust. Consent. Need.

This wasn’t any different than what they’d done together previously. Shouldn’t be. If anything it was adding an extra step, wasn’t it?

“Bottom drawer,” Haru instructed.

“Oh.” Makoto balanced himself on one knee and reached for the small nightstand for the condoms and lube (when had Haru moved them?) and set them to the side of their futon. He returned with the same dilemma - where to start?

Undoubtedly impatient, and not wanting to lose the momentum, Haru craned his neck up to kiss him, making the decision for him.

Right. Kissing. Back to step one. He started at Haru’s face, cupping his cheeks in his large hands - Forehead and then lips, slow and deep, and by the time they allowed themselves to part, they were panting.

Makoto then moved to his jaw and kissed the smooth skin of his neck and throat down to his clavicle. Haru was more privy to attentions to the back of his neck, though wasn’t entirely unaffected. Gradually he moved downward to the pink nubs on his flushed chest and gave them a rub with his thumbs. Haru arched into the touch with a stuttering grunt. Makoto then lowered to the hardened nipple and took one into his mouth, massaging between his lips.

Haru’s hands came up and grasped onto Makoto’s brunet hair, protesting and urging all at once.

Kissing across his chest, Makoto moved to the opposite nipple until Haru’s breath was labored. He’d come to know the places Haru liked to be touched. Gently he took him by his sides and rubbed at his waist as he kissed down the center of his ribcage and into his stomach and laughed through his nose at how much Haru was anticipating it, abdominals contracting. Bringing up a hand, he ran his digits over the contours of the swimmer’s muscles, marveling at the crisp lines of Haru’s anatomy. Makoto liked touching here, too. Nibbling at the sensitive skin, he moved with Haru’s breaths. Well, he tried. It was hard when Haru was laughing and wriggling.

The signs of arousal were prominent. Was Haru ready for him to go further? Makoto blew a breath at Haru’s length and looked at him. They’d never gone farther than this, usually ending the build up with a hand or a mouth.

“Haru, uh, what do I…” He reached for the bottle of lubricant, consolidating it. Theoretically, Makoto knew what needed to happen next, but having never done it, he was weary. He couldn’t ruin this moment.

“Open the bottle. Put some on your fingers. Stick them in.”

He swore he could feel his entire body go scarlett. “H-Haru, don’t talk like that…”

“I was stating the obvious.”

“I know… I just-” he clamped his mouth shut to struggle with the cap on the bottle. Eventually it opened and he steeled himself once more. Turning the bottle upside down, he squeezed out the cool gel and rubbed at it with his fingers, familiarizing himself with the texture and consistency. At least that’s what he told himself he was doing. He was _not_ stalling.

He brought his hand to Haru’s bare thigh, which flinched at the cold, wet contact. Fingers gliding across his skin, he realized that he didn’t have the best access to where he needed to go. With his dry hand, he grabbed for a pillow and tucked it under Haru’s back, and put a leg on either side of him, propping him up higher. “Is that comfortable?”

“Mm.”

Another preparatory breath, he returned to Haru’s thigh and ran his coated fingers over the skin (maybe this felt good?) and rounded into the globes of his buttocks and his thumb grazed Haru’s hole. It twitched at the tease. Was that normal? He looked to Haru for some confirmation and he looked back at him, unbothered, waiting.

Makoto pointed his index finger and slowly pushed in. The inner wall of Haru were tight and textured, and he felt him squeeze at the foreign object within him. “Does it hurt?”

“Weird.”

“In a good way?”

“Move it.”

“Okay…” He wiggled his finger back and forth, loosening the walls. How much did one need to be stretched before he could add another finger? Mentally he compared the size of his fingers to his length and he began to have second thoughts over if he’d be able to fit.

“You... can add another.”

Reluctantly, Makoto complied, not knowing if it really was time or if Haru was that impatient, inserted his middle finger alongside his index. Haru grunting in his throat. Did this feel good? Haru looked like he was trying to process if it did. Slowly Makoto separated his fingers inside Haru, stretching him on both sides and the gasp that came from the quiet lips proved that was doing something. “I… I don’t know what I’m doing,” Makoto confessed. “Is this okay? Am I doing it right?” He disliked how unsure he was of himself, but he couldn’t bear the thought of Haru hating it.

“I want Makoto’s way.”

A retort lost its way in his throat as he stared at his love underneath him: he trusted him so much. He wanted to please Haru - to touch the parts of him he hadn’t with parts of himself.

Continuing his scissoring with one hand, with the other he steadied Haru’s twitching leg, rubbing along. Once his fingers were able to move inside more freely, Makoto warned him he’d be adding a third, in which Haru nodded. At insertion, Haru arched his back so he was pushing onto the fingers on reflex. Just as Makoto considered pulling back, Haru raised his hips in urgent: He wanted this.

With Haru almost prepped (probably? He was looking at him with his pupils blown wide and he felt loose), Makoto had to ready himself. The hand that held Haru’s leg then reached over for the larger condom box and eventually managed to fish out a single packet. Gingerly he pulled out his fingers, Haru making an adorable low _whine_ at the loss. He couldn’t help himself and leaned down to kiss Haru’s dazed mouth. He wanted to say something cool like ‘Give me a few seconds to get ready’ or hush him all seductively as he tore open the package, but given as the foil wasn’t cooperating, the moment was lost. Still, he tried to play it cool and let Haru lay in a half euphoric state. Eventually the foil gave way and a yellow thing poked out and he fingered the opening and lowered it to himself when he realized this wasn’t going to work.

How? Haru’s sounds and flushed skin were amazing! His confidence had improved and his heart was pounding so much and-

It was his heart. Like always. Or nerves. Didn’t make a difference, really. 

There had been times he couldn’t get an erection or release in their intimate moments. It had been fine because he enjoyed whatever Haru gave him and Haru understood it wasn’t due to him being unsatisfying. And now…

Now he couldn’t give Haru what he had been so eager for since, well, maybe since they’d become a couple.

Their first time was ruined, and it was his fault. If he wasn’t hard after all of that, he wasn’t going to be able to, now. Of course his body had to betray him at such an opportune moment. 

Ashamed, he dropped the condom and wrapper, both flittering to the sheets. “Haru… I’m sorry. I can’t.” He wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. It had been going so well and they had to stop. He couldn’t just leave Haru like this either, but-

“Makoto.”

He didn’t meet his eyes until his name was called again and Haru was grabbing for his hand and leading it towards where they had been previously.

“Felt good. Keep going.”

That’s right, he had heard about fingering for more than foreplay. How much was Haru sacrificing by settling for that? “You’re not disappointed?”

If he weren’t compromised, Makoto was sure that pout would have been much more deprecating.

Haru was willing to continue to completion this way, a way that Makoto pleasure him for now, and Makoto would try for him. Reaching for the bottle of lubricant again, Makoto realigned with Haru, and began to coat his fingers like before.

Before Makoto could insert his fingers, Haru touched his knee, straight-faced. “Deeper.”

Yes, that did make sense. If he was to bring Haru to an orgasm in this way he’d definitely need to find that bundle of nerves inside him. He smiled at how the blue shimmered in contrast to the seriousness the rest of his face was slowly losing. “Anything for you, Haru.”

Having been mostly stretched already, Makoto didn’t need to intermittently insert his fingers, but this time he decided to curl his index finger and give it a twist. The reaction from Haru was pleasing and he added his middle finger and repeated the motion. Rubbing his stomach with his free hand, he pushed in further to the knuckle of his first finger, the walls thicker, yet softer and then he brushed against a mound and Haru’s whole body clenched.

Oh.

That must be it.

With purpose he went in again and gently rubbed the spot and Haru emitted a soft cry, voice pitching an octave higher, head thrown back into the futon. Makoto knew he shouldn’t do anything fancy for his first time and found it best to not try and made a mental note to research for the future if his anatomy were to ever cooperate. 

Haru’s breathing had increased, and his body was shuddering. Was he close? Makoto released his other hand from massaging Haru’s stomach and tickled his way into his pelvis and took hold of his length. 

Could he do both simultaneously? Was he ready to end it? “Haru?”

The beautiful body on the sheets rose with a stutter, hooded eyes locking onto his. 

A chill coursed through Makoto and he really hoped he’d be able to try the way he had intended again soon. All at once he inserted three fingers, his middle reaching just a bit further to press into Haru’s prostate and then he began stroking Haru’s leaking erection.

The sensation was all too new and it didn’t take long for Haru to cry out with an intensity Makoto had never heard. Haru shook through to the end of his orgasm and lay still in his own mess.

Makoto released the flaccid organ and reached for the box of tissues to wipe his hands and hoped what he hadn’t been able to catch could easily be found in the morning. “Haru,” he cooed, nuzzling his forehead.

The smaller man was too tired to do much else than murmur the taller man’s name in reverence. They lay there like that, sharing breaths and feeling their bodies expanding with each breath against one another.

After a time, voice leveling to its normal timber, Haru spoke: “Now you.”

Makoto blushed. “Are you sure.” Haru fixed him with a look and it was then he knew he couldn’t refuse. Makoto removed himself from Haru to let him up from the futon and then was changing places with him, pillow raising his rear.  

The sparkle in those blue eyes told Makoto so much as Haru straddled his body - Love and desire, a determination to make him feel good, too. Like Makoto, Haru too wished to connect with him him, maybe more than he had, and wondered if it’d been better if he’d let Haru be first. If Makoto had failed, surely Haru wouldn’t have. There was so little Haru was bad at, afterall.

Hands that normally were cool were warm as they rested on Makoto’s pectorals and began to knead. Makoto’s eyelids lowered despite his efforts of trying to watch Haru above him. Under Haru’s skillful hands he was putty. Especially when Haru started to kiss him in time with his ministrations. From how his body tingled and warmed even to his lower parts, he wondered if his body would do what it was supposed to.

Haru’s mouth left his and kissed a mark on Makoto’s throat while his hands trailed lower in light and teasing brushes. Eventually Haru ceased and grabbed for the lubricant and mimicked what Makoto had done earlier, starting at the thighs and making his way to his entrance. As the gel had been on his hands, the contact with his skin went from cold to warm and it was soothing. However, Haru did not warn about his probing fingers.

It was _weird_ but not unpleasantly so. Makoto looked up from between his legs to Haru to give him an encouraging smile. Quick work with one finger and then a second was added, Haru spreading his fingers apart like he had, going between slow and fast. Gradually, Makoto felt the walls of his anus loosen and invite Haru in more and more. A third joined the others and Haru curled all three and gave a twist with his wrist and Makoto grunted and clenched the sheets beneath. The sensation had been more strange than painful. 

Had Haru found his prostate or was it the sudden fullness that had made him jump? With a squelch, Haru withdrew his hand and immediately Makoto related to the whine Haru emitted earlier.

As Haru leaned back for the bottle and the other box of condoms, Makoto took notice of his boyfriend’s hardened length and felt envious. Why couldn’t he be healthy like him?

He watched Haru select a foil package and without hesitation, ripped a corner with ease and worked the latex open. Carefully he stretched it over himself and slowly coated with lubricant, taking steady breaths to not lose himself. Haru’s lubed hand grabbed for Makoto’s legs and he was placed on either side of Haru’s waist and suddenly Makoto felt very naked and exposed.

Loosening the grip on Makoto’s legs, Haru considered. 

The five seconds of uncertainty conveyed the wrong emotion. “N-no. Keep going. I want to see your face.”

That was all the encouragement Haru needed and he pushed the tip of himself inside.

Like his fingers, it was strange to have something inside him like this, but knowing that it was Haru, it gave Makoto a thrill he hadn’t had before. The anticipation had been there, but now-

Haru pulled out a little to push further in, allowing Makoto’s insides to adjust to him and Makoto marveled at how knowledgeable his love was. Soon all of Haru was sheathed inside him and Haru stilled and watched and waited for Makoto relax. It didn’t take long, Makoto always accepted Haru; it didn’t matter in what capacity.

Haru gave a shallow thrust, causing an unbridled sound to come from Makoto’s throat. He covered his mouth with his hand, and Haru who looked back at him fondly. Another thrust, sharper, and Makoto whimpered and reached his arms around Haru’s neck as he came down for another thrust.

Clumsily they found a rhythm, Haru thrusting and Makoto meeting him as they did in grinding. Mutually they came to a slow and steady pace, familiarizing the sensation, Makoto still making embarrassing noises, but at least Haru let him muffle them so he could retain some dignity.

He couldn’t help it. It was painful and bliss all at once and honestly he wasn’t sure which side came out of his mouth. Either way, it spurred Haru on and he couldn’t stop looking at him in a way he knew was meant for him and only him. Makoto hoped through his own lust filled gaze Haru was seeing likewise.

They were connected as one body. Makoto could feel Haru’s pulse inside him. Their skin sliding and touching with one another in sweat and mess from his neglected length. Something about how they moved was familiar and he couldn’t quite place it, mind too fuzzy from arousal to think about much more.

Suddenly Haru struck the ball of nerves inside him and he felt his whole body convulse. Haru must have noticed the reaction as he pulled out and struck truer. Heat traveled south and coiled tightly into a flame. Would he be able to come afterall? Was Haru ready for this to end?

“Haru…” Makoto attempted to warn.

A bead of sweat trickled down Haru’s nose as he nodded and snapped his hips into a fiercer pace, driving into the spot with vigor.

Perhaps a little too soon, Makoto choked on a cry and was seeing stars. 

The darkness reminded him all too much of his heart attacks and he jolted upright in a panic, nearly knocking his head with Haru’s. “H-Haru… I-I-” His body shivered, becoming aware of just how rapidly his heart was pounding. Was it an attack or was it really an orgasm? Was penetration that much more intense?

Shifting onto his knees and scooting forward, Haru took hold of Makoto’s upper arms, eyes analyzing, asking. 

Makoto wasn’t sure how to answer and closed his eyes, counting. One, two, three, four… One, two, three, four… He had to calm down. His heart already ruined one part of their copulation, he wasn’t going to let it win again.

A hand came to his chest, the same hand that often measured the beats with him. Then Haru pressed their foreheads together, inhaled and exhaled loud enough for Makoto to hear over the rush of blood in his ears. _Match my breaths_.

It took several cycles to get his breaths to catch on. Eventually they both came down from their highs and panic  onto the sheets. Haru rested his head on Makoto’s chest - a place he’d grown accustomed to - listening to the beats return to what had become normal for him, moving with each breath.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Makoto said, bringing a hand up to stroke Haru’s hair. 

“Can’t be helped,” Haru dismissed, morosely.

Now he understood why his pamphlets warned him against sexual activity. He’d been tired and dizzy before, but this? He was able to calm down, right? “I’ll get better at it. And hopefully next time I won’t mess up.”

Haru didn’t respond, no doubt contemplating if what they did should happen again. 

Was this something he _could_ get used to? He wasn’t in the hospital right now and that was a victory in and of itself. “I’m glad that we did it, Haru.”

Hair tickled his chest as Haru sat up to meet his eyes. Blue shimmered in the dim light of their apartment. So much love was reflected there, as was regret and fear- an inner battle that neither of them were going to win that night. A few blinks and then Haru was looking away, bashful. “You said my name.”

“Heh, I’m sure I did.”

“My _name_.”

In his orgasmic state he must have uttered Haru’s full name. “Oh! I’m-” he stopped himself from apologizing because that was not an Upset Haru face. Smiling, he caressed Haru’s cheek, turning his face towards him. “Haruka.”

Downcast eyes lifted, shimmering in the adorable way they did when something piqued his interest. 

Makoto wanted to tease him about how much he detested his girlish full name their entire lives and suddenly was changing his mind. Then again, he didn’t need to, because Haru seemed to be struggling with this revelation as well. “I’ll call you Haruka when we are like this.”

Haru nuzzled into his palm in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consent and Safe Sex is Hella sexy, guys. Were any of you worried?? :) 
> 
> Okay, they know they SHOULDN'T be having the sexy times, but they really can't help it. Can you blame them? However, they know better enough that they aren't, like, banging every night or anything. ~~You may not believe me with the other smutty things still to come, but~~. Really, if you or a loved one have a heart condition, it's best to consult your doctor. Technically that's something Makoto should do, but because pamphlets are all advisory against it, asking is like... asking parent's permission for something you know you shouldn't be doing. Newsflash, boys: You've been having sex since that handjob on the porch! Oops.
> 
> As a tidbit, I headcanon that these two switch. No top/bottom tropes in my book! Okay... tbh, I'm a little more partial to Top!Haru just cause Makoto is a precious, shy cinnamon roll who wants to be accommodating at all times, but is also easily convinced into things from a boyfriend who knows what he wants ;)


	23. Let your Heart Sing and Tonight We Light up the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First date in Tokyo. Another try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More NSFW ahead because reasons. ~~See what I meant about you probably not believing me?~~

Makoto brought the laundry in from the balcony line into the living room. Humming a tune, he set to fold the clothes over the sofa.

The calendar on the wall caught his eyes once he finished separating the piles. It was almost October and-

He and Haru had been a couple for nearly a year! They should do something to celebrate! As he thought about what they could do to, he realized another issue that should have been addressed long ago - not once had they gone on a _date_. It seemed so trivial given how often they spent time with each other throughout their lives, but being romantically involved meant something else in a courtship.

With a nervous breath, he shuffled into the kitchen where Haru was preparing their lunch for tomorrow, later that evening. “Haru… can we go, um, can _I_ take _you_ out on a date?”

“A date?” Haru asked, an eyebrow raising. “Don’t we go out all the time?”

“Groceries and walks to the station don’t count, I think. Not that I don’t enjoy them! But, we haven’t gone out and done… couple-y things.”

Haru was genuinely curious now, setting down his cooking utensils and wiping his hands on his apron.

“We could go the aquarium? Or dinner and a movie? Ahh it sounds so cliche doesn’t it? Maybe we don’t have to do anything like that. We can keep having nights in and preface them by saying ‘This is a date’ or something?”

“I’d like that.”

“Staying in?” he felt himself deflating a little at the less exciting activity for his recent epiphany.

“Going to the aquarium. I’ve wanted to go.”

Happiness bubbled in his chest and he took Haru’s hands. “Really? You don’t mind?”

“I like being anywhere with you,” he looked up at him shyly. “If you want to go on a date, we should.”

 

_Maybe I’m overthinking things_ , Makoto wondered as he looked at himself in the mirror in the bathroom. He’d lived a modest life and didn’t own a lot of clothing of what most would consider ‘nice’ as he did have functions that required such. If he wore the dark brown slacks and green pin-striped button-up shirt, sleeves rolled past elbows, neatly, with matching silver tie, would Haru feel too intimidated? Dressing to impress wasn’t something he did - consciously, anyway - but he wanted this outing to feel different. Was this particular outfit too much, though? He turned and adjusted the hem of the shirt tails, debating if it was too formal. He undid the tie and left it around his neck to attend to his hair next.

Haru did like to push it back when given the chance; what if he could get his hair to stay that way? Unfortunately, he had more confidence in his fashion sense than hairstyles. Working with water and a little gel, he combed back one side of his hair with his fingers. Not a bad look, he supposed.

Tie still undecided, he opened the bathroom door to find his boyfriend, which was never a hard thing in their tiny apartment.

Haru was straightening the collar of his vest in the hallway mirror and turned towards Makoto, in which, his mouth went dry.

Dark, fitted jeans that accentuated his slender legs. Long-sleeved light blue shirt under the black vest, bringing out the intensity of his eyes, which were much easier to see as his side bangs were tucked behind his ears. He wore a deer in the headlights look on his face, and if he could see the mirror past his face, he was sure he’d be making the same expression, eying the new attire for their afternoon in unabashed wonder, marveling that they had been of the same mind.

“You… you are-,” Makoto tried to summon an adjective that would sum up the image before him - beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, “-stunning.”

The apples of Haru’s cheeks flushed and he gave an appreciative smile. He took a few steps toward Makoto and looked up at him as if to speak, then shifted his attentions to tying the tie he’d left undone. He gave the tie an experimental tug and Makoto gave into it to meet his lips. Another smile came, this time coy and at that Makoto was made aware that he should keep the tie.

 

For as excited as he was to make their date different from their daily routine, he couldn’t go all out like he wanted due to budget constraints. Taking that into account, they went out on a Wednesday when neither of them had classes. Lunch was at a modest restaurant with favorable pricing for excellent mackerel, and once Haru took a bite, he could attest online reviews hadn’t lied. They sat in a booth in the corner to avoid attention. The new setting with the new attire and the new mindset had changed the atmosphere around them: Still comfortable, but a type of excitement presented itself as well.

Makoto found himself sneaking glances, often being caught as Haru was trying to get away with the same thing. He wondered if it was strange to suddenly find, well, not suddenly, he’d always found Haru to be very attractive, but, to actively notice how certain colors and drape of clothing was _nice_ and gave him the urge to kiss him more than usual?

After lunch they walked to the station to take the train to Shinagawa. They’d have a few hours before school let out, and no one but stay-at-home mothers with young children would bother them. Haru tried to pay the entrance fee, claiming lunch was enough, only for Makoto to shake his head and push the yen back into his hands. “I asked _you_ out, Haru-chan.”

“Drop the chan…”

Tokyo was home to many aquariums, but Makoto had heard that Shinagawa specifically had dolphins. They walked through the smaller displays of local marine life of fish, small mammals and reptiles. Steadily they made their way through tanks from other continents, reading the information plaques and watching the creatures swim in their confined areas. Makoto, more specifically, watched Haru’s eyes widen in fascination.

Soon they were surrounded by stingrays and turtles in a glass walkway and Haru had never looked more at home. If there weren’t more to see and a noisy child hadn’t interrupted, Makoto would have allowed them to stay longer. Next was the shark hall and they shared a few laughs of the similarities of them and a certain red head they knew.

Last came the reason for their trip.

Immediately Haru was drawn to the glass in the darkened room. The only light came from the sun’s rays reflecting above the tank where three dolphins swam gracefully, weaving in and around each other, clicking happily. If the weather were warmer there’d be a stunt show with sea lions, but Makoto was sure Haru preferred to see them doing as they pleased. Haru held up his hand to touch the glass where a dolphin was swimming towards them with interest, then noticed the ‘Don’t Touch’ sign. He pouted, then occupied his hand by intertwining with Makoto’s.

“There’s a bench,” Makoto said, softly, watching Haru’s profile transfixed on the majestic animals in front of them. Haru nodded, and Makoto guided him to the right, dolphins swimming away and coming back to align with their changed position. They sat, hands still held.

The more Makoto watched the dolphins, the more he could picture Haru swimming among them, keeping up with their speed and forms. He wondered if dolphin language was something a human could learn, cause other than lacking fins and rubbery skin and flippers, Haru was every bit as elegant.   

Haru pressed closer to Makoto and laid his head on his shoulder, eyes still focused on his spirit animal and they lost track of how long they were the dolphin’s only audience.

 

“I had an idea for our date, too,” Haru said as they exited the aquarium, a new dolphin plush tucked under his arms.

Makoto smiled, and shook his head. “I told you today was my treat.”

“It’s almost not day anymore.”

“I suppose that’s true,” he chuckled at the loophole. “Are you saying that I’ve had my turn, then?”

“You need to be spoiled, too.”

There was no use arguing against those shimmering eyes. “Okay, okay; I give up. Where to?”

Haru tugged on his hand and lead him to the station they’d take to return home, but deboarded at Shinjuku. They walked into a shopping district and passed many stalls and their wares, fighting the growing crowd of students and businessmen on their way home for the day. Between an Indian cuisine establishment and ice cream parlor was a bakery. Once inside the tiny French-style bakery, Haru lead Makoto to the main display case.

“Pick what you’d like.”

“Really? You’re sure?” How did Haru know about this place? They’d passed many bakeries on their way here, so there must have been something special about this one in particular. It wasn’t like Haru to indulge him like this. Normally he’d just make him something at home that had better nutritional value or sweeten his tea or hot chocolate.

Haru nodded and tilted his head toward the pastries and cakes behind the glass while a worker came from the back room to notice her customers.

Makoto bent his knees to get a better view. Fruit flavors, creams, tiramisu, green tea, chocolate, red velvet, soboro. What would Haru like? All of them looked so good, and too much, he wanted to share. Haru liked coffee, it wasn’t too sweet, and there was a slice of tiramisu cake with chocolate swirls and morsels. “I’ll take the chocolate tiramisu, please.”

“Sure, hun,” the woman said with a bow, adorning gloves and a knife to slice through the cake for a piece.

Taking out his wallet, Haru gave him a look, no doubt catching on to why he’d chosen the tiramisu over the others, and paid for the cake and a small chai. Makoto grabbed two forks and napkins from the counter and walked with Haru to one of three round tables. They sat across from each other and took a fork each. Haru didn’t reach for the cake, content to hold it idly and sip his chai.

“Mmm it’s really moist and rich it’s melting on my tongue! So good. Have some, Haru.”

“Eat what you want first,” Haru said, knowingly.

“You know I could eat this all by myself…”

With a sigh, Haru stabbed at a corner, tearing enough away to be considered a bite, and placed it in his mouth. He seemed to like the taste, as he chewed slowly in a way to savor it, rather than trying to stomach it, nor did he desperately clamor for his chai to wash it down. “That’s all I need.”

Makoto jutted his bottom lip. “Are you sure? It’s really good, I don’t want you to miss out.”

“For you.”

“Okay…” While Makoto ate the remaining cake, he laid his hand on Haru’s thigh, rubbing gently. Once finished, he dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. “Thank you, Haru. That was some of the best cake I’ve ever had. How did you know about this place?”

“I overheard some classmates talking about it. I’m glad they were right.”

“Yeah! Should we head home?”

Haru hesitated at picking up his chai cup and fork as if distracted by something.

Makoto tilted his head in question.

He did not grace him with a verbal response, only offer an amused laugh from his throat.

They deposited their garbage and tray and exited the bakery to start the walk back to the station, until Haru grabbed Makoto by his wrist and ducked into a back alley. Before Makoto could question the detour, Haru lifted on his feet, pressing Makoto’s back to the wall of the building and kissed him.

Many times that day Makoto had wanted to do the exact same thing, but had restrained himself, too afraid of being seen. Here they wouldn’t _easily_ be seen and, apparently, Haru had also been waiting. He felt his tongue swipe across his lip, then trap his bottom lip between his own, sucking, and then pull away with a satisfying pop.

“You had some leftover chocolate,” Haru deadpanned, his tongue peeking out, gliding across his lips and retreating, blue holding green as he did so.

Makoto remained against the wall, deciphering if Haru had meant that to be as sensual as it looked, and between that and that kiss, his body was quickly deciding for him. “T-thanks,” he breathed.

On the train home, Makoto’s heart wouldn’t stop pounding and, thankfully, not the type that usually had him scrambling for his medication. Yet - the risk was always there. The train car was getting hotter by the minute. When the train came to a stop, he surprised himself that he didn’t plow over those that were waiting to get in. He stopped at the touch of Haru’s hand and willed himself to calm and keep in step with his boyfriend.

There was no way he could’ve kept his hands still enough to unlock their apartment door, and he was glad Haru obliged without question.

In the safety of their own home, Makoto allowed his urge to make itself known and take Haru by the waist and kiss him with just enough force to press him against the entryway wall.

“I couldn’t stop looking at you today,” Makoto rasped, breaking from his lips to plant a kiss on his throat, Haru’s head tilting to give him better access. “And then what you did with the chocolate and…”

“Yes?”

He descended to his collar, nudging with his nose until it gave way to reveal the pale, goosebump-ridden collarbone. “I… I want to try,” he said with a nibble, to help swallow down the oncoming embarrassment, “May I?” His whole body vibrated with heat, he had to take advantage of this moment.

“ _Yes._ ” Haru knew exactly what he was asking, what he was wanting.

Makoto’s hands left Haru’s waist and set to the task of unbuttoning his vest. “You look so good in these clothes. I’ve wanted to know what it’d be like to undress you out of them all day.” His fingers paused, realization dawning that he’d said that outloud.

The _look_ in Haru’s eyes said he had heard him and shared the same sentiments. Haru then lifted his leg, pressing his knee into Makoto’s groin, encouraging him forward.

His body shivered at the contact. “Haru…” his voice quivered in mixture of want and warning. _Not too fast._

Reluctantly he retracted stimulating and instead went to the buttons of Makoto’s shirt. Before Makoto could finish his work with his vest, Haru reached for his tie, pulling Makoto down for a kiss while he loosened the satin from the shirt collar and letting it gracefully slide out of place and to the floor.

Makoto took hold of the opening of Haru’s vest and helped his arms through the armholes and made quick work of the buttons on the shirt. Little by little he revealed Haru’s beautiful, pale skin and with how his body hummed with anticipation, he decided Haru needed to wear these clothes again. Slowly he began to slip the blue shirt off his love’s shoulders, taking the time to savor the way his chest rose, the skin on his arms heated and prickled as he rolled the sleeves to his hands and pulled free.

Haru reached for the hems of Makoto’s to do the same, but Makoto took his hands in his and kissed both sets of knuckles, eyes holding his. Such an innocent gesture making Haru visibly swallow like that fueled the fire that was burning inside.  _Wait_.

Unblinking, Haru nodded and they walked to the living room to move aside the furniture to unroll their futon.

Makoto then took Haru in his arms and cradled his head in his hands and lowered them both to their knees and then Haru onto his back, his hold not releasing even as he captured his lips.

Their bodies slid into place, the familiar heat and desire taking form between them in their friction. Since their first time two months ago, Makoto still hadn’t been successful in penetration. They tried what they felt was safe, taking it slow, considering Makoto shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. Haru was patient and assured him even healthy men aren’t always able to. Admittedly Makoto knew that, but he also knew he had extra disadvantages. He didn’t want to give up, though. Haru deserved everything.

Soon their pants were too confining and their hands were at the others buckles to remove them. Once their pants and underwear were tossed out of sight, Haru tugged on the opened shirt Makoto was still wearing and that too was cast aside.

Haru’s slicked back hair was coming out of place and still managed to look breathtaking. “Can I touch you, Haru?” Makoto asked, fingers tracing lightly along his arms. Never once had Haru refused him, but he always felt the need to ask.

Eyes heavy, Haru nodded.

No matter how many failed attempts they’d had in the months they’d expanded their intimacy, Makoto would never tire of the way Haru looked at him. The way his body responded to his kisses and touches, always inviting him. He’d become acquainted with the spots Haru liked most from the night he worshiped his body before their life in Tokyo began to the first time he tried to make love to him like this. Kisses on the back of his neck. He loved his nipples to be played with. Any sort of ministrations to his stomach he heatedly accepted. Slowly and gently Makoto applied his knowledge to these places, Haru writhing in pleasure.

He felt life in his own length and he hoped it would stay that way.

Balancing on one knee,  Makoto reached for the condoms and lube in their place in the nightstand drawer. Haru groped around for Makoto’s pillow and handed it to him to elevate his lower half. Smiling in gratitude, he uncapped the lubricant, squeezed a liberal amount in his hands and started to massage Haru’s behind and thighs.

Haru exhaled at the cool substance on his flushed skin. As quick as Haru could be to turn on, he had unbelievable amount of stamina and patience when it came to the slow foreplay Makoto needed. It didn’t start out that way, but he was grateful he’d come to enjoy himself like this.

Carefully, Makoto probed inside Haru’s entrance, repeating the motions he’d found were the most useful during their learning process, Haru’s breathing and arching guiding him through.

Before he added the third finger, as dread crept up on him just behind his body’s desire to release, he withdrew his fingers to squeeze himself to stop it in its tracks, and waited.

Haru raised himself on his elbows to watch, concerned and curious.

Seconds went by and the urgency passed. “Sorry,” Makoto said and moved back into position. “Almost ready?”

Nodding, Haru lowered back down, brows subtly drawn.  

With one hand Makoto continued to stretch Haru’s insides while the other stroked his stomach. Soon his fingers could move easily and he pulled out to ready the condom. Once it was on, he paused to squeeze the head once more with a hiss. He then took the lubricant and readied himself.

Now was the moment of truth. The closest he’d gotten was just barely the tip and he’d lost himself and been humiliated the rest of the evening. Taking hold of Haru’s knees, he pulled him towards himself, resting Haru’s legs at his waist.

Green met with blue and Makoto had never felt more scared and excited. Haru gave him permission to proceed without words - a shimmer in his eyes that conveyed trust and desire. After a deep breath, he aligned himself and pushed in.

Haru bit down on a gasp and Makoto stopped to let him adjust. A nudge of Haru’s knee told him to keep going since with his eyes closed, he couldn’t ‘say’ anything. Again he gasped, and it was tinged in pain.

“Does it hurt, Haru? Did I not stretch you enough? I can stop!”

Haru’s eyes opened at that and he grabbed one of Makoto’s arms. _Don’t you dare_.

This _tightness_ , this _heat_ , was intense and dizzying and he was amazed he was holding out so far. Stopping wasn’t something he really wanted to do, but if he really was too big for Haru to handle, then-

“Makoto..."

He hadn’t realized he’d stilled for so long. Then again, Haru was eager for this just as much as he was. Obeying his wishes, Makoto pulled out and then pushed in further as Haru had done to him. By the time he felt himself fully sheathed within Haru, the sounds his love made were less pained, but tears welled at the corners of his eyes. He leaned in to kiss at his eyes and forehead.

They both were shaking; Haru at his burning insides and Makoto to not lose himself prematurely like he had so many times before.

“I’m going to move now, okay?” Makoto asked, brushing away ebony hair that stuck to his mildly sweating face.

Haru hummed his approval and then pulled his legs tighter around Makoto’s waist, hooking his ankles.

Bracing on either side of him, Makoto gave an experimental thrust forward. Another and another. Each time a little harder and deeper than the next. He could feel Haru’s walls clenching around him as he thrust upward to meet him, face contorting in variations of discomfort and bliss, doing a better job at containing his sounds than Makoto could on the receiving end with the continuous motion.

Haru was impressive like that. Also in how he was to go as long without breaking form as he did when their positions were switched. Being so inexperienced, Makoto wasn’t sure which he preferred. As long as Haru liked what was happening, he didn’t mind.

They’d known each other all their lives and developed a deep bond between them. It wasn’t mind reading like many assumed, more of operating on the same frequency; a connection of the heart. Makoto thought he knew everything there was to know about Haru. Until they became more than childhood friends. Their intimacy led to one discovery after the next and he didn’t want to stop searching when his health would not allow.  His condition granted him this moment, and if he were unable again, he could love Haru with all his body and heart and treasure now.

“I’m getting close, Haru. I don’t think I can hold it anymore.” The pace was slower than when Haru was the one giving, but his body was already vibrating like a gasket. He’d have to keep working on it.

“Me either,” Haru answered in a heavy voice. That was a good sign.

Makoto then had an idea. He just hoped he could do it. “Hold on to me.”

Eyes widening, Haru understood his meaning and wrapped his arms around Makoto’s neck, pressing them closer together.

Reaching down, Makoto took hold of Haru’s hips, pulled nearly all the way out, adjusted his angle and thrust forward while simultaneously tugging Haru forward.

The adorable whimper he had when he hit the mound of nerves with his fingers was proof he’d guessed right.

Makoto lifted himself enough so they were seeing eye to eye again, asking how Haru wished to proceed.

No words were offered. A blink, a hitching breath, arms and legs still wrapped around his larger boyfriend for life.

Somehow that all sent the message of ‘make me come untouched’ and Makoto wanted to make that happen for him. He repeated the motion with a roll of his hips. And another and another until the friction was too much and too good he lost himself to the white out, shivering and collapsing on top of Haru. The warmth that pooled between them when he came to meant Haru had climaxed soon after.

“You’re heavy,” Haru somehow managed to deadpan.

“And you’re amazing. That was so tiring… how do you do it?”

“I’m not sick?”

“Heh, I guess so.”

He felt Haru’s hands glide to the left side of his back over his heart.

“I’m okay,” Makoto surmised. “Just exhausted. I can’t get up.”

“But we’re a mess.”

“Ten minutes.”

“You’ll fall asleep.”

“Talk to me, then,” Makoto yawned and snuggled into the crook of Haru’s neck.

Haru sighed, but Makoto knew he didn’t mind. “I’ve been bragging to Rin about your size since we moved in together.”

“Y-You what?!”

“He doesn’t shut up about Sousuke.”

Not that Makoto could verify himself against Sousuke, nor did he want to think about Sousuke, or Rin, in that way. With Makoto not being successful until tonight, how was he able to brag? “What have you said?”

He felt his lips curl against his head. “I haven’t been wrong.”

Blush intermingled with the post-coital glow. Whatever gossipy thing Haru shared with Rin, somehow, amongst all the doubt the Makoto battled throughout the evening, he’d confirmed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chance of delay for Chapter 25 and onward. My dear co-writer/beta is nearing her manuscript deadline and has all the things to do! Hopefully the delay is just a week or so, though! I'll keep you all updated!


	24. You're just Making it Harder for Yourself, Making it Easy for Everyone Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another date. Another change in life.
> 
> A wild Kisumi appears :)

Surprises weren’t high on Haru’s list of favorite things. He was too anxious and suspicious of intentions. Due to Makoto getting too excited about surprises when he was involved and nearly ruining them, he didn’t make it a point to create many.

But when he saw the flyer posted on the events bulletin board at school, he couldn’t resist.

Thankfully, seeing what prompted the trip was only a few days ago. Anymore and he would have given away the surprise.

Haru craned his neck to see out the window of the train between passengers. He then glanced at Makoto, again, searching for any clues of their surroundings as to where their destination was.

“You’ll like it; I promise,” Makoto assured, stroking the back of Haru’s hand with a finger.

Turning his head to the side, lip mildly jutting in that cute pout of his, Haru was unsatisfied. He disliked being on crowded trains, hence why they didn’t do a lot of outings on Sundays.

“We’re almost there.”

He perked up at that, attentions flickering back towards the city passing them by.

Makoto chanced a glance at the route map above them - according to that they had four more stops. If it came to it, he’d start _casually_ looking at his phone. He counted the proceeding platforms and on the fourth, the female voice announced the stop. Taking Haru’s hand, he tugged and waded through the crowd. Once out of the way of traffic, Makoto took them to the side to remember the directions he saw on their laptop before leaving.

“It should be…” Makoto’s voice trailed as he watched a majority of the people head towards the plume of smoke just beyond the narrow neighborhood around the corner, ahead. Grasping Haru’s hand, Makoto led the way once more.

As they drew nearer, and as he suspected, Haru paused to take note of the odor. He looked up at Makoto, questions hanging in his eyes and tongue.

All Makoto could do was nod, and that only made the shorter man more curious and quicken his steps.

They rounded the corner and were greeted with rows of stalls with vendors busily cooking and smoking mackerel on their grills in various styles and flavors for the line that queued in front of them. Further down were vendors for trinkets and snacks, all mostly mackerel or fish themed.

“Ah, well I did read they said it could be a bit of a wait--”

Haru was already pulling Makoto towards the shortest line available.

“Looks like you like your surprise,” Makoto chuckled.

Sheepishly, Haru squeezed his hand and nodded.

“I hope it’s the best mackerel you’ve ever had!”

The pair waited nearly two hours before they were standing in front of the grill. The man in the face mask and goggles put on two fresh whole pike mackerels that had been curing in salt and sugar. The grates sizzled at the slimy fish. In awe, they watched the man rotate the fish with care and precision and they were soon sent away with a fish each in a paper boat dish to the garnishing station. Haru grabbed a plastic serving cup with minced ginger and a soy dipping sauce and walked with Makoto to a quiet curb to sit and eat.

Mackerel was such an integral part of Haru’s diet, picking the bones out was never a hindrance to his enjoyment. Delicately, he let the soy drip into the slits that the cook made.

With Haru being such a connoisseur, Makoto decided to copy him to get the most out of the experience, though opted to wait for Haru to take the first bite.  

It was rare to see Haru eat his precious food with his fingers, and Makoto watched him look at the fish in consideration as if he wanted to seek out chopsticks. Eventually he gave up and took it by its head and tail and tore at the flesh with his teeth. It squelched at the puncture and disappeared into his mouth. A satisfied hum emitted from his closed lips and his eyes fell shut like a pleased cat.

Deciding it best to let Haru eat in silence, Makoto bit into his own fish and it was thick and juicy and he could see why there was so much bliss on his love’s face.

Each bone was examined and picked clean before Haru declared the meal done and placed the tray in his lap with finality. The pleading for more tempted Makoto to give him the rest of his, but Haru was already shaking his head at him before he could offer.

“It was good, wasn’t it?” Makoto asked.

The sparkle hadn’t left Haru’s eyes.

“I wish we could have more than one, too… We can see what else they have to eat?” Makoto suggested, tilting his head towards the stalls.

Haru took his hand in his. It seemed to be Haru’s favorite way of saying ‘Yes’ today. Makoto did his best to stifle the worries he had about about PDA. The festival was busy enough, and it was unlikely anyone would pay them any mind.

Together they walked to a fishball and takoyaki stall and purchased a skewer each, eating while they walked to observe the children playing games and other wares on sale. Haru found a fish oven mitten and Makoto couldn’t not let him have it with how cute he looked trying it on, mimicking the motions for being in their kitchen to take something out of the oven.

On their way to the exit, they purchased an ice pop and split it on their way to the station.

Haru’s smiles weren’t as rare as they used to be since moving to Tokyo, but today they seemed much brighter and unbridled. Makoto’s chest always swelled with warmth at the realization that he brought out the quiet and reserved man’s smiles.

Tossing their finished ice pop wrappers in the nearest bin, they stood on the platform to wait for their train.

A yawn escaped Makoto and it took a moment for his surroundings to come back into focus.

“Makoto.”

“Mm?” he rubbed at his eyes, noting the urgency in his companion’s voice.

“You look pale.”

He took a step and sure enough he wobbled and Haru was at his side to steady him.

The announcement for the train’s arrival sounded.

“I just need to sit down, Haru. I’ll be fine. It’s been a long day and I’m probably just tired. Let’s get on.”

Haru only had enough time to pull his lips into a thin line before they were taking large strides to get through the doors before they closed, wedged between the door and the first layer of fellow riders. “Makoto.” Haru tugged on his sleeve.

A protest formed in his throat, but then noticed he was being tugged to the handicap and expectant mothers section. An elderly man with a cane was sitting on one side. Haru ushered Makoto to sit down on the other. Obediently he did so and realized how grateful he was for Haru for being so considerate.

“I’m sorry… we should have left sooner,” Haru said in a hushed voice, bending just enough to lay a hand on Makoto’s broad shoulder.

“I was feeling fine until a few minutes ago. Really. It’s nothing. A little light-headed; no big. I have my meds in my pocket, too.”

Not fully convinced, Haru gave him a once over with his own assessment.

“We had fun today, right?”

The setting sun did nothing to hide the blush on Haru’s cheeks, nor the sounds of the train mute the committal sound that Makoto was so attuned to hearing.

  
  


“That’ll be one thousand twenty yen, please,” said the cashier to Makoto as he thumbed through the bill divider in his wallet, old and worn. Taking out a ten thousand yen note, he frowned at the two remaining bills, too afraid to see their value, and fingered through the coin slot for a twenty coin and placed it on the payment tray. “Thank you, come again!” she said brightly.

"Tachibana, over here!” called Wakano, a girl from his child psychology class waved to him from a corner booth of the cafe, who sat with other classmates from their group.

He slipped his wallet into his pocket, trying to not dwell on what little he had, and took a seat next to Koji, who then sprung into his idea of what they should do for their project. “I was thinking we should research the effects of single parents on a child’s psychosis.”

“Yeah!” chimed Hajima, “and maybe the differences between divorce and death situations. Step-parents?”

“I think we should just stick with single parents. There’s plenty of material we can find.”

_How would Ren and Ran be if Mom and Dad separated?_ Makoto wondered.  

“What do you think, Tachibana?” Koji asked, bumping elbows, jarring him from his thoughts.

“We can include comparisons by ages, too?” Makoto suggested. “And if the child is old enough to remember the initial separation?”

“Good idea,” Wakano nodded and stirred her frappe with a straw. “Hmm, what about absent parents? They work a lot and the child has to be raised by another family member?”

Makoto looked in his more-cream-than-coffee cup and thought about Haru. At least he’d have plenty of research material.

“I don’t know,” Koji pondered outloud, “That’s not quite the focus we’re going for. The parents would still be together, right?”

“Not necessarily; My parents weren’t around a whole lot during the divorce process. Once papers were signed and custody figured out, I didn’t see a whole lot of either of them no matter whose house I was at.”

Sympathy tugged at his heart, and he tried his best to not bring sorrowing attention to her plight, as Wakano seemed fairly well adjusted despite her hardships.

Hajima seemed to pick up on the group’s mutual thoughts as she momentarily leaned on Wakano in comfort. “I suppose we can write it down in case we need more length. A separate branch to touch on.”

They then planned for the next time for them to meet at the library to conduct their initial research on the project and tentative dates afterward.

Koji leaned back in his chair. “I’m planning on heading to Todai for the basketball game on Friday against my home town. Did you guys want to join?”

“Not my thing,” Hajima shrugged.

“I’ll go if either of you go,” Wakano said, playing with her straw.

Basketball was a sport Makoto could follow, thus mildly tempted. It would be at Haru’s university, so it would be supporting his classmates and Kisumi at the very least. Fridays he and Haru usually stayed in winding down from the week.

“What about you, Tachibana? Your roommate swims for Todai, doesn’t he? You should bring him.”

“Oh, he doesn’t care for basketball much, but I’ll ask him and let you know.”

“If they shot hoops in the pool I bet Nanase would care!”

“I think you’d be right about that,” he laughed, imagining it. “Speaking of, I should probably get going.” Wiping the sugar from his fingers from the pastry onto his napkin, he stood and pushed his chair in.

Wakano looked disappointed.

Koji sighed, “Is he going to be okay with you spending extra time away to help with this project?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Makoto asked, mildly confused.

“Because you’re always in a rush to get back home like he can’t spend a few hours without you.”

“That’s not true…” Makoto rubbed at the back of his neck. “Haru usually cooks us dinner and we do homework together. I also try to not be out too late because, well...” He hadn’t told them _exactly_ what was wrong with him, just that he had a medical issue that made him really tired. They eased at that, seeing first hand that he did have a tendency to nod off in class. Everything else he was sure sounded like an excuse to not hang out with them as dinner could be heated up and homework isn’t _always_ a large load. But… they’d been apart _all day_ and he didn’t like making Haru wait longer. Bathtime was usually before or after dinner depending, and he knew how important that was for Haru. Probably the highlight of both their days.

While he was content and happy to keep things as they were, maybe it would be good to associate more with other people. Having friends was important, afterall. They both expressed missing Rei and Nagisa in Iwatobi and how often they were together after school. Skype calls didn’t always satisfy. “I’ll ask him about Friday.”

“Cool. Hope to see you there. If not, we’ll see you next week?”

“Yeah. Later!” Makoto slung his bag over his shoulder and walked to the tray shelves to put away his used coffee cup, when a poster on the window caught his eye: Now Hiring. Momentarily he gnawed on his lip, thinking about the diminishing bills in his wallet and the grocery shopping that would need to be done on Sunday. The rent that would be due in two weeks. The bill for his doctor visit for a refill of medication at the end of the month.

“Excuse me,” he called to the man over the counter, “Would you happen to be hiring at other locations?”

 

Haru looked at the application as if the paper had somehow offended him. It may as well have, as Makoto practically barged through the door and dinner prep was put on hold. “You don’t need to work. Mom and Dad send enough for me to take care of everything.”

“I know, but… that’s not very fair. I need to earn my keep.” Makoto snuck the application from his boyfriend before he could tear it into pieces and leaned against the countertop.

“You’re busy enough.”

“I’d only work part time; some evenings or afternoons around classes and likely on weekends.”

A prominent frown formed on Haru’s lips.

“I don’t want to give up our time together either, but I can’t be a freeloader. I feel awful for letting it go on this long.”

Frown turning into an outright pout, _I don’t mind. I want to._

“Please, Haru,” Makoto took his hands, letting the application flitter to the ground, steeling himself, “I need to do something to help out so I’m not so much of a burden.”

“You never are.”

By his tone, he knew he should believe him, but didn’t. With his parents entrusting their son’s well-being to Haru, of course he wouldn’t admit to the task being bothersome having wholly accepted responsibility. Their concerns were valid, but that didn’t automatically make him inept! What was wrong with wanting to contribute and not be lazy? “Can I try? I mean, there’s no guarantee they’ll hire me, really. I haven’t had a job before and they want me to list my skills…”

“What if it’s too straining on you?”

“It’s at a coffee shop. I’ll have to learn how to make coffee and lattes and that doesn’t sound too physically tiring to me.”

“Neither did school,” Haru stated and took to chopping what remained of the onion on the board.

The accusation stung. Still he pressed, “I suppose not. I haven’t had an attack since we moved to Tokyo; that should count for something?” _Passed out of exhaustion, sure, but I haven’t had to go to the hospital..._

“Do what you want,” Haru sighed either out of surrender or seemingly being convinced.

Makoto took a few steps so he was behind his boyfriend and carefully wrapped his arms around his middle, chin resting on his shoulder. “Are you mad?”

“No.” _Just worried._

“If it becomes a problem I’ll quit. Promise. I want to help out. At least pay for my doctor visits and prescriptions. Less time together, but isn’t a little sacrifice worth it if we can live a little better?”

The knife was set aside once more and Haru leaned back against Makoto who readily held him. “I don’t like it,” Haru started, tilting his head up a slightly, “but I can’t stop you from doing what you want to do. My parents made it clear they wouldn’t let us be homeless.”

“I appreciate their generosity, yet I can’t let myself rely on them or you. Or my parents. Especially when I end up in the hospital again.” At Haru tensing in his embrace, he quickly attempted to cover his words with a, “I mean, uh, _if_ I do. If.”

“Only if you tell your boss that you have a condition.”

“Will do. I’ll make a copy of my doctor’s note. Thank you, Haru,” he nuzzled his nose into the black hairline and then kissed his neck and was rewarded with the adorable pleasurable exhale of his boyfriend.

“Was there something else?” the shorter boy asked, carding through the chopped vegetables.

“Oh, yeah! My friends from my child psychology class were going to go to the basketball game on Friday and they invited us.”

“Did you want to go?”

“Only if you did… I thought it’d be a good chance to show some school pride. Plus, Kisumi is playing and he’s come to some of your tournaments, it’d be nice to support him.”

“It’s not like he’d see us if we went,” Haru replied, oddly contemplative.

“You may be right about that. Does that mean ‘no’?”

With a pause and a sigh, Haru patted Makoto’s arms. “I guess it’s okay.”

 

Saying Haru approached the evening with optimism was an overstatement. He addressed Makoto’s classmates politely and spoke when spoken to, but otherwise remained silent. Every once in awhile their eyes would meet in silent conversation and Haru wasn’t begging to leave, so their additional company must have been tolerable.

Before making their way to the gymnasium for the game, they stopped for a quick meal at the nearest cafe. Haru admitted to visiting it for coffee before morning classes and as that was the only thing Haru spoke out of turn, the group figured it was a good place. Throughout their meal of coffee or tea and sandwiches or pastries, Haru crossed the respectable distance by pressing his and Makoto’s knees together under the table. It always seemed to be when someone was directly speaking to Makoto and he found it odd that Haru felt the need to signal his presence, but squeezed his hand to ease and encourage him to speak if he wanted to.

Koji was so excited to see the game, he managed to get them seats on the third row in home team. At their distance, Kisumi easily spotted them and looked absolutely jovial at their presence. Makoto waved while Haru wasn’t successful at masking a face.

“That Shinigo is a real beast on the court!” Koji boasted after Kisumi made an impressive three-pointer and then was blowing kisses to some screeching section of girls closest to the hoop.

Wakano found kinship in those girls and was too distracted by joining in their rucus to take notice of her classmate’s conversation. Koji rolled his eyes at that.

Makoto chuckled. “That much hasn’t changed. He always had the upper hand back in middle school.”

“Wait, you know that guy?” Koji balked.

“Kisumi and I used to play basketball together. His tall and wiry frame made it easy for him to get around me and shoot. I’d be toast if I tried now.”

“Wow, you used to play, Tachibana? You’ve got the build for it, what made you give it up?”

He smiled at Haru as he answered. “I decided to swim instead.”

“You totally could have done both what with them being off season from each other.”

Haru paled at that and Makoto was quick to correct Koji and voice the horror of his roommate. “Uh… I think I’d be in worse shape if I did,” he shrugged, sheepishly.

“Oh! You’re right. Sorry.”

An awkward silence fell between the group as their attentions returned to the game in front of them.

Makoto gingerly reached for Haru’s hand that rested, fingers slightly curled, between them. Haru didn’t resist the contact, but pointedly didn’t face him, worrying his lip. Maybe he was trying to not dwell on the ill topic that came up? Or trying to be discreet in their affections in public. Perhaps both. Either way, he was sure he’d be making it up to him.

At the sound of the buzzer a loud cheer erupted for the home team from the stands and many fists and chest bumps were exchanged among Kisumi and his fellow teammates. It was an intense game.

Kisumi bounded towards them with arms waving, signalling to wait for him. While Makoto was more than happy to wait, as well as Kisumi’s newest fans, he felt Haru tense and steel himself in place.

“It’ll be just a few minutes,” Makoto attempted to placate him. He wanted to make Haru happy (always) but he couldn’t be rude. At the very least inform Kisumi that they needed to get going.

The pink-haired boy came running from the locker rooms once the bleachers were empty aside from the four of them. Brief introductions ensued and Koji and Wakano’s star-stuck-ism increased with his charm in person. He gladly accepted their praises and credited his success to his talents, hard work and how well he could coordinate with his teammates. He always had a strange humble way of boasting. Although, Makoto would have appreciated it if he didn’t list just how many times he’d won against him back in middle school.

Their loitering ceased when Wakano announced she needed to get going before the last train and Koji had previous arrangements with friends. The group exited the gymnasium and wandered campus.

Taking notice of how Haru had distanced himself from the group while they all conversed, Kisumi took the opportunity of it just being the three of them to put an arm around the smaller boy’s shoulder who, much to Haru’s chagrin, didn’t budge at the hand trying to bat him away.

“How you been, Haru? You never call… you never write…” he lamented theatrically, “We’re in the same school again, we should see more of each other!”

“Different classes, big campus,” Haru muttered, turning his head away.

“Right, right. I wasn’t able to go to your National competition, but I’m sure you won, yeah?”

“Sure did,” Makoto answered for Haru. “Set a record for 100m, too.”

Kisumi emitted a low whistle. “Wow, no kidding? Olympics here you come!”

Haru only offered a shrug.

He laughed at the brush off and finally took mercy on Haru’s shoulder and bounced over to Makoto a few feet with his sports bag plopping onto the ground. “How have you been, Makoto? You look like you’ve lost some weight.”

Out of the corner of his eye he could tell that Haru bristled. “O-oh? I guess that would make sense as I haven’t done anything since swim club activities ended in high school. Doctor’s orders until further notice and all.” When he bumped into Kisumi at Haru’s swim meets they hadn’t had a lot of time to chat and about the only thing that was exchanged was their major and living situations.

“Doctor’s orders? I didn’t knooo- wait, back at nationals! I remember an ambulance coming after the relay. I guess I just assumed the ‘No news is good news’. You’re not doing well?”

“I won’t bore you with the details. It’s just a heart disease.”

“Just a-- _Makoto_!” he gawked in his ear.

Hearing such an accusing tone from Kisumi of all people made Makoto wince under his weight and voice.

Kisumi returned his arm and stood in front of his friend in observation.“Well, you’re standing and you moved away from home, so I imagine you are stable enough. Plus, you’ve got Haru looking out for you, which is odd as I’m used to seeing the other way around on. Plenty of doctors in the area. Treatment going well?”

“As well as it can,” Makoto offered a smile, trying his best to keep it at that and not think or speak about the reality. Nor burden Kisumi.

“Okay. If you need anything, I only live in the dorms here. Don’t hesitate, all right?”

“Sure.”

Violet eyes glanced over Makoto’s shoulder to the courtyard clock and then to Haru who was hiding a yawn. He bent over to shoulder his bag. “As much as I’d love to offer to go karaoking right now, Haru looks like he’s about to pass out, so I’ll let you head on home. Before that though, I wanted to let you know about a position I saw at the community center in Ueno.”

“Position?”

“With you wanting to be a coach and all. I just happened to be there at the center shooting some hoops and I saw a flyer that said they were interested in having some interns to assist coaches there on Sundays. Good opportunity, yeah?”

“I’ll look into it. Thanks, Kisumi!” He was touched that his friend would think of him. 

“No problem. Seriously though, we should hang out again. Maybe during the day so Haru can keep up,” Kisumi winked.

“Give Haru some credit; it’s been awhile since he’s socialized this much.”

Clasping both their shoulders he waved and took off in a pink blur.

“Shall we head home?” Makoto asked, reaching to take Haru’s hand.

The hold was returned and Haru nodded, following the tug in mild lethargy towards the station. A comfortable silence accompanied their commute back to their apartment, though Makoto could tell Haru was still agitated by the encounter with Kisumi. If something happened back in middle school, Haru never said and he wasn’t going to pry. Sure Kisumi was friendly to everyone, but he always seemed particularly warm towards Haru like the friends Makoto thought they were back then. If there were any ill feelings, maybe it was all just a misunderstanding.

“You look like you want to say something,” Haru commented as they walked through the exit gate.

“It’s nothing much. I’m probably overthinking.”

Haru held his eyes for a moment, giving him room to speak if he wanted to.

It didn’t hurt to ask even if Haru refused to answer. He sighed and fell a step behind, “Haru... did Kisumi do something to upset you?”

Haru jerked to a stop and Makoto backtracked to stand beside him, until Haru picked up the pace again.

The reaction would be clear to anyone. A little extreme for Haru who usually avoided with silence, but, still: it confirmed that _something_ did happen and that should be enough. Soon, he caught up to him at the steps to their apartment and they fell in step as if they hadn’t separated.

Once inside their home, Makoto felt Haru touch his arm.

“I just… I don’t like him,” Haru said, looking at his feet as Makoto turned to face him.

“Oh. Well…” Would he elaborate?

“He looks at you.”

Makoto cocked his head to the side. “He looks at me? Does he look at me funny?”

“Like a predator.”

“Wait, what? Haru, Kisumi does not want to eat me!”

“He wants Makoto.”

“He’s really nice. Just very clingy and-- oh! OH! Um. I’m sure he doesn’t. He’s friendly with everyone.” There was no way. If that were the case Kisumi would have confessed to him years ago! Or did he refrain because he thought he was with Haru back then. He had commented that they were always together quite often. Another boy crushing on him was something he hadn’t taken the time to consider. He’d received a few confessions from girls in high school… 

Did Kisumi like him? True or not, the way Haru was acting was decidedly _jealous_ and that was something he never imagined and felt foolish for not seeing it sooner. Presumptions and unspoken words didn’t matter.

Blue eyes were now looking up at him, lips drawn into a pout, and he could have sworn his cheeks were slightly inflated, trying to make Makoto see that it was _vital_ that he understands what Kisumi has been doing.

Gently he entwined their fingers together. “If he does want me as you say, it doesn’t matter cause I’ll always stay with you. Haru is the one that _I_ want.”

Pink blossomed on his pale cheeks, embarrassed and pleased, mouth looking less sad, still unspeaking.

Stunning him to silence hadn’t been what he intended, but if that’s what it took for Haru to believe that their bond would never be broken, no matter who was trying to break them apart, then he would. As long as he spoke _eventually_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pardon my OCs that occasionally happen. Hope it's not TOO bad and distracting. I planned on having Kisumi around more and having Nao show up, but this fic was getting really long -_-
> 
> The Mackerel Festival that they go to is indeed a real thing! ... And just as I'm about to link to where I found out about it, the site doesn't want to load \o/ I may have fudged on how it really goes down, but from what I can tell, it's free as long as you are willing to wait in a huge-ass line. Happy Haru is happy.


	25. I'm Ready for it All, Love, I'm Ready for a Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two new occupations and concerns.

After classes on Monday the following week, Makoto took his application to the Cocoa Bean location that was two train stops from their apartment. The manager was ready to hire him on the spot. The staff did seem a short-handed when he stepped in the shop late afternoon, so maybe that’s why he was so eager? Never having a job before, surely the jump to hire him couldn’t have been for his experience in club activities.

He started a week later adorned in the cafe uniform of brown shirt and charcoal slacks and apron. He chose to wear his glasses to optimize his concentration in learning the daily procedures (and Haru mentioned it nicely completed the ensemble). For the first day, he took to reading instructions and observing his fellow baristas. On the second and third, he was asked to be on the floor and clean windows and sweep and pick up garbage patrons left on the tables in their departures. Business was slower on the weekdays, they told him, but already they complimented him on his dedication to being attentive to patrons that had already received their orders. By the end of his seventh day they were training him on taking orders and working the cash register. Another week he was assisted in operating the coffee machines and he took home a list of their drinks to help memorize the ingredients. 

It wasn’t hard work. Different, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Seeing new people everyday and starting to recognize a few regulars gave him a type of thrill of doing a good job. His fatigue lingered as he was on his feet most of the day, but after some ten minute breaks and free coffee, he was able to gain energy back.

Unfortunately, he was large and clumsy and not the most graceful employee. Drinks were spilled and glasses were chipped and orders were made wrong. Co-workers and customers were fairly forgiving with his apologies and promises to do better. Somehow, after bringing a woman the wrong pastry, she still thanked him as if he brought her two of the correct order.

Haru smiled as Makoto reported his progress at the cafe on his shift-by-shift basis. He worked after classes during the week and some morning shifts on his days off on Wednesdays and Saturdays and some evenings on Saturdays or early shifts on Sundays. They started to see less of each other and that was an adjustment in and of itself. Sometimes Haru would bring his homework to the cafe when Makoto was working, stop and chat in between duties if it wasn’t busy, and then they would walk back to the station afterwards.

 

After a month of working at the coffee shop, Makoto felt he was ready to apply for the assistant coach position Kisumi sent him a text with the info he needed. He hoped he hadn’t ruined his chances by waiting. Resume in hand he strode through the double doors.

He approached the receptionist desk “E-excuse me.”

The young woman behind the desk looked up from her furious typing and immediately she brightened. “Good afternoon! How can I help you?”

“I’m interested in the assistant swim coach position with Kuromi-san.”

“I think he’s available right now if you’d like to hand it to him in person.”

“Oh! That’d be great.” Seeing his new boss face to face could help ease some nerves. And explain himself a little better than what’s written.

She pushed a button he couldn’t see. “Kuromi-san. You have an applicant for you. Should I send him in?”

“Yeah, sure! Give me a second to clear off my desk!” Before the line cut, there was a large crash.

“Is he…”

The woman shrugged as if this behaviour was normal, then pointed. “If you go down this hall and make a right he’s at the end. Good luck.”

“Thank you.” Makoto followed the instructions, steeling himself before knocking on the partially closed door.

“Come in,” came Kuromi-san’s baritone voice.

Makoto pushed the door the rest of the way and let himself in.

Kuromi was a shorter man, slightly shorter than Haru, leaner with thick arms and calves shown through his tank top and swim trunks. If Makoto were to take a guess, he’d think he’d be suited for breaststroke.

And like the energy of a certain breaststroker he knew, Kuromi sprung from behind a pile of mess, that may or may not have been on the desk at some point, to greet him.

“Hello! I’m Coach Kuromi - you can call me Coach,” he grinned and extended a hand.

Taken aback by his enthusiasm, Makoto grasped his hand in a firm grip. “Pleased to meet you, Coach. I’m Tachibana Makoto, and I’m interested in the assistant position.” He started to hand him the resume he held in his other hand, but Kuromi paid it no mind, standing back with arms folded.

“You look like a swimmer. What’s your specialty?”

“Backstroke, sir.”

“Ah, makes sense. You’ve got good height to you and broad shoulders. Probably be a good contender for butterfly as well. You swimming for your university?”

“Uh… actually, Coach, I don’t swim anymore.”

“Competitive swimming can be hard while you’re studying. I can respect that.”

“That and... I have hypertrophic cardiomyalgia. I can’t swim because of my heart.”

Kuromi’s eyes turned the size of saucers. “And you want to coach?”

“I saw that you teach a younger age as well as teenagers. I thought maybe I’d be able to help out with the kids as that’s what I’m used to. Go from there. I’m going to school to be able to become a coach for children. It’s my dream. Here would be a good start.” _And I can see what I’m capable of._

The swim coach scratched at his stubbly chin. “Hmm… well, Tachibana-kun, you’re mostly right that you wouldn’t be doing a lot of swimming yourself if you’re wanting to focus on rugrats. I can’t decide if you’re admirable or crazy for continuing to school when you have a heart condition.”

“I know it sounds weird, but I want to try.”

“Don’t sound so desperate, Son. I ain’t turning you away. I’d be more than happy to take you on a trial run and see what you’re worth.”

“R-really?”

“I can tell you’re serious about this and I’m not one to stomp on someone’s ambitions. Plus, I wasn’t feeling the other applicants.” He waved a hand over his desk and mess on the floor. “And it wouldn’t feel right for me to reject you after hearing your story.”

Hope warmed Makoto’s core and he bowed. “Thank you! I’ll work hard! Super hard. Uh, I learned to swim at a young age. And I volunteered to teach at the community pool for a few weeks and the kids seemed to like me a lot. I even taught a boy to like swimming. I can talk to my current job and schedule off the time I need to be here.”

“Slow down there. You telling me you’re schooling to be a coach is enough for me. It shows interest and guts and you’re here to learn from me. Consider it an internship. A paid one (though not much). As for when I need you here: I teach the youth group on Sundays mornings from ten to noon. Can you handle that?”

“Yes, sir!”

 

When he arrived at the rec center the following Sunday, he was met with curious eyes and a sense of deja vou. Nine children ranging from six to ten stood in an uneven line on the poolside, chins tilted up at him. 

Adorned in a wetsuit, Makoto felt like they were sizing him up, and he knew how silly that sounded. How were Tokyo kids more intimidating?

Coach Kuromi extended a hand towards Makoto. “This is Coach Tachibana. He’s going to be helping out around here. Be nice and do as he says.”

Suspicions of the new comer lifted, their quiet observations turned to smiles.

“Nice to meet you, Coach Tachibana!” they all greeted in intermittent unison. 

The same sort of swell he felt at Iwatobi Returns formed in his chest as he bowed towards them. “Happy to be here.”

“Go swim a few laps for a bit, Kiddos. No running. I mean it.”

“Okay!” A few of the children were struggling with the Not Running and stepped or slid into the pool. A rope divided the pool and half, keeping the children on the shallow end.

Kuromi then showed Makoto around the swimming facility, pointing out the supply closet and the first aid kit. The room held one pool, Coach explaining it was specifically for lessons, the leisure pools on the other side of the wall. “Not much to it, but this is it.”

“I like it. It’s small and intimate.”

“Sure is.” With hands on his hips, he turned toward his students. 

“So do they have a schedule they follow?”

“It’s fairly loose, but yeah. I give them some free time at first to get all the wiggles out. Then I round them up and work on their strokes. They practice all of them and then we move on to some breathing exercises and end with a relay. A few of them know their style, or think they do. Others are working on it.”

“Seems like you have things under control. Not that I don’t want to be here, but what do you need the help for?”

He smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners, “Well, some kids need a little one on one time. And that’s part of your training today; figure out which ones are struggling.”

Dutifully he straightened. “O-oh! Yes, sir.”

With a challenging smile, Coach Kuromi talked to the edge of the pool, whistled, and the children gathered round in the water. He three at a time to get in a lane and race in free/front crawl. Then breaststroke, backstroke, and butterfly.

Makoto paced the pool and watched the children swim up and down the lanes. They were much better at swimming than the children back at Iwatobi. Then again, with how Coach talked to the kids, it seemed like he’d been their coach for a time. As expected, their forms were wobbly in comparison to a high schooler, so it was harder to pinpoint a problem at first. None of them seemed hesitant like Hayato. 

By the end of the stroke practice, he noticed a boy whose arms didn’t extend fully. May it be an injury or lack of confidence, he couldn’t tell. Then there was a girl who thrashed about so wildly she was out of breath by the backstroke. If there were other children he hadn’t noticed; too focused on the two. 

When he reported to Coach his findings, he was proud, but didn’t lead on to there being other ‘problem’ children. “Next week I’d like you to work with Mari-chan.”

 

The sliding doors to the recreation center hissed opened, and Makoto tightened his scarf as he stepped out into the chilly winter streets of Tokyo. 

“How did it go?”

The sound of Haru’s voice brought Makoto out of his thoughts. He had been leaning against facility’s wall while Makoto worked. If Haru weren’t liable to jump into the pool, Makoto would have felt more comfortable asking his coach if Haru could come inside. Maybe later. “I think the coach likes me and I’ll get to stay around. I just didn’t think I’d have so much responsibility right off the bat! He wants me to teach a girl how to swim better next week.”

“Isn’t that what you’re there for?”

“I know… ahh I’m so nervous, though.”

One of Haru’s gloved hands reached for his and gave it a squeeze. “You’ll do great.”

Makoto smiled a that, the courage rising within him. “Thanks. We’ll see what happens. I feel bad that you waited for me.” Admittedly he didn’t put up much of a fight against it, knowing Haru would have done it anyway. 

“It wasn’t long. I didn’t want you to get lost on the way back.”

 

On the following Sunday, Makoto arrived a few minutes early to gather himself before the young girl was placed in his care. One by one the children entered the pool room, laughing and waving at him as they went by into the segregated changing rooms. 

Coach Kuromi cupped his shoulder and told him to loosen up cause even kids can tell when you’re nervous. It had been so long since he’d spent time with his siblings, he felt a little out of touch with his brotherly instincts. 

Mari-chan padded towards them, not quite meeting either adults eyes. After a quick introduction, Kuromi left Makoto along with the eight-year-old girl. 

“Come with me, Mari-chan.” Makoto held out his hand to her. 

She considered the hand and slowly nodded and took it and followed him to the smaller, separate training pool. Makoto helped ease her into the water. 

He then watched her demonstrate the four strokes and through all four she thrashed about, sending splashes every which way to get to the other side of the pool. Was she having trouble keeping afloat and her movements were out of desperation?

Mari gripped the edge of the pool, out of breath, sliding hair that peaked from her cap back inside. 

Makoto bent his knees to be level with her. “Mari-chan? Is it hard to swim?”

She pursed her lips. “The other kids started swimming before me. They are better.”

“Do you feel you need to catch up?”

A slow nod. 

“Don’t resist the water. Accept its presence.”

Expectedly, she cocked her head at that. “What’s that mean?”

He chuckled, amused and grateful that Haru’s abstract advice could apply here. “It’s something my best friend says. He’s training to be an Olympian, you see.”

“Really?!”

“Hhe means that the more you fight the water, the harder it’s going to be to swim. Let’s start with the front crawl. Go slower this time, okay?”

Mari released the edge of the pool and faced the water with new determination. For the first twenty meters she struggled to hold back her previous force. On the return lap, her movements became crisper. When she reached him, she stood and lifted her goggles to beam triumphantly. 

“That was great, Mari-chan! We should work on it a few more times.” 

“Okay!”

When Makoto returned home that afternoon, he took Haru around the waist and kissed him firmly, thanking him for unknowingly giving him advice. 

Fondly Haru shook his head, dismissing the credit. “It was you who knew what she needed to hear.”

 

“Thank you again, Mako-kun,”

Makoto took the elderly woman’s hand and helped her out of her seat. Her knees were weak so she often needed assistance getting up when she was done with her tea and sandwich on Tuesdays just after the lunch rush. “You’re very welcome, Mori-San. We appreciate your patronage.”

Her withered hand patted the hand on her arm and reached for her handbag that Makoto then offered her.

“You’re the only one she lets help her up,” Inoue observed from the counter as the bell from the door rang with Mori-san’s departure.

“Oh, she probably thinks she’s too heavy and doesn’t want to trouble you. It took her a while to let her help me. There are Tuesdays I’m not working, so she’d need someone else.”

“It took her two visits. And on the rare occasion you have Tuesdays off, she doesn’t let anyone else help her up. Admit she likes being doted on by a handsome young man.”

“Now that’s just silly, Inoue-san,” Makoto laughed.

Inoue rolled her eyes. “Hey, is it cool if I go on break for lunch? It’s slow right now; I figured it was a good time. Holler if magically a a big group comes.”

“Sure. Enjoy!”

With a wave, she disappeared into the back room and Makoto rounded the counter to watch the till.

He spotted a straw wrapper on the floor and bent to pick it up. When he stood he became lightheaded. Must have stood up too fast, he concluded and remained still with eyes closed for the feeling to pass.

The door jingled and a couple with backpacks each - students - strolled inside.

“Good afternoon,” Makoto greeted and stood to attention.

They returned the smile and spoke softly between themselves as to what to order. Eventually they ordered a caramel macchiato, a glass of water and a biscotti set.

“Coming right up. What’s the name I can put on the order?”

The girl blushed and they both became enamored with each other and Makoto noticed the ring on the hand the girl used to brush hair away from her face. Ah, recently engaged, perhaps? He couldn’t help the sudden giddiness that bubbled inside for them. “Ryuzoji,” the young man finally answered.

Not that it mattered since they were the only one’s in the cafe for the moment, but he was so into habit, he jotted the name down anyway and the couple sat at the bay window. While they started to take out books from their backpacks, Makoto set to work on their order.

Coffee. Milk. Vanilla. Caramel. Powder. Cream.

One look at his only guests engaged in conversation over the work piled on the table, Makoto decided he’d deliver the order to them himself. He took the coffee in his left and the water in his right, nudged the saloon doors with his hip, and walked towards them.

As he drew nearer, the light-headed feeling from when he stood earlier came back. He stopped in his steps and waited. Another step and he was seeing stars.

First it was the sharp pain in his right hand. Then it was the aching throb to the side of his head. Then frantic voices that brought him to awareness.

“Sir, sir! Are you okay?!”

He’d face planted on the floor. Caramel macchiato had launched across the tile floor in brown streaks, his right side was wet and his hand… some reason his hand hurt and he couldn’t move it. Gradually he shifted to his knees, keeping his eyes closed, waiting for the world to stop spinning, and then he was looking at the cause of his pained hand - shattered glass pierced the skin in small shards. Vomit billowed up to his throat and he had to look away before he made more of a mess. “Wha-wha…” he stuttered.

“What was that crash just now?” Makoto recognized the voice as Inoue. “What the hell just happened?!”

“He was bringing us our order and he… he - I dunno,” the female student failed to explain.

The male student was kneeling on the ground in front of him, uselessly trying to be of assistance. “I think you must have blacked out for a second. You were walking towards us, and then you started falling. At first I thought you were catching yourself - the glass broke in your hand, the coffee went everywhere - but then you hit your head on the corner of the booth next to us. It all happened so fast, I’m sorry!”

“Should I call for an ambulance?” the girl asked.

“I’ll do it!” Inoue said, taking charge, panic still heavy in her voice and she dialed on the touchscreen of her phone.

Makoto teetered on his knees and opted to lean against the table booth. Everything was blurry. Oh, a lens in his glasses broke. Hand and head were throbbing like mad, he felt sick to his stomach, chest heavy.

“Don’t move, Tachibana-kun! Oh, yes, hello? There’s been an accident at the Cocoa Bean on 23rd. A co-worker has fallen and hit his head and there’s blood and-”

A stream of warm liquid trailed down from his hairline down to his cheek.

“The ambulance is on their way. I’m calling your roommate.” Inoue disappeared from his line of hazy vision.

“N-no dun no Haruuu…” He wasn’t sure why he didn’t want Haru. Did he not want him to be upset?

“I think he might have a concussion,” the male student called to his retreating coworker. “Should we try and pull the shards out of his hand?”

“I wouldn’t risk it,” his fiance said.

“Yes, Nanase-san?” Steps returned and Inoue was crouching in front of Makoto with his phone at her ear. “This is Inoue, Tachibana-kun’s coworker. There’s been an accident. A heart att?-- well, no, I don’t think so, maybe? He’s conscious and looks like he’s in pain, but I’ve called an ambulance. I’m not sure which hospital they are taking him to, yet. How fast can you get here? Or I can call back when I know? Sure. Thanks.”

Makoto closed his eyes, willing it all to go away.

 

He didn’t remember much after that. At some point the ambulance must have come for him, as when he fully registered his surroundings, he was in a hospital room with the curtains drawn. During that time Haru must have showed up as he sat in a chair next to his bed, expression dreary. A familiar sight, but at least he wasn’t hooked up to heart monitors or IVs. A small victory.

“Makoto?” Haru edged toward the bed.

“Haru… I’m. How long have I…”

“Several hours. You were in a lot of pain and crying. Delirious. Sedated you to calm you down.”

A bandaged hand graced his vision when he looked down to his injury. It had hurt - he didn’t have the highest pain threshold - but not to the point he’d think he’d be wailing like a child.

Haru read his confusion. “The doctors said it was the concussion.”

“Did I say anything weird?” Thinking maybe that was what was adding to his boyfriend’s worries.

For a moment Haru didn’t look at him. “You apologized. A lot. They want to keep you overnight. Make sure you’re okay.”

There was a light pressure on his head. Maybe they had to patch his skull, too.

“Do you remember what happened?” Haru asked after a pregnant pause.

“I was walking to bring some customers their order and then… I was on the ground. Ah, but it wasn’t a heart attack, though! Well, I guess it was because of my heart, heh, that I blacked out like that, but…” He buttoned his lips from letting an apology escape. It sounded like he’d done plenty of that already to no avail.

Haru sighed and gave him a stern look as if he had been practicing it. “Makoto, I don’t think you should work anymore.”

“Wha-”

“Even if it wasn’t your heart. You need to be careful. That could have been a lot worse.”

It could have, but it wasn’t. He didn’t want to think about what ifs. Staring at the bedsheets, he clenched them in his fists.

“Listen to me, Makoto.”

Green eyes flickered up to blue at that, startled. “I always listen, Haru.”

“No, no you haven’t. I’m asking you to stop working. I worry. A lot. I don’t want this or anything like this to happen again. You could--” He stopped himself from finishing the thought, but Makoto knew too well where his love’s mind was going.

“I don't want to walk on eggshells all the time. This is me going through normal everyday things and… I'm not _trying_ to be reckless.”

“I know.”

“I’m being as careful as I can. I’ll, uh, go to bed sooner? I can take less hours. Or something.”

Haru shook his head with a sigh, not happy with this compromise, though the best he’d get for now.

“The same thing could happen at home?”

Not that he expected it to completely placate Haru, it did deflate the tight expression on his face. “It could. Fine. Take less hours for now.”

“I’m sure they want me to take a leave of absence now, anyway. We’ll see how it goes, okay?”

“Yeah. We’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's very likely there will be no new chapter new week. My hope is for the following week, though :)


	26. Take Me Now and Climb to Fly to a Higher Place Where Love Won't Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distraction, Distress, Distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, turns out there is a chapter this week! Sorry again for the delay!

Even though the whole ordeal didn't come as a surprise to Haru, the panic was just as intense. While Makoto slept in that small hospital bed, under thin, stiff sheets, Haru replayed the details in his head again and again.

It was too much.

Makoto had finals soon. He studied every waking moment that he wasn't at work. Studied until his eyes couldn't stay open any longer. He was so diligent, so determined.

Some nights, after he insisted that they go to bed, Makoto brought his work with him. Textbook open, glasses inching down his nose, eventually passing out on the open text. Haru stayed awake to watch him, quietly checking up every so often until he could put the book away. It hurt that he looked like he was hard at work, even in his sleep.

Maybe he needed to be firmer with him. Take the books away, hide them. Demand that he quit his jobs and rest. But that wouldn't make Makoto happy. Neither would not being a distraction. It relieved stress- for both of them.

Makoto was so determined to do it all. Unwilling to give up the things that a healthy person could do. He wanted that degree, he wanted the experience, the exposure to people, the caring and productivity. It wasn't good for him, but what good was a life if you didn't live it?

Haru rubbed his eyes and leaned back in the chair by the window. The hospital was so dry. So arid and empty and stifling. He hated it. Hated being there, hated that Makoto had gone to it so many times, and would continue to have to. With his health problems, there'd never be an end to it. They'd always be in and out of them. Another trip to the ER was inevitable. It could happen at any moment.

Haru hated it. Hated all of it. The fact that someone so pure and good could work so hard and still be snuffed out by a stupid medical condition. It wasn't even Makoto's fault. Not really.

Sort of.

He pushed himself too hard. Did too much.

Haru knew that he could enforce some things, get Makoto to listen to reason. If he just had the strength and willpower to make him rest, make him relax, make him ease up on himself. But stubborn as he was himself, he knew Makoto would hate it. And he'd hate it, too. He didn't want to to be an enforcer; he wanted to be free. He wanted Makoto to be free.

But being free was killing him.

Being free had let them live in a fantasy life in a Tokyo apartment. Alone together, closer than ever, working toward their dreams- their dreams! His and Makoto's both! Some days it was so easy to forget all of the poison and darkness that ate at him in his sleep. All of the terrible things in the world that had nearly ruined him before. The pressure, the expectations, the overwhelming apathy and that hollow in his gut that stung.

They had a life together. It was good. Perfect, even. The most liberating freedom he'd ever known. If only the freedom hadn't come with a price, dragging the real world right back in. Forcing the truth on him like the waves on the shore.

Makoto was dying.

Slowly, yes. But Haru knew it. There was no doubt. The signs were all there. To an outsider, they were probably too subtle. But Haru knew Makoto better than anyone. Things just weren't the same anymore.

A week after the trip to the ER, Makoto was still sluggish. Haru was patient, unwilling to bring it up for fear of upsetting him. He just tried to make things easier for him without his knowing: packing heart-healthy lunches; getting vitamins and supplements that supposedly worked; feigning exhaustion to get his lover to come to bed earlier; insisting that he wanted to spend more time with him to lessen the workload.

It sort of worked.

One night, walking home from the station, they made a stop at the corner mart to get drinks. Makoto was lightheaded. Not unusual, but Haru wanted to be safe. Not that it did much good when they reached their apartment. The third floor was a long way up without an elevator. Even Makoto seemed hesitant.

Haru slid his arm around his waist to support him. He didn't wait to be asked. He didn't _want_ to be asked. Up they went, slowly, step by step. Makoto's breath grew staggered, then ragged. Haru slowed to a stop and waited for him to recover.

He didn't. His legs gave out and he slipped. Haru caught him, despite the sudden shift in weight, and eased them down to sit on the iron steps.

"Sorry... I just... need..."

Haru silenced him with the press of a kiss on his forehead, and loosened the scarf around his neck. There his fingers lingered over his pulse. Weak, but fighting. Like a fluttering bird with wings too wet to fly... "Rest."

Seeing it first-hand, up close, all of the pain etched on his love's face, was harder than anything he'd ever done before. But waiting for him to wake up again later was even worse. He'd called an ambulance when Makoto lost consciousness, green eyes finally sliding shut.

Was this it? Was this the moment that he would lose everything?

His arms hurt from helping the paramedics carry Makoto down the steps. His head hurt from the machines surrounding them, beeping, keeping Makoto alive.

How was that free?

His own heart hurt from the pain of knowing that he was losing his purpose for being. The one thing that mattered to him in life.

Would he wake up?

Haru leaned on the edge of the hospital bed, hating the scratchy, sterile dryness of it all, and held his hand. Cold. Fragile. He hated that Makoto didn't complain about it. Didn't express his fears or concerns, just tried to keep living as if none of it were happening. He didn't want pity. Didn't want any extra assistance or handicap allowances. Makoto was his stupid, selfless, caring idiot who wanted to live as much as he could in the short time he had it.

It was important to him, and thus, important to Haru.

He just wasn't sure how he could stay sane in all of this terrible sadness lingering on the horizon.

Haru waited all night for Makoto to stir, holding his hand, ignoring the curious stares of the nurses who came by to check on them.

When the first lights of dawn crept through the window, Makoto woke, squeezing Haru's hand. Groggy and confused, he tried to sit up, but Haru gently guided him back.

"Are we in the hospital again...?" Makoto asked.

"Yes." Haru scooted closer to card his fingers through the mess of brunet on Makoto's head. "Exhaustion, not an attack."

Makoto seemed relieved at this, which relieved Haru, too. "That's good... Sorry, Haru..."

"It's fine." It wasn't. But he settled back, offering a tired little smile to reassure him even more. "I want to tell you something."

"Oh...?"

"Some day, when you're better, we're going to go to an island."

"An island? Haru, what..?"

Haru nodded. He knew Makoto wouldn't believe the story, but that didn't make it any less important. "You'll build the house. I'll hunt and make us food. An island for me and Makoto." Another nod.

Makoto blinked at him. "A house... out of bamboo and leaves?"

"Yes."

The boy in the bed hesitated a moment longer, then eased into a tired smile. He understood. "Can we drink from coconuts?"

"Yes." Haru squeezed his hand. "I'll make mackerel with pineapple and swim in the ocean."

"The ocean?"

"You don't have to. There's a lake, too. With a waterfall."

"And colorful birds?"

"Every kind."

"That sounds nice, Haru..."

Haru bent to kiss his hand, and rested his cheek against his ribs, listening for his heart. "It will be."

"Yeah..."

"We can make chocolate at the bonfire."

"S'mores?"

"Yes. If Makoto wants."

"Yeah. I like it."

_And then we'll live forever_. Haru couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, but he watched Makoto's face, meaning it.

The brunet slipped his hand free of Haru's to touch his cheek, brushing back the tears that had fallen there. _I know we will_.

 

* * *

 

Shirt and pants freshly ironed and shoes polished, Makoto hung his apron in the crook of his arm, ready to leave the apartment for work when his phone vibrated in his pocket. The caller ID read “Mom” and he accepted the call with a fond smile. “Hey Mom.”

Silence greeted him for a few seconds before his mother replied somberly. “I’m sorry, Makoto.”

“For what?” he asked, while his brain raced for possibilities of something bad happening to his father or the twins or-

“We got to talking and-- I thought they knew. I didn’t realize you hadn’t told the Nanases.”

“Told them wha--Oh.” It then dawned on him - they still hadn’t told Haru’s parents about their relationship.

“It slipped! We were catching up over the phone and talking about you two in Tokyo and… I’m so sorry, Makoto. Kaname didn’t sound happy.”

“It’s not your fault, Mom,” Makoto soothed. Haru was now watching him attentively, ceasing his fiddling with his shirt collar. “Don’t worry; I’m sure once we talk to them and apologize, everything will be fine.”

At that, Haru’s phone rang across the room.

“...Looks like they are calling. I’ll let you know how it goes?”

“Please do! Tell Haruka-chan that I’m sorry!” He could hear a _whoosh_ of air as he imagined she had just bowed on the other end.

“What was that about?” Haru asked as Makoto snapped his phone shut.

“Mom was talking to your mom and it got out that we were together. She hadn’t realized we hadn’t told them and I never said anything to her. That’s them calling isn’t it?”

Haru was at their bedside table in a few steps, the phone starting to ring for the second time. “Yeah.”

“If you ignored them would they give up?” Makoto ventured uselessly.

Haru closed his eyes and steeled a breath. “Hello?” Haru stood where he was, neither beckoning Makoto towards him or requesting he step away to not overhear, only turning to the side.

It was rude to eavesdrop, so Makoto decided to wait patiently and try not focus on the tinny sound of Mrs. Nanase’s voice on the receiver.

“What Auntie said is true,” Haru answered. “-- I was going to tell you. Wanted to see you in person -- I didn’t turn anything. I am who I am -- I doubt it -- Couldn’t be helped.” His free hand at his side clenched, voice shaking from its usual stoic composure. “It’s … not -- No, it’s not like that! He’s not-”

Their eyes met as Haru lifted his head in retort and Makoto’s heart ached at what he saw. He didn’t need to hear their words, though he could pick up some from the distorted shouting since Haru stopped speaking, all that mattered was that they were hurting Haru, deeply. If they could see his face would they say such things to their son? Makoto took a step, the instinct to protect Haru igniting.

Haru noticed and denied whatever efforts being conjured, by rushing into the bathroom and closing the door. He wanted to deal with this alone.

Makoto forced himself to walk away from the door, fight the urge to break it down - it would give with enough force. He needed to respect Haru’s wishes despite his desperate need to comfort him.

“Don’t talk about him like that,” Haru’s voice echoed in the bathtub, timber wavering. “It’s not your business -- You don’t know that.”

Sitting on the couch, Makoto withdrew his phone from his pocket and scrolled through his contacts until he found the name of his co-worker he was seeking. “Hey Eguchi.”

“What’s up, Tachibana?”

“I’m sorry if this is so last minute but, would you be able to cover my shift tonight?”

“You doing okay?” Since his accident two months ago, all of his coworkers were willing to shift change when he wasn’t feeling well. His hours had been reduced to a max of three shifts a week. They insisted he go home if he was looking particularly sluggish. Makoto was always touched by how much people cared.

“I’m fine, thank you for asking. Just … a family emergency came up. You work tomorrow, don’t you? Can we swap?”

“Sure. Lunch rush going to work for you?”

“No classes tomorrow, so that should be fine.”

“Okay. I’ll call Boss and let him know I’m covering for you and be a little late in the process.”

“Sorry. I really am.”

“Don’t be. Take care!”

“Thanks, Eguichi!” He ended the call with a thumb, clacked the phone shut and perked his ears towards the bathroom. Quiet. Had Haru wrapped up his conversation? The tub faucet squeaking to life was the answer. As he stood to make his way to the closed door, he wondered if Haru wanted him near at this moment. If he didn’t, he wanted to let Haru know that he was here when he was ready. Gently he knocked on the door and turned the knob. “Haru?”

Blue eyes turned towards him, emotions as visible. His body trembled in the filling bathtub, clothes and phone discarded in a heap by the toilet.

Makoto couldn’t remember the last time Haru was this upset. Whenever the subject of his condition came about, his eyes had a similar gleam. No… this was like how it was that night under the fireworks - betrayal - and like then, Makoto was at a loss of what to do, hoping that Haru wouldn’t run away.

Haru made no motion that he would be leaving the sanctuary of the water, nor did he invite Makoto to join him, but allowed his presence.

They observed one another, gauging movements and intentions for a few moments until Makoto understood what Haru was telling him: I need to calm down. With a smile, he nodded and left his love to collect himself.

Not knowing how long Haru would be soaking, Makoto took to cleaning the kitchen, which Haru likely would have gotten to do once Makoto had left for work. He accepted he was fairly useless when it came to cooking, but was able to do dishes just fine. A tidy apartment was always a mood lifter for his boyfriend. He removed his work uniform and put on loungewear.

Dishes put away, floor swept and vacuumed, cushions adjusted and books placed on the shelf, Haru emerged from the bathroom with a towel over his head, skin rosey and humid. He looked so vulnerable naked, with damp hair hanging in his eyes. Too long Haru had said he didn’t care what his parents thought that Makoto too believed that, but it was becoming clear that that wasn’t the case. Whatever they said cut right through him and he hated their words and the unexpected power over him.

In five steps they were embracing.

More than anything Makoto wanted to tell him that it was okay. The Nanases weren’t very involved in their lives. Called twice in the just over a year they’d been in Tokyo, though provided them with financial security. Could this lead to Haru being more estranged from them?

“Why…” Haru started to speak from the confines of Makoto’s chest. “Why do they think we’re wrong?”

“They don’t understand.”

“We’re not a mistake.”

“No, no, of course not.” Gently Makoto traced circles on his bare back.

It was a time before Haru managed to speak again, fisting Makoto’s shirt. “They blame you.”

There were grounds to argue it was Makoto’s fault _a little bit_ , though he was certain the Nanases weren’t thinking the affections had been mutual for years. “They are looking to blame someone cause they don’t want to believe you could do something ‘wrong’.”

“You didn’t hear what they said.”

“And I don’t need to. You know the truth and that’s what’s most important next to we love each other.” Makoto unraveled his arms and massaged the towel on Haru’s hair. “It’s possible they were just shocked and lashed out and will call back and apologize?”

Nose brushed across Makoto’s chest as Haru shook his head. “They’re mad.”

“Will them being mad change anything?”

Haru looked up through his bangs, shaking his head while keeping eye contact as if not doing so would be disagreeing.

Cupping Haru’s cheeks, Makoto kissed the exposed area on his forehead from patting his hair dry. “I… I get really shy when we are in public. It’s not because I’m ashamed, it’s because I want to protect what’s precious to me. To _us_. What we have is ours. A lot of people are confused why two men fall in love and it’s not anymore their business than why a boy and a girl fall in love. None of it matters.

“I’m sad that your parents aren’t supporting us right now. Maybe they need time. Please know, Haru, that I love you more than anything and wouldn’t trade it or let anyone decide that us being how we are is bad. How can something that feels so right be wrong?” 

The words that came out of his mouth reached his brain and the gravity of them had his whole face flushing. His heart was heavy. What he spoke was true, no matter how bold or embarrassing and he held his gaze with Haru’s to convey that.

With how Haru’s eyes welled and the sound of his name escaped from his throat in a hitching gasp, they were the words he wanted, _needed_ , to hear. Haru’s fingers loosened from Makoto’s shirt and shifted to his arms to trail down to his larger hands, thumbs grazing the small, puffy scars that had healed on his right palm. Tugging on Makoto’s hands, he took a step back and then stopped, lips drawing into a frown. One glance at the bed and Makoto understood.

Makoto pulled Haru back to his chest and reached for the towel on his love’s head and continued to massage his hair and scalp dry once more.

The tension in Haru’s body loosened at the ministrations, exhales almost sounding like a purring. 

Removing the towel, Makoto combed through Haru’s ebony locks with his fingers to smooth out the fringe and confirm it was dry enough for sleep. Once approved, he walked with Haru to their closet drawers for a fresh shirt and boxers and helped him slip into them. Kicking socks and loose papers aside, Makoto guided Haru to the futon and laid down behind him, snaking his arms around his middle, bodies curling and fitting into place. If the water could not calm him, this closeness would.

Just before Makoto could start kissing the back of his neck, Haru rolled over so they were facing each other and he touched their lips together.

Makoto allowed Haru to set the pace so not to misread intentions. Slow and languid, a step above what they’ve considered chaste, away from the precipice of escalating further, content at the motion and contact. The feel, the anchoring to the world they’d created for themselves. 

 

“Eh I wouldn’t worry about it,” Rin sighed and leaned back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head.

The place Rin and Sousuke lived in now put Makoto and Haru’s shoebox apartment to shame. Last time they spoke through Skype they were still at Rin’s homestay parents and were crammed into a bedroom; now they had a sizable space where there was an actual bedroom and den. “Haru’s parents have always struck me as tight-asses, so it doesn’t surprise me they’re bigots. Good idea; isolate your only child! I’m sorry you have shitty parents, Haru.”

“Be nice…” Makoto held up his hands to stop anymore accusations. “They could just need some time. My parents had suspicions for years and eventually came to be okay and supportive.” He wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. It had been three days and they hadn’t heard from them nor had Haru returned to a hundred percent. Haru shrugged at Rin as if he had agreed.

“Seeing as Haru won’t tell you everything they said, I doubt they’ll be okay with your living situation beyond making sure their abused baby isn’t living on the streets and making them look bad. Media would be all over them if an Olympian were a hobo.”

“Rin…”

“Sorry. Bitter.”

“How did your mom take it?”

“She was… confused at first. She figured since I never wanted to wear girl’s clothing or had an affinity for pink that meant I couldn’t like other guys as if that were the only deciding factor. It’s not that I’ve talked to her about my preferences or anything. Sousuke kind of happened - didn’t really consider pursuing relationships much. If anything, she had to warm up to it.”

“Mr. Romantic didn’t consider a relationship _ever_?” Makoto teased.

Even over pixels the pink could be seen surfacing on his cheeks. “Shut up! Being an athlete is hard work and having a significant other would be difficult because I wouldn’t see them a whole lot and I imagine a long distance relationship would suck.”

“And Sousuke has ruined all those expectations, I imagine.”

“I… yeah.”

“What about me?” came Sousuke’s deep voice from off screen.

“O-oh! We were just talking about how our parents took our coming out and--OI! what are you doing, put some clothes on!”

“What? I’m wearing a towel.”

Rin frantically covered the screen, though not the camera itself, enabling Makoto and Haru to still see a freshly showered Sousuke standing behind him.

“It’s nothing they haven’t seen,” Sousuke sighed.

“I could have been talking to Gou!”

“Also nothing she hasn’t seen.”

“...Dammit, never mind!”

“Evening, Sousuke,” Makoto greeted.

Haru nodded.

“Makoto. Haru,” Sousuke regarded them with his own nod.

“You want to tell them how your parents reacted or shall I?” Rin asked, tilting his head up towards his tall boyfriend.

Sousuke leaned forward, forcing Rin to look straight, supporting his chin on the top of his skull. “Dad avoids talking about it. Mom doesn’t care as long as I give her grandkids,” Sousuke drawled as if he answered this often.

“Wow! I can see you both being really great dads one day,” Makoto chuckled and received both boys looking away from the camera, embarrassed. Rin opened his mouth as he caught eyes with Makoto again and then stopped himself. It lasted for a few more seconds of Makoto waiting, but it never came. Whatever it was.

“Did Haru’s parents just find out?” Sousuke asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” Haru shifted more into the camera’s view, leaning against Makoto’s welcoming side embrace.

“They were probably pissed you didn’t tell them sooner.”

“I wanted to tell them in person. They are never around.”

“And they still flipped? Jeez.”

“Look: the important thing is that you don’t give them the satisfaction by breaking up.” Rin brought a soft fist to the side of Sousuke’s face. “If you make each other happy, you do anything to keep it that way. I’ve seen you do it for years and the day you stop, Hell’s freezing over.”

Makoto’s hold on Haru tightened at that. That day would never come. “Thanks, Rin.”

A toothy grin graced their Skype window. “So, Haru: You all trained up for the qualifying rounds next week?”

“That’s right, that is coming up…” Haru feigned ignorance.

“You ass. Keep that cocky act up while you can!”

“You’re competing to be on the same team, Rin,” Makoto uselessly reminded.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t set some personal records along the way. For reals though, you better be in your top condition, cause if you’re not on Japan’s team with me you’re kind of shattering my dreams.”

“No pressure,” muttered Haru, a smiling quirking on his lips.

  
  


Cicadas chirped and sang their choruses in the blazing heat of Tokyo summer. The tall metal and concrete skyscrapers did little to block the waves, seemingly contributing to the 37 degrees celsius even in casted shadows.

It was the perfect day for the air conditioner to break down. According to their landlord it wouldn’t be fixed until _maybe_ that evening. Most issues in their unit were minor ones like a leak or a squeaky cabinet and often Makoto was able to fix it with some tinkering, but this was definitely a considerable emergency and needed the maintenance team to attend to it.

They had stripped to their underwear (jammers for Haru) and taken refuge in their bathroom as it was the room furthest away from the sun. Being on the top floor, it was hard to escape the greenhouse effect. Instinctively the bath was the first place to keep cool, but with both of their body temperatures hot and pressed together in their already-too-small-to-fit-two-grown-men-tub, it did little to alleviate as the water couldn’t submerge them both and didn’t stay cold for long.

Makoto grabbed their electric fan and brought it into the hallway, plugging it in the kitchen to point in the bathroom and sprawled on the faux title, feet spilling out onto the wood entry way.

Haru refilled the tub with cold water and laid out the best he could. He didn’t deal well with heat, so Makoto didn’t mind him having the water to himself. He was priority after all.

Logically they could leave their apartment to go some place with fully functioning central cooling, but that required getting dressed and trying not to melt on the way to said place. Or drying out completely in Haru’s case.   

“Did you want to switch?” Haru asked, peering over the edge of the tub.

“You all pruny?”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll be okay like this. It’ll save our water bill some grief. If you drain it I’m sure it’ll still feel good in there.”

Haru made a sound of agreement and pulled the stopper and the water sloshed away.

“On our island… what do you think we’d do to stay cool?” Makoto asked, closing his eyes and letting the familiar world materialize.

“Sea breeze will keep us cool. On really hot days we can sit under the palms in our small lagoon. Or the waterfall.”

“Not the one we bathe in right? I’m losing track of how many we have…”

“Three,” he merely scolded at how easily Makoto was forgetting the details of their fictional life.  

“Right, right. And then I’ll climb up a tree to get a palm frond and I’ll fan you. We have watermelon patches?”

“We do now,” Haru confirmed with no regard for their island’s agricultural capabilities.

“Then I’ll cut a watermelon to cool off our insides. Speaking of, did you want a drink?”

“Coconut juice?”

“Ah, sorry no, I meant here presently. Water or ice pop is probably all we’ve got.”

Haru sighed out any of the enthusiasm he had and Makoto couldn’t help but feel guilty about pausing their delusions. 

“I’ll be back.” Makoto hinged himself up, sweaty skin peeling from the tiles, stood and padded to the kitchen. The moment he stepped out of the comfort of the blowing fan and tiles, he was hit with the hot and stale air and he could have sworn his underwear clung tighter.

Once in the kitchen, he shuffled around for two glasses and opened the fridge for their filtered water, enjoying the blast of cold. If only they weren’t trying to save on their utilities they’d be sitting in their kitchen with both doors open. The search for ice pops ended upon opening the freezer to find none in sight. However, the ice particles gave him an idea. Minutes later he returned to the bathroom with a large mixing bowl full to the brim with ice cubes.

Unable to see the contents of the bowl, Haru watched curiously as Makoto stepped back into the bathroom.

“Here, come on out of there,” Makoto offered his free hand to hoist his boyfriend out on to the tile with him. “No ice pops, but there’s ice!”

_That’s not the same. No flavor_ Haru frowned. This heat really was putting him in a sour mood.

Makoto picked up a couple pieces of ice between his thumb and index finger and brought it to Haru’s cheek and slid down his face to the side of his neck, across his throat and to the other side and up. Goosebumps arose on Haru’s skin and he seemed to be processing if he liked it. Since he wasn’t asking for him to stop, Makoto picked up a fresh cube and rubbed across his chest leaving melted trails to trickle downward.

“Is it too weird?” Makoto ventured once he started to rub down Haru’s shoulders.

Blue eyes considered the bowl between them. He plucked a cube into his mouth and then took a handful of ice and slathered it on Makoto’s front.

With a yelp, Makoto tried to catch himself from falling backwards into the hallway to little success. “All at once… no fair, Haru.”

“There were rules?” he asked, crunching on another ice cube as he got on his hands and knees to straddle his love’s fallen form and palmed where the ice had now slid off. “You’re still really hot.”

“Why thank you.”

It was the first smile of the day since their air conditioner broke and it only made Makoto’s cheeky grin grow wider. May it be out of reward or embarrassment of the poor joke, Haru retrieved the bowl and placed two cubes between his fingers and began to paint across the expanse of his Makoto.

“Just a silly idea that came to mind,” Makoto explained as he lay, ice melting and mixing with sweat and trailing off in every which direction of his body.

“Feel any better?”

“Yeah, actually,” Makoto assessed with a smile that soon formed into a pout, “You didn’t let me finish you...”

He shrugged. “I’m okay since my bath. You’ve been lying on the floor in your own sweat for a few hours.”

“I guess that’s true. Still, don’t give me all the ice, I want to go back to where I started.”

Haru chomped on another cube and lowered to his elbows, giving Makoto a half moment to catch the cue for what was to come.

Their lips came together and Haru breathed cold vapor into Makoto which elicited a shiver, connection unbreaking. Remnants of ice tickled and vanished as their tongues joined in dance. A salty aftertaste lingered as they parted.

A smile plastered itself on Makoto’s lips as he sighed contentedly until a cool touch to his abdomen startled him. “Ah!”

Haru lathered the cube on his stomach and before it could melt into nothing but a puddle, lifted the waistband of Makoto’s boxer briefs and nudged it inside.

After that kiss he was feeling a little warm down there and judging by how Haru’s swimsuit hugged tightly in front of him, Haru was too. “We’ll get more hot and sticky…”

The warning did cause Haru to pause and think about it as he reached for more ice. Brow furrowed and lip tight, he really did look beside himself on the matter. “Bored…” he mumbled.

Other activities they could do required going into their sauna of a bedroom/living room. Unless they wanted to read or do homework, but that left little attention to the other. When it all came down to it, denying Haru was a step short of a sin.

By the time they finished, every piece of ice in in the house was melted on the bathroom floor.

An hour later their air conditioner sprung back to life.


	27. Is it so Wrong That you Make me Strong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olympics and Victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurray, another chapter! Bad news is, is that I'll be in Florida next week and I won't be updating, BUT this is a very large chapter, so I do hope that makes up for it. Heads up for the remaining three chapters as we finalize those with possible delays in posting. Thank you for your continued support, everyone <3
> 
> This section is of my most favorite things I've written for the fic, so I'm really anxious to hear everyone's thoughts!
> 
> Also, NSFW at the end.

Participating Olympians were granted one guest, all expenses paid. Any additional guests had to find their own way. They consulted Makoto’s doctor about the Olympic trip and he had advised against it. Jetlag would wear his already fatigued body and receiving care in another country would be difficult. Haru admitted he’d stop his events to go to Makoto if he were having an attack and Makoto wasn’t willing to risk that.

“I’ll be fine,” Makoto said after the qualifying rounds when Haru received his instructions. Again a month later as Haru circled the date on the calendar. Again as he helped him pack. Again in the sheets the night before. Again the morning of Haru’s flight.

“It’ll just be a month. I’ll manage,” Makoto said, smoothing Haru’s hair, lingering on the strands once he reached the ends to his neck.

Haru clung to Makoto a step short of wrapping his legs around him like a koala. “All by yourself?”

“Between classes and the extras shifts I took, I think I’ll be distracted enough. You got everything working on your phone for Skype, right?”

“I’ll see how good my connection is abroad. Rin keeps telling me I can use his tablet when we’re near wi-fi, though.”

“Twelve hour difference or not, we’ll talk to each other whenever you’re not too busy being an Olympian.”

“And when you’re not sleeping. Or working. Don’t overwork yourself.”

“I’ll do my best. Don’t strain yourself, stay hydrated and stretch and, uh, all that other stuff your coach is going to remind you of.”

“I left some money in the kitchen top drawer. Don’t eat out every night.”

“And I won’t make instant ramen all the others. Got it.”

This would be the first time they’d be apart for longer than a weekend since the year and a half they’d been waking up next to one another. Both were failing at convincing the other that they were fine with continents separating them.

_A month, a month, a month_ , Makoto repeated the mantra as he squeezed him tighter, voice cracking, “This is your dream coming true, Haru. You’re going to win all the medals and make Japan so, so proud! I’m going to record everything, cheering you on, and I’ll be waiting for you to come home. We’ll celebrate.”

“In 2020 you’ll be there to watch in person.” _I wish you could come with me, now._

“I wouldn’t miss it. I’d have to try really hard to not go when I’m in the same country!”

Their grips loosened to allow their lips to touch and ride on the remnants of their lovemaking the night before.

A knock interrupted them prematurely. “Haru, I’m here. Let’s get going,” came Rin’s voice from the other side, sounding hoarser than usual.

Haru blinked towards door and returned his attentions back to continue what they’d started.

Makoto laughed and eventually broke the kiss, “Hahaharu, you can’t ignore Rin like that.”

“Why? He’ll have me for a month. He can wait five, ten minutes. He can’t break the door down with us both standing so close to it.”

“I can hear you, asshole,” Rin kicked the door. “It’s not like I _want_ to spend the time with you.”

“He’ll wake the neighbors like that. Besides; you don’t have time for a bath and change of clothes.”

“Fine…” Haru pouted, seeing logic, and resorted to one of Makoto’s favorite kisses, a sweet press of lips. “Not all of us get to bring our boyfriends with us.” Haru turned the doorknob to let Rin in.

Rin strolled right in, walking passed them like he owned the place. “Sousuke is going for educational purposes as he’s been shadowing every coach I’ve had since the end of high school. I _technically_ didn’t use my plus one. Sure he’s coming, but I doubt I’ll be able to enjoy it like I want to.”

“You’ll find a way.”

Predictably his cheeks flushed at that. “Never said I wouldn’t _try_. Anyway, where are your bags, Haru? Please tell me you’re packed.”

Haru took a few steps to his suitcase, picked it up and set it back down with emphasis.

“You haven’t even boarded the plane and you two are already at it,” Makoto meant to sound scolding, but too much fondness seeped through, leading Rin to shrug it off guilt-free. “Where’s Sousuke?” he asked, realizing, the boy who was practically Rin’s shadow had not been in place.

Rin stabbed a thumb towards a general direction. “I left him at the station to grab us some breakfast before we meet up with the rest of the team. If he stays put I won’t have to report a lost child.”

“Have you really had to do that?”

“Oh, it’s worse in Australia. ‘I know where I’m going’ he says. Like hell! Then I have to stop myself from having a heart-attack cause maybe he’s been kidnapped, but no, he’s been walking circles around a city centre.”

Haru didn’t do a good job concealing a smirk, so Makoto sent him a disapproving look and turned back to Rin. “Well… I’m not all that great with directions either.”

“You don’t need to defend him, Makoto. People are allowed to have flaws.”

“And I’m sure that’s Sousuke only flaw?” Makoto winked.

He started to hold out some fingers to count, and then reconsidered,“You know what; we are not having this discussion! Say your goodbyes and be gross and whatever one more time before we go and make history.”

Even though Rin had given them permission, Makoto still found himself bashful as he approached Haru in a way he hoped wasn’t indicating he did not want to ‘be gross’. Haru cared enough to lessen his affections before they’d been interrupted. After their lips parted, Makoto cupped his cheeks and tilted Haru’s head down to kiss his forehead. He told himself he would not cry and he would not lose that promise, now. “See you in a month.”

Haru wouldn’t be one to cry, but his mouth set tight at those words, combating something he wouldn’t say, either, though eyes saying everything.

“Everyday. In someway,” he reminded and Haru’s tension loosened some.

Rin clasped Haru’s shoulder, and Makoto was grateful he did, otherwise they’d have stood there for eternity in silent conversations of ‘I’ll miss you’, ‘I wish you were well enough to come’, ‘I’ll be okay’ and ‘Be safe’.

“He’s in a good hands,” Rin grinned with all the assurance of  noonday sun.

“I know.” Really, Makoto did, it was just the thought of Haru being away for so long was hard to accept when they’ve been close their entire lives.

Over Haru’s shoulder, Rin offered a fist and the anxiety Makoto had built up loosened at the gesture Rin hadn’t shown him before. Maybe it was easier than a hug as Haru was presently in the way or Rin would start crying and try to steal him away to Rio as well. He raised his closed fist and touched their knuckles like he’d seen Sousuke do.

“Later, Makoto. We’ll see you soon.” Rin tugged on the bar of Haru’s suitcase, and slowly, looking back, Haru walked behind him out the door.

With the door left open, Makoto stood in the doorway and watched them descend the stairs and turn the corner to the station.

 

Since the move to Tokyo, Haru had put forth the effort to become better about his phone skills. And, until Makoto’s childhood friends left for Rio, he believed Haru was doing a good job, but compared to Rin, it was as if there was no improvement at all. He appreciated how much Rin wanted to make him feel like he was there with them with various text photos of the beaches, swimming facilities, far-off shots of teammates, and food either of the subjects alone or an artistic selfie with Sousuke and Haru in some shape or form.

Haru’s photos consisted of stray cats, fish stalls, sea shells he’d found on the beach, various items that were green, the giant Christ statue in the distance from their hotel, blurry shots of Rin and Sousuke running on the shore, Haru’s sandal clad feet engulfed in the tide, and attempted selfies followed by improved ones supposedly with Rin’s aid, all textless.

Every morning and night Makoto lifted the laptop open so not to miss any incoming calls from Haru, no matter if Haru told him he would or wouldn’t be able to call that day.

Japan qualified for the 100m and 200m freestyle and the 100m medley relay. In the morning would be the finals for the 200m. - Rin’s event.

“Is Rin nervous?” Makoto asked, stirring cream into his morning coffee.

Haru adjusted his position in the sand, back to the ocean so Makoto could see the twilight waters of Rio de Janerio, phone balanced on his raised knees and one hand. “If we didn’t know him we wouldn’t be able to tell.”

“I sent him a text wishing him luck. Tell him in person for me?”

“Sure.”

“I recorded the semi-final race. The camera zoomed in on him as he was snapping his goggles!”

“Could you hear Sousuke yelling from the sidelines?”

“I was actually trying to, but no.”

“I almost thought I was going to be deaf.”

“I’d counter by making him deaf if I were there for your races.”

Through the pixels and glow of the cell phone off Haru’s skin, Makoto could see the blush on Haru’s pale cheeks.

_So cute_ he thought with a chuckle. “On Tuesday you’ll get to the finals in the 100m,” Makoto continued, gripping the edge of the laptop, affectionately. “You’ll place, too.”

“I want to win.”

Most anybody would want to win, but this was Haru; a man who once didn’t care about times or winning. The statement struck Makoto at how much his boyfriend had changed and how hard he had worked to change his mentality and physique. “I know you will.”

The surety brought a smile to Haru’s lips. “I wish you could be here.”

“I’ll have to cheer loud enough so you can hear me from across the world.”

For a moment the feed buffered. “I’ll listen for you.”

“And when you get back we’ll watch your matches together. Relive it.”

“Yeah.”

Makoto couldn’t stop his hand from reaching up to the screen to touch Haru’s cheek. Colors and pixels burst around his fingers as he tried to capture the longing in his love’s eyes from thousand of kilometers away.

Just as he was about to confess his action was silly, he watched Haru’s shoulder shift and a dark spot obscure half of his face - he was doing the same thing. The distance was taking its toll.

“Well, I’ve got to go get ready for school now,” Makoto said, not moving his hand.

“I have to get ready for bed. 200m is early.”

“I love you, Haru.”

Just as the urge to caress the screen, so did the one to lean in for a kiss. As he closed his eyes before making contact, he watched Haru do the same.

 

Makoto brushed sugar and crumbs onto the floor and wiped off the table top and a dry spill, all the while listening and intermittently looking at the television that hung from the ceiling in the cafe.

“Matsuoka Rin takes Gold for Japan!” the Olympic commentator cheered as a replay of the men’s 200m freestyle from yesterday showed on the screen.

Another view of the race flashed and another voice spoke over the highlight reel. “At yesterday’s Swimming Events, Matsuoka Rin - hailing from Tottori prefecture, trained in Australia - swam his personal best at 1:43:99, wedging him between USA’s Michael Phelps and Australia’s Ian Thorpe. These times have not been seen since 2008. Tsuyoshi Yamanaka was the previous record holder for Japan since 1961.”

Makoto looked up in time for the screen to show Sousuke sprinting from the team benches and jump into the pool before Rin could climb out and embrace him. It shocked him that Sousuke would do something like that for the world to would see, no matter how friendly they forced themselves to be in public. Although, both were crying too much to do anything else than hug. The internet already couldn’t stop talking about Olympian Matsuoka and his childhood friend assistant Coach Yamazaki.

“And now we take you to the semi-finals of the men’s 100m Freestyle.”

Makoto hurried and swept what he’d brushed onto the floor into the dustpan. He got called into work last minute and he hated he couldn’t watch from the comforts of home, but his manager was nice enough to let him turn the channel. Luckily evening customer traffic was light. An elderly couple sat in the window booth and a small group of university students were too busy piling over last minute homework to require much of Makoto’s attentions. Thankfully, he only had classes tomorrow and he’d get home in plenty of time to watch the final 100m. Saturday Rei, Nagisa, and Gou were taking the train to watch the medley final and Makoto had to do some pleading for the time off for the weekend and cancel his swimming class at the rec center.

The camera switched feeds and took a full view of the pool before panning in on the contestants. Portuguese, English and French overlapping each other over the intercom announcing the swimmers as they took to the platform. Haru looked stunning in their country’s colors and wondered if he had put up a fuss about the fit of the game regulated uniform.

A closeup shot of Haru’s profile showed him adjusting his goggles at his nose, the red-tinted plastic obscuring the clarity of his eyes. The camera followed his face into starting position and then Makoto watched as his lips formed three syllables.

His name.

Makoto nearly missed the starting pistol with how high his heart leapt in his throat. Haru launched and pierced the surface of the water at such a graceful angle, his entry left minimal splash in comparison to the Olympians in the neighboring lanes. He was swimming so fast, before Makoto knew it, he was on the last lap and was neck and neck with Brazil. They touched at the same time.

“Japan will advance to the finals in the 100m! We sure have a power team at this year’s games. Can Japan win another gold? We’ll find out tomorrow!” the announcer boomed.

“Hey, you can start shutting down, Tachi-- Oh! That’s your roommate, isn’t it?” observed his manager.

Just as Rin slung his arm around Haru’s shoulder, the feed cut to commercial. “Y-yeah! My roommate…” Makoto rubbed his prickling eyes. “Aoyama-san, can I make a phone call?”

“Sure. I’ll take care of the stragglers.”

With a bow of his head, Makoto went to the break room and dug for his phone in his street clothes. He barely had a second to flip it open before it started ringing. How was he able to get away so fast? “Haru, congratulations!”

The rare sound of Haru’s laughter bubbled on the other end. “Thanks.”

“You were so fast, I can’t believe it. Tomorrow’s race is going to be even more intense. You’ll medal for sure!”

“The race will be on at midnight Japan time...”

“I’ll stay up for it.”

“Makoto. No.”

“I can’t miss my boyfriend’s biggest win because it’s on TV late. Sure I’ll record it, but I need to see it when it happens. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. One night isn’t going to make a difference.”

Haru was silent for a moment, considering his words, then relented. “I guess not. Go to bed early the night after, okay?”

“That’s fair.” 

A muffled voice interrupted their conversation, and Haru pulled the phone away from his ear to fully address who spoke - Rin, maybe. “Makoto, I have to go - the team wants to get together to practice for the medley relay.”

“Oh! Everyone is coming over for that. I’m so glad it’s on a weekend so we can all be together to watch you and Rin compete. We should do Skype then so everyone can see you.”

“I’d like that. Good night, Makoto.”

“Good night! I’ll text you before you go to bed, later.” The line went dead and Makoto brought his cellphone to his chest. _I’m so proud of you_.

 

A flash of the giant Christus followed by a sweeping panoramic aerial view of the swimming facility and then the cameras were on the four 100m contenders. The glow from the screen illuminating the otherwise dark living room. Makoto turned the lights off and kept the volume down low so not to keep their neighbors up.

Haru’s focus didn’t leave the water even as he adjusted his goggles over his cap and crouched into position. Makoto wondered if he was feeling nervous. He hadn’t seemed so at the semi-finals, then again, this was for the medal. He grasped Haru’s pillow, curling his legs up and around it from his seat on the sofa. It was way past his bedtime, but the anticipation kept the yawns at bay.

The pistol fired and Haru and Brazil were on each other more than the semi-finals. Faster and faster they propelled through the water, leaving Australia and France in the wake. At the last 25m, it looked like it was going to end in another tie until Haru shot forward at the last millisecond to stretch towards the wall.

Makoto used the pillow to muffle his squeal of joy, eyes too blurry to see what was happening on the screen until he wiped the moisture away.

“And Japan takes another Gold! Nanase Haruka wins and sets an Olympic record at 47 seconds!” the announcer boomed and the crowd went wild, visiting Japanese families waved the flag in the stands.

The camera returned to Haru, now out of the pool looking tired and dazed in his steps. Rin rushed towards him, nearly knocking him down for a hug. Zooming in on their faces, Rin’s cheeks were wet and Haru looked to be in a state of disbelief.

“You did it Haru, you did it! I knew you could,” Makoto choked into the pillow. “Silver or Bronze would have been impressive, too, but you went and got Gold.”

Rin walked with Haru to the podium for the medal receiving. Haru stepped up to the highest platform and slowly turned his head left and right almost as if he…

Finally a camera caught sight of him and he took a moment to look straight into the lense and Makoto knew that victorious glint in his eyes and tender smile was for him.

The medal bearers presented France with Bronze and Brazil with Silver.

Haru bowed and the ribbon slipped around his head and onto his neck, medal smacking against his chest as he stood.

With the race over and awards given, the feed cut to commercial.

Makoto slid his body to lie on the couch, feet hanging off the side like usual, still holding the pillow to his upper body and face to conceal any outbursts. However, the pillow did nothing against how hard his hand slammed against the coffee table to reach for his ringing phone.

“Haru!?”

“Ma... Ma…”

Makoto clutched his phone to his ear to hear him better as it sounded like he was still inside the pool facility. He’d never known Haru to be emotional like this. Had he not expected he’d win and now he was in shock? “I’m so proud of you. I saw it all.”

The only sound Haru seemed to be capable of was humming or the beginning syllable of his name.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. We can talk more later if you want. Just know that I’m proud of you and knew you would win. When you get home we’ll celebrate, okay?”

“Mm.”

“I’m going to go to bed now, don’t worry about me. You go and celebrate with your teammates.”

“Mm.”

Makoto waited for Haru to hang up before he rolled onto the floor and further to the futon, inhaling the faint scent of his love. He doubted he’d sleep at all.

He woke up the next morning to a text from Haru, saying, ‘I love you.’

  
  
On Friday evening. Makoto met Rei, Nagisa and Gou at the train station and showed them the way to his and Haru’s place.

Their shoebox apartment wasn’t big enough to sleep the four of them comfortably, not by a long shot, but if Gou took the couch and the three boys piled on to the floor/futon as they had for many sleepovers prior, it’d be doable. All of the luggage was piled into a corner by the window, the newly cleaned futon and extra blankets and pillows rolled out and placed while they gathered around the television at 1 a.m.. With more bodies in the room, Makoto warned his neighbors that he’d have company to watch the live feed of the Olympics.

“We’ll try to be quiet. I’m sorry if you hear something,” he said apologetically.

The single mother directly next door smiled. “But Nanase-san is there and you should cheer him on. I don’t mind.”

A college senior on the other side of the wall told him he’d be “out with friends for the weekend, so go crazy.”

And those below them he left a note on their door. He knew somebody lived there, but somehow he had never seen anyone go in or out.

“Mako-chan, I know you told all the neighbors we’d try to be quiet, but I cannot promise that,” Nagisa informed while shoving a pastry in his mouth.

Rei grabbed a napkin and readied it to clean the mess Nagisa was making on the coffee table. “He had the courtesy to warn them, Nagisa-kun. The least we can do is keep our volume down somewhat to not betray his efforts.”

Gou yawned and tucked her feet under herself. “Noise or not, it’ll be brief and they can deal.”

Makoto took to the opposite end of the sofa from Gou while Rei and Nagisa sat on the futon on the floor in front of them and the coffee table.

“We now take you to the 100m medley relay finals-” started the announcer and the room went still.

The four teams of USA, Australia, Brazil, and Japan lined up in order they were all familiar with, stretching their arms and legs and awaited the signal to begin.

At the signal, the backstroke swimmer, Toshiyuki, the time keeper at the bottom of the screen read, arched into the water with such ease. Makoto lost himself for a moment in reliving what he had almost two years ago, and snapped out of it the moment the breaststroke swimmer, Awata, plunged in.

“Wow! So that’s how it’s done,” Nagisa marveled. As far as Makoto knew, Nagisa and Rei has turned into casual swimmers since their high school graduation.

Rin was next and Gou was immediately on her feet, her voice carrying over the three men’s suppressed voices. It was rare to have an Olympian swim two styles during the games as far as Makoto understood. Leave it to Rin to be an overachiever. As he watched Rin fly through the water, he couldn’t help but envision Sousuke in his sweeping strokes.

Makoto held his breath as Rin approached the platform, palm touching the wall, Haru dived into the water a millisecond after USA. He’d make up the time like he always did. It amazed Makoto how much the others thrashed around in the water, while Haru in the neighboring lane always appeared to glide. Getting the Silver or Bronze would still be a win, but with the way Haru was going at it, it wasn’t enough.

At the last 25m, Makoto yelled his boyfriend’s name, catching all present by surprise at his unexpected volume. Sheepishly he covered his mouth, eyes never leaving the screen. Haru reached the pool wall with a slap. They all had been too enthralled in Haru alone, they weren’t sure if he had been the first to reach as the timer had disappeared.

“JAPAN WINS GOLD! JAPAN WINS GOLD IN ALL AQUATIC EVENTS!”

Rin and the rest of Team Japan’s swim team jumped into the pool with Haru and roughed around in the water, dunking, shoving and whooping.

Gou was the first to initiate their own group hug. Rei cried the loudest of them all. Nagisa’s nose leaked on Makoto’s arm, but he paid it no mind as they all teary eyed eventually watched Team Japan get out of the pool to receive their medals. A flag was wrapped around their wet shoulders and it was Toshiyuki who did the honors of circling the pool in it, Rin too busy gripping onto a wet-eyed Haru for dear life.

 

An hour or so of crying and being proud, the four eventually wore themselves out at the late hour and passed out. A text was waiting for Makoto in the morning of Haru apologizing for not being able to call as it was a big win for Japan and they all went out and weren’t back until late and he’d call in the evening.

Having the day off, Makoto took his friends to a ramen place he and Haru frequented to celebrate the win. While there, many were toasting at the replays of swim matches. Around dusk another text came through asking if he could Skype. Without delay, Makoto set up the laptop and they all squeezed around the screen to see Rin and Haru huddled around Rin’s tablet screen.

“Congratulations you two!” Gou beamed. “Do you know what it’ll be like to say I know not one, but two Olympians?”

“You can’t say you’re dating one, though,” Sousuke’s deep voice echoed in the hotel room they were staying at.

“Knowing my brother is one of them is amazing, though! Makoto-senpai has the honor of dating one,” she nudged and winked.

Suddenly the attention was on Makoto and he flushed a deep red and fidgeted in place. He shouldn’t feel embarrassed like this anymore. Everyone has known about them for a while and yet… He chanced a glance at Haru who was watching him and gave a small smile.

 

The swimming events were the first week of the Olympic Games and due to the win, the team had to remain for closing ceremonies. With Tokyo housing the 2020 Games, they had to keep up appearances, which meant another two weeks apart. In some ways it was easier as Haru had a lot more free time, but the time difference didn’t change much of the face time they were able to have. Rin forced Haru out of the hotel for beach outings and hikes so he wouldn’t stay in and get depressed and bored, and Makoto appreciated that. Rei and Nagisa returned to Iwatobi while Gou stayed to meet up with friends in Tokyo to look for apartments for the upcoming semester of the university she’d be attending. Because of that, she stopped by Makoto’s to check on him every few days to make sure he wasn’t lonely and eating properly.

When Makoto watched the closing ceremonies on the 22nd and saw all the medalists from Japan walk the stadium in triumph and the screen fade to black, he’d never been happier for something to end, for it meant his boyfriend would finally be home.

 

On August 24th at 4 pm, Makoto took the train bound for Narita Airport. Haru had told him he didn’t need to pay the fare to come all the way to meet him, but Makoto insisted. Knowing Haru was in the country and still having to wait another hour until they saw each other was more than he wanted to deal with. The smile that was returned across the screen said he felt the same.

Eventually Makoto found the international arrival terminal and checked the board for the gate and he found where he needed to go in time to spare.

A head of scarlett was the first thing he saw and his heart promptly skipped in anticipation. Rin disappeared back into the tunnel and then he was shoving Haru ahead of him, Sousuke lumbering behind. After waiting for a clear path, Haru started running at the exact moment as Makoto. The taller man had prepared to bend to receive him, but Haru took him by surprise by launching into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist.

In the last year Makoto’s strength had understandably weakened, but he managed to support Haru’s weight with one hand under him and one at his back. “Welcome back,” he said, choking back tears.

Haru hummed into his shoulder.

“Good to be back,” Rin yawned and bumped a fist into Makoto’s opposite shoulder. “I probably don’t need to tell you how happy that one is.”

Makoto laughed. “Thanks for taking care of him.”

“I’ll spare you how whiny he was. Let’s go get our luggage so we can get the hell out of here and pass out for a week. I hate jetlag.”

 

On the train back to Tokyo, Makoto and Haru refused to not be touching in some way - grabbing onto a sleeve or hand, knees or thighs touching. It was all they could do while in public and it was maddening.

A group of college boys recognized Haru and Rin from TV and asked for autographs and photos. Rin was more than happy to feign energy in favor of fans, while Haru was able to pass off his annoyance as exhaustion and then was back to clinging to his boyfriend. Thankfully the weekday traffic to the airport was light and there was only one other incident with a businessman that bothered to recognize them.

To fill in the silence of the contentment Makoto found in Haru being near, Rin described some of the food they ate and talked about the rest of their swim team and how Makoto’s back muscles were more impressive than his teammate’s. When all the aquatic events had ended, they joined the diving and canoeing team for tourism and bonding over how water was so great. Sousuke didn’t have much to say, as usual, though occasionally nodded or commented, somehow seeming more exhausted than any of them.

“Sousuke and I head back to Australia on Saturday. Maybe we can get together before then?” Rin asked, slinging his backpack on.

Makoto looked to Haru, of which he nodded and left it at that, still grasping onto Makoto’s hand. “Sure. Just let us know.”

“Sounds good. You two have fun,” Rin offered with a knowing grin and wrapped his free arm around Sousuke’s waist and they walked off the platform to transfer trains.

Tightening his hold on Haru’s hand, Makoto lead the way to their train bound for home. With Rin and Sousuke gone, it made it that much harder to distract themselves from not being indecent on the train.

Thirty minutes later, they de-boarded and were toting Haru’s luggage to their apartment as fast as they could.

Keys fumbling and hands uselessly joining to assist in opening the door, eventually they made it inside. Shoes were kicked off in a frenzy, luggage left at the door without thought, stumbling over each other’s steps, they made it to the clean futon with a sheet over the top that had been laid out before Makoto left for the airport.

In mid-lowering Makoto to his back on the futon, their lips met and it was needy. The weeks they’d been apart felt like a torturous eternity having spent their whole lives together with nothing more than a day or so of separation.

Haru’s hands left the confines of Makoto’s hair and Makoto opened his eyes to watch him unzip his Team Japan jersey to reveal the two gold medals. Already gasping for air and want, eyes hazy, Haru looped his fingers around the ribbon and removed it from his head and held it out to put around his boyfriend’s. “I won for you, Makoto.” Then he reached for the second one.

Makoto marveled, not taking his eyes off of him, even as the circular objects obstructed his view as it was placed on him.

“Did you see?”

He briefly wondered in what way he was referring, too caught up in what he was watching above him, that an answer was expected before continuing. “Yes. Yes I saw. You’re were so amazing, Haru.”

He leaned down for a kiss, running his thumb through the ribbons. “I thought about you a lot.”

“I thought about you a lot, too.”

“Like…” Haru rolled his hips down to meet Makoto’s groin in a painfully slow motion. “... this?”

Makoto’s shuddered, because _yes of course_ he had and he’d purposefully not brought it up, and it felt so good after so long of not being touched. 

This pleased Haru, as he sat up to unshoulder his jersey and crossed his arms to throw off his shirt in a way Makoto hardly saw since he’d stopped stripping at the sight of any body of water.

“Aren’t you tired? We can...” Makoto started, hoping he hadn’t sounded like he didn’t want was happening. In fact he was elated his body was reacting as much as it was. Their farewell sex was a disappointing mess as Makoto’s heart decided it was the best time to be completely uncooperative with the rest of him. They still enjoyed themselves, however mild it ended up being. Makoto smiled in the mirror in the mornings when he spotted the hickey on his neck for the first week. A wider smile when he remembered the marks he’d left on Haru that would be securely hidden beneath his swimsuit.

Haru understood as always. “Need you more.” He signaled for Makoto to lift his arms to be rid of his shirt and paused to take him all in before touching with heated hands. It surprised Makoto how they weren't completely naked already as Haru was impatient when it came to him being in control like this, but-- yes, he was savoring this, re-memorizing the details of his love as if it were their first time all over again. He came in for a kiss and tenderly palmed at the expanse of Makoto’s chest, medals sliding off his body to the floor, all the while Makoto responding in soft moans, his own hands finding Haru’s sides.

The slender hands continued their exploration downward, lingering at muscles that had long since loosened, and stopped at the dipping in Makoto’s stomach to tease as he unbuttoned his jeans. He didn’t waste much time in pulling them down and freeing his legs, though left his boxer briefs. _Not yet_ his eyes said.

Makoto didn’t mind. A slow build up was what was better for his condition, anyway, no matter how desperate he was becoming. He noticed the smirk on Haru’s face as he hovered over him once more to kiss at his throat.

“Haru…” his voice vibrated at a higher pitch against the ministrations. The Olympian knew where his favorable spots were and there, and the surrounding areas, were number one on the list and Haru wouldn’t let him forget. Makoto sighed as his tongue swiveled and searched for the right reaction to then leave marks. It was just where his neck started to curve into his shoulder he got what he was after and suckled and nibbled until the skin was red and ready to blossom to purple.

Wet kisses followed the path his hands once did and then kissed along the waistband of Makoto’s underwear and kissed at the forming wet spot, pushing his nose into the flesh. Instinctively Makoto’s hands shot to Haru’s hair, begging for mercy. Haru’s apology was removing the underwear and taking to sucking at the crease of his inner thigh, drawing out a whine that only encouraged Haru’s grip on him and not let go until his work was finished, lavishing the muscles that tensed, and then moved to the other leg. He ran both thumbs over the marks and retreated to their night stand.

Before settling back down, Makoto watched him shirk out of his pants and briefs, hissing a little as the cold air hit his swollen need. Haru knelt and pulled Makoto onto his lap, running a hand over his rear and back of the thighs. Taking the bottle of lubricant in hand, blue met green for permission to continue. Makoto nodded - _Yes, please_ and braced himself for the for the first finger. Then two, scissoring. Then three, twisting.

Haru rubbed at his outer thigh, eyes watching for him, the signal for Makoto to relax and not tense up, assure him he wouldn’t enter until he was good and ready. Haru waited until his insides no longer resisted and the sounds Makoto made were less pained and reached over with a hand for the wrapped condom. With one hand on Makoto’s hip, and the other on one end of the condom, he tore at the package with his teeth (something Makoto tried to do and it ended up more comical than seductive) and rolled the rubber on himself and Makoto had to swallow at the dryness in his throat. Haru noticed this and lathered a generous amount of lube on himself without breaking eye contact with Makoto, lined himself with his entrance, pulled his legs loosely around his waist, and pushed in.

Immediately Makoto gasped and grunted, clenching around Haru’s middle with his legs, sheets with his fingers, biting his bottom lip. He looked up at Haru, knowing he was watching for him to adjust so he could move. Makoto could tell how difficult that was for him as he’d been so patient already. He’d been ready the moment they’d walked in the door.

“I’m okay,” Makoto said. “You can-”

Haru didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence and pulled out to thrust back in.

A pained and ecstatic whine came out and he immediately covered his mouth with a hand.

Leaning in, Haru batted his hand away and kissed him. “I want to hear you.”

But his sounds were _so embarrassing_ , especially now since he was so hungry for the connection only they shared. Reluctantly he removed his hand and let whatever guttural sound that grew, out.

Now satisfied, Haru kept his position and steadied the pace, basking in the heat between them. His fingers were not long or thick enough to touch the nerves that begged inside of Makoto, he too coveting this moment. As Haru started to piston faster in that strong and graceful way of his, Makoto grabbed for his neck and hugged his legs tighter around his love, drawing him closer, always closer,  inside, meeting him with each motion, calling on his lover's name like a desperate prayer.

Sex with Haru was like swimming. Bodies moving with the current that the other created, smooth or rapid, they responded with the flow. Makoto believed Haru took to sex because it was the only way they could swim together. Often their paces were leisurely, taking the time to feel and express through their connection.

Too much longing and adrenaline for that this time and Makoto hoped he could hold out.

“Makoto,” Haru sighed into his mouth, fingers digging into the flesh of his legs Makoto knew he'd be able to feel in the morning.

“ _Haruka_.”

The first time he uttered his full name during intercourse, it had been subconsciously and Haru looked so dumbfounded and aroused, Makoto tried to remember to use it. And at the moment he felt Haru's length pulse inside him and then Haru pulled out halfway to thrust right for his sweet spot as if he knew where it was all along (of course he did, he knew everything about Makoto.) The sensation had Makoto tingling and trembling throughout his body with a whimper.

“There?” Haru asked after coming in for a sloppy kiss.

Somewhere in his feverish daze was a reply, and Haru rammed it once more. “Haru... I'm...”

Haru released a leg and wrapped one hand around Makoto's neglected member and gave it a few gentle pumps.

Makoto overlapped their hands and with a few more snaps of Haru's skillful hips, he was releasing with a cry, stars bursting behind his eyes as he lost himself to what only Haru could give him. As he lay, trying to come back to earth, he felt Haru finally reach his own climax and continue to ride it out until he collapsed on top of him. He wasn't sure how long they laid there in their own mess before Haru eventually pulled out, tied the condom and put it to the side and shimmied up to be face to face once more.

Blinking. Hesitant. Hopeful. Maybe even embarrassed. Haru wanted to keep going.

How could Makoto say no? They'd been apart almost a month, naturally Haru would be a little pent up and Makoto didn’t want him to feel bad about wanting more. He assessed himself and wondered if he'd be able to. With Haru's help, he probably could.

“Can you...” Haru started, no doubt knowing Makoto's thought process had already been on that line.

“Ride me.”

Blue widened at the request. He'd very much like to do that.

It would be easier, Makoto mentally concluded. At least prevent him from exerting too much energy, giving out before Haru could finish. Plus, prepping Haru would give him some recovery time. If not, well, he'd learned how to pleasure Haru in other ways. He closed his arms around him and gave a squeeze before hinging up to sit. “Turn around.”

Shivering with anticipation, he did so.

Makoto placed his hands at Haru's waist and leaned forward to kiss the nape of his neck – Haru's weakness.

Instantly he sighed at the contact and relaxed, Makoto's hold keeping him in place.

“Haruka,” Makoto whispered into his ear and was rewarded with them turning red. He wondered how his face looked right now. Dipping one hand in to tickle at Haru's stomach, he felt the muscles contract. Then proceeded to massage his abdominal and navel with the tips of his fingers to the heel of his hand. After a time of Haru making some of Makoto's favorite sounds – short and breathy – he cupped his right rear cheek. “Lift up a little.” While he did so, Makoto reached over for the bottle. He squeezed a liberal amount onto a hand, and with the other continued to hold on to Haru, and found Haru's entrance, of which it sucked his finger in, greedily.

The little resistance allowed him to add a second finger much sooner than he'd thought, and took his time feeling the heated walls before adding a third finger to stretch him further. At that Haru grunted, legs trembling.

“Shhhh,” Makoto soothed and kissed his neck to distract him, and he felt the clenching loosen and invite the fourth. When it sounded, and felt, like Haru was properly relaxed, he pulled his fingers out and motioned for Haru to turn around to face him.

His eyes were blown again and his skin was flushed all down his front. Haru looked down between them and noticed Makoto wasn't ready yet. “Let me” - it wasn't a request. He took Makoto in his hands and soon added himself and rubbed their lengths together until they were both hard.

As Makoto stretched over to grab for a condom, Haru batted at his hand.

“I want to feel all of you.”

Makoto wanted to protest and say it was much easier, and safer, to fit his bigger organ – of course Haru knew that. That was why he didn't. “Okay.” Ignoring the foil packet, he grabbed for the bottle and Haru stole it from him to do it instead. His hands were better for it, anyway, always willing to help. Returning to his back, Makoto held Haru by the hips and guided him into position.

Carefully, Haru lowered himself onto Makoto, little by little, until he was fully seated and waited for the initial pain to dissipate and be left with a pleasant fullness. Haru spread his hands out to Makoto to take.

Lifting his hips, Makoto tested the strength that remained in his body. He started slow, and then sped up to a gentle ride and kept it there as that seemed to be a comfortable speed for Haru as well and allowed him to take over. 

They moved in tandem, holding hands, keeping the other's gaze.

“You're so beautiful, Haru.”

More blush adorned his already rosy cheeks, as they always did at such compliments from the mouth of his lover.

“Even on TV. I was so busy watching you, I didn't know what the other swimmers were doing most of the time.”

A smile was returned, a mix of modesty and pride intermingled with the lust, somehow only Haru was capable of something like that. The compliments must have gone to his head, as Haru lost the pace and bounced a little too vigorously. Or, judging by the puddle on his stomach, was wanting to release.

“I've missed you so much,” Makoto rasped, feeling himself close in on his own climax much too soon for his liking, but couldn’t be helped. He then angled his next thrust to hit where he had been avoiding. Haru grimaced in pleasure and choked on a suppressed gasp.

Together they met the other's thrusts sharp and firm and it was Haru who released first, back arching gracefully, stilled and slumped on top of Makoto.

The whiteout came for Makoto not long after, finishing himself off inside his half-dazed love. If Haru hadn’t called for him, caressing his face, he would have thought he'd passed out until morning. Or had he passed out? No, Haru didn't look overly alarmed.

Slowly, Haru pulled himself off Makoto's softened length and sat back on his knees, studying.

Makoto drew in a breath and hitched at a sting. He tried again and it was gone. Regretting Haru's homecoming was the last thing he wanted. Turning his head toward Haru, he offered an assuring smile – _I'm okay, just tired. Let me lay here._

Again, that _look_ came. Haru still wasn't done, but this time he wasn't going to ask. He knew his boyfriend couldn't - he simply didn’t have the stamina. Just barely managed round two. 

Guilty, Makoto shied away, warding off self-deprecation and holding on to post-orgasmic glow. When he looked up again, Haru was sitting with his legs spread, and seemed to be beside himself about something. Another glance and he noticed how close Haru's hand was to his length waiting for it to return to life. Was he wanting to get himself off on Makoto's debauched state? The thought was thrilling, though embarrassing. It was all too one-sided for his liking.

What could he do? The yearning in his love’s eyes called to him.

And then it came to him. Makoto rolled onto his side, backside facing his love, wincing. “Haru? You can...” he tentatively raised a leg, hoping the message would come across. The position wasn’t ideal as they preferred to face each other, but it assimilated the motion enough. 

A brief silence fell and then Haru was crawling towards him and laying on his side behind him. Of course Haru understood. Scooting down a little, he nudged Makoto's leg with his knee, and Makoto in kind opened his for him to slip his half-hard between his thighs. He exhaled upon Makoto's back and snuck his arms between his and linked their hands at his chest. The smaller man rolled his hips to test the hold. Liking the result, he went at it faster and harder.

It wasn't the same heat, texture, or tightness as it was inside him, but at least this way he could still offer relief.  Makoto closed his eyes, tuning in to the notes that Haru could still make with his body, panting, skin on skin. Soon Haru was increasing his momentum and losing himself once more.

When Haru came down from the high, he kissed the missed back muscles and slid away to stand up. He then padded down the hall, a slight limp in his stride and returned with a wet cloth and dry cloth.

“You didn't need to do that,” Haru said as he knelt by Makoto and wiped at the milky white between his legs.

“I wanted to. Are you good, now?”

“Mm. I'll clean up.” After finishing his legs and backside, he coaxed Makoto onto his back once more and cleaned his stomach and the stray streaks that dripped on the medals, then tugged at the sheet they'd soiled and Makoto rolled himself off onto their usual sheets. Haru gathered the cloths and sheet and deposited them in the basket to be laundered later and went to the bathroom to clean himself off.

By the time he returned, Makoto was struggling to keep his eyes open. A struggle that would continue through to the morning with dull heart and body aches.

Haru joined him on his side on the futon and leaned in for a chaste kiss before lying his head on his chest, listening to the sounds of his heart. “We can sleep now.”

Blearily Makoto blinked towards the window, twilight. “It's so early, though.”

“Then we can get up early.”

“And we can watch your matches.”

“Yeah. I'll cook mackerel.”

“Been awhile since I've woken up to that smell.” His eyelids and smile faltered. “Welcome home, Ha...ru.” He drifted off to the sound of Haru’s voice and warmth beside him that he had missed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Some ramblings.
> 
> I took some liberties with making Rin and Haru go to Rio 2016 Games. While they did get scouted for universities, it's kind of iffy on if they'd qualify to participate so close to the cut off of team tryouts, if you will. (It's about a year out). So just pretend for the sake of story, cause waiting another four years for there to be Olympics is ehhhh.
> 
> Also, I had a lot of fun researching the Olympics. The names and times used are legit and it makes the story feel so real, which is one of my favorite things to do in writing - connecting it to the real world. Sure it's a little wishful thinking giving our boys some incredible times, but that's what fanfiction is, right??
> 
> As I said above, all of this was of my favorite things to write. As hard as it was for Makoto and Haru to be separated, the drama is delicious, okay? 
> 
> Sigh. How about that porn?


	28. Worn to Tissue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fame and hope.

With the end of the Olympics, Makoto had been convinced life would return to its normal flow of school, work, and home time for the two of them.

Unfortunately he hadn’t accounted for what a young, first time Olympian who medaled twice meant for the media. After a week of rest, their evenings then consisted of Haru’s cell phone ringing or vibrating from the calls and texts of his coaches or manager to arrange an interview or a photoshoot for a sponsor. Anytime Haru wasn’t at school or at practice, he was doing some sort of appearance. On the occasions nothing was scheduled, Haru would be stopped by students or passersby on the train home to congratulate and as ask for an autograph and be late getting in.

Haru didn’t love the attention, but he didn’t exactly hate it, either. From how much effort he did put towards something Makoto thought he’d find troublesome, maybe Haru was learning to accept the praise and take pride in his own accomplishments.

Or it was the grin that never left Makoto’s face when he read the latest article on Nanase Haruka The Stoic Freestyle Swimmer.

It was likely a mixture of both.

“Ah, this article from Kouki-san from the Ibaraki Shimbun is nice,” Makoto said, starting to fold up the newspaper to make way for a late dinner they hadn’t been able to have together for a week.

Haru finished dishing up two bowls of nikujaga and brought them to the table. “Probably the easiest interview I’ve done so far.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t seem nearly as invasive as the one from Tokyo Times.”

The Olympian pulled a sour face at that. When Makoto came home with the issue, Haru told him how much they tried to pry him for a relationship status and eventually left the printed answer as undisclosed and how they wanted names of people that inspired him and other questions he couldn’t comfortably give answers. He liked yes or no questions with mild elaboration the best.

“‘Nanase-san captures everyone’s attention with how effortlessly he cuts through the water. When I asked him how he did it, he said it was because the water accepted him!’ I like how she sounds honestly in awe by that, unlike the other’s that think you’re strange.”

“Mm. You don’t have to keep buying everything. You can read what’s published online.”

“This is history, Haru!” Makoto clutched the folded paper to his chest, offended. “I can’t _not_ have physical copies to hold on to.”

A warm smile Haru looked like he wanted to hide came at that. “Do what you want.”

 

By September, swimming season was officially over for Haru’s university. At least competitively speaking. Swimming practice was reduced to twice a week for the athletes to taper themselves, though required to exercise by other means. Which left Haru grumpy after his high of being in the water non-stop since June and he never was enthusiastic about any sort of land training. Not wanting to see his love so miserable, Makoto lent him the use of his community recreation center membership for the pool he worked at, an option he didn’t have last year.

If it hadn’t been for the fame that Haru had obtained, their lives would have returned back to routine. The Olympics had ended in August and the coverage of Japan’s Swimming Gold Medalist intended to keep the fire going and use Nanase Haruka to promote Japan at the World Championship for the next summer.

More interviews. More photoshoots. Appearances at high schools and other universities throughout the prefecture. Makoto wondered if Rin didn’t reside in Australia, he’d be taking some of the brunt of the fame. Skype chats with Rin were rare after the games as he’d thrown himself back into his studies and land training, though it was confirmed that Australia joking and non-jokingly found him to be a double agent, thus getting a different sort of attention than Haru. He’d done online interviews and some outsourced photoshoots, and once he returned to the country for winter break, he and Haru would be busy together.

It was fine. It was good. This is what Makoto wanted for Haru. This was Haru’s life and his career and he couldn’t be prouder. They saw each other in the mornings, usually. Some evenings they’d be awake and aware enough for conversation and cuddling. The onslaught of fame was a phase and eventually it would die down, Makoto convinced himself. He wanted the world to see how amazing Haru was and now that they had he had to learn to share.

 

Haru dragged his feet through the front door fifteen minutes late of what was predicted, photo makeup not quite cleaned from his face, enough to conceal how tired he actually was.

Makoto greeted him with a hug and helped him shrug off his track jacket and and walked to their table with him. The table was set with omurice for two. It was one of the few things Makoto had been able to cook without the kitchen becoming a disaster area or burning the meal. He tried to ease the stress that came came with being famous and prepare meals when he could. While Haru was in Rio he took the time to experiment and subject himself to culinary atrocities. Whether the food was actually good or not varied greatly, but Haru always smiled gratefully at Makoto, complementing the edible parts.

“You’re too hard on  yourself,” Haru said, taking a spoonful.

Makoto played with the crunchy, brown edges of the rice he purposefully gave himself with his chopsticks. “You’d think it would be a lot harder to burn in a rice cooker.”

“Still takes practice. I can eat it. The egg is a good consistency.”

He couldn’t help the bit of pride that formed. It explained the smile that came to Haru’s face whenever Makoto complimented his cooking. Someday he’d be able to cook something and not feel embarrassed. “Hey, Haru.”

Haru took a sip of Barley tea, looking over the rim of the mug, eyes answering. _Yes?_

“Since tomorrow is Sunday - no media appointments - I’ve been thinking that it’d be fun for the kids to meet you. A few of them saw you on TV. If you want to, that is. I know it’s your only real day off, lately.”

“I’ll follow you to class.”

Makoto raised from his knees. “Really? It’s not a bother?”

“I’ve been wanting to meet your students, too.”

 

Sunday came and Haru adorned his favorite jammers beneath his street clothes and then packed his Team Japan uniform and two gold medals and towel in his sports bag. As easy and fun as it would be to walk in the recreation center in full Olympic attire, he didn’t favor the attention he’d get on the train ride. He figured the children had little interaction with fame and thought they’d enjoy seeing the full package.

Makoto hadn’t expected him to put much effort towards the visit - swim a few laps if anything - but Haru was one to to go all out to impress children and make sure they were having a good time. It was something Makoto appreciated in their youth with Ren and Ran. 

“Gather around everyone!” Makoto cupped his hands to call his class together.

Many of the curious eyes caught sight of Haru on their way in, and those that hadn’t taken notice now focused on the shorter man at their coach’s side. 

Taking a small step to the side, Makoto gestured towards Haru. “I’d like to introduce you to my life-long friend and recent Olympian, Nanase Haruka.”

Several gasps erupted.

“I thought he looked familiar!”

“My sister has a big crush on him. Gross!”

“I watched him on TV, he was so cool!”

Coach Kuromi took Haru’s unsuspecting hand and shook it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nanase-san! I’ve never seen anyone swim so effortlessly before. Truly amazing.”

Haru allowed the contact on the surface, but Makoto caught the plea for release from the over-enthusiastic man. 

“He’s going to need that arm to swim, Coach,” Makoto laughed.

“Ah, right.” The shaking stopped and he relinquished Haru’s hand and clasped his own hands to his sides, clearing his throat. 

Haru then turned to the students and gave a small bow. “It’s nice to meet all of you.”

They returned the greeting. 

Casually Makoto bumped their shoulders. “Haru agreed to swim for all of you today. This is really special because he’s super busy, okay?”

All nodded their compliance. 

Before Makoto could say anything more, Haru stripped down to his suit and was diving in the pool! If the kids (and coach Kuromi) weren’t laughing and clapping and fighting their way for a spot on the poolside to watch, Makoto would have chided him. It had been a while since Haru had been in this casual of a setting. From his professional practices that Makoto saw he had restrained himself from his natural way of undressing. 

“Did you see that point of entry, everyone?” Kuromi pointed. “Look at that streamline, too. This kid!”

Makoto stood behind his students and watched along with them. It had been at least a year since he’d been able to see Haru swim this close that wasn’t through a television screen. Haru’s lean muscles had grown during their time in Tokyo. He was faster, form crisper thanks to proper coaching. Despite the improvements, Makoto could still see the Haru he’d known his whole life - free and at one with the water. 

The children cheered for Haru as he made lane laps, turning underwater with ease and kicking off the walls and Makoto found his voice joining them. 

No matter how many years have passed, medals or none, Makoto would never cease being enchanted by Haru.

When Haru eventually swam to the pool’s edge, Makoto walked to his sports bag and rummaged for his towel to meet him. As instinctive as it was in high school, Makoto extended his hand and Haru took it without hesitation. However, the strength in Makoto’s arm was not what it used to be and had to use his other hand to assist in hoisting Haru out of the pool. Neither addressed it, clinging to the nostalgia of the moment, instead. 

Running the towel through his hair, Haru padded over to the bench and waited for all the young swimmers to follow after him before bending down for his sports bag.

The red and white jersey poked out of the unzipped opening and Umiko was the one to notice. “Is that your team uniform? Can we see? Please?”

Haru smiled, warmly. “I brought it to show you.”

One by one they huddled around the bench as Haru unfolded the jersey and laid it on his lap for all to see. Tentatively they reached out to touch the fabric. Then he was taking out the two medals and then the children were jumping up and down and fighting to be the first ones to hold them. 

“Everyone gets a turn,” Haru said, patiently. 

Mouths clamped shut and feet stilled as they waited to see who would be deemed the lucky one to start the passing around of the symbol of their nations victory. Even Coach Kuromi waited with his hands behind his back. 

Makoto watched the scene before him. Ren and Ran always brought a tenderness to Haru’s smiles and it was nice to see it again. Maybe Haru was thinking of them too as their eyes caught one another Mari-chan’s head. 

He was glad Haru agreed to come. 

 

Sleep was lifted at the familiar pressure on his face. Makoto opened his eyes to see Haru lying parallel with him, a hand running through his unruly hair.

“Did I sleep through my alarm, again?” Makoto yawned, covering his mouth to protect Haru from his morning breath

“You don’t have work until later,” Haru answered.

“Still… don’t let me sleep in.”

He shrugged at that. It didn’t matter how many times he told Haru to stop letting him when they were both home in the mornings. On mornings Haru had to leave first, he’d wake him up in a similar fashion. “Breakfast is ready,” and then he leaned in to kiss his knuckles.

Smiling, he waited for Haru to clear the area before he unfurled all his limbs to stretch outward. Makoto then walked on his knees to the table, promising to fold the futon up after breakfast. He would beat Haru to it today. Just as he was to ask what was for breakfast, Haru was bringing an omelette with a side of marmalade toast to him. Simple, but made delicious by Haru’s care.

“We are out of fresh mushrooms.”

“It will still taste wonderful, Haru,” Makoto praised with a small head tilt.

They offered an _ittekimasu_ together and took a bite, and then Haru was standing and heading towards the kitchen.  

“I forgot the tea.” He returned with the tea tray and poured a cup for Makoto and one for himself. Gently he blew on the drink before slowly handing a cup across the table.

Makoto reached and touched the cup with both hands. A sharp pain shot through his left arm and he grimaced and hissed, spilling a portion of the tea over the edge, splattering onto the table, barely missing the top of his right hand as he reacted in time from the cup falling and shattering.

Haru was on his feet again and crossing over to his side, grabbing the nearest blanket. “Was it too hot? Did you get burned?”

Rubbing at his upper left arm with his right, he helped Haru prevent the spilled tea from flowing further onto the floor. “No… my arm just-- ahh!” Another pang and it spread like a fire to his chest.

The cry had Haru swiping for the nearest phone, waiting with bated breath.

Another shot and then something hot was lodging in his chest, causing his whole body to shiver simultaneously. “H-Har-”

Witnessing the discomfort of his boyfriend was enough for Haru to know what was happening and he furiously typed the keys and held the phone to his ear. If the emergency services knew Haru, they’d know that that low and level voice of his was in fact panicking.

Makoto sat up straighter to intake more oxygen.

Haru ended the phone call. “They are on their way.”

Wincing, he uttered. “Good.” He considered asking Haru to find his pills, but the pain was beyond discomfort and it wouldn’t alleviate at this point. He doubted Haru would leave his side for a second. 

_What can I do?_ Haru plead with his large, blue eyes.

Makoto wasn’t sure if his welling eyes were able to give him an answer even if he could know. “Soon… they’ll be here soon, Haru. Don’t worry. I-I’ll be fine.” Yeah. Of course he would. He had to keep telling Haru that. He couldn’t let Haru be scared. He closed his eyes and concentrated on steadying his breaths. Counting. He felt familiar hands touch his own, then retract. Maybe Haru thought that wouldn’t do anything. Or hurt. No, he needed that contact, so Makoto groped around for Haru’s hand and weakly held it to his chest. Yes, that was better. Haru was here.

Blood pounded in his ears, each intake of breath weighed on him. Would lying down help? Oh… Haru was already helping him on his back, hands trembling. Maybe he was starting to fall on his own.

“Makoto…”

His throat was constricting too much to say anything useful to his boyfriend.

A siren sounded in the distance and that assurance managed him a faint smile before passing out.

 

White sand and bright clear skies faded to a white, stale room that had become, regrettably something familiar. The pressure in his nose and chest a reminder of what happened and how much he needed them.

Haru had a hold of his hand, relief swimming in the ocean that was his eyes. He much preferred the Haru in his dreams on their island with free smiles and laughs, not this grim one that came in rooms like this. His name formed on the distraught man’s lips, though no sound came out.

Makoto wanted to tell him that he brought him back again, but somehow it didn’t seem as romantic if he told him. Maybe that was placing too much responsibility on Haru. He believed the reason his body kept fighting was to stay with the love of his life.

“I told you I’d be okay,” Makoto said, squeezing his hand.

In his gaping, Haru’s grasp loosened.

He wasn’t trying to be funny, necessarily. It was true, regardless. “Sorry,” Makoto apologized.

“You’re awake and that’s what matters.”

“Yeah.” Makoto noticed the clock on the right wall and wondered if it was 2pm of the same day he had the heart attack or the next. He didn’t want to ask. Nor did he ask if Haru called his work to inform him he wouldn’t be making it for his shift.

Being awake meant going home sooner, and judging by Haru’s posture and irritability, he was ready to leave. Makoto was, too, but knew he’d have to speak with the doctor before he was discharged.

A nurse poked her head in and then rushed to find the doctor.

They waited another thirty minutes before an almost-middle-aged man stepped in and closed the door behind him, wearing the expression Makoto was all too used to by now - a mixture of bearing bad news as well as wonderment to how he could still be living. Makoto had no explanation to the latter aside from his will to live.

“Good afternoon, Tachibana-san.” He took the stool on the opposite end of the bed, taking his charts in hand. “I’m Dr. Watanabe.”

The pair offered a courtesy bow of their heads.

“Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy,” Watanabe said to himself as he looked over the clinical notes. His eyes widened a little - probably seeing just how many times he’d been hospitalized. “Due to this recent heart attack and how you currently stand, Tachibana-san, I have an option for you that I believe will bring you a significant amount of relief.”

“You mean... there’s something else that can be done?” Makoto asked, a warm hope bubbling inside his gut.

“I see you received an ablation over a year ago. Unfortunately the catheter method isn’t the most efficient. Depending on the severity, the growth that was removed can regenerate. Your disease isn’t common, the cases I’ve had the patients had one heart attack and that was all it took. But you…” Watanabe flipped back to the front of the notes for the recent x-rays and frowned. “I’d like to perform septal myectomy. It’s similar to ablation as we’ll be removing pieces from your ventricular wall, but it will be an open heart surgery. Not a permanent solution, but it will help.”

Makoto turned to Haru and he could see how he lit up at that. “Would it be alright if I talked with my roommate in private, Doctor? I’ll also need to call my parents as I’m still under their insurance.”

“Certainly. I’ll be back in an hour or so.” He removed himself from the stool and walked out the door.

“Why are you hesitating?” Haru asked, his tone accusing.

He hung his head a little, gripping the sheets, loosely. “I don’t feel right rushing in. We should discuss it?”

“There isn’t anything to discuss. If they are suggesting this procedure, doesn’t that mean they think you need it? If we left without it-” immediately he shut his mouth to stop that train of thought.

“But something like that would cost a lot. I’d need to get the authorization from my parents.”

“I’ll take care of it. The money from my sponsors would be more than enough.”

“I-I thought we were going to use it to move into a better place?”

“We can live another year in that tiny apartment!” Haru’s shoulders trembled, eyes hard with resolve.

Once the last note of the outburst died, slowly Makoto leaned forward to touch his arm, a soft smile on his lips, eyes misted. “See? This is why I wanted to discuss it. We need to be sure.”

“Idiot. Something like this should go without question.”

He chuckled in his throat. “I guess so.”

A frown remained on Haru’s face. “We need to call your parents.”

“Yeah. If I’m going to have surgery, they’ll probably want to be here, too. Open heart… that takes a while to recover from, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in the US and I really don't know how Japan's insurance works with the parent/child terms. They do have universal healthcare and that is fantastic, though.


	29. Will They be Mended Or as Easily Just Be Swept Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW ahead, including some Haru POV!
> 
> One more chapter!

Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana authorized over the phone to go through with the operation and they arrived first thing the next morning. Their son was then prepped and put under for surgery. Several hours later he awoke in the recovery room where his parents waited. Due to hospitalization visitation rights, he didn’t see Haru until he was wheeled in on a gurney back to the outpatient room he started in. Long procedure, though no complications. Pain medication and dressings were prescribed and Haru became his designated caretaker. Four days later Makoto was discharged and his parents took the pair to their home.

 

Haru opened the door to their apartment and even in Makoto’s medicated haze he realized how unprepared they were for guests, and was reminded once more how much their home wasn’t suited for more than the two of them. As was expected of his family, they were polite and didn’t say anything about the mess or the size, merely addressed how it very much was a university student’s abode. 

Ren and Ran went to television set and looked at the video games.

Mrs. Tachibana set a sack of soup and tea on the counter. From another sack she withdrew a gently used yukata. “Just a few things I thought would be nice to have.”

“Wow, Mom. Thank you!”

She started to hand the yukata to Makoto, then she retracted to Haru who still held one arm around Makoto to steady him in his wobbly postoperative state.

“You want to change now?” Haru asked.

Being in a yukata’s airy design sounded like heaven. “Yes, please.” And then they were walking towards the bathroom for Haru to help him dress. When they came out, Makoto’s mother eyed the green fabric.

“A little small since you’ve grown after high school, but I suppose it’ll do its purpose.”

“Thanks for bringing it with you, I appreciate it.”

She returned the smile and then addressed her youngest ones. “Ren and Ran, please don’t play those games right now.”

“Oh, I don’t-” Makoto started and stopped at Haru squeezing around him and he knew he had been defeated. “Yeah. Maybe tomorrow. I should probably rest.”

The twins put away the paddles and moved out of the path of the futon.

Before settling his tall and healing boyfriend onto it, Haru fluffed the pillows and added an extra.

“What are you all going to do while I lay here?” Makoto asked, looking up at all the faces that peered down at him while Haru primped the creases on the top sheet.

“We won’t be here the whole time, Sweetie,” his mother said, stroking his hair with fondness. “We don’t expect you or Haruka-chan to entertain us.”

His father’s face appeared behind her shoulder, eyes crinkling. “You need your rest and you can’t get that if we are all packed in here. We found a hotel down the road a ways. We’ll come by to check in every once in awhile for the next few days.”

Ren clung to one of Haru’s legs. “Can’t I stay here with Brother and Haru-chan? I don’t take up much room. I’ll be quiet, too.”

“That’s not fair! I wanna stay, too,” Ran pouted and tugged on her mother’s sleeve.

“Nobody is staying here, you two. Your brother is very tired and he can’t play with you right now.”

Makoto frowned at his siblings being denied their big brother time. “You don’t have to leave right _now_ …” He then noticed the look exchanged between his boyfriend and his mother. He didn’t stand a chance. “We’ll play later, okay?”

Dropping to their brother’s level, they carefully hugged him from both sides - a promise.

“I’ll see you to the door in a minute,” Haru addressed their mother. 

With a nod, Mrs. Tachibana understood and ushered her husband and children away towards the door.

“Do you need anything else?” Haru asked, getting back on his knees.

“Maybe some water? Tea after my nap might be nice.”

“I’ll get you some water, and then I’m going to go with Mom to pick up your prescriptions. Will you be okay for that long?”

“I’m sure I’ll pass out the moment you leave.”

Haru stood and padded to the kitchen and brought him a glass of water, setting it within reach on their nightstand. He then leaned in and kissed what was exposed of his forehead beneath his unruly hair and then traveled down his lips. “I’ll be back.”

“And I’ll be right here.” Makoto held onto Haru’s hand until he had slipped far enough away and he saw his family quickly avert their attention as if they had seen something they weren’t supposed to. He chuckled to himself. “I’ll see you all later.”

“Get some rest,” his father said, slipping on his shoes.

They all finished with their shoes and jackets and closed the door behind them. Before they walked away from the door, Ran asked with wonderment: “Are you and Brother married, Haru-chan?”

Makoto felt himself flush at the question and wondered what Haru looked like - probably turning his head to the side.

“Ran…” Mrs. Tachibana chided, gently. “They can’t with the world as it is right now.”

He could imagine her raising on her toes with a cock of her head as she did when being inquisitive. “Why not?”

“Why, indeed.”

 

Makoto had thought he’d gotten used to Haru pampering him. He took his job as caretaker very seriously and made it a point to be even stricter than before. The patient wanted to protest and say he didn’t need to fret as much as his heart was repaired for the moment, just needed to take things slower while he recovered his energy. Stubbornly Haru continued his doting as if nothing had been said.

In the proceeding month Makoto was convinced Haru not so secretly loved taking care of him. Cooking for him was an everyday occurrence; feeding him not so much. He helped him dress, bathe and use the restroom for the first week until Makoto gained enough strength to prove he could do it on his own. Haru was the one that set the alarms to take medications and change the gauze around his surgical wound. When they went to the hospital for checkups, he watched Haru inflate a little when the doctors commended him for doing a good job.

The cafe was very considerate about the time off and said they’d be able to work double time no problem with his absence. Coach Kuromi claimed he could easily handle the swimming class for the rest of the month. His family remained in Tokyo for five days after surgery and had to return to Iwatobi, all the while sending well wishes and promises of sending care packages. Gou had settled herself in Tokyo and stopped by once a week. Rei and Nagisa made a trip out the third week with more sugary snacks than should be allowed. Rin and Sousuke checked in every weekend and Makoto laughed at how similar Haru and Rin were when it came to fretting over him.

Surgery had left Makoto more tired than he was before, so it was hard to gauge if he was feeling better until halfway through the second week. His breathing was easier, the dull ache a small echo, body feeling lighter than it had in a long time. Once he was allowed to return back to work and university, he had to remind himself that he wasn’t healed no matter how much better he felt. The fatigue still remained, although the doctors said that was normal after surgery and may take months to not feel so worn.

It was all a welcome improvement, regardless. Haru’s attentiveness lifted a little at a time as Makoto gradually was able to show progress, allowing himself to attend practices, school, and media coverages without having to call every hour or so.

Makoto slipped a shirt on over his newly cleaned skin and patted at his hair with a towel. He’d have the evening to himself, (again) according to the calendar, and now that he’d showered, he intended to get started on his term project in Japanese. 

The last thing he expected to see greeted him when he emerged from the bathroom and through the hall.

Haru was reclined on the sofa with eyes half closed in exhaustion.

“I thought you…” began Makoto, already walking towards him in disbelief.

Slowly raven hair shook from side to side. “I got out of it.”

“How?” He was past caring how relieved he sounded.

“They’d booked the rest of the team for the sportswear shoot. Said I wasn’t feeling well.”

“You lied?”

“I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Better now that you’re home?” Makoto finished, having now made it across the room to straddle and perch on Haru’s lap.

“Mm,” Haru answered and slid his hands along the larger man’s sides.

Through the last few months of fame it was easy to tell how wrung out Haru had become. He wasn’t like Rin with smiles and energy with the charisma to go with it and the ability to magnify it in certain situations. Haru’s subdued demeanor and deadpan expressions gained him a reputation for having a dual personality as an athlete even though to Makoto there was no difference. The man in the water was the same as the one under him, as was the one on TV and in the newspapers - Haru didn’t change for appearances and was himself, but he was getting tired.

Makoto threaded his hands in his love’s dark hair and kissed his exposed forehead, blue vanishing under lids in satisfaction. Reverently Makoto kissed his twitching lids and long lashes. Feather soft lips brushed at his cheeks and made their way to Haru’s eager mouth. Soft and slow it began, and gradually deepened as Makoto moved his hands to cup the face of his beloved. He shifted his weight on Haru’s lap to adjust his position and was greeted with a profane moan.

_ Oh. _

Repeating the motion with purpose produced the same result, thus Makoto continued to use his weight to his advantage and grind down.

In kind, Haru arched into the friction, rolling his hips to meet the contact, headily. Soon he was grabbing Makoto by the rear to align them for a constant heat and Makoto helped by closing his legs tighter around Haru’s.  

Their mouths remained together, breathing through their noses in hot puffs, hands clenching for purchase until Haru stilled his movements, tension releasing and deflated against the sofa.

“Feel better?” Makoto asked, tucking the mildly sweat ridden hair behind his ears.

He made a pleased, committal sound, looking up at him through half-hooded eyes, grateful. 

Makoto combed through his hair with his fingers in soothing strokes, nails scratching the scalp, occasionally. If Haru were a cat he’d be purring. “Bath?”

He nodded and Makoto removed himself from his lap and they both started to undress on their way to the bathroom, quickly rinse under the shower, and then settled into place in the tub.

Before Makoto could ask how the rest of Haru’s day went, the smaller man spoke, voice vibrating against his chest.

“I was given tickets to an onsen by a sponsor.”

“Oh? That was really nice of them.”

“I want to take you for your birthday next week.”

“N-next… But what about school and your Olympics things? My birthday is on a Wednesday and-”

“I already told my coach I’m going to use the tickets next weekend. We’ll leave Friday after our afternoon classes. I’ll book the flight and call in the reservation tonight.”

This was all too sudden and fast, springing a trip on him out of the blue. Although it was possible he had the tickets for a while and was just now telling Makoto about it, as he couldn’t very well keep a surprise if the travel was far. “So last minute, Haru... And a flight? W-where are we going?”

“Hokkaido.”

 

The flight tickets had not been included with the onsen package, which would had been an issue for Makoto if Haru didn’t reason that the sponsors were still basically paying for the flight with the money he currently had in his bank account. Neither of them enjoyed the cold, thus going to Hokkaido in late November seemed foolish, but the promise of a hot spring encouraged them.

Travel from the airport to the ryokan was spent marveling at the snowfall from the window of the taxi.

When they arrived, they were greeted and shown to their traditional room with two futons and a set of yukata for each. They adorned their yukata and self-toured the facility, taking in the serene atmosphere even as the snow began to fall outside for the evening. The ryokan was small and off the beaten path, making it a perfect getaway from the busy lives they had since the summer.

Nobody seemed to recognize Haru, or at least had the decency to realize he was on vacation. The only other guests they encountered were a group of foreigners for skiing and a family of three.

Nabe and snow crab was served in their room and they devoured the warm and delightful meal. After a bit of digesting, they disrobed for a bath, biting at the bitter cold that invaded their exposed skin before immersing themselves in the steaming water.

“My family was never able to take us to one of these place before,” Makoto mused as he sat back against a rock. “I’ve always wanted to. Thank you, Haru.”

Haru peered up at him from the water’s surface, nodding.

“Don’t stay under there too long…”

Bubbles moved around him in retort.

Even amongst the winter wonderland landscape, the natural hot spring was still Haru’s element.

As much as Makoto disliked the cold, there was something calming about the snowy mountainside and the flakes that danced to the ground outside the canopy. Being anywhere with Haru he was able to feel calm, really. He felt around for Haru’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

Haru’s eyes found his and didn’t move until he needed air, in which he moved to Makoto’s right to keep the connection and laying his damp head on his shoulder.

A creak sounded towards the wooden divider of the pool over and a pair of wide eyes spied at them through the hole in the paneling.

“Jyou-chan, what are you doing?” presumably the owner of the eyes mother, questioned. Water sloshed as she hurriedly came towards. “That’s rude. You leave those people alone.”

“Mommy, they are in love!” the boy announced like he’d made the greatest discovery.

The men were happy the mother didn’t feel the need to verify, as they blushed over how a child could see could see the devotion that had for one and another with no accusations.

 

“That was really nice,” Makoto said as he slipped on his yukata and giving a small pleasurable shiver at how cozy his body felt. “I can’t believe we get to do that tomorrow, too.”

Haru too shirked his yukata on and slipped his arms through the sleeves. “I reserved massages for us after lunch.”

“Was that part of the package?”

“Yeah. I still had to sign the reservation sheet when we checked in.”

“Oh, I see. Ah this is all so new.”

“A good kind of new?”

“Of course! I’m glad you got those tickets and we were able to come and do this together. Thank you, again.”

“I’ll send the sponsors a message saying I enjoyed the gift.”

“That would be polite to do. Well, shall we turn in for the night?”

“Yeah.”

The pair connected the separate futons to make one large one and pulled the cord for the light above, and then crawled under the covers. Moonlight reflected off the snow covered surfaces outside and bathed their room in a soft glow. Makoto considered offering to get up and move the shoji screen to block it, then stopped himself as he noticed the eyes that were on him.

Haru’s blue sparkled with the desire he’d become all too familiar with. They’d managed to stay conservative with their interaction with each other all day and it was no wonder he was ready, now. Not to mention they didn’t have time on his actual birthday to have /that/. Then again, maybe it had been on purpose.

Comfortable, hydrated, and a peaceful ambiance was the perfect fuel.

Simultaneously the small distance between them disappeared, yukata removed in heated exploration, and two bodies became one.

 

Texting Haru shouldn’t be hard, Makoto reminded himself. Texting something vague or secretive, however, was. For him, anyway. Would Haru be suspicious and say no? Heart pounding with anxiety, he finally pressed Send on the message.

[Can you meet me after swim practice today?]

Simple, but would Haru question it?

His phone vibrated in his hand.

[You okay?] Haru asked.

That was a reasonable response. [Yeah. I just want to show you something.] Lame.

[I’ll be there.]

That was easy. Maybe too easy? Reading Haru through text was difficult. 

Deciding it best to leave it at that, he zipped up his wetsuit and joined his class at the pool.

 

Five minutes after the last child left, Haru opened the door to the pool. He opened his mouth to ask the reason Makoto asked him to come, and stopped himself at the sight across the pool. 

Makoto knew it was more for the fact Haru hadn’t seen him in his old leg skins since the final tournament, but he couldn’t help how self-conscious he felt in it - fabric clinging tight to areas it didn’t before and looser in others. Haru had seen him naked throughout his decline and incline of his condition plenty of times and there was no need to feel embarrassed about how he looked in his /swimsuit/ of all things. He tugged at the waistband to more comfortably fit the mound of his stomach. 

Haru made the journey around the pool and now stood in front of Makoto, confused. “Makoto?”

“Surprise! Uh…” he fidgeted in place, trying to recall the words he rehearsed. “Yesterday when I went to my checkup, the doctor said I’ve been healing really well. He said I’m well enough to swim. Well, I can’t competitively. Leisurely. Enough to swim with the kids. Swim… with you.”

Blue sparkled at that. 

“I haven’t swam in nearly two years, I hope I still can!”

In a flash Haru’s clothes were gone and he was pulling Makoto by the hands towards the pool steps. The excitement was evident on Haru’s face and it was so endearing, Makoto couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled in his throat. Back towards the pool, Haru pulled Makoto down the steps until they were both standing in the shallow end.

Eagerly and cautiously Haru waited for Makoto to take any sort of swimming form before doing anything. 

Of course Makoto lifted his feet and let the buoyancy lift him onto his back. He’d let himself do this during practice or after his students had left to have a moment of respite, but he’d always refrained from doing more. And so he started to move his arms, allowing muscle memory to take over, gradually gaining speed. 

Haru dipped into the water in the next lane over and swam freestyle at a similar pace.

As soon as Makoto’s heart rate rose to what he should have been more wary about prior, he slowed. He couldn’t get overzealous from the start. He’d build up to it, he was sure. For being out of practice as much as he was he was happy the rest of his body wasn’t rejecting him. 

“The water still accepts you,” Haru said, standing next to Makoto’s floating body. 

“It hasn’t changed its mind?”

“It understands. Knows you missed it.”

Makoto nodded. “I have. Standing to keep kids afloat definitely isn’t the same.” Holding Haru’s gaze, Makoto flipped over and dove beneath the surface.

Naturally Haru caught the invitation and followed after. 

They didn’t need to race to swim - swimming against Haru at prelims was proof of that - being in the water, in its embrace together was all they needed. Haru connected with others through the water, could feel their energy and sense their souls.

Makoto knew this from a young age and the water bonded them further. Being unable to have this for so long must have been agony for Haru. Had he been able to continue swimming, the chlorine wouldn’t have stung has eyes as much as he watched the love of his life swim under him on his back, to and fro. And then they were circling one another. 

_ I love swimming and I love you, Haru-chan. _

Words from his middle school self came to Makoto’s mind at the deja vu of their underwater dance. Extending his hands towards Haru, he pulled them closer together. Gently they kicked their legs and rotated until both were running out of breath. Makoto wondered if being caught in the moment was what enabled him to stay under as long as he did. 

Sputtering and intaking oxygen into their lungs, they backstroked to the lane buoys and used ropes to float in place.  

Droplets dripped from his damp hair, senses overcome by the heavy scent of chlorine. He’d stood in the pool on a weekly basis, but never immersed himself.

He missed this. 

His arms and legs may complain in the morning, but he didn’t care. He missed that, too. 

Most of all, he missed the one beside him. 

The Olympics were never a goal for Makoto. Had he remained healthy, he would have liked to swim with Haru for fun, for a break from competition. Maybe joined a community team, though Haru wouldn’t be there, thus being less enjoyable. Swimming wasn’t his world, it was Haru’s and he only wanted to keep part of that world in some way. 

Now he could again.

Their eyes met and the echo of Makoto’s confession returned. Back then he was young and naive, though no less honest and true to his heart. Afterwards neither of them spoke of it, too embarrassed and unsure how to proceed, or even if they should and eventually fell back into routine. For society’s sake, Makoto had suppressed his love for his best friend because maybe it had been a phase like his mother presumed.

How long would they have hid from their feelings if Makoto’s condition hadn’t prompted Haru to act? Or was it because Makoto decided to go to Tokyo and he was afraid they’d never see each other? Strange how he hadn’t put thought into it before. 

Haru grabbed for his hand under the water.

Whatever the reason, Makoto answered his own question: It wouldn’t have been much longer, afterall.

Makoto squeezed Haru’s hand in return. “I love swimming and I love you, Haru-chan.”

Haru’s eyes widened like they had that night, now laced with joy and relief.  Surely he felt the sentiments in the water. Tears welled in his eyes, a soft, genuine smile on his lips; it was no surprise that Haru was even happier than Makoto that he could return to his world with him.

 

* * *

 

 

Haru dipped the end of his brush in a small cup of water, twisting the handle to make a current. The tiny waves increased friction, soaking the bristles.

_ You said you'd model for me. _

_ But... Haru! _

It pleased him, just how easily Makoto gave in to his whims, all with a blush and a stutter. He'd never known anyone so perfect and so humble in his life. He was sure that such a person couldn't exist.

Haru pushed the brush tip into the plastic compartment for blue- a deep, beautiful shade of Mediterranean ocean -and drew the life from it. In late spring, the early afternoon sun was bright enough that they didn't need to turn on any lights, and still cool enough that they didn't need the noise from fans to keep from burning up.

Even naked, though, Makoto's skin was pink from the heat of embarrassment.

The artist had posed his model on the floor with his back to him, leaning on his hip. Sitting up, legs out to the side, positioned /just so/ in order to get his beautiful, soft muscles emphasized by shadow. It was true that Makoto had lost a great deal of his chiseled physique from high school. He'd even gained a little bit of soft pudge here and there since the surgery. None of it mattered, though. Haru thought it was beautiful. He loved every curve, every straight line. Makoto was a survivor. His body was proof of that.

_Don't paint my front_ , he'd pleaded. _I don't want you to draw on the scars..._

Haru didn't mind them. They hurt because it had been such a long recovery and had put Makoto through so much turmoil, but they, too, were battle wounds. Marks of survival. Reminders that he was still alive.

He had no problem granting the request, though. He loved Makoto all over, and his back was a perfect canvas.

/It's gonna be cold./ Haru ever so gently placed the tip of the brush against Makoto's shoulder blade and waited for the reaction to come- a deep shiver -before proceeding. Up and around in a graceful arc, Haru laid down the paint, coming back down to trace over his back, gradually moving toward his spine.

"It's cold, Haru...!"

Leaning forward, Haru touched his lips to Makoto's opposite shoulder. _I'm sorry. Bear with it a little longer?_

Makoto relaxed, shoulders slumping. _Okay..._

Haru took the paintbrush in his teeth, freeing his hands to put Makoto back into position. It was so fascinating to watch the muscles move under that soft, smooth skin...

He returned to painting, going slowly to make sure that each stroke laid down a good amount of pigment so that he wouldn't have to go over it too many times. Skin was a fickle surface to work with, and Makoto was too self-conscious to stay still for long.

He switched brushes, opting for a wider brush to bring out brighter hues in the scene he was painting; cyans, seafoams. teals, mixing together in curved lines and symbols. The result was almost tribal in style. He moved on to darker shades and purer blues for the sky, adding magenta for the hint of sunset as the sky outside wore on in the afternoon.

"How is it going, Haru...?"

Hesitant. Timid. Probably wondering how someone could pay so much attention to just him. Haru smiled where Makoto couldn't see. "It's good. Almost done."

The subject relaxed when he sighed with relief, then tensed as he moved back into position. Haru brushed his fingertips over the patches of bare skin where he hadn't yet painted, reassuring him. Gradually, Makoto calmed again, and Haru went back to painting.

Stroke after stroke, Haru added more layers to build up the scene, paying special attention to the splashes of freckles on his shoulders. When he was finished, pulling the white-tipped brush from his lover's back, he looked over the highlights and rinsed out the brush. "Okay."

"Is it done?"

"Yeah."

Makoto twisted his head to try to get a peek, but he couldn't see more than just a blur of color, and then Haru's face when he leaned in for a kiss.

_ Stay still. _

It was risky to take a photo for so many reasons, but Haru didn't care. He pulled out his phone and backed up until he could frame his boyfriend perfectly in the light, from his curled toes to his legs, up his back to his shoulders, and that nervous expression on his blushing face.

Haru took one- just one -and inspected it carefully before sending it to Makoto via text. "There."

"Did you just-? Haru!"

The whine only made the dark-haired man laugh, and he stretched out on the floor while Makoto scrambled to check his phone. The red of his cheeks spread quickly to his ears and over his neck.

"Haru..." Makoto knelt next to his discarded trousers, cradling his phone. "It's our island, isn’t it?"

Haru stripped off his shirt and let it fall to the floor. Spending that much time with Makoto's skin had done very little for soothing his usual appetite; especially now that they were free to enjoy much more than ever before in the course of their relationship. If anything, it had made the craving stronger.

But it wasn't just physical desire. It wasn't just the appreciation of his lover's skin, warm and soft, smooth and tender. Haru was permitted to observe him whenever he chose to. He was allowed to touch and fondle, to caress and to taste. So many times they'd come together in physical harmony, sharing heat and passion, tangled up in limbs and lips. All of that was important, yes, but what he felt was so deep and personal, like his complicated, overwhelming feelings for the ocean and his need for the sea and freedom.

He felt it in his own beating, unbroken heart.

Haru loved Makoto.

Makoto loved Haru.

The perfect truth. More undeniable than the call of the waves and the song of the sea.

By the time Haru reached his boyfriend, Makoto was ready for him. He was still so shy, blushing and eager, and so sincere. Wanting him and being wanted all for the same reasons filled Haru with such perfect /balance/; it was even better than being in the water.

Haru touched his chest, fingertips barely ghosting over the scars on the way to Makoto's shoulders, holding himself steady while the taller man fumbled with button and zipper, tugging at denim fabric to pull it away. Haru sucked in a breath at the exposure, and then again at Makoto's hand, cupping him between his legs.

Makoto had been so much bolder since the surgery.

Haru lifted his gaze from the lines of waxy scar tissue to Makoto's face, deep red in spite of- or maybe because of- his actions. It made him smile. First at one corner of his mouth, then the other, until he had to press the expression against Makoto's neck to muffle the happiness, lest it escape and ruin his stoic image.

While Makoto stroked and squeezed, Haru trailed fingers down his arms and onto his sides, exploring every inch of unpainted skin. He bit back a moan, and retaliated with a squeeze of his hands, palming his backside. Then he spread him, making his intentions clear. They took turns being on top, now, as a general rule... but Haru needed him this time. Needed to show him, in one of the few ways he felt confident in, just how much he loved him. How important he was to him.

Just, not yet.

Down they went to the hardwood floor, messy with scattered papers and dust bunnies. Haru was good at being tidy, but only when he didn't need the creative chaos to work in. Such times were short lived, but so relaxed that it made the informal and impromptu love-making sessions that were so frequent these days perfectly comfortable.

Makoto gave a soft oof, then a giggle when his much smaller lover crawled on top of him. "Haruuu," he whined, playing with his name in nasal tone.

Haru was only sort of listening, of course, dark hair bent over as he attacked Makoto's neck with scattered kisses, each more possessive than the last. "Mmn."

"You're so needy, Haru..."

Makoto could try all he wanted to sound put out by it, but Haru knew better. Of course he did. He worked down his throat, over his adam's apple, to his collarbone, then down onto his chest. Careful, he ventured further, spending time to taste the hardened zipper of skin over his sternum while fingering the rise of his nipple.

It brought out the little moans of pleasure that Haru liked so much, and he smiled, flattening his tongue.

"It feels- so weird!" Makoto said, not for the first time.

Weird wasn't necessarily a bad thing, they'd both learned. The scars were sensitive, yes, but that meant that they had feeling. They _tingled_ , if touched right. And Haru had plenty of experience with that. He pressed the heel of his hand up against Makoto's pectoral muscle, kneading his hand over the more supple flesh, and rolled his hips against him. It was impossible to resist with the sounds that he had been making.

Makoto touched his back, fingertips alternating between a gentle rubbing, up and down, and digging in. He wouldn't leave marks, Haru knew, even though he wish that he would. With the warmer weather, swimming season was back in full swing, which meant that Haru's body- at least where the jammers didn't cover -were the spectator's sport. He neither cared for that or about it, but it gave him all the more reason /not/ to ask Makoto to get rougher.

That was all right, though. Haru could leave all the marks he wanted on Makoto. To demonstrate, he laid a little love bite along Makoto's side, getting him to squirm and cry out in some kind of mix of embarrassment and pleasure.

The delicate, artful fingers of his right hand continued their ministrations on Makoto's chest, while his back arched, drawing him lower on the brunette's body. He laid a series of more tender kisses on the ever so slight softness of his stomach, then licked to his hip, dipping down to mouth at his thighs. Gradually, his hand joined him, and Makoto's giggles and whining gave way to more moans and sighs.

Both hands traced up Makoto's thigh, one on the inside, one out, lifting him by the knee to expose between his legs again. He pushed his other leg until it was bent and fallen limply to the other side, relaxed, spread. Perfect.

"Haru... we're on the floor..."

It was such a weak protest. Haru pressed his cheek against Makoto's knee and gazed down at him, first to the hair around his erection, then to his belly button, his chest, and then finally the expression on his face. "So?"

"You'll hurt your knees..."

Haru turned his head only enough to kiss his leg, then turned that hooded, sapphire gaze back on him, sliding a hand up to squeeze him. Makoto wouldn't be able to complain much longer. Not like this, and he knew it.

"Mnn- Haru...!"

Was Haru a tease? Maybe a little. He dispensed a long series of strokes and squeezes, each designed to get a little more reaction out of his boyfriend, until Makoto was breathless and throbbing. Then he added lube, coating both hands and then Makoto, the base of his length, sac, and underneath.

Haru almost expected Makoto to accuse him of planning it all ahead of time. He had, of course, but he was just a tiny bit disappointed that Makoto wasn't going to mention it.

Since he couldn't get words out of him, though, he'd have to settle for breathless cries. He settled in close again, using his mouth to take him in, tongue flicking about the head of his dick, long fingers sliding in and out of him underneath.

He wouldn't get him off that way, of course not; taking him when he was raw and too sensitive was a terrible idea. It was another thing that they'd learned in their time together. Whoever knew that sex and all of the pieces to it could be so complicated? So... individualized? At least they could laugh about it, have fun with it.

Haru was having fun then, in fact, pistoning his fingers in and out, in and out, stretching him, finding the place that drew the best moans and the most guttural cries. He flicked his tongue on him, dipped against the tip, lapping at the bit of precum that escaped. 

He'd taken to lovemaking like he did anything he had passion for; with dedication and tenacity, laser focused until he had every single piece in place just the way he wanted it. Makoto gasped and panted, writhing and smearing flakes of dried watercolor on the floor. His hands crumpled whatever scraps of discarded paper they could reach. He keened in protest, back arching, hair damp with sweat, clinging to his forehead.

"Ha-haru!" Makoto's breath hitched and his body tightened all over, causing Haru to still in tandem.

If he went too much further, it'd be over before they even got started.

Slowly, carefully, he eased back; still keeping contact while shifting gears to neutral. Just enough pressure to keep him going while not pushing him over. Haru ached between his legs, eager, struggling with himself to stay patient. But if he'd learned anything being with Makoto, it had been patience.

Haru licked his lips, his own breath coming fast and heated. Touching himself brought a thrill of pleasure from groin to head, muscles contracting on their own. He leaned over Makoto, body quivering, and moved into position. With practiced finesse, he slid into place; not quite like cutting into water, but graceful all the same. 

If it had been a race, Haru would have finished in record time, and probably hurt them both in the process. Instead, he eased himself down until they were skin against skin. It was always a little harder to do it in this position, too, but he hated having Makoto on his scars. He wanted to see his face. Makoto was, after all, his whole reason for being.

The act itself was brief. Makoto could never last long when he'd gotten to that point, and Haru might have been able to get off just watching... Not really, but he felt like it sometimes. Their bodies rocked together, Haru driving, Makoto reciprocating, bringing friction and heat until they couldn't hold back any more. Makoto came first, and the intensity of the climax brought Haru over moments later, leaving them in a blissful, breathless heap.

When it was over, and they'd cleaned up and showered, then crawled onto their futon for a late afternoon nap, Haru rested his head on Makoto's chest and listened with satisfaction to the strong, beautiful heartbeat underneath. The painting was gone, regrettably, but they had smeared pages to attest to the afternoon, as well as the digital photo. Haru could always do it again, he mused. He'd be happy to.

They lay there in the shade of their dark room, listening to the cicadas, naked skin brushed by the breezes of late spring.

Haru had never been happier.


	30. Don't Want to Live Outside of What We've Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are... we made it.
> 
> Thank you for your patience - From both of us! Please enjoy the final chapter.

The stool leg screeched against the hardwood floor as Makoto pushed it into place under the table, tabletop wiped cleaned, napkins refilled, vase of flowers given fresh water. He bent to the floor to pick up a straw wrapper and walked to the trash bin, a spring in his step and a hum on his lips.

“Someone’s happy,” Inoue smirked. “Got a date after your shift ends?”

Makoto flushed at that and was unsuccessful at hiding his face behind the cloth he pulled from his apron pocket to wipe at another table. There was no use in denying it, and his lip quirked at how easy he was to read sometimes. “Yeah.”

“You’re cute together.”

“Eh?”

“Anyone that’s ever been in love before can see it. You and that roommate of yours - The Olympian.”

He stumbled over the chair as he rounded the square table and steadied himself.

“Take it easy; I’m not going to blab or anything. I mean…” she then shuffled on her feet, guiltily. “Other staff have gossiped. Oh, but not negatively! I’ve told them to not go spreading rumors when it isn’t anyone’s business.”

The initial shock wore off and Makoto calmed. It was odd, considering how they purposefully didn’t tell anyone outside their family and friends about them - because really it shouldn’t be anyone’s business. With society and media’s opinions on same-sex couples, Makoto didn’t want to soil Haru’s athletic career. Haru had been more concerned about the media bothering Makoto and the world thinking badly about him than himself. Sweet, but he was _missing the point_ , Makoto tried to emphasis, and mutually agreed to not go public about it, regardless.

Here his co-worker had found out on her own (though he supposed he didn’t keep the tightest of lips when it came to bringing Haru into conversation, especially with the Olympics buzz almost a year ago). He knew enough that she could be trusted and maybe it was okay for others to know. What mattered was their relationship not plastered on the news and ruining Haru’s reputation and making the Nanases furious.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said anything,” Inoue said after a long pause.

“No. It’s fine. I was… taken aback, I guess.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “We haven’t told anyone outside family and friends.”

“Understandable. Don’t worry too much, okay? Honestly, a lot of people don’t care these days.”

“I suppose you’re right.” His parent’s accepted, as well as Nagisa, Rei, Rin and Sousuke’s parents when they came out when in another time they might not have.

With a smile he returned to his tasks to finish out the remaining hour of his shift, all the while secretly wishing for more customers so the time would move faster and, as much as he wished to tell the world he loved Haru, it was awkward for someone outside of family to know and keep teasing him over how excited he was for their date. She meant well, but he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed.

At the end of his shift, chores and duties checked off, Makoto went into the restroom to change his shirt and rid his hair of flour and sugar. He folded his apron and work shirt and placed them in his backpack.

Inoue cat-called at him when he emerged, in which he hid behind his backpack.

“I-I’ll see you tomorrow, Inoue-san.” He checked his wristwatch and found that it was a bit early and Haru wouldn’t be getting off at the station for another fifteen minutes. He took up a seat on the patio and observed the world passing by. Two and a half years of  residing in Tokyo and the busy city never ceased to amaze him - thousands of people, cars, noises and scents that he’d never get back home by the seaside. The change hadn’t always been welcome but it made him appreciate Iwatobi’s quaintness more.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. Withdrawing his phone and swiping the lock screen, Haru’s message stated he’d just gotten on the train.

[See you soon ヽ(=^･ω･^=)] Makoto texted. [Looking forward to tonight ;)]

[Me too].

Makoto smiled at the image that came to his mind of his cute boyfriend’s pink-tinted cheeks.

A breeze blew past, and Makoto hugged himself from the shiver that overcame his whole body. He waited for warmth to return, but the tingling radiated to his left arm in a chilling numbness.

Maybe it hadn’t been a breeze at all.

Since his surgery his heart had given him significantly less problems. Healing from the wound wiped him out more than he thought it would, but once he was on his feet again, slowly he was able to be more active. Short runs, swimming slow laps, and short and light weight training. Pain only came after those activities, and even then he was able to keep it down with rest and his prescription. While he understood he’d never be able to return to his glory days in high school, it had been the best he’d felt in a long time.

So why?

He reached under the table for his bag and unzipped the outer pocket for his medication, taking note of the few pills remaining and would need to put in a refill the moment he got home, popped the cap, took one, and sat back in the metal chair.

It had to be a hiccup. Just had to be. He would sit and it would disappear like it had for the last six months.

Only it didn’t.

He debated if he should call 119 or Haru first. Another stuttering beat made the decision for him. He dialed and stated/hurriedly explained his condition and informed them of his location. An ambulance was dispatched immediately. Rubbing at the scar on his chest beneath his shirt, he opened his phone again to text Haru.

[I’m having an attack. Don’t worry; I called 119 and they are on their way (,,^・⋏・^,,).]

Not two seconds after, his phone vibrated with Haru’s response: [I’m on my way]

The confirmation was comforting even if coming to pick him up had been the goal already. Then he imagined Haru trying to get to the control deck to make the train go faster, and he chuckled to himself.

“Tachibana-kun?”

He tilted his head at the call - a boy that started last week, Ebisu, if he wasn’t mistaken. Makoto had only worked with him once and the freshman hadn’t been informed of Makoto’s condition. Although recently it had been much, much better, Makoto hadn’t found a need to add another co-worker into his pool of worriers. “I’m okay. I already called for an ambulance.”

Not at all convinced, Ebisu clenched his hands and ran inside and was soon back out again with Inoue. 

Makoto hated causing a scene.

Inoue was caught between a ‘not again’ expression and panic. She turned to Ebisu. “He told you he called 119?”

Vigorously the boy nodded.

“Not much else we can do. Are you comfortable, Tachibana-kun?”

As comfortable as he could manage at the feeling of knives stabbing at his chest could allow. He forced a nod. A frown showed that she also wasn’t convinced and Makoto lamented how horrible he’d become at lying. Well, he’d never been a pro at it, but he was at least able to lie to anyone but Haru and his parents.

“I’ll stay out here until Nanase-san arrives. He /is/ on his way?”

Another nod and he grimaced.

His coworkers stopped asking questions after that, realizing that they couldn't do anything to help him and talking with the expectation of a response was futile. 

Makoto focused on his breaths and counted.

Maybe by the time they reached the hospital his medication would take effect? That was his hope.

A siren blared several blocks down and he couldn’t help the relief that came over him. From his first attack he disliked how much he’d come to rely on doctors and not his own strength he’d spent his youth obtaining  

The ambulance pulled up onto the curb and the back doors opened and a gurney and two EMTs emerged.

By now he would have passed out from the pain. This was a good sign.

Ebisu and Inoue stood back and gave the EMTs distance as they opened the gate to the patio and wheeled the gurney towards their patient.

Where was Haru?

“We’re here, Sir. We’ll take care of you and get you to the hospital as soon as possible,” the EMT woman said with a gentleness he’d come to appreciate from these situations. He knew their profession couldn’t be easy what with having to calm patients who were anything but.

Gingerly the two medics shifted him from the chair he sat to the lowered gurney and was then strapped in.

“Makoto!”   


His wavering eyelids shot open at that call - Haru was here. He wanted to call out to him, but the tightness in his chest spread into his throat. The EMTs held him from getting up to see Haru approach, so he held up his hand as he felt Haru’s presence draw near.

Slender fingers grasped his, hold trembling. “Makoto,” Haru repeated, softer to keep the fear at bay.

Makoto wanted to squeeze back, but his body wasn’t cooperating. “Haru… I’ll be okay.”

“Sir, we need to get going,” the woman said placing a hand on Haru’s shoulder.

Haru’s Adam’s apple bobbed with a swallow, desperately. “Can I come?”

The woman looked towards the ambulance, “I’m sorry, but we don’t have room for passengers. We’re taking him to Kawakita General. Please take a taxi and follow after.”

His brows furrowed at how inconvenient that was and that he couldn’t hold onto Makoto if they were in separate vehicles.

Seeing his boyfriend’s inner turmoil, Makoto forced his face to form into a smile, the crinkling of his eyes blurring his vision. “I’ll see you soon, Haru. Wait for me?”

Blue blinked back moisture and as his head came up from nodding, the EMTs started to roll the gurney away, their hands slipping away from each other.

Makoto kept his eyes on Haru as they wheeled him onto the runway and into the back of the ambulance, oxygen mask affixing to his face, his view becoming obstructed by the clear plastic. The ambulance doors closed. The engine roared into life.

With Haru out of sight, his distraction was gone and he was back to internally counting and breathing.

Hands he couldn’t focus on who they belonged to unbuttoned his shirt and attached the wire suctions to his chest, the machine immediately beeping to life in a frenzy.

The discomfort was familiar - the sharp palpitations of his heart, the light-headedness, the nausea, the chills, the uselessness of being unable to stop it and let it run its course. 

It was fine. Eventually he’d regain consciousness.

Everything was becoming blurry, lights starring and expanding. The voices in the car, panicked or otherwise, beeping, roar of the engine faded into the distance as the blackout overtook him.

  
  


"Where to?"

"Kawakita," Haru stammered, breathless. "General. Hospital." He gripped the side of the door, tendons straining over his knuckles. Just another trip to the emergency room. They'd done this half a dozen times already. It wasn't anything that they couldn't handle.

The repeated mantra did little to settle the frantic beating in his chest, though. Haru stared out at the city as the cab wove through traffic, voices on the radio lost to the static of thoughts and memories racing through his head. 

_ Wait for me? _

That stupidly sweet face of Makoto, lying pale and weak on the stretcher, asking _him_ to wait? Was he still worrying about their date? Stupid Makoto...

He'd run through the entire scenario two or three times by the time the cab came to a stop at the front of the hospital. Haru paid the man quickly with a handful of bills and hit the ground running through the automatic double doors and into the crowded lobby. The emergency room was on the other side of the hospital. The ambulance had a head start and wouldn't have had to deal with so much traffic, so they probably had him stabilized by now. They may have even gotten him into a recovery room. Probably not, but it had happened before...

Despite his natural speed and his need to see Makoto, making his way through the hallways was not something that could be done so quickly or cleanly as cutting through the water. Haru was panting by the time he reached the nurse's station, frustration and frayed nerves forcing the words tumbling from his mouth. "Ma-koto," he breathed, then shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "My roommate. Tachibana Makoto? Which room?" Another ragged pant. "Is he checked in?"

The woman behind the desk blinked at him, hesitating with fingers poised over the keyboard. "What was the name again?"

He didn't have time for this crap. Haru straightened up, taking stock of the other waiting patrons, each wearing their own portraits of pain, but no Makoto among them. He looked to the doors leading out to the ambulance entrance. There was one outside, doors open.

"Sir? The name?"

"Tachibana," Haru said, squinting. The lights were off. Paramedics standing nearby. "Makoto."

"Let's see if I can find him in the system," she said.

Haru pulled away from the desk and moved to the glass windows that separated the hospital from the outside world. There, in the parking lot, was a stretcher.

The stretcher.

A thin, white sheet covered a body. A mountain. Unmoving. Breathless. Still.

"Sir?" the desk woman called to him.

Haru stumbled through the doors and out to the asphalt.

"Sir, we need to ask you to wait inside."

"Makoto..."

"He's the roommate."

A pair of arms grappled his own- to steady him? To stop him? Haru wasn't sure. He couldn't move. His legs weren't cooperating anymore. His lungs weren't, either.

"We did what we could," someone said. He couldn't tell who. Or from where.

There were other things, too. Snatches of words that might have made sense if it weren't for the pounding in his head and the crashing of waves in his heart. Everything was crumbling apart all at once and suddenly there was nothing to stand on, no solid ground.

Nothing.

Makoto was gone.

 

The hospital made the initial phonecall to the Tachibanas, but it wasn't long before Haru held his own cell against his cheek, uttering quiet hums of 'yes' and 'no' to Makoto's mother in response to her questions.

"Are you all right, Haru-chan?"

"Mm."

"Are you back at the apartment?"

"Mm."

"We're coming up..."

"Mm."

"I'm so sorry, Haru-chan..."

 

They came. His surrogate mother and father, his adoptive brother and sister. Everyone cried and hugged him. They told him it would be all right.

It was inevitable. That's what the doctor's report said, despite the surgery he had had. His heart was too worn and weak. There was nothing they could have done. They were so grateful for what Haru had done. For what he had been to Makoto. For having taken such good care of him.

In the whirlwind of hours that followed, Makoto's things disappeared into boxes, and his business affairs were closed with a few phonecalls. Soon, they were all gathered on a train back to Iwatobi.

He didn't go up to his grandmother's house at the top of the steps. Haru stayed close to the Tachibanas, and the world moved around him. The scents were strange and familiar all the same; different than Tokyo, but still the same as they'd always been.

The house phone rang in near constant chirps, echoing the cicadas outside. The words that answered were always the same, and so were the tears. Yes, Makoto's gone. My son is gone. He went quickly. There was nothing we could do. The doctor doesn't think he was in much pain.

The sun wore on like the waves, washing the explanation and condolences over his bones, wearing him down. Bleached and weary. Smooth stones...

 

Familiar faces at the funeral. More words. Hands touching him. Arms around him. Tears. More apologies. More cries of "Haru-chan!" from former teammates and rivals alike.

Then all of that was over, too.

It played back as he stared out at the passing countryside on the train ride back to Tokyo. The flower arrangement next to the framed photo of Makoto's face, capturing the bright smile that he always wore, so full of life... nothing like the pale skin of the body in the casket.

They'd given him a moment to say goodbye. He almost couldn't go through with it. Two fingers on his cheek, then into his hair. He was too cold. It didn't feel right. It was Makoto but it _wasn't_ him, either. It was wrong. Haru understood why; he wasn't stupid, but that didn't stop his heart from aching from the error of it.

He pressed his lips to his forehead. Makoto's parents were there, backs turned, allowing that mercy. Haru might have gone for his lips, too, but it was too public a place, and he could just imagine Makoto's spirit whining in embarrassment. 

_ Haruu-chan! Don't! Someone might see! _

Haru smiled to himself, biting down on the back of his knuckles and closed his eyes, bangs pressed against the glass. It was dark long before the train reached the city.

 

The apartment was empty, with only the sounds of summer to fill the night. Haru let himself in, slipping free of his shoes with a quiet "Tadaima," and locked the door behind him.

Most of Makoto's things were gone. All that remained were his own possessions, sparse as they were, and a smattering of joint decorations that he'd insisted- perhaps selfishly -on keeping. He moved through the apartment without turning on the lights and dropped to the futon with an exhausted sigh.

The wind moved through the trees out down the block. A door closed. Haru rolled onto his side and touched the mattress where Makoto was supposed to be.

It still smelled like him.

A car rumbled past, tailpipe rattling, then fading away.

Haru buried his face against the sheet. Soft, smooth skin, like soap and sun, and a bit like coffee. Chlorine and children. Cats. Chalk...

Medicine, too.

Cold, sterile slab tables. White sheets. Face masks. Tubes.

No... no, Makoto wasn't that. That wasn't Makoto's life!

It was helping people. It was learning to cook. It was cheering for him, for being so proud of him. It was living life to the very fullest, to the very last moment.

Haru cried until he was too exhausted stay awake.

 

It rained the next day. And the next.

Haru lay on the futon and took in every bit of Makoto's scent that he could, trying to commit it to memory. Then he tried to paint it. As the clouds moved, shadows stretched through the opened windows and stretched over the bare floors.

His phone buzzed with voicemails, but he didn't answer, only listened after the fact. He painted while he listened, using up all of his paper, and all of his paints.

 

"Haruka!" Makoto's mother- his would-be Mother-in-Law. "The gift you left at the funeral-- thank you, but it's... it's too much!"

 

It was most of his bank account. But it was the right amount. Flying everyone out to Tokyo wasn't cheap. Neither was shipping a body back to Iwatobi. And he knew how expensive funerals were after his grandmother had died. He wouldn't put the Tachibana family through that. Not if he could help. 

 

"Hey Haru!" Rin. "Why aren't you answering your phone, you ass? I want to make sure you're still doing okay! Don't do anything stupid!"

 

Haru just shook his head. Rin would was the type to show up any day now if he didn't return the call. He texted back: 'going back to iwatobi at the end of the month to visit. don't worry'

 

It would get Rin off of his back for a while, anyway.

 

"Haruka-senpai." Rei. "Er, Haru? Look. I just want you to know that you can come stay with us for a few days if you'd like. We're getting a place together, I mean, and if you want to... Well I mean, if you want a place to just-- if you don't want to be alone?" "Come visit us, Haru-chan!" Nagisa cut in.

 

Haru wasn't sure how to feel about that. As much as he loved his friends- and he /did/ love them -he didn't think he could take their enthusiasm. Nagisa had a way of wheedling out the truth and trying to get him to promise to things he wasn't ready for. No, he wouldn't be visiting them.

Instead, he spread the paintings out across the floor to dry in the fresh air, and let the days pass, counting down on the calendar to his trip back to Iwatobi. Each night he curled up with whatever he could find of Makoto's clothes that were left behind, and every morning he stayed in bed as long as he could, lingering in memory.

Inevitably, though, he'd drag himself up and cook, setting two plates at the tiny breakfast table. Staring at the empty place across from him did little for his already dwindling appetite, and twisting chopsticks through fish and rice only made it worse.

It was so much like picking through ash and bone...

The Tachibanas had requested Haru's presence for that, even though it was usually reserved strictly for immediate family. Funeral, cremation, and then pulling out the remaining bits and pieces that the fire hadn't devoured, gathering it for the urn.

When the ashes and headstone made their way to the family grave a month later, Haru had another voicemail waiting to tell him so. They lit incense for him, and invited him to come to the house.

Haru packed what little he needed to bring for an overnight stay- just long enough to say goodbye -and locked the apartment up for the last time.

The train ride back to Iwatobi didn't feel quite as long, somehow. Nor did the walk through the city, passing through the familiar neighborhoods and past the businesses that he'd grown up around. He bought flowers in one corner shop, leaving just as the girl at the counter hat a flicker of recognition, and kept walking even as she called after him.

He made a brief stop at their old elementary school to leave a white blossom over the marker 'for the team!', and leaned against the fence to gaze into the grounds where he and Makoto had once run wild and careless. Free of the burdens of mortality. They were so young then.

It wasn't like he was old now, either... but he felt weary. Tired.

Perhaps that's how Makoto felt, too. He'd lived a good life, as short as it was. But to have to go day after day, exhausted just going up the stairs?

It wasn't difficult to find the spot where Makoto's urn had been laid. Fresh flowers coated every available surface where incense wasn't already resting. Haru laid the flowers across the top of the rest, and lit fresh incense to replace what had been left earlier. He knelt to say prayers for him, for them both, and for their families.

The setting sun bathed the cemetery in swaths of red and gold, fading to pinks and blues. Haru pushed up to his feet, knees weak and body aching.

He walked home, past the Tachibana house, up the steps to where his grandmother lived. Where he had lived. He sat in the tub without any water and waited for the sun to completely disappear beneath the horizon.

There had been so many days when he and Makoto had sat on the steps in front of his house, talking late into the night.  And it wasn't that long ago that they met in the mornings before their last days in high school. Haru paused in the spot where Makoto used to crouch, stroking the cat that haunted the walk. He could picture it so clearly. If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear his voice.

_ Sorry I'm late, Haru... I got a little distracted! _

That had never changed. How many times had he gotten lost in Tokyo, or even around campus? Especially when he had the chance to help someone... he just couldn't resist.

When he reached the bottom of the steps, Haru continued on, walking the last stretch to the beach.

The sand held the heat of the day, licking up Haru's legs with radiating warmth as he padded to the edge of the surf. All he wore were his jammers, tight like a second skin, but he shed those once he was knee deep in the water.

The stars shone brilliant in the dark velvet of the sky. Makoto would have loved it. They could have sat where it was dry and listened to the rolling waves. Haru would have rested his head against his shoulder, soaking up the warmth while Makoto went on and on about whatever and whoever, stammering and apologizing for talking too much.

The sand gave way under Haru's feet, ocean pulling him deeper, caressing with open, tugging arms. Makoto would have been terrified, but there was none of that fear for him. If anything, it was a relief. The deeper he got, the more the ocean buoyed him, supporting his weight, his burdens. The cool dark sapped the heat of the day, balm for the aches and all of the weary pretense that he'd had to hold, keeping a calm face in front of everyone.

Soon, he dove in, cutting under the waves to the deep, open ocean.

He had trained his whole life to swim fast and far... he was an Olympian, after all. And it was now culminating in this, the most important swim of his entire life.

He was going home.

_ Wait for me, Makoto. _

 

* * *

 

 

The lull of the ocean tide. Gulls sang their song. A gentle breeze rustled through the palms.

Makoto sat up from the fine sand, granules sticking to his exposed skin and the fabric of his clothing. A hut built for two from trunks and palm fronds sat nestled between birds of paradise bushes behind him. He stood and noticed a koi pond with a pebbled border. Opposite it was a small, separate garden of herbs, vegetables, fruits, and grain. In the distance he could see taller fauna indicating a jungle behind the dwelling.

He took a step onto the wood steps of the hut and onto the small veranda and turned back to the ocean.

This place was familiar. He had been here before, hadn’t he? Only…

Only…

He hadn’t been alone.

Taking in a breath of salt air, tears welled into his eyes. He’d have to wait for now.

Sand crunched to his right. 

The island was deserted - a place only they created - it could only be one person that was coming towards him.

Ebony hair teased in the breeze, eyes the color of the vast ocean, glistening. Silently the shorter man took Makoto’s hand, a smile on his lips.  

Makoto entwined their fingers further, reflecting the smile back at his love. “Everything is so beautiful here. It's just like you promised, Haru.”

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;; I’m so sorry *passes tissues around*
> 
> There were so many other things I wanted to do with this fic: More domestic fluff, bring in the High Speed kids (Nao, especially), more interactions with ReiGisa and SouRin, but it was getting massive already, and sometimes you just have to cut things out. Or save for another story. However, I do have a few scenes written from Rin’s POV (secret; I really love writing Rin) post fic. Dunno if I’ll post them. Maybe offer a link to my Googledoc for those that want to hurt some more.   
> Gab and I came up with this fic in our morbid What Ifs during ES of “If any character were to die in Free!, Makoto would be the worst!” Then it became diagnosing him with a heart condition cause we are the worst. Still, a few surprises along the way happened as I originally hadn’t intended to have SO much porn, but ah well.
> 
> Also, every chapter was titled after a song or lyrics of a song. [“Wait for Me” by Shiny Toy Guns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7-6FOHoZbw) became the main theme and title (of course) of our fic as we collectively decided where the story was going to end up and their imaginary place for coping. I made two playlists for this fic: One with lyrics and one without. Please listen for maximum feels!  
> Once again, thank you for joining us on this journey and leaving comments and kudos.  
> I do have one more multi-chapter fic in the works before I take my leave from fics and return to my novels. Look forward to that, won’t you?

**Author's Note:**

> Poem at the beginning and beta'ing by @gabapple!


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